Advice for the Newcomers-Lurkers.....

JrsGurl1823 · July 2011

ac5008:
I actually do appreciate this post, as I am one of the semi-newbies who gets all paranoid about being annoying (I can admit that :P ). I joined TB at around 20 weeks on the suggestion of a friend (I actually didnt know about it before then!), and Im really glad I did.
Thanks for helping a sister out!

Yay! We are happy to have you here, and your very welcome ( :

eortman · July 2011

Ooooh, I like bumptastic too. But I'll stick with preggerlicious, so you can have bumptastic. Is it too late to change my screen name?

Miss Shasta · July 2011

I didn't join in until about 22 weeks. All I did was introduce myself, not be a total twatwaffle, and join into conversation. No one on here ever came across as "cliquey" to me.

JrsGurl1823 · July 2011

kcastleberry:
This is why there are so many lurkers and ppl who don't post. Because it's quite alright for you to have your own opinions, but the minute we try to say something as well you jump down our throats. I never once said I personally have any insecurities about being flamed I really could give a rats @$$ about what any of you think. But as someone who the thread was addressed to then I feel like I have a right to voice my opinion just as much as the next person. And the comment about how your glad I got it off my chest is just my point proven about how bitchy you women can get. It's actually quite commical. I will be saying this. This is my last and final post because I wish to have nothing more to do with immature women. I do hope each and every one of you have a safe and healthy delivery as well as a healthy baby! Good luck to everyone on here.

well....now I am holding nothing back....and this IS ment In a snarky way.

LMAO. Goodbye.

That felt real good to get off My chest!

Candyshel13 · July 2011

I have been a lurker since January. I don't usually post for a few reasons.. 1) My question has already been answered so there is no need in repeating 2.) I am usually on my I-Pad and haven't figured out how to post on there.

I haven't found this board to be clicky because the few times I have had a question, it has been answered and I have been given support! I don't expect someone to go above and beyond on here because like I said I am mostly a lurker and you all don't "know" me.

OPP, I believe you were wantig to welcome all newbies and lurkers and were trying to give advice on how to become part of the group. No offense taken!!

Valerie323 · July 2011

I still qualify as a newbie I guess, I have been posting since around week 17 because I too didn't know about the board. I also have trouble posting a lot because I can't post at work and a lot of times when I get on in the evening a lot of the action has already gone on. That being said I enjoy the board!

And I completely agree about calling your doctor before posting questions about situations that can be scary in pregnancy.

mollybloom · July 2011

Candyshel13:

I have been a lurker since January. I don't usually post for a few reasons.. 1) My question has already been answered so there is no need in repeating 2.) I am usually on my I-Pad and haven't figured out how to post on there.

I haven't found this board to be clicky because the few times I have had a question, it has been answered and I have been given support! I don't expect someone to go above and beyond on here because like I said I am mostly a lurker and you all don't "know" me.

OPP, I believe you were wantig to welcome all newbies and lurkers and were trying to give advice on how to become part of the group. No offense taken!!

Trenton is a kick-butt name!

lily87 · July 2011

Like I said above, I have been here since January...and I do consider myself a regular as I was being sarcastic in my post. But I do think this board can be cliquey or viewed that way. I don't really consider myself a part of that, but maybe I am and don't read what I say that way. I think there are some people who just get along better with others, just like IRL. And, that can seem cliquey.

And, I definitely think that there are people who get more irritated by posts than others. Personally, the newb posts don't bother me. I just ignore them if I think they might. Just like I do with any post that might bother me unless I really feel like arguing a point that day. But, I know some people are more vocal about this stuff or want rules or a code of conduct or whatnot...so I could see where that would look cliquey.

I had this experience with the trying to get pg board. They didn't get my sense of humor and I left in a day, pissed off. I changed my name for this board. And, I had different expectations from the start. I know I don't have a lot in common IRL with many people on this board. And, I also don't really care if I get flamed for my opinions. If someone does...I just give the screen the finger and move on, lol. But, there are so many people on this board who I really like and who have been really helpful and supportive. It is just what you make of it like anything in life right?

