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redshoegirl
member
*** Lori ***
redshoegirl
member
Thanks for sharing your story about losing it during Libby's tantrum...this might sound stalker-ish, but you always seem sooooo cool and levelheaded that sometimes when I'm really getting frustrated, I think to myself, "OK. What would Lori say/do?" So it's kind of nice to know that you're human too lol!
Married2MrWright:
I have no idea if she knew I was apologizing, but I said, "sorry" and she knows what that word means. Anyway, I guess I am saying that if you feel like it, make ammends to your boys and know that this will not be the last time something like this happens. I've also decided to try to come up with alternative strategies for myself, before I lose my cool. (((HUGS)))
Yeah, I apologized to Dash right after I took him out of the bathtub, gave him a big hug and told him I was sorry for yelling. I'm sure he didn't understand, but t made me feel better.
Also, funny you should mention alternative strategies, because I was sitting and thinking last night about how I would deal with it the next time - I find that if I have a planned response vs just a vague "I'll try not to do that again" that it helps. I know the best response would have been to take Dash's hand and tell him "We don't hit" and/or leave the room when I'm getting too frustrated, but that wouldn't work during bath time (the leaving bit, I mean). Any other ideas for that, or is it just a sucky situation no matter what you do lol?
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Re: *** Lori ***
Lisa, you crack me up. Trust me honey, I am SO human it's disgusting sometimes!
Seriously, though, I find that now that Libby is a willful toddler she's pushing my buttons in ways I hadn't anticipated. Most times I can stay cool but Saturday I just lost it. Anyway, I am also trying to "troubleshoot" these types of scenarios ahead of time so I can act rather than react. In your case, since you asked, I might have just removed Dash from the tub and had him sit, wrapped in a towel with you for a minute saying, "We don't use our hands to hurt. Hitting hurts and Dash is trying to have a bath." Then say something, "If you want to finish your bath, you can, but do not hit Dash." Then again, he could've completely melted down and then you would have had one kiddo in the bath and one out and a bigger nightmare on hand.
Is there a particular time that one or both start hitting? For Libby, it's when she's frustrated and/or is not getting her way. She'll also bang her head or throw herself on the floor. So we've been working on giving her words to express her frustration so she doesn't have to get physical. It's a work in progress, no doubt. Hang in there mama...you're doing GREAT and soon, you and the boys will be with Ben and you'll have more support.
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It's often due to frustration and retaliation. For example, Will might have a toy that Dash wants - Dash will stretch out his hand and make his "oooot" sound (which means "please give that to me, I want it") and Will won't hand it over, so Dash will smack him. Or the other way around - Dash isn't always the hitter, although he does it a little more often than Will (who tends to be a bit more tractable and willing, for example, to just go get a different toy).
But other times, I really don't know what to attribute it to. Like one will walk up to the other, give him a sweet hug, and then just haul off and smack him in the face for no apparent reason! That's what happened in the bathtub that night, and was a large part of the reason I was SO frustrated, because there aren't any cues that it's going to happen.
What kind of words are you using for Libby? Aside from mama, dada and gdog (which means dog), the boys don't really use words yet. I think that makes them a bit behind in speech development, but I don't know whether to attribute that to being twins, or being boys, or that's just the rate their speech is developing at. They do use specific sounds that mean specific things (like the "oooot" I mentioned above), but not the actual words for those things yet. Not sure if this is something to worry about at this age - they like playing vocabulary games (like pointing to something in a book and I tell them the word for it) but just haven't started trying to use those words themselves.
Libby is ahead for speech...like 9-12 months...so we're lucky in that way because, for the most part, she can tell us what she needs or wants. BUT if she doesn't get her way or things don't happen FAST enough for her, she tantrums. When she does, we talk her thought it by narrating her feelings for her like "Oh, you're SO mad right now! You don't want to get in your PJs. So mad, so mad!" or "I know you're frustrated that you have to get in the carseat, but it keeps you safe." Basically we're using upset, mad, sad and frustrated in hopes that she'll start using them too.
We have a board book with different toddler's face photos that show sad, happy, silly, surprised, etc. that we read together (when she's calm, not upset) and play a game like "show me your sad face!" "show me your surprised face!" basically teaching "emotional intelligence"...sometimes we'll do it in the mirror after her bath or other times just go back and forth...we model a face and she does and then we "guess" which one is which.
As for W&D, I've read that some twins don't talk in "real" words as soon as singletons, but rather develop their own "language" between themselves...with word sounds and body language. And boys, typically, talk later but develop more quickly with motor skills. Every kid is different, so I wouldn't worry. I think at 12 months the average kid is supposed to say 6 words and understand like 20.
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butting in here.... (and I'll respond to your other post below, I'm just now catching up on posts for the week)
I think their speech is developing just fine. I think that by the time they are 17 months they should have about 5-6 words. some kids will have many more, but having just a handful is normal, too, so I wouldn't worry about them
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
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