s/o What do you feel judged for?

indomesticbliss · July 2011

And as a spin off...

What do you feel judged for? (can be BR or NBR) Why?

EvenAngelsFall · July 2011

Some people I know are horrified that I have my one, 8oz cup of coffee every morning.

But sorry peeps.... my doc ok'ed it. And I am sure baby would rather a little caffeine that all the side effects from mommy getting a debilitating migraine!

indomesticbliss · July 2011

Being a "hippie" mom-meh, Just because I CD, don't eat processed foods regularly, recycle like a crazy person and choose "alternative" options for my family's health doesn't make me a bad parent, and I don't think that I am better than you (a common belief around other moms it seems). I'm not gonna push my hippie ways on you, don't worry.

Also, a lot of people I know BF or EBF. I could not BF, we tried and due to medical issues on my end I was unable to produce milk for my child, despite some serious medical assistance. I have gotten lots of "well, if you just tried this" comments from other moms. Trust me, I tried it, for 7 weeks, and it failed. I don't need your judging on top of my own guilt.

robynlynn83 · July 2011

The size of my family. I constantly get the "four is a lot" talk from people. I don't get it either. I pay for them, I raise them, etc. Who cares.

My daily soda maybe. I don't care. I'm not downing a liter of it, give me a break.

Our decision to not allow junk food in our house--my parents are always all over me "why can't they have soda" "why can't they have this or that"

klafle3 · July 2011

I feel judged for driving a large SUV -- especially when I shop at Whole Foods. The car is paid for and it just doesn't make sense to buy something else and pick up a note just to save money on gas. It was a hand-me-down from my ILs and we are very grateful for it. Plus it's an awesome car which has plenty of room for a car seat, stroller and any other baby gear we choose to load it up with.

coadyk01 · July 2011

I feel judged for not showing enough at this stage. People constantly say, "Really? You're 20 weeks in? Are you sure?", as if I am already a bad parent for not popping on their timeline.

robynlynn83 · July 2011

indomesticbliss:

Being a "hippie" mom-meh, Just because I CD, don't eat processed foods regularly, recycle like a crazy person and choose "alternative" options for my family's health doesn't make me a bad parent, and I don't think that I am better than you (a common belief around other moms it seems). I'm not gonna push my hippie ways on you, don't worry.

Also, a lot of people I know BF or EBF. I could not BF, we tried and due to medical issues on my end I was unable to produce milk for my child, despite some serious medical assistance. I have gotten lots of "well, if you just tried this" comments from other moms. Trust me, I tried it, for 7 weeks, and it failed. I don't need your judging on top of my own guilt.

I get this a lot by my family (not friends). Drives me nuts.

Mye · July 2011

The other day I was on the phone with DH, talking to him about putting the chandelier up in the nursery, this girl I work with totally judged me. She made a comment about it, like I am being extravagant or something. Whatever!

Phelia325 · July 2011

This time around I am very self-conscious about being pregnant at work. I am the only woman in my department to have kids (and this is my second). I feel like I am judged for my choice to have a family.

mrsfowler1016 · July 2011

I love this.

I feel judged when I tell people my husband is a tattoo artist. People look at us like we must be drug users and alcoholics and that just isn't true..AT ALL. My husband is the most straight edge man I know and a very talented person.

Also being young. I'm 21 and DH is 28 but we look a lot younger. I'm treated like an imbecile at work and now that you can tell I'm pregnant I feel labeled.

JNicMTek · July 2011

IRL I feel judged for having another baby in our tiny house. We have two bedrooms and everyone asks where this baby will sleep. I've now started saying "in the tub"

On the boards: for never attempting breastfeeding DD because I found it gross. When I say this on any board, I get roasted in flames, like some mentioned in the who they judge poll. My reasoning: I was 23 when I first knew someone use their breasts for feeding a newborn. That was a horrible experience for the mother who beat herself up for "failing" to be able to do it, screaming uncontrolably for the baby, and led the mother to depression. Since I basically lived there at the time, I knew all the details and hardships involved. So, when it came to my turn, I passed.

