I dont think people that pay for their own education appreciate it more than those who had to slave to get it. Every person is different. I know kids that paid their own way that wasted their education and those with a silver platter that worked harder than hard.
I am going to try to help you. For you - you thnk that you appreciate this baby and pregnancy more due to the hard road you took to get there. You dont know that WE would appreciate our baby more if we took a harder road. But truly, unless you can do a Sliding Doors (movie with Gwyneth Paltrow)there is no way of knowing if you would appreciate or love your baby more depending on the way they were conceived.
and For the record - the word is WHOA.
Some people do piss their education away because someone else is paying for it. Then there are people who cherish and appreciate the gift they've been given by having their parents provide it for them, and work that much harder, because they know that someone else has put a lot of time and effort into providing them with this opportunity.
BTW, I've heard IVF parents complain about pregnancy and their children just as much as parents who conceived naturally.
I understand what you mean. I tried for two and a half years to have my son, and had two miscarriages before he came along, the doctor was not optimistic about us ever having a successful pregnancy. I think we have been more giving, more forgiving and generally living in the moment more parents because of it.
Don't let them get you down, unless you have been in these situations people really do not understand what this feels like, but I would be cautious about posts like this on boards like this one, pregnant after IF or a loss would get this and be more appropriate.
This is horseshit. I had a m/c in my second trimester, and trust me I didnt need that to happen to know what a blessing pregnancy is. Are you that self centered that the worst needs to happen (either through infertility issues or m/c) to wake up and be grateful??!! or in your words be a better parent?
So, lemme get this straight: I say "they" in the original post referring to the children, not the mothers. You interpret that to mean all other mothers.
I repeately use "me," "I," and "my" in the comparison regarding my education or earning money as a child, and somehow, that STILL about everyone else.
You guys are nuts.
If you had just said "I'm sorry, I commented based on my own experience without really understanding anyone elses perspective. That was stupid and I apologize" or something along those lines, people would have moved on. It's your continued backpedaling, lying and acting ignorant that is making this so much worse. Everyone takes a good flaming here and there if you stick around long enough, it is how you handle it that makes a lasting impression. I would think you would understand that as someone who has been around the knot/nest/bump forever and particularly where you used to hang out.
So, lemme get this straight: I say "they" in the original post referring to the children, not the mothers. You interpret that to mean all other mothers. I repeately use "me," "I," and "my" in the comparison regarding my education or earning money as a child, and somehow, that STILL about everyone else. You guys are nuts.
I did IVF multiple times and have multiple miscarriages. Does that give me street cred?!?
In absolutely no way did any of that crap I had to go through have any affect on the kind of Mother I am. I am CERTAIN that my child is loved and cared for as much by me, as she would if I had gotten knocked up naturally. I am also certain if she had reached my arms through adoption, that I would love her just as much. If I had a magic wand I would love to go back in time and have my child without having to go through the hell I did. It wouldn't affect my love for her one bit, I would like to have been spared all that pain, please. IF mommies don't get an extra cookie for having a tougher road.
The journey to become a mother doesn't affect how a mother feels for her kids. To suggest otherwise is ludicrous to me.
Sure, we all come to pregnancy with different experiences and feelings about pregnancy and our situations. Some come to it after previous loss and IF, some come to it easily, but we all have different ideas about pregnancy that shape how we feel. I appreciated the HELL out of my pregnancy with DD but that doesn't mean someone else who got there easily didn't relish their experience as much.
IF babies are special --- but newsflash -- ALL BABIES ARE SPECIAL.
How does conceiving naturally in a short time frame absolutely mean that the parents didn't have a difficult road or don't appreciate what they have??
We waited over a year to even start trying because of my migraines. We tried a boatload of different medications throughout that year to see if we could find something that was approved for pregnancy and actually helped. Unfortunately, nothing worked and it was a year of pumping my body full of drugs that didn't help and usually came with horrible side effects.
