My relaxing pool day was ruined... (long vent)
Today was the first day I have been able to swim in our pool since my m/c due to weather and bleeding. I hopped out of bed this morning and put on my suit. I couldn't wait to get a little sun and just relax. I have been feeling really good. My levels are almost back to normal and I thought my emotions were starting to even out.
Well, my MIL thought today would be a good day to come and lay by the pool as well. This usually isn't a problem, but today she decided to grill me on when we are going to try again. Carrying on about how I definitely had problems bc I'm RH- and now that's taken care of... I wanted to drown her.
First, we weren't really "trying". May was the first month we weren't actively avoiding and I just happened to get pregnant... We all know how that ended. Can I just digest that first?
Plus everyone in our family knew our first choice was adoption. We weren't going to avoid getting pregnant, but we said no matter what, we are adopting. My pregnancy and m/c has not changed those plans.
Somehow our parents now have it in their heads that bc I got pregnant so quickly that we would just drop the whole adoption thing and it drives me insane with rage. It's so insulting. I am already dealing with ridiculous, out-of-nowhere anger issues since the m/c and they are really pushing my limits.
Second, she brings up that she told her neighbor I had a m/c. No big deal. I'm not ashamed, but I don't even know this woman and I don't really feel comfortable with her discussing my medical issues with her. She told her I am RH- and thats why she thinks I had a m/c. Well, wouldn't you know it, her neighbor is RH- and her husband is RH+ too! Her first pregnancy was a m/c also! I had to hear all about it and how she went on to have three perfect children. Good for her.
I was not in the mood at all. It brought back all those feelings of inadequacy and anger that I was finally working through. You would think my MIL would be more understanding considering her first pregnancy was a m/c.
I had to call my husband outside, away from his work, to entertain his mother bc I was about to kill her. Now he's pissed and wants to say something to her, but I don't need anymore drama. She would just cry and then FIL would be angry... and all I wanted to do was swim!
Instead, I went to the basement and did laundry instead of enjoying my pool day. First world problems, I know, but I was having a great week and now I feel like I'm back to square one. I'm so sad and angry now. I just wanted a tan. Not relive the last 3 weeks.
End rant.
Re: My relaxing pool day was ruined... (long vent)
I am sorry about the crazy MIL. May I recommend some headphones and a good book on tape? Perhaps she would get the hint
I wanted to say that we are planning to adopt too regardless of whether we can or cannot have more biological children. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to experience both, but we will take it one step at a time. We are actually going to Uganda over what would have been my due date on a mission trip to an orphanage there. We will hug babies in honor of our baby.
If you would ever like to chat about the process, feel free to email me at jenn (dot) craver (at) yahoo (dot) com.
I hope you have a better night than day....
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
I have found that one of the hardest things post pregnancy loss is dealing with the ways other people choose to approach the topic. I always stop and second guess myself like "am I taking this the wrong way cause I'm still dealing with how I feel about it" But nonetheless I feel like everyone should revert to back to the golden rule 'if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all'
My dad came over the house yesterday and said 'so were you guys trying or was it an oopsy' Really???!! Why does it matter!
I'm glad to hear you have your husband to vent to, and I'm sure in some respects your MIL was trying to comfort you but telling you other people have had succesful preganancies post m/c, but it's hard to hear about people pushing for the future when you have yet to come to terms with the present. Stay strong, keep your focus on yourself and your emotional recovery and just try not to let everyone's elses (sometimes) negligent comments get the best of you. (Easier said than done)
And please go get your tan solo! Bring a nice book or your ipod. I've found listening to music has really helped me relax on my own. This way you're not trapped with your own thoughts, just finding a zone all of your own.
Thanks to anyone who read through that whole thing
I am feeling better today and I will take your advice next time. I will definitely have my kindle or ipod near by when MIL comes over. I agree that she was probably just trying to make me feel better in her own weird way.
Thanks again ladies!
Oh boy... I feel your pain. My mom decided to nickname the miscarriage a "hit and miss". Not cute.
And thank you for your kind words
Your trip to Uganda sounds like a beautiful way to honor your baby. I definitely will send you an email. It would be great to have someone to chat with about the process. Thanks so much!
Oh man looks like we both had horrible terminology thrown our way! Hope you've had some time to relax since this post.