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Baby Showers
Shower pet peeves
What are your biggest pet peeves at showers and what are the worst games that you have had to play?
I'm planning a shower for my friend, and although I know proper etiquette, I want to avoid things that others find very annoying.
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Re: Shower pet peeves
Too many shower games. WHich leads me too: showers that take too long because the hostesses don't keep things moving along, sometimes because of too many games!
I went to a wedding shower where they did at least 6 games. It was obnoxious and it took FOREVER. It was an hour of GAMES> I had to leave before they even got to the gift opening.
I'm not a crafty person either, but as long as we aren't forced to do the craft, I don't care if it's an option.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
MY shower pet peeves:
1. Gifts not being opened at the shower (or "display" showers)
2. Having to address my own thank you envelope (I never do)
3. Showers longer than 3 hours
4. Too many games (3-4 is enough if they are short) - and I like games!
5. Not enough food when it is at a meal-time
6. Not enough places for everyone to sit
Not your situation but...
7. MTB's hosting their own shower
8. Showers for babies other then their first (sprinkles are OK as well as meet the baby parties)
Honestly, most of the showers I've been to were very nice and fairly enjoyable.
One baby shower allowed guests to bring young children, and it was really more of a play date than a shower. I felt bad for the MTB, because a few times she'd open a gift and no one was really paying attention because they were preparing a bottle, quieting a fussy baby, asking little Mason to stop throwing Legos, etc.
I was invited to a shower on a Tuesday evening at dinnertime, which is not rude but is unusual and, for manyeally inconvenient. I declined because going to a shower is not something that is worth leaving work early for IMHO.
It has never come up for me in real life, but I would decline an invitation to a shower for a second-time Mom and I'd be appalled to be asked to address my own TY note.
I totally agree with the MTB, BTB hosting thier own shower (or multiple showers) for themselves.
I don't like to see gift suggestions on the card, but think it is fine to spread around suggestions apart from the invite.
Doing games that everyone else does, advice games, eat the babyfood games.
Showers that start really late, when the guest of honor is already there.
To give some annoyances from MTB perspective, and please don't get me wrong, I was honored to be given a shower and greatful for all the gifts, but even pleasures can come with annoyances.
My host invited all her friends, but didn't make an effort to make sure my friends were included. I knew everyone at my shower, but I disdained several of them, and several of my good friends were not invited (even though host knew them very well). Host was also a little miffed when I asked if my mom and sister could be included. It was one of those situations where the space was not big enough, and there were few chairs.s.Host also spent the whole shower complaining about how inconveniet having a shower is.
Diaper cakes are cute, but really not practicle, and getting it apart with a newborn in the house was really frustrating. There were like 500 elastics in there.
Games. I hate them. I also hate crafts. I would say 2 hours tops for a shower, unless there is an actual meal served.
I really think baby showers should have wine served, along with non-alcoholic drinks as well! I find them so boring, that having a glass of wine always makes it so much better.
I really dislike it when invites request certain things; books, diapers, etc.
I'm not of a fan of watching the MTB open gifts - I just think it's a drag. I saw her registry - I know what she's getting. (Note: most of the showers that I've been to have been ofr 50+ people, I can see how opening gifts make sense at a 10 guests shower)
Games that make you do gross things - like the chocolate in the diaper guessing game. Or tasting baby food. Or drinking from a baby bottle.
Co-ed showers that are like traditional showers instead of an adult party. If some women don't like showers games, most men definitely don't want to play them.
HTH!
I agree with most of these and just wanted to add:
- Having to pay for your meal at a restaurant/banquet hall. If you want to host a super fancy shower, fine, but you need to be able to pay for your guests!
- Gift card/cash showers. This happens more for weddings, but it's worth mentioning. Soooo tacky.
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All AL Always Welcome
Baby showers are to celebrate the baby and to shower the mom with love and gifts to give her a kick start in to motherhood. Not to serve as an excuse for you to get sloshed on wine. If you don't like or think that baby showers are boring then don't go.
I also agree with all the other PP's. And can't think of anything that hasn't already been mentioned.
A glass or two of wine will not get most people "sloshed." Honestly, I think it is a great idea.
Thank you everyone. I think I'll have some sort of craft table set to the side for those that want to do something. Lots of food and drinks, cake during gifts, and keeping games to a minimum (and not gross).
LOL at "getting sloshed" on a glass of wine. I have no words for that except that I imagine you're quite young to say something so ridiculous.
E-vites or FB invites
Shower games involving baby food.
Thank you notes that read " Thank you for the gift!"
being asked to bring food to a shower in addition to a gift
Alcohol only served
You made it sound like you need to drink to spend time celebrating one of your friends or family's baby. Sorry, but I don't think that alcohol should be served at a party celebrating a baby. And how "young" do you think I am?
