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TTC After a Loss
sbphotos
member
This post is VENTASTIC and long! (Hugs needed)
sbphotos
member
So here I am sitting at my desk crying. I haven't felt this depressed since our loss in March. I'm so sad and so mad.
Yes, I know AF hasn't shown up yet, and if tomorrow I get a BFP, I'll feel a little silly, but quite honestly I don't think that's going to happen. And the simple fact is, I need some hugs right about now and never has there been a day where I wished that I could just see you all in person. Like a big backyard bbq party or something.
This whole process is SO hard. And so completely unfair. I can't help it that I didn't find the love of my life till I was 37. Now I'm 2 months shy of 39 and I hear this f*cking biological clock booming in my head and it's stressing me out so bad. The BFN this morning tore me up and I just stood in the bathroom crying with the stupid pee stick in my hand.
We all got SO ripped off. All the people who say those loveable phrases "you're most fertile after a miscarriage" or "at least you know you can get pregnant" can all just go jump off a bridge. If this was true we'd all be partying over at Pgal happily taking BPF pics and talking about cribs.
I want so much to just snap out of it, but LOOK AT MY PRETTY CHART!!! I mean WTF?! Other than a little BD after O (which we didn't do because we were tired...dammit) it couldn't look more textbook!
Every month that passes is like torture. I feel like I'm running out of time. I wish I was 10 years younger. Hell, I wish I was 2 years younger.
My heart hurts for every CD1 that I see on this board. Last month I was so hopeful. I really envisioned this humongous BFP wave and now it's like that f*cking movie Groundhog Day. Just another wave of AF and disappointment.
I'm sorry this is so Debbie Downer, but I really needed to get this out.
Thank you for reading and for all being so tremendously awesome.
Here's a basket of muffins for breakfast
Me: 39 DH: 35 - TTC #1 since October 2010
BFP #1 2-1-11 Missed Miscarriage 3-14-11(9 wks)-D&C
BFP #2 9-17-11 EDD 5-29-12
Edward James born 3-14-12 weighing 1lb11oz at 29w1d via c section due to low fluid and growth restriction from crappy placenta.
My BFP Chart
<a href="http://s1088.photobucket.com/albums/i339/sbphotos1/?action=view
BFP #1 2-1-11 Missed Miscarriage 3-14-11(9 wks)-D&C
BFP #2 9-17-11 EDD 5-29-12
Edward James born 3-14-12 weighing 1lb11oz at 29w1d via c section due to low fluid and growth restriction from crappy placenta.
My BFP Chart
<a href="http://s1088.photobucket.com/albums/i339/sbphotos1/?action=viewThis discussion has been closed.
Re: This post is VENTASTIC and long! (Hugs needed)
BIG BIG Hugs!!! I know exactly how you feel... in the last 6 cycles of trying after m/c I've had a few "textbook" charts that have led to the worst depression after resulting in nothing. I really have my FX (and TX) for you that this cycle is it!
everything crossed!
BFP#1 11.2.10 | EDD 7.9.11 | HB 7w2d & 8w4d | missed M/C 11w2d | D&E 12.21.10
FSH at 14.5 - 4.21.11 | CCCT - (CD3 8.8,CD10 12.2)| dx w/ DOR @ 28 yrs old
IUI#1 + clomid 8.29.11 (our anniversary)
BFP#2 9.10.11 | EDD 5.21.12 | beta 1 @ 14dpi:232 | beta 2 @17dpi:703 | beta 3 @24dpi:7,174
Baby A HB of 142(7w), 161(8w), 164(9w) | Baby B no HB, Vanishing Twin
You couldn't have said it any better! ((Hugs))
(((HUGE SQUISHY HUGS)))
I'm so sorry you're having a hard day. I completely agree with you on those stupid sayings people have. I'd be more than happy to give them a little nudge off that bridge! Your chart looks so good, too. I?m especially liking the dip on 8dpo. I still have hope for you! It?s not over till AF...
BFP #2 11/3/10; BO at u/s 10w6d 12/16/10; Natural MC 1/7/11; D&C 4/21/11
BFP #3 10/27/11 Please stick, LO!! 2/6/12 It's a Girl! Alexis Grace born 6/29/12
BFP#4 4/27/14 Stick, stick, stick!! 8/11/14 It's a Boy! Evan Wesley born 1/8/15
"Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow, that is patience." Let it Be (blog) ♥ My BFP Charts
This time I'm not leaving without you.
Aww, sbphotos, you're not alone. I had nearly the same overwhelming emotions this morning.
It's NOT fair that we have to go through this, and it's terrible that the women on this board are bonded by such such awful circumstances.
I'm giving you all the hugs I can spare.
MMC 2.12.11 @ 8w
PVM 5.8.12
GWM 3.17.15
RPM 2.21.19
Thank you so much, everyone. It means the world to me. I knew you would all understand.
EHayes : Love the pic in post! Made me smile
BFP #1 2-1-11 Missed Miscarriage 3-14-11(9 wks)-D&C
BFP #2 9-17-11 EDD 5-29-12
Edward James born 3-14-12 weighing 1lb11oz at 29w1d via c section due to low fluid and growth restriction from crappy placenta.