That said, I don't think that Pina was doing this at all. I think she was trying to be helpful so that the newbs and the people who get irritated easier don't butt heads! But as with most good intentions...I guess someone is always going to be offended.

SusieBW · July 2011

Wheeee! This is fun.

I never update the pics in my siggy, either. I had a screen shot of Jason Statham from The Mechanic for a little while, but then the pic got pulled or something, and I never bothered to replace it. Do you guys know me by the tiny J Stath pic in my little avatar box? Maybe I should find a new siggy pic. I never play in the siggy challenges because I'm just too lazy to update my siggy that often, but I suppose I could put something a little more personalized than a ticker in there . . .

JrsGurl1823 · July 2011

mollybloom:
Candyshel13:

I have been a lurker since January. I don't usually post for a few reasons.. 1) My question has already been answered so there is no need in repeating 2.) I am usually on my I-Pad and haven't figured out how to post on there.

I haven't found this board to be clicky because the few times I have had a question, it has been answered and I have been given support! I don't expect someone to go above and beyond on here because like I said I am mostly a lurker and you all don't "know" me.

OPP, I believe you were wantig to welcome all newbies and lurkers and were trying to give advice on how to become part of the group. No offense taken!!

Trenton is a kick-butt name!

I love "Trent" too ( : awesome pick.

Candyshel13 · July 2011

JrsGurl1823:
mollybloom:
Candyshel13:

I have been a lurker since January. I don't usually post for a few reasons.. 1) My question has already been answered so there is no need in repeating 2.) I am usually on my I-Pad and haven't figured out how to post on there.

I haven't found this board to be clicky because the few times I have had a question, it has been answered and I have been given support! I don't expect someone to go above and beyond on here because like I said I am mostly a lurker and you all don't "know" me.

OPP, I believe you were wantig to welcome all newbies and lurkers and were trying to give advice on how to become part of the group. No offense taken!!

Trenton is a kick-butt name!

I love "Trent" too ( : awesome pick.

Thank you both very much!!

solsburyhill · July 2011

TeacherVicky:

I say this fully recognizing that I am not an active poster on this board...

I've seen this sort of discussion on another board (multiple times) and the bottom line is, this is a public message board. Aside from the TOS, no one can dictate who says what and what the rules of the boards are. There has been a dynamic that was created because as PP put it, everyone here is going through the same thing at approx the same time and there has been a lot of sharing over the past 7 months. I get how board dynamics can work, I was there and a member of a certain board for a while before moving on.

However, I can see how a newer member might think that it is clique-y when she comes on, posts, gets tons of views and receives maybe 2 replies. I do also get the other side, where the ladies here have created a warm community and want to get to know others who would like to join. BUT, to the new member, all she may see is that nobody is responding because she isn't "part of the group".

I do 100% agree that repetitive questions can be annoying, that juvenile words such as preggo and preggers are annoying (they make me feel like I am speaking to my high school students) and that pointless posts are annoying. Unfortunately, regardless of which board it's on, it is not my place, nor anyone else's place to police such things. Opinions can be voiced, but people cannot expect those kinds of things to change just because some don't like it. These are just some things that nobody has any control over.

Edited.

I do actually agree with most of your post. In regards to the bold part, at some point, you have to be a big girl about it and make an effort to be a part of the group.

If you post a question that's been asked a lot and don't get many responses, you can't get your feelings hurt and run away because we are mean and cliquey. Well of course, technically you CAN do that, but if you stuck around and added to other topics you'd find your spot in the group and be fine.

"You" being figurative here, not you specifically Teacher.

CMheart1011 · July 2011

Just for the record, as a lurker/infrequent poster, this post didn't bother me at all. I don't put as much into the board or my profile as most of the regulars do, so I shouldn't expect anyone to remember me. (I think that not being able to get online at work is a big part of that. It's hard to keep up with everything.) That being said, I check in pretty much every day, and even if I don't comment, it's nice to read posts by people going through the same things I am. I appreciate your posting this, Pina.

