VBAC

Consultation with the midwife today

My husband was anti-homebirth going in and during the appt I thought she turned him with all the knowledge she has...but as soon as we got in the car he was against it.  He doesn't understand that going with an OB there is a VERY slim chance I will get a VBAC.  I am too tired and hormonal to fight with him right now, but we need to make the decision soon.  I'm just frustrated that he isn't seeing it from my point of view.
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Keegan Patrick - Bilateral Clubfeet found at Anatomy Scan. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker www.facebook.com/portraitave

Re: Consultation with the midwife today

  • Oh no, I'm sorry.  What are his reasons?  Do you think he might be open-minded if he saw some studies or read some birth stories, etc.?

    image

    Big sister {September 2008} Sweet boy {April 2011} Fuzzy Bundle {ETA July 2014}

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I paged you on natural birth with the birth stories he found and shared with me...
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Keegan Patrick - Bilateral Clubfeet found at Anatomy Scan. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker www.facebook.com/portraitave

  • Loading the player...
  • imageJessimurph:
    I paged you on natural birth with the birth stories he found and shared with me...

    Yeah I just saw that and responded.  :( 

    image

    Big sister {September 2008} Sweet boy {April 2011} Fuzzy Bundle {ETA July 2014}

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I just looked over at your post, but I didn't want to respond over there since I'm not an NCBer. I think I might be able to help, though. It's understandable that your DH's response to horrible homebirth stories is "let's do everything totally differently", but that's not the only reasonable reaction. I know some of the people who have submitted to HBH, and I have to say, I disagree that it's by "anti-homebirth" people, but rather, by people who want homebirth to be safer in America. They're concerned about the lack of training, lack of professionalism, and lack of accountability found with some midwives. As iris said, it's possible to test for and treat GBS whether you homebirth or not, so the issue isn't homebirth vs. hospital birth, but rather why were precautions not taken for that woman? What can be done to make sure this doesn't happen? "Avoid homebirth" is not the only answer to that.

    So my approach would be, look at those stories and see what went wrong. In most (if not all? I admit I haven't read every story) cases, it was an incompetent midwife. That's something you have some control over even if you decide to homebirth. Of course, you cannot read minds or see the future, but you can ask for references, ask your midwife what she would do if A B and C happened, ask if she's ever dealt with X Y and Z, and look for any and all evidence that she is not and will not be one of the incompetent ones features on HBH. 

    I agree with iris that numbers tell us more than anecdotes, but I also believe that 1) the midwife you select is key, and 2) anecdotes, whether it's logical or not, can eat away at us. It probably won't work to wave your hand at your DH's concerns and say, oh, those are just anecdotes. It might actually work to say, you're worried about GBS? Well, the midwife I picked tested for that and knows how to deal with it so that it won't be an issue for us like it was for that very unfortunate couple on the web.

  • I'm sorry you two are not on the same page.  I think my DH was a little nervous about a VBAC in general but felt better when he came and spoke with my midwife.  I don't remember where I read it, but if I recall homebirth can be just as safe as a hospital birth.  While it's true that a hospital birth comes with the safety net of doctors if a ECS is needed, it also comes with unnecessary interventions that sometimes CAUSE issues that would not have been the case if you had been left alone to labor.  There are risks with EVERY delivery and it will be a decision you have to weigh together.
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers image image
  • imagelorryfach:

    I just looked over at your post, but I didn't want to respond over there since I'm not an NCBer. I think I might be able to help, though. It's understandable that your DH's response to horrible homebirth stories is "let's do everything totally differently", but that's not the only reasonable reaction. I know some of the people who have submitted to HBH, and I have to say, I disagree that it's by "anti-homebirth" people, but rather, by people who want homebirth to be safer in America. They're concerned about the lack of training, lack of professionalism, and lack of accountability found with some midwives. As iris said, it's possible to test for and treat GBS whether you homebirth or not, so the issue isn't homebirth vs. hospital birth, but rather why were precautions not taken for that woman? What can be done to make sure this doesn't happen? "Avoid homebirth" is not the only answer to that.

    So my approach would be, look at those stories and see what went wrong. In most (if not all? I admit I haven't read every story) cases, it was an incompetent midwife. That's something you have some control over even if you decide to homebirth. Of course, you cannot read minds or see the future, but you can ask for references, ask your midwife what she would do if A B and C happened, ask if she's ever dealt with X Y and Z, and look for any and all evidence that she is not and will not be one of the incompetent ones features on HBH. 

    I agree with iris that numbers tell us more than anecdotes, but I also believe that 1) the midwife you select is key, and 2) anecdotes, whether it's logical or not, can eat away at us. It probably won't work to wave your hand at your DH's concerns and say, oh, those are just anecdotes. It might actually work to say, you're worried about GBS? Well, the midwife I picked tested for that and knows how to deal with it so that it won't be an issue for us like it was for that very unfortunate couple on the web.

    Very good advice.  I agree that you should find out what his concerns are (e.g. GBS) and then talk about how they would be addressed with a home birth.  You need to ask a lot of questions of potential providers, just like you would with an OB.

    And yes, home birth needs to be made safer in the US.  There needs to be more licensing and regulation of home birth providers and a smoother relationship between the midwifery and medical communities.  Unfortunately, there are people in the US actively working to prevent that, i.e. how ACOG and the AMA have lobbyists to oppose state legislation to license CPMs.  

    image

    Big sister {September 2008} Sweet boy {April 2011} Fuzzy Bundle {ETA July 2014}

    Pregnancy Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"