I have to say, I agree with lots of things here except for 2. I have no problem filling out my own address on TY cards, I think it's a great way to help out MTB and any shower I have been to where they've done this, they use this to draw people's names for small shower prizes.
The other is that I will partially be hosting my own shower, with some help from one friend, because no one else has formally offered. So I have to say I think it depends on why MTB is hosting her own shower.
Sorry friend, if no one offers, you don't get a shower. There is NEVER a case when it's okay to host your own.
I don't mind filling out my own thank you card. I live in the midwest, mid size town. If I arrived at a shower where there was alcohol, I'd be shocked. I figure the shower should be geared towards the MTB's wishes. I got my shower, I got to provide input on how things went for it, now it's her turn. I try to go and be gracious even if I don't love the game or crafts or whatever.
This was MY shower i had 150+ people. My mom invited everyone she ever knew. So that was my biggest complaint. Along with the food she served was awful(at least I guess it was I was to busy openening gifts for 3 hours i never got a chance to eat.)
i dont like kids at showers
I hate to play games
I hate when they dont put the registry info on the invite
So before anyone else posts in response to this, this post prompted me to look into this more and I have been enlightened... I may not be having a shower now then! Thanks for the insight with this post so I don't look like a dope by hosting my own shower!! I am the first of my friends to have a baby and know nothing about this etiquette, but good thing I am learning!
If you decide to have a craft table, might I suggest you decorate newborn sized diapers and not onesies. Most people feel like they are not good enough artists to decorate a onesie that everyone will see or the parents will probably never use. But decorating diapers are fun. No one cares what's on the diaper because only the diaper changer sees it. The idea is to give the mom or dad a good chuckle during the 3:00 am changing.
And I see nothing wrong with serving alcohol at a shower. It's not like you are serving it to the baby or the mother. It is for the guests. I don't suggest a keg or tequila body shots, but wine is fine as long as you have a non-alcoholic alternative and bottled water.
I said "having A GLASS OF WINE" makes them so much better. I'm sure many people would agree. Of course I like to celebrate with my friends/family, but showers aren't exactly the most exciting events ever. Your response was ridiculous.
::Lurker butting in::
I've never been to a baby shower that didn't have wine and/or champagne.
I had NO idea alcohol at showers was an issue for some folks! I'd say it has probably been half the showers I've attended had champagne or wine and half not. It doesn't matter to me either way - nice if it's there, but it's only a two hour event anyway.
Wow! Alcohol seems to be quite the hot button here because some people feel the need to be judgmental about it. I've been to several that offered wine, champagne, or some sort of cocktail and it made the shower so much more enjoyable. If you are already a parent, then it may be all too easy to forget how miserable a baby shower can be for those who are not parents. One of my friends had a baby shower this past year and NONE of her friends were parents - they were all young, single people who liked to party. So for her shower, they hosted a full-blown party complete with bartender and all (hubby manages a bar) because she was afraid none of her friends would show up otherwise. We thought it would be a train wreck but it turned out to be the most fun I ever had at a baby shower! MTB simply opened gifts in one room with her friends and everyone else (mostly the men) hung outside. It was a blast! As for myself, I don't plan on anything nearly as wild but I do plan on serving wine, champagne and cocktails at a friends-only shower and wine/champagne only at all at a family-only shower (I don't want to upset some of my more religious family members).
Pet peeves: GAMES - I hate almost all of them, especially the gross ones. FOOD - not enough if it is during a mealtime. CHAIRS - make sure people have a place to sit. OVERCROWDING - Too many people at one shower ruins it. If you guest list is too long, then have separate showers (co-workers, family, church friends, etc). FAILURE TO SEND A THANK YOU NOTE. FB or EVITE invitation - so tacky!
Things I Like: Being asked to bring something specific, like a favorite children's book. It makes gift shopping that much easier and since I am an English teacher/bibliophile anyway, I think it's a great way to promote literacy at an early age. I also don't mind filling out my own address for the Thank You card - MTB has enough going on that this one little time saver shouldn't be considered offensive.
My hostess served alcohol at my shower, I don't remember anyone drinking it. I wish I could have because it was the longest shower I've ever been too. There were SO many gifts to open and I read every card. I could see how bored everyone was, I was bored to death and so uncomfortable opening gifts in front of so many people. Unfortunately, they had helped themselves to the food as soon as they walked in the door so their bellies were full and the food was gone by the time we got to opening gifts.
It was still not as terrible as my cousin's shower: she hosted herself for her second daughter, two years after she had 6 (YES SIX!) showers for her first daughter. She actually asked if she should open gifts and read the cards, her 'refreshments,' as she called them on the invite, consisted of those little pastel mints, a half bag of chips and water.