BsMom2011 · July 2011

Candyshel13:
I have been a lurker since January. I don't usually post for a few reasons.. 1) My question has already been answered so there is no need in repeating 2.) I am usually on my I-Pad and haven't figured out how to post on there.

I haven't found this board to be clicky because the few times I have had a question, it has been answered and I have been given support! I don't expect someone to go above and beyond on here because like I said I am mostly a lurker and you all don't "know" me.

OPP, I believe you were wantig to welcome all newbies and lurkers and were trying to give advice on how to become part of the group. No offense taken!!

I too love the name Trent! Super cute! I wanted to give you some advice on posting from your iPad, I know when I want to post from my iPhone I have to turn the JavaScript off in the safari settings! It's a pain when you have to turn it on and off for different webpages, but it's not too bad! I hope this helps. Now I have no opinion on this thread because I believe all these lovely ladies have pretty much said everything in a professional type manner. The ones that got a little rude had no reason to. Everyone has their own opinion an you are entitled to it they are just politely telling us how they feel. As a HUGE lurker, I respect what you have to say and I don't believe I have made these mistakes. I have been around since dec when I got my BFP but there are a lot of times I am just not able to jump into the conversation.

TeacherVicky · July 2011

solsburyhill:
TeacherVicky:

I say this fully recognizing that I am not an active poster on this board...

I've seen this sort of discussion on another board (multiple times) and the bottom line is, this is a public message board. Aside from the TOS, no one can dictate who says what and what the rules of the boards are. There has been a dynamic that was created because as PP put it, everyone here is going through the same thing at approx the same time and there has been a lot of sharing over the past 7 months. I get how board dynamics can work, I was there and a member of a certain board for a while before moving on.

However, I can see how a newer member might think that it is clique-y when she comes on, posts, gets tons of views and receives maybe 2 replies. I do also get the other side, where the ladies here have created a warm community and want to get to know others who would like to join. BUT, to the new member, all she may see is that nobody is responding because she isn't "part of the group".

I do 100% agree that repetitive questions can be annoying, that juvenile words such as preggo and preggers are annoying (they make me feel like I am speaking to my high school students) and that pointless posts are annoying. Unfortunately, regardless of which board it's on, it is not my place, nor anyone else's place to police such things. Opinions can be voiced, but people cannot expect those kinds of things to change just because some don't like it. These are just some things that nobody has any control over.

Edited.

I do actually agree with most of your post. In regards to the bold part, at some point, you have to be a big girl about it and make an effort to be a part of the group.

If you post a question that's been asked a lot and don't get many responses, you can't get your feelings hurt and run away because we are mean and cliquey. Well of course, technically you CAN do that, but if you stuck around and added to other topics you'd find your spot in the group and be fine.

"You" being figurative here, not you specifically Teacher.

Oh I know! I was just trying to put a different, possible perspective on it (how a newb might feel in that kind of situation). But I totally get what you are saying. You get what you give and like any other life situation, you have to stick your neck out sometimes. There are just people who may not do that if they feel intimidated (if they feel the tone is cliquey).

Mereou12 · July 2011

natkay02:

We are all adult women and we are pregnant. Not preggo, prego, preggers, preg-zilla, preggerlicious, etc.

Otherwise, welcome to the group and best wishes.

Does this include Preggosaurus Rex? Stick out tongue

Fthtrstnpxiedst · July 2011

CMheart1011:
Just for the record, as a lurker/infrequent poster, this post didn't bother me at all. I don't put as much into the board or my profile as most of the regulars do, so I shouldn't expect anyone to remember me. (I think that not being able to get online at work is a big part of that. It's hard to keep up with everything.) That being said, I check in pretty much every day, and even if I don't comment, it's nice to read posts by people going through the same things I am. I appreciate your posting this, Pina.