Giving up my meds was such a scary thought to me. I get migraines anywhere from 3-5 times a week so those meds were what I survived off of.
I guess I got "lucky" because we conceived in our first month. Do you have any idea how grateful I was that I knew I only had to survive the next nine months without my meds?!?!? And yep, I've complained like hell because I've been miserable between the migraines and the morning sickness that stayed until about 21 wks. Complaining doesn't make me any less grateful and doesn't mean I love this baby any less.
You have absolutely no clue what other people go through in their journey to conceive and not everyone's journey starts the first month they decide to try. Many couples have hurdles they have to clear before they can even start trying.
I can't believe you would truly love and appreciate your baby less if your journey had been "easy". If that's the case, then I'm glad for your child that you had to go through a "tougher" road to get here.
So, lemme get this straight: I say "they" in the original post referring to the children, not the mothers. You interpret that to mean all other mothers.
I repeately use "me," "I," and "my" in the comparison regarding my education or earning money as a child, and somehow, that STILL about everyone else.
You guys are nuts.
So all of us are reading your posts incorrectly? Yeah, we're the ones who are nuts...
I did IVF multiple times and have multiple miscarriages. Does that give me street cred?!?
In absolutely no way did any of that crap I had to go through have any affect on the kind of Mother I am. I am CERTAIN that my child is loved and cared for as much by me, as she would if I had gotten knocked up naturally. I am also certain if she had reached my arms through adoption, that I would love her just as much. If I had a magic wand I would love to go back in time and have my child without having to go through the hell I did. It wouldn't affect my love for her one bit, I would like to have been spared all that pain, please. IF mommies don't get an extra cookie for having a tougher road.
The journey to become a mother doesn't affect how a mother feels for her kids. To suggest otherwise is ludicrous to me.
Sure, we all come to pregnancy with different experiences and feelings about pregnancy and our situations. Some come to it after previous loss and IF, some come to it easily, but we all have different ideas about pregnancy that shape how we feel. I appreciated the HELL out of my pregnancy with DD but that doesn't mean someone else who got there easily didn't relish their experience as much.
IF babies are special --- but newsflash -- ALL BABIES ARE SPECIAL.
I believe I saw somewhere that there are several people with crushes on Janimal. I for one would like to join that club.
I am one of the lucky women who did not have to go through issues with IF, but that doesn't mean that I didn't have other personal struggles to get to where I am. Don't demean my journey just because my path wasn't the same.
How does conceiving naturally in a short time frame absolutely mean that the parents didn't have a difficult road or don't appreciate what they have??
We waited over a year to even start trying because of my migraines. We tried a boatload of different medications throughout that year to see if we could find something that was approved for pregnancy and actually helped. Unfortunately, nothing worked and it was a year of pumping my body full of drugs that didn't help and usually came with horrible side effects.
Giving up my meds was such a scary thought to me. I get migraines anywhere from 3-5 times a week so those meds were what I survived off of.
I guess I got "lucky" because we conceived in our first month. Do you have any idea how grateful I was that I knew I only had to survive the next nine months without my meds?!?!? And yep, I've complained like hell because I've been miserable between the migraines and the morning sickness that stayed until about 21 wks. Complaining doesn't make me any less grateful and doesn't mean I love this baby any less.
You have absolutely no clue what other people go through in their journey to conceive and not everyone's journey starts the first month they decide to try. Many couples have hurdles they have to clear before they can even start trying.
I can't believe you would truly love and appreciate your baby less if your journey had been "easy". If that's the case, then I'm glad for your child that you had to go through a "tougher" road to get here.
Thanks for saying this. I had to wean off anti-anxiety/anti-depressant meds before we started trying, and the entire ordeal (getting me off my meds, plus the time/cycles spent trying) was really hard, not to mention knowing that I'm going to be off my meds at least through the birth of my LO and probably longer. The OP isn't the only one who could use reminding that not everyone's TTC efforts begin with actually TTC.
