Underwhelmed by Info Session

thebeadinglady · July 2011

We had a one-on-one information session with an adoption agency this afternoon and I was kind of unimpressed. It is an agency that mostly deals with foster-to-adopt, they are non-profit and affiliated with SWAN (state-wide adoption network). The lady we talked to was very negative in the way she talked.She kept talking about how everyone came in expecting they would be able to get a baby or toddler from foster care but that almost never happens (which we knew already), and when we talked a little about DIA adoption she kept referring to it as "buying a baby."

Then we talked a little about what we would be open to: infant-5/6 year olds and sibling groups of 2. We told her we would be open to children with mild autism and certain behavioral issues like ADD/ADHD that we have had experience with before. But when we said we would only consider caucasian children (for various reasons) she said that we would most likely have a very long wait and it might just be faster to "buy a baby" Seriously? who says that? We are ok with having a longer wait if it means we won't feel pressured into a situation that is not right for us or more importantly for the child. Plus she kept cussing, which I am basically ok with, but it just seemed odd in this context.

There were some good things though. She said that they do a lot of networking with other states and counties for their families. We could do a lot of the training on-line which would work great for us since we both work odd hours. Plus, we could get concurrent foster and adoption approval so we could network some on our own through websites/blogs and such and be availiable for foster placements.

It was a lot of information that I already knew through my own research, but I think DH learned a lot and is feeling a little more at ease with this route if we decide to take it. We are still a long way from even starting paperwork, I definitely want to check out some other agencies and see if there are some that I jive a little more with.

hillaree · July 2011

Wow, I am shocked by how unprofessional this woman sounded! That is so terrible, I'm sorry.

I hope you find an agency that is the perfect fit, or at least that this one is just one "bad apple" at the one you met with today.

MamaB2009 · July 2011

I think I would complain to the agency about her lack of professionalism...both the cussing and the "buying a baby" verbiage. Certainly a realistic (negative) spin on things isn't out of the ordinary at most FA meetings, and I don't think there's anything wrong with telling you your wait might be longer than usual due to your filters, but the first two things are pretty unprofessional and unacceptable.

baze2 · July 2011

I agree with mamaB..I would call and talk to someone else and explain your experience. "Buying a Baby"..really?

Hi BTW! Good to see a familiar face over here!

thebeadinglady · July 2011

MamaB2009:
I think I would complain to the agency about her lack of professionalism...both the cussing and the "buying a baby" verbiage. Certainly a realistic (negative) spin on things isn't out of the ordinary at most FA meetings, and I don't think there's anything wrong with telling you your wait might be longer than usual due to your filters, but the first two things are pretty unprofessional and unacceptable.

right, and that is what we were expecting, we knew our filters would make for a long wait and we are OK with that. But it seemed like she was annoyed we had any filters at all. I would think it is better to have a firm grasp on what you can and can not handle rather than say "we are open to anything" and be proven wrong down the line when a placement doesn't work out.

MrsKolasa · July 2011

MamaB2009:
I think I would complain to the agency about her lack of professionalism...both the cussing and the "buying a baby" verbiage. Certainly a realistic (negative) spin on things isn't out of the ordinary at most FA meetings, and I don't think there's anything wrong with telling you your wait might be longer than usual due to your filters, but the first two things are pretty unprofessional and unacceptable.

This! I am blown away by how rude and unprofessional she was. I am so sorry you had that experience. Please try again with a different agency!

MamaB2009 · July 2011

Yep. We ran into that when we went to FA meetings too -- it's like they expect you not to have any filters at all. They kept guilt tripping everyone about SN kids and stated over and over that you weren't EVER going to get a placement unless you were willing to take any level of SN. (Obviously a bit of a stretch.)

BeeBee08 · July 2011

beadinglady, I had basically the same experience today! Although mine was with a private adoption practitioner (a little different procedures here in Canada) so there's no one to complain too, but it was pretty bad. My husband was so annoyed with her by the time she left our home, but at least he got some good information from her. We are in the search now for a different practicitioner before we start any paperwork with anyone. I'm glad you got the ball rolling for yourself, I completely understand how underwhelming it really can be. Stay strong and ((hugs)).

kekis · July 2011

I'm sorry, C. While trying to be realistic, you also go in to these sessions with high hopes and excitement about the agency itself. Sounds like she did a fine job of keeping you in reality while bursting your bubble about the agency overall. They need to find a new person for their organization! Definitely look at a few more agencies/groups and find one that both you and G feel comfortable with all around. I'm excited to see you here and go down another path with you. We WILL have our families!

MBfromBMC · July 2011

I'm sorry it wasn't the best experience...

I understand that she needs to be realistic, but it sounds like her tone was really unprofessional.

Hang in there, C, and you will find the right person or agency to set you up with your forever family!

Honeydew1894 · July 2011

Wow, I would be pretty turned off by her. Are there other agencies that you could investigate to see if you could find a better fit?

Cissi64 · July 2011

The comments about not getting a baby or toddler and he long wait for a caucasian child was just being honest. That is just reality in the world of foster-to-adopt. ( Sounds like you knew that already). I can still remember the first words the SW said to us at our first session ( training through the st. of KY): "If you are here to adopt a healthy, white newborn, you are in the wrong place. The children we have available for adoption are typically white children over the age of ten, black and biracial children over the age of three, sibling groups of three or more and children with significant medical, mental, or emotional/behavioral problems." There were probably about 30 couples there. I think about 10 left at the first break and probably another 5 left at the next training session when they told us that foster parents weren't allowed to use corporal punishment at all. KY purposely sets things out in the open like that because they want to weed out the people who aren't serious or who are more suited to DIA. Is the system perfect...no but that is another story.

The cussing and "baby-buying" comments were just rude and unprofessional. Her job was to explain the program, training, timeline, etc.....not offer opinions on how people chose to adopt.

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