This is basically me. I've been here since January and have lurked everyday since, well at least every work day. I recognize most of you ladies by your siggies but I certainly don't expect to be remembered. I occasionally post on some topics but I mostly read the posts that relate to me at that moment. I don't feel this board is clique-ish, as a newbie/lurker I don't think you can expect to be treated as one of the regulars until you put yourself out there so everyone gets to know you.

jlmcelroy · July 2011

kcastleberry:
mabma80:
Use whatever term you want! PREGGO PREGO PREGGERS!! Whatever. I use them at times too. Screw everbody else on here and ask away cause you have a right. : )

Maybe because I don't post on here very often, and I am a lurker but I agree 100% with this. The whole reason why I don't post on here often is because you ladies come across as very cliquish. And as someone referred to the slang names for being pregnant as high school, well so is a post like this. Why do I have to introduce myself to a bunch of women I will never meet? Why can't we just come on here ask our questions and not be ignored, belittled, or flamed? We are all going through the same things and should be adult enough to talk about things without our names or faces or even our unborn childrens names being posted on here. Every single one of us should be able to come on here and feel comfortable without all the preamble.

So to all you ladies who are like me and only post every so often or are lurkers for whatever reason. Keep doing what your doing because the ones on here who are going to make the snide comments are always going to make them. And you can't expect to post something like this and not get some sort of feedback from the ones you are so rudely addressing! I don't think that mabma80's comment was meant to cause drama, but I do feel like this whole thread was intended to be that. Who are you to set rules about what we can and can not ask on a public forum? I'm pretty sure that was left up to the "bump police" to control.

Damn that feels good to say! I've been wanting to get that out there for a long time!!!

I agree with this, exactly. After seeing this thread, I think this will be the last time I pay this board a visit, which is sad because I loved it so much.

lmjt · July 2011

I don't think that this board is cliquey, its just that some of us have been here since January, and know one another and things about each other's lives. Its normal to have jokes and what not with people you speak with almost every day, and about personal things. I don't think that makes anyone a clique, just friends really.

I'll add, correct spelling and grammar will get you taken more seriously around here. No one is perfect, but people tend to take you more seriously when you state yourself correctly.

Sorry, I was late to the party today ;-)

raulsbabe18 · July 2011

Mereou12:
natkay02:

Does this include Preggosaurus Rex?

OOOH, that was so me when I wore a purple dress the other day. I thought I looked like Barney!

lillygator · July 2011

I try and post, sorry if I am coming off annoying...I feel really out of the loop - it seems like the group is mostly young first time mothers....and I don't have a special signature, and as I posted on facebook - this board is not very user friendly compared to another message board I am on...so I have probably been lazy instead of trying to figure out how things really work around here.

Pina · July 2011

Just came back from lunch and saw this post blow up..... thank you to all the mommies who came to my defense while I was gone. Of course my intention was not mean or malicious in intent. If you came to the board and knew anything about me, you would know that.

This board can be used as a drop on in and ask a question board, sure, go right ahead, just don't expect many of us to answer it. You don't want to introduce yourself? Don't, but we won't be responding and offering you our personal experience and warmest reception. Do you expect strangers to greet you warmly and tell you about their personal lives if you can't even tell us who you are? As far as creating a name for yourself, those of you that even mentioned you don't have a siggy pic, you are know by your name because you are active here and are a member or the community. You don't have to have a picture, just make yourself known.....

That being said, this post was created because several new mommies have expressed interest in coming out their shells and being a part of the board. This post was intended for them and was not meant to be snarky. If you read my original post, at the start of this thread, you would know that. If you wish to come here and bless us with your stupid posts or one liner comments or nonsense you can research yourself, you may do so, you will just never be a part of our "we are so cool high school clique".

Glad I got that off my big old, swollen chest.

toriat04 · July 2011

By no means do I post here daily but when I do, I feel the love! I don't think anyone here is cliquey at ALL! I always feel welcomed. I think it's all in the attitude you have when you join the boards...I can't believe how upset newbies/lurkers get....oh well.

eortman · July 2011

raulsbabe18:
Mereou12:
natkay02:

Does this include Preggosaurus Rex?

