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D.C. Area Babies
Caffeine and toddlers
I'm trying to gauge how to react to this. We learned over the weekend that M&FIL (who often watch C during the week) have been giving him sips of not only iced tea but coffee. On the one hand, it's only a sip or two a week and he gets absolutely no caffeine (not even in the form of chocolate, really) at home or with DCP. On the other hand, who does that?!?
I'm kind of Googling around and not seeing much in the way of adverse affects of very little consumption. I think the bigger deal is that they're not supposed to give him anything that we don't sent for him to eat because of his allergy (with some exceptions - like fruit, Cheerios, etc.). What say you and how would you react?
I am stuck on the who does that?!? part.
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Re: Caffeine and toddlers
Whoa! WHY did they do that? Did you ask them why? I'd really want to hear that explanation. I would probably make DH talk to them, because they're his parents and I'd probably say some things that would permanently damage our relationship.
I don't think I'd worry too much, if it's not a pattern of them pushing the boundaries. I have given T sips of my coffee, and DH has with his sugar-y McDonald's coffee drinks. I don't love that she's had it but sometimes she's so insistent - "sip? SIP???" Anyway, thankfully she has had no reaction, and I was concerned at first because I had a strong sensitivity to caffeine as a kid. I think the biggest risk is that a toddler would go hyperactive, but frankly I'm not sure I would be able to tell on some days.
From what I remember being told by my parents (and I think I asked an allergist a few years ago), caffeine is likely to cause a sensitivity and not a true allergy, so in this case I don't think there is a strong risk to C. But if you find out (or get the "mom sense") they are willy-nilly going to flout your food rules and give C all kinds of things that you maybe know he can't eat, I would have a long convo. with them about the seriousness of potential allergies.
I'm with WNW here. I'd be pretty mad. The coffee thing doesn't bother me too much - my parents gave me sips of stuff they knew I wouldn't like pretty early on so I would stop bothering them, lol. But giving him things that you haven't specifically said to give him is problematic because of allergies.
You know, I didn't even think about a possible allergic reaction to caffeine. I mentioned his allergy (egg) because we have had the "don't give him anything we don't send" conversation more than once. I don't think they are willfully going against our wishes, but it's like they just don't think about things sometimes. A month or so ago, DH caught FIL about to give C pancakes (made with egg) and it just didn't occur to him that C couldn't have it.
It's interesting to hear that others give their kids sips of coffee. I told my mom about the situation and she was aghast, because we just didn't get stuff like that growing up. So maybe it's a family-to-family thing. And I really can't find anything that says it's particularly bad, especially in such small amounts. He sleeps totally fine, btw.
This bothers me more, knowing the background. It's not just a one-off with coffee - the're generally not thinking through what they're giving C and the consequences. Maybe your DH needs to sit down with them again and discuss C's allergies, his reactions (or your concern over potential reactions), and how trace amts of lots of potential allergens are so common. (I wasn't allowed to have certain brands of oatmeal cookies growing up because they had cocoa to darken the cookies to the right color and I couldn't have anything at all with caffeine. You don't think of plain oatmeal cookies as having chocolate, and it's probably even worse with egg products.)
You know, I don't remember ever tasting my parents' coffee as a kid. But then, they drink it black and it would have smelled foul to me. (I think T already knows the difference between a McD's drink DH brings home and "Momma coffee" with a lot less milk and sugar.) But I do remember Dad giving me a sip of his beer when I was in elementary school and it put me off wanting any more until I was almost in college. There are some things where sips do put kids off for a long time
(I don't think T asks for sips as much now that she knows what my coffee tastes like!)
Yeah, you're right. I think part of the problem is that *we* don't see it as that big a deal because we've found it fairly easy to work around. You just don't give the kid egg and you read the labels of anything else. Easy. It's not like they don't care, they just don't get it. Thankfully, his allergy is really fairly mild and he'll likely outgrow it (although, I think the fact that they know this makes it even easier for them to "forget").
Argh. We have a really good relationship with them otherwise and they are wonderful with C. I am generally of the opinion that a little spoiling and treats from grandparents are fine, but they see him so often that a little taste of this or that can amount to quite a bit.
I've given DD plenty of sips of my drinks because I often get the frappe-type stuff that's sweet. And then of course DS wants one, too. I don't sweat it - they get one or two tiny sips out of the straw per drink, and neither goes bonkers from any caffeine. They also know they may not like what I'm drinking (like bitter coffee) but try it anyway - I figure it's better for them to find out and satisfy their curiosity.
However, because of your DS's history, I would be concerned about your ILs' general approach to feeding him. I'm pretty sure it's not them being careless...that implies an, "Eh, we're probably not supposed to, but let's do it anyway" attitude. They probably truly just don't think. So maybe it'll take your DH sitting down with them and starting the conversation with, "I know you love him and respect our wishes [OK, that's a stretch...], but you just can't be as in-tune with his food restrictions as we are as his parents. So I'll help by giving you [again?] a specific list of things to ask us about first because sometimes it's tough to determine what's safe and what's not. Also, let me review with you what symptoms to look out for and what to do if he starts having a reaction." Maybe he can make things sound a little more severe than they are in order to put a little fear of God in his parents? Get official paperwork from DS's doctor? They really need to see that they need to think before they let him put anything in his mouth.
I am with your Mom, I'm aghast! I myself hate coffee and my parents were never coffee drinkers so I didn't grow up around it and tasted it once when I was 18 or so and hated it, I don't even like the smell. So, IMO, it's pretty horrible to give him coffee but what is even worse is that they did something w/out your permission. What else are they letting him taste? It's one thing to let a 13 y.o. taste some beer to turn her off it but a 2 y.o. is different IMO.