Kristihotgurl33 · July 2011

I feel judged for how sick ive been and how lazy ive been. ive always been the one to keep our house clean and what not but ive been so sick and tired i havent done a thing around the house really and i feel like my husband is getting annoyed with me.. also i feel like my mom thinks im just milking it since with my other 2 preg i was never sick and felt great.. come on if i felt better i would totally do more..

haleymay18 · July 2011

Planning a home birth. When we were first considering it, I didn't think there would be so much shock when other people found out. But people act like I am free birthing & clearly have no respect for modern science. I don't. get. it.

GoldenPeaches · July 2011

Being young. Not so much from the military community, but from the non-military affiliated community. It doesn't bother me all that much though, I just let it roll off my back. I know I will make a great mom and that's all that matters to me really.

Mrs. Met · July 2011

I feel judged for not attempting to bf and also not having a problem with an epidural or others drugs to assist with delivery.

Why does it bother me? I only get 4 weeks maternity leave and I work in a male-dominated office. There's no way I'd be able to pump at work so what's the point of bf for the few weeks I will be home? Plus, and I'm not ashamed to admit it, it kinda grosses me out. My friends and family are surprised b/c I have a background in biology and thought i'd be more of a natural girl. not at all! Besides, why shouldn't my husband take on some of the burden of the night feedings?!

As for the drugs, I'm not saying I'm looking forward to it, but I can't say I won't want them b/c I don't know how much pain I'll be in. I have a raised, smaller than average cervix and a large fibroid so I anticipate pain and I hate when people think drugs are for wusses.

haleymay18 · July 2011

GoldenPeaches:
Being young. Not so much from the military community, but from the non-military affiliated community. It doesn't bother me all that much though, I just let it roll off my back. I know I will make a great mom and that's all that matters to me really.

How old are you? I think location has a lot to do with whether or not you seem "young". I am 26 and in MN, that seems average.

rockychryslerb2010 · July 2011

Phelia325:
This time around I am very self-conscious about being pregnant at work. I am the only woman in my department to have kids (and this is my second). I feel like I am judged for my choice to have a family.

This exactly. I work in a male dominated field based on out NYC. I am only the second person in my group to have a baby, and not even the men are dads. I feel like I am constantly defending my decision and having to explain why I can't work 13-15 hour days all the time. Some people I work with are shocked and ask why I have to go to so many DR appointments. They just don't get it!

Temp401037375003448 · July 2011

coadyk01:
I feel judged for not showing enough at this stage. People constantly say, "Really? You're 20 weeks in? Are you sure?", as if I am already a bad parent for not popping on their timeline.

This! I have gotten "you're so skinny, are you sure you're 4 months, is the baby growing, you need to eat more, blah blah blah" every. single. day. I may go off on the next person that says it. I gained a ton of weight with my first son but I am starting off this pregnancy 25 lbs lighter than my previous, plus I'm tall...back off already.

robynlynn83 · July 2011

haleymay18:

GoldenPeaches:
Being young. Not so much from the military community, but from the non-military affiliated community. It doesn't bother me all that much though, I just let it roll off my back. I know I will make a great mom and that's all that matters to me really.

How old are you? I think location has a lot to do with whether or not you seem "young". I am 26 and in MN, that seems average.

I have this feeling a lot. I am 27 now but was 21 when I had our oldest. I am the youngest in the group of moms we know from that group. I don't feel like they judge me but I constantly felt judged when I was pregnant and when Peyton was first born. I am in NE and at the time chalked it up to how conservative NE is...who knows though what it is.

GoldenPeaches · July 2011

haleymay18:
GoldenPeaches:
Being young. Not so much from the military community, but from the non-military affiliated community. It doesn't bother me all that much though, I just let it roll off my back. I know I will make a great mom and that's all that matters to me really.
How old are you? I think location has a lot to do with whether or not you seem "young". I am 26 and in MN, that seems average.