I didn't even get through most of this post before I got bored of the drama..... who cares what she or anyone else thinks? Why are so many of you ladies wasting your time arguing back and forth? There's no need to justify who loves who more, you know how you all feel about your pregnancies, your babies, and your individual circumstances, isn't that all that matters?
You obviously haven't been on the Nest very long. What really matters is the ability for the majority of us to waste time at work with some internet arguing.
At no point did I refer to other people and their pregnancies.
A child conceived naturally would have been an amazing blessing to me. However, that didn't happen. And I appreciate every little thing that has come with this pregnancy WAY more than I would have otherwise.
You seriously think I believe that parents who went through an intervention love their kids more? That's ridiculous. By that logic, Nadia Suleman's kids would be the most loved offspring in the world, and that woman CLEARLY doesn't have her kids' best interest anywhere on her radar.
I liken it to paying for post-secondary education: I think I value my education more because I had to pay for (part of) it. Had it been handed to me on a silver platter, I'd probably have been more inclined to piss it away and waste my time.
Not only are you backpedalling, you suck at it.
You're also an ignorant twat.
Seriously?!
I'm just as disgusted in half of these rudea$$ immature comments as I am in the OP to begin with. What a freaking joke. Grow the hell up.
I didn't say I was a better parent, I was saying that we live far more in the moment than most. My mom is always telling me to cherish the moments with my son, and I have to tell her that I do. We are far more likely to drop working around the house and spend time with him than many. Priorites shift when you understand how things could have been.
My 1st little miracle JAC born 4/8/09-
Working on Miracle #2
When the world says "give up."
Hope whispers"Try one more time"
If what you're saying above is true, then you should have said that YOU will appreciate YOUR child more than if you had gotten lucky in a one-shot wonder drunken sex fest your first month TTC with your SO.
Well, yeah - that sums it up nicely.
My kid was concieved during a got lucky drunken one night stand and I love him more then anyone would ever know.
I didn't say I was a better parent, I was saying that we live far more in the moment than most. My mom is always telling me to cherish the moments with my son, and I have to tell her that I do. We are far more likely to drop working around the house and spend time with him than many. Priorites shift when you understand how things could have been.
Than most? Really - most?
Yay for you that your difficulty has shaped how you feel about parenting. But you know what? Miscarriage and IF aren't unique factors to shape a parent's thinking. EVERY mother on these boards brings their own unique history and experiences to motherhood that affect who they are as parents. Sure, priorities shift when you understand loss, but priorities also may shift when you had crappy parents yourself, or when you are a single parent, or when you just are a happy mofo destined for mother of the year.
My kid is a priority at home too. I put playing with her on the floor and tickling her belly and doing puzzles and reading to her at a far higher priority than pretty much anything else I can do at home. But that's not because I had a hard as hell time in getting and staying pregnant, it's because that's just the kind of mother I am.
IF sucks - it affects us -- even long after we have kids, but implying it gives us perspective that other mothers couldn't possibly have is just ignorant. I do think I would have been a b!itch!er pregnant woman had I not gone through hell to get there. That's how my individual experience affected me. That has nothing to do with how anyone else handles themselves. And it is certainly unfair for you to think you have so much more perspective "than most" because of your troubles.
Sorry, IF and miscarriage isn't the end all be all of perspective in parenting.
I didn't say I was a better parent, I was saying that we live far more in the moment than most. My mom is always telling me to cherish the moments with my son, and I have to tell her that I do. We are far more likely to drop working around the house and spend time with him than many. Priorites shift when you understand how things could have been.
Than most? Really - most?
Yay for you that your difficulty has shaped how you feel about parenting. But you know what? Miscarriage and IF aren't unique factors to shape a parent's thinking. EVERY mother on these boards brings their own unique history and experiences to motherhood that affect who they are as parents. Sure, priorities shift when you understand loss, but priorities also may shift when you had crappy parents yourself, or when you are a single parent, or when you just are a happy mofo destined for mother of the year.