My BFP Chart
((hugs)) and yes I am so sick and tired of pretty charts.
what about getting Pg immediately, and this is soooo common, and my so-and-so had a loss and now has 19 healthy babies. ugh. why not me?
My heart is as open as the sky.
Read about it on the blog
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
Missa : Extra big hug for you too. Thank you.
Winter: UGH! Right? I hate hearing about so-and-so. So-and-so can go suck it.
BFP #1 2-1-11 Missed Miscarriage 3-14-11(9 wks)-D&C
BFP #2 9-17-11 EDD 5-29-12
Edward James born 3-14-12 weighing 1lb11oz at 29w1d via c section due to low fluid and growth restriction from crappy placenta.
My BFP Chart
I agree 100%. In the reproductive lottery we all have been extremely cheated. Pregnancy=baby for MOST people, why not us?
I am so sorry you are having a tough day. My fingers (and toes!) are crossed for your BFP!
((((HUGSSSSS))))
BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
Too beautiful for this earth
BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
I am so sorry you are feeling this way this morning. (((HUGE HUG))). I know so many of the women here can relate to what you wrote. We are all so lucky to have one another at times like this, but you are so right...it is time for a BFP wave! T&P that this is your cycle.
DD born 4/3/10 BFP 4/9/11 missed mc @10w4d- forever loved
BFP 8/21/11 EDD 4/29/12
Hijoi, Mejin, KJsbabe, Zilly, tm599, DCWJess, Missa, Ehayes, Winter, Tiffany, Carolee, Sweepie
THANK YOU.
In just a few minutes your hugs and kind words have brightened my mood.
Thank you all so much.
BFP #1 2-1-11 Missed Miscarriage 3-14-11(9 wks)-D&C
BFP #2 9-17-11 EDD 5-29-12
Edward James born 3-14-12 weighing 1lb11oz at 29w1d via c section due to low fluid and growth restriction from crappy placenta.
My BFP Chart
There is NOTHING fair about the loss and obstacles we've all had to face. We have all found out that we're stronger than we ever dreamed of, without ever wanting to have to need that kind of strength.
Big ((hugs)) to you.
BFP #1: 6/10/11 Natural m/c 6/20/11
BFP #2: 8/30/11 Vanishing Twin diagnosed at 8 weeks, DS born 5/6/12
BFP #3: 5/24/14 stick, baby, stick! Beta 1 (16dpo): 645, Beta 2 (18dpo): 1652
***ticker/signature warning***
Oh, friend, my heart hurts for you. I hate, hate, HATE that you feel this way. What struck me in your post was the comment of, "well at least you know you can get pregnant." I had someone tell me that, a woman who has had two losses, and I was flabbergasted. To me, if there are issues getting pregnant usually a doctor can help reduce or eliminate those issues. I feel like there's very little to help someone stay pregnant (maybe that's just my ignorance).
I also want you to know I have cousins, friends, and acquaintances who did not find their soul mates until their late 30s, and were able to start families in their late 30s/early 40s/mid 40s. I don't know all of their stories, so I can't say how it happened for them...but I can say it DID happen.
I totes love you!! Big, squishy, huge hugs!!
Justin + Laura 10.18.08
TTC #1 09.10/Dx PCOS 12.10/BFP #1 12.29.10/EDD 9.10.11/Missed m/c 2.3.11/D&C 2.15.11
“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”-Kahlil Gibran
Cycle #1 4.2.11 + Clomid = BFN/Cycle #2 5.9.11 + Clomid + Trigger Shot = TWINS!
Walter Allen and Eleanor Joan 1.15.12
Another baby on the way! 8.25.14
PAL/PGAL Welcome
My TTC Chart
BFP #1 12/13/08 - mc 12/26/08
BFP #2 12/2/09 - emergency surgery for ectopic 12/5/09
<a href="http://s24.photobucket.com/albums/c13/mmperea/Decorated images/?action=view
TOTES love you too. Thank you, Laura.
BFP #1 2-1-11 Missed Miscarriage 3-14-11(9 wks)-D&C
BFP #2 9-17-11 EDD 5-29-12
Edward James born 3-14-12 weighing 1lb11oz at 29w1d via c section due to low fluid and growth restriction from crappy placenta.
My BFP Chart
I'm so sorry that you're going through this.....It's so hard! I think the charts almost make it worse sometimes...they add to the hope that we get in the 2ww. I have had 1 beautiful chart, 1 ugly a$$ chart...and now I guess i'm gonna have no chart..Somethings gotta work for us soon. It's so hard to watch us all try so hard and track everything all to end in a busted cycle!!
I have everything crossed for you and will be praying that tomorrow is that bfp!! Big squishy (((((((hugs))))))))).
::::swipes some muffins and runs:::::
BFP #1 12/30/10 ** EDD: 9/6/11** H/B stopped at 10w 6d conf on 2/22/11 ** D&C 2/24/11.