20. I live in the South on a military base but I am from an area where the norm is marriage at 25-28, kids at 28-32.

mrsfowler1016 · July 2011

GoldenPeaches:
Being young. Not so much from the military community, but from the non-military affiliated community. It doesn't bother me all that much though, I just let it roll off my back. I know I will make a great mom and that's all that matters to me really.

Yes I'm 21 but look 16.

tosh24 · July 2011

I feel judged when I tell people where I live. Their first response is always "Oh, it must be nice to be rich".

Trust me, we are not rich. DH and I make a decent income and live in an average size house. We have one small newer car and one old crap box that's a '97! I budget everything from weekly groceries to clothing. Most of DD's clothes are second-hand (I have 7 female cousins, some of which are young children and my aunt is awesome and gives us their old clothes). We take in international students to help pay for our renovations on our very old house.

Yes, we live in a very affluent town full of mansions and filthy rich people, and that was intentional. I grew up in the area and love the clean, safe neighbourhoods, and the schools that blow away the provincial averages for reading, writing, and math. We could live more comfortably and have more disposable income if we chose to live somewhere else, but we don't want to. We are willing to work hard just to live modestly so that our children can benefit from the opportunities they will be given because we live where we live.

tosh24 · July 2011

mrsfowler1016:

GoldenPeaches:
Being young. Not so much from the military community, but from the non-military affiliated community. It doesn't bother me all that much though, I just let it roll off my back. I know I will make a great mom and that's all that matters to me really.

I'm 21 but look 16.

I know what this is like. I went to renew my passport the other day and the lady told me I couldn't use the quick form because it had been less than 5 years since I was 16 (she said this without looking at my birth date on the form) Tongue Tied I'm about to turn 28 lol. I feel judged for how young I look all the time (especially when I have DD in tow).

octoberbridesrule · July 2011

Phelia325:
This time around I am very self-conscious about being pregnant at work. I am the only woman in my department to have kids (and this is my second). I feel like I am judged for my choice to have a family.

I totally agree. But really, when am I supposed to have a family? I don't want to wait 5 years and miss the window. Grrr.....I am not having a good day at work.

JoAnna914 · July 2011

I feel judged for knowing right now that me being a working mom is the right thing for my family. "But just wait until you have to say goodbye to that little baby every day!" I'm sure it will be difficult at first, but I've been around the block and have the benefit of knowing myself for nearly 39 years - being SAH is not something I can ever envision myself doing.

haleymay18 · July 2011

tosh24:
mrsfowler1016:

GoldenPeaches:
Being young. Not so much from the military community, but from the non-military affiliated community. It doesn't bother me all that much though, I just let it roll off my back. I know I will make a great mom and that's all that matters to me really.

I'm 21 but look 16.

I know what this is like. I went to renew my passport the other day and the lady told me I couldn't use the quick form because it had been less than 5 years since I was 16 (she said this without looking at my birth date on the form) I'm about to turn 28 lol. I feel judged for how young I look all the time (especially when I have DD in tow).

I look 15, too. I always have girls paging me on the toddler board to tell me how much I look like Dakota Fanning. Who is what? 12?

lizzyinflorence · July 2011

Being a stay-at-home mom.

Breastfeeding my twins for almost 3 years.

Being married to an Iranian.

Being married to an Iranian who is 23 years older than I am (although in Italy, the age difference isn't noticed as much).

Speaking to my kids exclusively in English, even in public, even though we live in Italy.

Using homeopathy.

Not feeding my kids junk, or even buying it.

Using toothpaste with no fluoride, bug spray with no deet.

Cooking with butter, coconut oil, lard and olive oil, but not other vegetable oils.

Not being a feminist.

Listening mostly to classical music.

Seeming "alternative," while being quite conservative.

Yes, something for everyone probably.

