Title question
MrsS2203
member
Here lately a friend has been on my case about calling DSD my step-daughter. Now I don't do this in front of my DSD but for explanation purposes I refer to her as such. I love her as my own and I don't want her or the baby to get any different treatment. Mainly I use DSD because when DH and I started dating many people were uptight about me saying my daughter/kid.
On a more personal note I call her my DSD because if not I would have been a mother at 17ish. Now I understand people have kids at a young age but not I. Also, DH and I have dealt with infertility(female factor) so if I were to say I have 2 kids people would be a little confused.
I guess I'm asking is it wrong to use DSD? When she lives with us on a more permanent basis should I just drop explaining she's my DSD? Just looking for opinions...thanks!
Re: Title question
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
I have a stepfather who has never called me or my siblings anything but his kids. I call him dad and he introduces me as his daughter. This always made me feel really good and loved. It did not take anything away from my bio dad either who I loved and felt loved by. When people learned that step dad wasn't bio dad, they sometimes had issues with it (why I can't imagine). It never bothered us though. Now that I am a SM, I always introduce my SSs as my sons. I think it makes them feel the same way it made me feel when I was young. They know I am not BM but it makes them feel good to know I love them like they are my own.
Why does your friend care so much to be on your case about it? That's a little ridiculous.
There is nothing wrong with calling her your step daughter in the appropriate settings. That's what she is. If you have a good relationship with your SD, and she and your DH understands why you would do that when you do that, then that's all that matters.
I'd just not call her your SD in front of your friend.
How old is your SD? Is she old enough for you to have a conversation with her about it? I think I would just ask how she would like you to refer to her. If she?s not old enough to have that discussion then I would do whatever feels right for you. Technically she IS your SD so it?s not like you?re being ugly about it or anything. Oh, and why is your friend so concerned about it? To me unless your SD, DH or yourself are upset with how you?re doing things then her opinion is not only unnecessary but unwanted.
DSD is seven years old going on thirty...
! I've had the discussion that she can call me whatever she feels is best. She usually calls me by my name, I have no problem with this. I dunno, I guess my thoughts are if she goes around calling me my name people will know she is my stepchild.
My friend is coming from a good heart. She is saying step-daughter/son is bad because it differentiates between her and the baby. I could see this being a problem if I had intentions of treating DSD differently,but I don't(nor would I).
I'm a step-child as well and even though I was referred to as the SD I didn't feel unloved/different.
Thanks for the opinions!
I usually tell people SD (8) is my daughter. But I always introduce her mom as her mom. You're not trying to take anyone's place, and it doesn't sound like SD feels unwanted. I would say call her what you're comfortable calling her.
Ehh....ignore your friend.
When I am talking about the SS and DD in general, I will say things such as "DH and I are taking the kids to the zoo" or even "I have to pick up my kid, when specificially talking about SS". But when I introduce him, it is always with SS.
And I have never called SD anything but SD, because I too would have had to been young to have had her.
Not because I care about them any less...but because the subsequent clarifications are just bothersome.
I have always called them my SKs because that is what they are.
People need to get over the ugly they put on the step word. It isn't all bad. SD10 said this weekend her BFF didn't understand why she was so close to me since all SMs are mean. I told SD10 and her BFF that she has watched too many movies and no matter how a family is blended there is still tons of love. I think Cinderella did us all in!!!
Ha!! I agree! My mother tells a story of me when I was about 3 and was mad at her for something. I called her the ugliest name I could think of..."you STEP MOTHER!!" I didn't even know any blended families so that was all from children's literature!
For me, it depends on the situation. Nine times out of 10, I call SS my "son" or "kid" etc... I was 14 when he was born, I still look pretty young too, and have gotten nasty looks, but why should I care if people want to judge?!?
In cases where it's something his mom may be involved in as well (or someone knows that I'm not mom), I'll say SS, but it's rare, really. I do this mostly because I want SS to understand that while to me, he is nothing less than my son, I want to make sure he knows I'm not trying to replace his mom. Does that make sense?
When I do say "son", SS has never corrected me, and has never seemed uncomfortable by it. If at any point he did, I wouldn't say it.