Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Jessimurph
member
Re: Consultation with the midwife today
Oh no, I'm sorry. What are his reasons? Do you think he might be open-minded if he saw some studies or read some birth stories, etc.?
Keegan Patrick - Bilateral Clubfeet found at Anatomy Scan.
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Yeah I just saw that and responded.
I just looked over at your post, but I didn't want to respond over there since I'm not an NCBer. I think I might be able to help, though. It's understandable that your DH's response to horrible homebirth stories is "let's do everything totally differently", but that's not the only reasonable reaction. I know some of the people who have submitted to HBH, and I have to say, I disagree that it's by "anti-homebirth" people, but rather, by people who want homebirth to be safer in America. They're concerned about the lack of training, lack of professionalism, and lack of accountability found with some midwives. As iris said, it's possible to test for and treat GBS whether you homebirth or not, so the issue isn't homebirth vs. hospital birth, but rather why were precautions not taken for that woman? What can be done to make sure this doesn't happen? "Avoid homebirth" is not the only answer to that.
So my approach would be, look at those stories and see what went wrong. In most (if not all? I admit I haven't read every story) cases, it was an incompetent midwife. That's something you have some control over even if you decide to homebirth. Of course, you cannot read minds or see the future, but you can ask for references, ask your midwife what she would do if A B and C happened, ask if she's ever dealt with X Y and Z, and look for any and all evidence that she is not and will not be one of the incompetent ones features on HBH.
I agree with iris that numbers tell us more than anecdotes, but I also believe that 1) the midwife you select is key, and 2) anecdotes, whether it's logical or not, can eat away at us. It probably won't work to wave your hand at your DH's concerns and say, oh, those are just anecdotes. It might actually work to say, you're worried about GBS? Well, the midwife I picked tested for that and knows how to deal with it so that it won't be an issue for us like it was for that very unfortunate couple on the web.
Very good advice. I agree that you should find out what his concerns are (e.g. GBS) and then talk about how they would be addressed with a home birth. You need to ask a lot of questions of potential providers, just like you would with an OB.
And yes, home birth needs to be made safer in the US. There needs to be more licensing and regulation of home birth providers and a smoother relationship between the midwifery and medical communities. Unfortunately, there are people in the US actively working to prevent that, i.e. how ACOG and the AMA have lobbyists to oppose state legislation to license CPMs.