GoldenPeaches · July 2011

tosh24:
mrsfowler1016:

GoldenPeaches:
Being young. Not so much from the military community, but from the non-military affiliated community. It doesn't bother me all that much though, I just let it roll off my back. I know I will make a great mom and that's all that matters to me really.
I'm 21 but look 16.
I know what this is like. I went to renew my passport the other day and the lady told me I couldn't use the quick form because it had been less than 5 years since I was 16 (she said this without looking at my birth date on the form) I'm about to turn 28 lol. I feel judged for how young I look all the time (especially when I have DD in tow).

Maybe later on it will work towards your advantage? I don't know, I think it's better than the opposite.

My 23 year old friend never gets proofed to buy alcohol. One time she put on a pokemon shirt and no makeup and they still didn't ask for her ID. She described it as a "self esteem blow." Haha

lilwildthing · July 2011

I feel judged for where I live. (West Virginia) I have all of my teeth, I wear shoes, and my husband is not related to me in any way. (In fact we are both college educated!)

I feel judged for my age. I will be 35 when this baby arrives. I am always the OLD mom in the group.

I guess I am judged for eating hot dogs while pregnant. For those who care, I eat Oscar Mayer nitrite/nitrate free hot dogs that are cooked well!

indomesticbliss · July 2011

JoAnna914:
I feel judged for knowing right now that me being a working mom is the right thing for my family. "But just wait until you have to say goodbye to that little baby every day!" I'm sure it will be difficult at first, but I've been around the block and have the benefit of knowing myself for nearly 39 years - being SAH is not something I can ever envision myself doing.

I was a SAHM for A's first 16 week's be default-we moved when I was pregnant and HD wanted me to "try the SAHM" thing... I hated it and found a PT job, and got so much crap from my MIL and some friends who told me I was being selfish. Now, I am in my last week of work, I have decided to be a SAHM for A and then #2, well, kind of SAH, I am working on a business DH and I are starting. Again, I'm getting crap from my "career" oriented friends...sadly it's a loose loose situation. I had never wanted to be a SAHM, but it is something I am looking forward to now.

I say, go you for knowing what you want to do! There is nothing wrong with working or staying home

cutcopypaste · July 2011

I'm also young and feel completely judged for it. I'm 22, MH is turning 25 in about one week. We are never judged by our families, only outsiders because they just don't get it. We have degrees, stable jobs and income, awesome health insurance, a very respectful and healthy relationship etc etc. I feel we have everything an older couple has to raise a family. People that don't know us just assume that we don't have our sh*t together.

I also feel judged for being MH and I being atheist. We are not robbers or drug addicts. We are highly moral people and have very strong ethical beliefs. We believe in always doing the right thing and treating every person with respect. We will probably be very strict in our parenting. Just because we don't believe that there is a god does not mean we are criminals. We are actually very straight laced which seems to surprise people.

haleymay18 · July 2011

It seems to me that nobody can win. Some are judged for being too young & some are too old. Some are feeling chastised for having to go back to work while others feel judged for staying home. Some can't nurse while others nursed too long. It doesn't matter what you choose because there will always be someone out there to side eye you for that decision. So, I say we make amends with ourselves & know we have done what is right for OUR FAMILIES.

Cheers to all of you, no matter how different your choices may be

mrsfowler1016 · July 2011

haleymay18:
It seems to me that nobody can win. Some are judged for being too young & some are too old. Some are feeling chastised for having to go back to work while others feel judged for staying home. Some can't nurse while others nursed too long. It doesn't matter what you choose because there will always be someone out there to side eye you for that decision. So, I say we make amends with ourselves & know we have done what is right for OUR FAMILIES.

Cheers to all of you, no matter how different your choices may be

Yes

partyg1rl · July 2011

haleymay18:
It seems to me that nobody can win. Some are judged for being too young & some are too old. Some are feeling chastised for having to go back to work while others feel judged for staying home. Some can't nurse while others nursed too long. It doesn't matter what you choose because there will always be someone out there to side eye you for that decision. So, I say we make amends with ourselves & know we have done what is right for OUR FAMILIES.