I'll never host or attend a shower again. My gift will be hand delivered when I meet the baby.
Putting your glass of wine in to context, it sounded like you couldn't get through the baby shower with out it. Having you shout it at me helped me understand what you meant.
Alcohol isn't something that is the norm in my circles. If it is considered fine to serve wine in your circles then fine, drink up.
Honestly i don't really have any shower pet peeves, but from what I've read on this board people in the States have very different showers then anything I've ever experienced!!! I would feel very out of place at any of the showers that responders have described. Where I am from we don't do formal invites, it's a large gathering that is word of mouth spread, usually held on a Monday or Tuesday evening starting at about 7. We play a couple usualy games, someone gives a little bit of a speech/devotional/motivation to the mother (all showers here are held after baby is born) as she embarks on this journey of motherhood and then it is the gift opening. Refreshments and snacks are served during the gift opening and people just chat and hang out during the gift opening. Most people will bring their kids under the age of 2 and basically any girl over the age of 6 is also welcome to come. There has NEVER been alcohol at any shower (bridal or baby) that I have been to and I would be very uncomfortable if there was any there.
I share this to say that people in different regions do things differently and so maybe stick with the common things that happen at other showers in your area and you will probably be able to avoid anything that is overly tacky to those who will be attending!
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I think the key point is, what is the norm in your circle of friends and family? For me, my friends and family all enjoy a drink and I don't think a baby should be any exception! Honestly we drink on all occasions. But if I went to a shower where the MTB is not a fan of alcohol then I would not expect it there.
I think filling out the TY envelopes is fine, I filled one out at the last bridal shower I went to and didn't think twice about it. I will say i probably won't be doing this myself. I hope to have everyone's addresses from sending invites to them. i plan to have a friend make a list of who the gift came from and what it is.
When I read the wine comment, I thought it was a good idea, and was pretty much settled on the idea of having wine/champagne at my shower. Such controversy around it! Either way, I think I will make it available, and don't drink it if you don't want to.
My host wanted to do e-vites to cut down on cost. While I appreciate her lack of funds, and the extreme cost hosting a shower can be, I offered to make the invitations myself on my computer and print them on my printer. My main problem with e-vites was being sure that people actually checked the e-mail address it was sent to. I do how disagree with the comment regarding a FB invite. We have every intention of sending a paper invitation and setting up a FB event about a week after they are mailed so that our guests can RSVP. I feel this is the easiest way for everyone to communicate with each other, ask directions, see where we are registered, offer to bring food if they so choose etc. The last baby shower I attended sent/handed out paper invites and had a FB event. EVERYONE (almost) including my grandmother has a FB page.
We were thinking about doing a craft at the shower, but based on cost this may not really be in the plans anymore (and apparently a lot of you hate this anyways!) I do hope to have a book for the baby for everyone to write in and leave a note for my LO that can share with him later.
I plan on having a wide variety of snacky type: food, chips, dip, veggies, hummus, little smokeys(!), Maybe some of those deli wraps from Costco, and cupcakes. My shower is planned for 1 or 2 oclockish so it wont overlap major meal time.
I am having a bigger than average shower with about 50 or so girls on the invite list. This is mainly because of my HUGE female dominated family, and that is really out of my control, I cannot very well exclude half my female cousins but invite the super close ones.
We are having the shower at the hotel DH works for so we will have a banquet room with plenty of room and seating. The last shower I was at did not have enough seating and we were playing musical chairs the entire time. She did her best, she had it at her apartments common area and assumed it would be enough room. we were probably 5-7 chairs short by the time all the guests arrived.
One thing I would make sure you have is someone to take photographs exclusively. At the last shower I was at she had planned on a male friends attending for the sole purpose of taking photos and at the last min he was MIA and not answering his phone. One of her girlfriends took over photo duty with her camera and was able to take a ton of pictures. The picture taking friend didn't get to participate much and she kind of missed a lot. I also haven't seen any of the pictures from the event. not sure who's fault that was.
Good Luck planning, and I would take some if not all of this advice with a grain of salt. Not everything is going to please everyone and most importantly you want to make the mother to be feel special and to celebrate the new addition to her family. Do what you think is best, you know hers and your friend group better than any of us and just go with the flow. I am sure you will have a memorable event!
Best Wishes!