My kid is a priority at home too. I put playing with her on the floor and tickling her belly and doing puzzles and reading to her at a far higher priority than pretty much anything else I can do at home. But that's not because I had a hard as hell time in getting and staying pregnant, it's because that's just the kind of mother I am.
IF sucks - it affects us -- even long after we have kids, but implying it gives us perspective that other mothers couldn't possibly have is just ignorant. I do think I would have been a b!itch!er pregnant woman had I not gone through hell to get there. That's how my individual experience affected me. That has nothing to do with how anyone else handles themselves. And it is certainly unfair for you to think you have so much more perspective "than most" because of your troubles.
Sorry, IF and miscarriage isn't the end all be all of perspective in parenting.
I didn't say I was a better parent, I was saying that we live far more in the moment than most. My mom is always telling me to cherish the moments with my son, and I have to tell her that I do. We are far more likely to drop working around the house and spend time with him than many. Priorites shift when you understand how things could have been.
Than most? Really - most?
Yay for you that your difficulty has shaped how you feel about parenting. But you know what? Miscarriage and IF aren't unique factors to shape a parent's thinking. EVERY mother on these boards brings their own unique history and experiences to motherhood that affect who they are as parents. Sure, priorities shift when you understand loss, but priorities also may shift when you had crappy parents yourself, or when you are a single parent, or when you just are a happy mofo destined for mother of the year.
My kid is a priority at home too. I put playing with her on the floor and tickling her belly and doing puzzles and reading to her at a far higher priority than pretty much anything else I can do at home. But that's not because I had a hard as hell time in getting and staying pregnant, it's because that's just the kind of mother I am.
IF sucks - it affects us -- even long after we have kids, but implying it gives us perspective that other mothers couldn't possibly have is just ignorant. I do think I would have been a b!itch!er pregnant woman had I not gone through hell to get there. That's how my individual experience affected me. That has nothing to do with how anyone else handles themselves. And it is certainly unfair for you to think you have so much more perspective "than most" because of your troubles.
Sorry, IF and miscarriage isn't the end all be all of perspective in parenting.
This. My son was a lucky shot at a time that couldn't have been worse for me individually or my family but he is the favorite grandkid in a way that actually makes me a little sad for the other grandkids because of the discrepancy in the way they are treated and I certainly don't love him differently nor will he be parented drastically differently than this baby that came after 2 losses, one of which was in 2nd tri, and a 320 some day cycle that couldn't even be medically ended.
I didn't say I was a better parent, I was saying that we live far more in the moment than most. My mom is always telling me to cherish the moments with my son, and I have to tell her that I do. We are far more likely to drop working around the house and spend time with him than many. Priorites shift when you understand how things could have been.
Re: Woah - re. the UO below. Want to clear that up...
Some people do piss their education away because someone else is paying for it. Then there are people who cherish and appreciate the gift they've been given by having their parents provide it for them, and work that much harder, because they know that someone else has put a lot of time and effort into providing them with this opportunity.
BTW, I've heard IVF parents complain about pregnancy and their children just as much as parents who conceived naturally.
This is horseshit. I had a m/c in my second trimester, and trust me I didnt need that to happen to know what a blessing pregnancy is. Are you that self centered that the worst needs to happen (either through infertility issues or m/c) to wake up and be grateful??!! or in your words be a better parent?
::Popping In::
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
::Popping Out::
I did IVF multiple times and have multiple miscarriages. Does that give me street cred?!?
In absolutely no way did any of that crap I had to go through have any affect on the kind of Mother I am. I am CERTAIN that my child is loved and cared for as much by me, as she would if I had gotten knocked up naturally. I am also certain if she had reached my arms through adoption, that I would love her just as much. If I had a magic wand I would love to go back in time and have my child without having to go through the hell I did. It wouldn't affect my love for her one bit, I would like to have been spared all that pain, please. IF mommies don't get an extra cookie for having a tougher road.
