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"Standard visitation" schedule (Long)

CPA04CPA04
in Single Parents

STBXH is trying to tell me that the "standard" visitation schedule is EOW, one night a week, a week at holidays, and 3 straight weeks during the summer.  He's full of it right?  I have NEVER heard of any sort of basic standard that includes 2-3 weeks straight with the noncustodial parent, especially when LO is so young.

His Proposal:

EOW: Friday night - Sunday evening (he moved 2 hours away from us, so this would cause DS to miss dinner and bedtime Friday night due to being on the road & would completely screw with his eating/sleeping schedule)

4 days at holidays (we would alternate actual holiday dates, but he would have DS for 4 days on the week before/after my holidays to celebrate with his family-if that makes sense)

2 straight weeks next summer and 3 straight weeks every summer after that.

He also said that he plans to work many Saturday mornings (by choice) the weekends he has DS.

May I remind you:

-He is on an alcohol monitoring anklet because he showed up intoxicated to a probation meeting a few weeks after he got the anklet off the previous time

-He does not have a drivers' license, nor will he for the next 5 years

-He has had 17 alcohol related arrests, including 4 DUI's (he's only 27)

-He has moved back into his parents in his home town where no one thinks he has a drinking problem and where everyone will fully enable him to drive illegally and drink.  It's a small, backwoods, redneck town where everyone drinks like fish, including his family.

-I have serious doubts about his ability to stay sober once the anklet comes off (he hasn't proven he can stay sober other than a 6 month stint in 2008), but I don't know how to handle that when it comes to a long distance visitation arrangement.

-DS has not spent an overnight with him since he relapsed last winter.

Thoughts?  I recognize that I'm very overprotective of DS and the "what if's" regarding STBXH faltering again and disappearing from his life, so I want your take on whether his schedule is actually reasonable and I need to relax a little, but also what you would propose given the facts, logistics, and LO's age.

Thanks in advance - your feedback always gives me great things to think about and consider before I make such important decisions for DS.

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Re: "Standard visitation" schedule (Long)

  • leepinlizzardsleepinlizzards
    That sounds like a pretty standard visitation for a child over 18 months.  Younger than that doesn't sound right.  Check online as a lot of states now put statues online and visitation is covered in them.  And as always, contact your lawyer.
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  • PrettyInPearls23PrettyInPearls23 member
    Where I live, the "standard" for children under 2 years old is:
     
    • EOW with one overnight (Fri-Sat or Sat-Sun)
    • One or two mid-week evening visitations
    • Two weeks of vacation in the summer months
    • Holidays are alternated, with no extended visitation around them (ex: Christmas is a holiday and the days before and/or after aren't considered in the holiday schedule until the child is of school age)
     
    The idea is that, at this age, it makes more sense for  LO to see their non-custodial parent more frequently for less duration. As the child gets older, the visits become less frequent, but for longer periods of time.
     
    Your STBXH has quite an extensive record, and that will help you if you choose to fight parenting time. The courts will not grant extensive parenting time to someone who has an alcohol problem. Have you been documenting how much your LO has seen STBXH since you two split? The courts also consider that as well.
     
    GL!

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  • ShanJosh777ShanJosh777 member
    I think it sounds standard, other than the 3 weeks in the summer. My attorney told me that typically people do 2 non-consecutive weeks in the summer. Three straight weeks is a long time I think.
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  • DarthNBJenniDarthNBJenni
    Ours is like that, except 4 weeks during the summer. Two non-consecutive weeks, and one block of 2 consecutive weeks. A week at Christmas, a week at Easter, and every Friday/Monday holiday weekend. 

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  • DarthNBJenniDarthNBJenni
    I should also say that I even gave my ex-h more custodial time, because I knew it would be in the best interest of the girls to know their dad. He lives a mile away, and sees them maybe one night a month, possibly two. He never takes his mid-week visitation, has never taken them for Easter or Christmas break, and laughed when I asked him to pick his 4 weeks for summer visitation. So...maybe your ex-h will be too busy drinking to visit.

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