OOOH, that was so me when I wore a purple dress the other day. I thought I looked like Barney!

Aww, I have a purple dress that I love, but now that you mentioned it, I will probably always think of Barney when I put it on :-( Oh well, I'm wearing it anyway.

siren0076 · July 2011

I wasn't around for awhile and when I posted issues about my teenage daughter I had loads of support. I love my September Mommies.

macdidlyicious · July 2011

For the love of babies, pick up a pregnancy book. There are three thousand out there to choose from that can answer any and every question you could possibly think of.

raulsbabe18 · July 2011

eortman:
raulsbabe18:
Mereou12:
natkay02:

Does this include Preggosaurus Rex?

OOOH, that was so me when I wore a purple dress the other day. I thought I looked like Barney!

Aww, I have a purple dress that I love, but now that you mentioned it, I will probably always think of Barney when I put it on :-( Oh well, I'm wearing it anyway.

I'm not getting rid of my purple dress. It is so comfy, but I now will refer to it as my preggosaurus dress and wear it proudly!

emluedtke7 · July 2011

Fthtrstnpxiedst:

CMheart1011:
Just for the record, as a lurker/infrequent poster, this post didn't bother me at all. I don't put as much into the board or my profile as most of the regulars do, so I shouldn't expect anyone to remember me. (I think that not being able to get online at work is a big part of that. It's hard to keep up with everything.) That being said, I check in pretty much every day, and even if I don't comment, it's nice to read posts by people going through the same things I am. I appreciate your posting this, Pina.

This is basically me. I've been here since January and have lurked everyday since, well at least every work day. I recognize most of you ladies by your siggies but I certainly don't expect to be remembered. I occasionally post on some topics but I mostly read the posts that relate to me at that moment. I don't feel this board is clique-ish, as a newbie/lurker I don't think you can expect to be treated as one of the regulars until you put yourself out there so everyone gets to know you.

I completely agree with this. I don't post every day, or even every week for that matter, but I do READ the posts everyday and am grateful for the information that is shared and the questions that are asked!

boxtonmom1014 · July 2011

raulsbabe18:
eortman:
raulsbabe18:

OOOH, that was so me when I wore a purple dress the other day. I thought I looked like Barney!

Aww, I have a purple dress that I love, but now that you mentioned it, I will probably always think of Barney when I put it on :-( Oh well, I'm wearing it anyway.

I'm not getting rid of my purple dress. It is so comfy, but I now will refer to it as my preggosaurus dress and wear it proudly!

I have two. Stick out tongue I love purple!

KAK ;-> · July 2011

Way to stir up some drama, Pina! j/k

Now I'm wondering if I'm even known since I can't update anything in avatar/sig... Maybe I'll create a new account.

I'm thinking my new SN will be PreggerificPregoSauce. WDYT?

Azrayla · July 2011

KAK ;->:
Way to stir up some drama, Pina! j/k

Now I'm wondering if I'm even known since I can't update anything in avatar/sig... Maybe I'll create a new account.

I'm thinking my new SN will be PreggerificPregoSauce. WDYT?

If I didnt worm so damned hard to get my gold I really might use that name.. I am still considering it.. hmmm..

heateacher · July 2011

Miss Shasta:
I didn't join in until about 22 weeks. All I did was introduce myself, not be a total twatwaffle, and join into conversation. No one on here ever came across as "cliquey" to me.

Yes

This exactly. I feel bad that I never made an intro post, but I read and lurked for some time before I started joining into the conversation. It felt a little intimidating at first, sure, just like it would to walk into a room full of women who all know one another and you don't know anyone. But you're not going to make friends by starting to fire off questions, then leaving when you have what you want!

The thing that bugs me about the whole "why can't i just post any question i want to" is that you're not talking to some group of experts, or doctors, or whatever. This is a group of people. Regular old people who put their panties on one leg at a time. And would prefer to be treated like people than encyclopedias.

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