Just a note about hosting your own shower... I think it is fine to SILENTLY help a friend with the cost and logistics. It is ok to ask a really close friend if they are interested in having one for you, but your guests shouldn't know this. I get it, I didn't want a shower because I wanted all the free stuff, I wanted a shower because it is part of the journey. When you have young friends they sometimes just think someone else takes care of this stuff. Really make sure the friend you ask really understands you and where you are comming from. It really comes down to that when you host your own shower you are just asking people to give you stuff. If no one can be trusted, or you just can't find a friend willing to host one have a meet the baby party. Sure someone out there will still think that this whole idea is tacky, but if you have the right friends, who is going to know?
I am so very amused by the "drinking" debate. I don''t drink for many reasons, the largest of which is that a 1/4 of a glass of wine would have me absolutly drunk. However I really don't see a big problem with it being served at a shower (ok so I would prefer not to see it anywhere, ever but lets live in the real world), as long as you know your audience. I was however a little unsettled when I went to a shower at 10am where most of the guests were older than my mother, and all getting a little tipsy. Just not expecting it I guess. I would be really uncomfortable if everyone was drunk, but I would just excuse myself.
No seating chart when you've got a lot of people that don't know each other! ...my biggest pet peeve ever!
It is SO awkward when you end up sitting at a table of people you don't know or who aren't sociable/outgoing. My mom always makes sure there's a seating chart so that people who don't know anyone are sat next to people they a)have something in common with or b)can be counted on to be outgoing & make them feel welcome.
I'm a pretty outgoing person, but even I've had a miserable time at showers when I've ended up stuck next to someone who wont talk. Of course, if everyone pretty much knows everyone, it shouldn't be a problem.
Other than that, not enough food/too many games. And the candy bar poo/diaper game... I HATE that game. Nasty.
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I disagree. All our family showers have the option of a fun alcoholic slush or punch. Nobody gets sloshed and it's a really fun option...assuming the MTB doesn't object to it of course.I don't mind filling out the thank-you notes so much.
I really don't like having to bring a specific item or too many games as others have said.
Recently I went to 2 showers and both served an assortment of salads...such a fun idea for the meal. For example the one I went to yesterday served chicken salad with croissants, lettuce salad with berries and grilled chicken, 7 layer salad, taco salad, ramen noodle salad, and fresh fruit. Yum!!
1. The host not having enough food, especially at a mealtime.
2. The guest of honor not taking a few seconds to come over and have a brief conversation to acknowledge me (I DID take 4 hours out of my weekend, and get you a gift). A personal 2 minute conversation is not going to kill you.
3. When Momma to be lets kids tear into the presents to "help". Totally rude. Not only do the little snots get into the way but the gift recipient does not even get to see this stuff sometimes.
As for the wine...I've never been to a baby shower with alcohol and would never expect to be served it for something like that. I have hosted quite a few showers and the cost of food & decorations do add up. If I had to add wine into the equation that would really be pushing the budget. I always make sure there is a big buffet with lots of options and plenty of non alcoholic beverages. If someone cannot come to a shower and enjoy themselves without a glass of wine, then they have some sort of issue behind the scenes.
A glass of wine makes LOTS of things better and I'll be sure to have some at my shower this fall. My SIL is hosting and we're big wine drinkers, so I'm sure she probably already has that handled, but I was going to suggest it and help pay for some, even though I won't be partaking in it.
Things I dont like at showers:
1. Kids, if they're not being watched, which usually ends up happening.
2. Showers with such a huge guest list that you don't even get to say hi to MTB.
3. Games, unless they're happening while things are going on, like baby item bingo. I don't want to just have a time set aside to specifically play a game, I want to actually be doing something productive, like eating or watching the MTB opening her presents.
Things I don't mind:
1. Suggestions for gifts - I don't mind this, I'd rather get somebody something they need/want then something I think would be a good idea. My BFF had a poem in her invite about bringing a book instead of buying a card, which I really liked. I feel like it points out the uselessness (is that even a word?) of greeting cards.
2. Writing name on envelopes for thank you cards. While I didn't do this at my wedding shower and didn't plan on it at my baby shower, I have never minded doing this for someone else. Especially for a baby shower, MTB's need all the help they can get.
OP, as you can see from all the replies in this post, you really can't win, what 10 people like, 10 other people hate. I think the only thing most people agree on is cutting games to a minimum or even non-existent in some cases.
1. Baby showers without games - I'm competitive, dang it! Even if the game is cheesy, I want to win!
2. Skimpy food - it doesn't have to be a buffet, but more than just cake, mints, and nuts, please. Especially if it falls around meal time.
3. Opening presents first thing - that's pretty much what the MTB brought us here for, does this mean we're expect to mingle for 10 minutes and leave?
4. "In and Out" showers - where the MTB blocks out a chunk of time and people can come and go as they see fit. It screams "drop the gift off at the door, please/thanks!"
Cheesiest game? "Don't say baby" game. Maybe I hate it because I lose it so often.