Congrats to my Labor Buddy LoriJ11, baby Elise born 2/24/12
{BIG HUGS} Thanks for the muffins...hope you get surprised with a BFP
Charts = a blessing and a curse. FO SHO.
You're right though, something has got to work for us soon.
HUG, thank you.
BFP #1 2-1-11 Missed Miscarriage 3-14-11(9 wks)-D&C
BFP #2 9-17-11 EDD 5-29-12
Edward James born 3-14-12 weighing 1lb11oz at 29w1d via c section due to low fluid and growth restriction from crappy placenta.
My BFP Chart
((HUGS)) I'm so sorry you're having a rough day. This whole process is such an emotional roller coaster!
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart"
Our TTC Journey
I'm a mom to my 4 angel babies who were taken from us much to soon!
BFP#1 on 09/29/09 and EP discovered/Left Tube lost on 10/19/09 EDD 06/12/10
BFP# 2 on 03/21/2010 EDD 11/30/10 Natural M/C on 3/27/10
BFP# 3 on 02/14/2011 EDD 10/28/11 Missed M/C discovered 4/19/11 and D&C 4/21/11 On 5/6/11 we found out our Oct Angel was a beautiful little girl
IVF#1=BFP#4 on 8/31/11 EDD 5/12/12 EP discovered and MTX shot given 9/14/ & 9/21 M/C on 10/9/11
IVF#2 and Stims started 12/2 ER 12/16 ET 12/21 transferred two beautiful blastocysts. Please stick LO's! BFP 12/26
Benjamin Matthew Our Little Miracle Born 9/5/2012!
BFP 1/2/14 EDD 9/11/14
Exactly. I feel the same way. This is so hard.
I am so incredibly sorry. I absolutely understand the deadlines. I am praying that you get your BFP this summer and that a BFP wave is on its way!
Danielle
BFP#1 EDD 11/8/11 - MC @ 9w6d, 4/15/11 we said goodbye
BFP#2 DD arrived 5/7/12
BFP #1 07/04/10. EDD 03/14/11. Missed m/c 08/09/10. D&C 09/27/10. }Casey & Jaimie{
TTA for 18 months and then TTC for 12 months
TTA for 7 months
Jan-Mar 2014 - RPL, SHG, karotyping: all results normal
TTC Again May 2014
Progesterone & baby aspirin combo for 5 cycles - All BFN's
SA with DNA fragmentation = Perfect results
Diagnostic cycle monitoring = Polycystic ovaries leading to premature egg release
TTA Oct 2014 - Jan 2015
Jan 2015 - Medicated cycle with timed intercourse
My Blog: The Canadian Housewife PGAL/PAL Welcome My Chart
Thank you shmeell. I appreciate the little bit of hope.
BFP #1 2-1-11 Missed Miscarriage 3-14-11(9 wks)-D&C
BFP #2 9-17-11 EDD 5-29-12
Edward James born 3-14-12 weighing 1lb11oz at 29w1d via c section due to low fluid and growth restriction from crappy placenta.
My BFP Chart
and thank you to
LoriJ11, meeko1985, coreysmomma, yogiwannabe, crystalknpp, jenn0021, mellimo83, jkfranklin, starrynight, chicadelpadre, mrsupgrade, williams and Laura.
I hope you all know how much I appreciate your support and hugs. Truly.
I'm very thankful for this board.
BFP #1 2-1-11 Missed Miscarriage 3-14-11(9 wks)-D&C
BFP #2 9-17-11 EDD 5-29-12
Edward James born 3-14-12 weighing 1lb11oz at 29w1d via c section due to low fluid and growth restriction from crappy placenta.
My BFP Chart
((BIG BIG HUGS))
I'm sorry you're having a bad day.
BFP 9/8/10... D&C 10/18/10
RIP Angel Bear We will always love and miss you xoxo
BFP 10/7/2011; EDD 7/15/12 - STICK BABY STICK!!!!
*HUGS* I'm so sorry, it is frustrating (to put it mildly) and being of AMA makes it that much harder because there isn't this endless stretch of time before us.
I hope you get a BFP in the next day or two, when does FF suggest you test? The fact that your LP is longer than the last one still gives me hope for you *HUGS*HUGS* either way.
BFP #1: 01/16/11. EDD 09/27/11. Molar pregnancy discovered at 11w2d. D&C on 03/11/11 at 11w3d. Confirmed complete molar pregnancy 03/28/11. GTN diagnosed 04/11. Started Act-D 05/06/11. FINALLY a negative beta 06/01/11!!! Cleared by oncologist to TTC in mid-October.
BFP #2: 12/30/11. EDD 09/11/12. MC 01/04/12. I love you always.
Separated 04/12.
Sending you lots of smooshy hugs and GREAT thoughts!!
? to Loss+M/PL+TTCAL+PgAL+PAL
PgAL/PAL welcome
DD#1 9-4-04 *** DD#2 10-15-07
BFP#3 10-25-10 *EDD 7/1/11 * missed m/c @ 13w3d
BFP#4 7-30-11 *EDD 4/8/12 ~ DD#3 born 4/4/12