The journey to become a mother doesn't affect how a mother feels for her kids. To suggest otherwise is ludicrous to me.
Sure, we all come to pregnancy with different experiences and feelings about pregnancy and our situations. Some come to it after previous loss and IF, some come to it easily, but we all have different ideas about pregnancy that shape how we feel. I appreciated the HELL out of my pregnancy with DD but that doesn't mean someone else who got there easily didn't relish their experience as much.
IF babies are special --- but newsflash -- ALL BABIES ARE SPECIAL.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
How does conceiving naturally in a short time frame absolutely mean that the parents didn't have a difficult road or don't appreciate what they have??
We waited over a year to even start trying because of my migraines. We tried a boatload of different medications throughout that year to see if we could find something that was approved for pregnancy and actually helped. Unfortunately, nothing worked and it was a year of pumping my body full of drugs that didn't help and usually came with horrible side effects.
Giving up my meds was such a scary thought to me. I get migraines anywhere from 3-5 times a week so those meds were what I survived off of.
I guess I got "lucky" because we conceived in our first month. Do you have any idea how grateful I was that I knew I only had to survive the next nine months without my meds?!?!? And yep, I've complained like hell because I've been miserable between the migraines and the morning sickness that stayed until about 21 wks. Complaining doesn't make me any less grateful and doesn't mean I love this baby any less.
You have absolutely no clue what other people go through in their journey to conceive and not everyone's journey starts the first month they decide to try. Many couples have hurdles they have to clear before they can even start trying.
I can't believe you would truly love and appreciate your baby less if your journey had been "easy". If that's the case, then I'm glad for your child that you had to go through a "tougher" road to get here.
I believe I saw somewhere that there are several people with crushes on Janimal. I for one would like to join that club.
I am one of the lucky women who did not have to go through issues with IF, but that doesn't mean that I didn't have other personal struggles to get to where I am. Don't demean my journey just because my path wasn't the same.
Thanks for saying this. I had to wean off anti-anxiety/anti-depressant meds before we started trying, and the entire ordeal (getting me off my meds, plus the time/cycles spent trying) was really hard, not to mention knowing that I'm going to be off my meds at least through the birth of my LO and probably longer. The OP isn't the only one who could use reminding that not everyone's TTC efforts begin with actually TTC.
My BFP Chart
Becoming a better role model for my daughter, one day at a time
SEND CASH.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
Lol.
ha! love this.
Seriously?!
I'm just as disgusted in half of these rudea$$ immature comments as I am in the OP to begin with. What a freaking joke. Grow the hell up.
Than most? Really - most?
Yay for you that your difficulty has shaped how you feel about parenting. But you know what? Miscarriage and IF aren't unique factors to shape a parent's thinking. EVERY mother on these boards brings their own unique history and experiences to motherhood that affect who they are as parents. Sure, priorities shift when you understand loss, but priorities also may shift when you had crappy parents yourself, or when you are a single parent, or when you just are a happy mofo destined for mother of the year.
My kid is a priority at home too. I put playing with her on the floor and tickling her belly and doing puzzles and reading to her at a far higher priority than pretty much anything else I can do at home. But that's not because I had a hard as hell time in getting and staying pregnant, it's because that's just the kind of mother I am.
IF sucks - it affects us -- even long after we have kids, but implying it gives us perspective that other mothers couldn't possibly have is just ignorant. I do think I would have been a b!itch!er pregnant woman had I not gone through hell to get there. That's how my individual experience affected me. That has nothing to do with how anyone else handles themselves. And it is certainly unfair for you to think you have so much more perspective "than most" because of your troubles.
Sorry, IF and miscarriage isn't the end all be all of perspective in parenting.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
2 THUMBS UP!!!
Dear god... please just stop!