Cheers to all of you, no matter how different your choices may be

This!

I feel judged for not going on anti-depressants (by my family and Dr), and I think if I was on anti-depressants during pregnancy I would get judged by a whole load of people as well. It's my decision, I'll do what I feel is best for my family!

McSquishy · July 2011

haleymay18:

It seems to me that nobody can win. Some are judged for being too young & some are too old. Some are feeling chastised for having to go back to work while others feel judged for staying home. Some can't nurse while others nursed too long. It doesn't matter what you choose because there will always be someone out there to side eye you for that decision. So, I say we make amends with ourselves & know we have done what is right for OUR FAMILIES.

Cheers to all of you, no matter how different your choices may be

Whoa, a rational, adult thought? Stand back, I think message boards everywhere are about to disintegrate! Stick out tongue

TwoBoxers · July 2011

I also get judged for being a working mom; my moms the worst offender and she knows I have to its not because I want to!

klafle3 · July 2011

haleymay18:
It seems to me that nobody can win. Some are judged for being too young & some are too old. Some are feeling chastised for having to go back to work while others feel judged for staying home. Some can't nurse while others nursed too long. It doesn't matter what you choose because there will always be someone out there to side eye you for that decision. So, I say we make amends with ourselves & know we have done what is right for OUR FAMILIES.

Cheers to all of you, no matter how different your choices may be

Yes

capulet · July 2011

Pretty much everything on the other thread. (Except smoking, yuck.) I eat hot dogs and soft cheese and drink an occasional glass of wine while pregnant. Somehow my daughter turned out okay and I was pretty chill with her too.

I had a c-section with DD and don't want to try for a VBAC. Just don't have the fire in the belly to try vaginal childbirth this time. Somehow everyone in the world who actually wants a VBAC can't find any support, and I end up with superduper VBAC-friendly OBs (and family and friends...).

gina_bo_bena · July 2011

haleymay18:
It seems to me that nobody can win. Some are judged for being too young & some are too old. Some are feeling chastised for having to go back to work while others feel judged for staying home. Some can't nurse while others nursed too long. It doesn't matter what you choose because there will always be someone out there to side eye you for that decision. So, I say we make amends with ourselves & know we have done what is right for OUR FAMILIES.

Cheers to all of you, no matter how different your choices may be

You are awesome. It's probably just the pg hormones, but this made me emotional, lol.

I feel judged when I tell people MH works for Wal-Mart and never finished college. School just wasn't his thing and he (mostly) loves his job. I feel like people think he's not doing enough with his life or something. He says that at some point he "may" want to go back to school, but that's usually when he's in the throws of some "I hate my job" fit. As long as he's happy, why does it matter??

lilwildthing · July 2011

haleymay18:
It seems to me that nobody can win. Some are judged for being too young & some are too old. Some are feeling chastised for having to go back to work while others feel judged for staying home. Some can't nurse while others nursed too long. It doesn't matter what you choose because there will always be someone out there to side eye you for that decision. So, I say we make amends with ourselves & know we have done what is right for OUR FAMILIES.

Cheers to all of you, no matter how different your choices may be

I posted a link to a blog post about this and didn't get a single comment! It isn't my blog as I don't have one, but it basically is about no matter what you do as a parent you are parenting wrong!

bendylim · July 2011

I feel judged for being pregnant again while DS is young ( I totally see the looks I get from other people with my belly popped out now- I don't care).

I feel judged for marrying an Asian man- particularly when around predominantly non-Asians or all Asians.

I feel judged for choosing to go back to work in Sept. even though I will only be going for 4 months. People I tell this to don't understand why I am going back to work and putting DS in daycare and why I would think of going back to work when I have 2 kids.

Want a personalized experience?

s/o What do you feel judged for?

Re: s/o What do you feel judged for?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards