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Working Moms
KTSmithKing
member
Baby-sitter Issue...I'm not being unreasonable, right?!
KTSmithKing
member
in Working Moms
My LO is 6 days old. When we found out we were pregnant, we immediately asked our next door neighbor to be our sitter. She keeps a few kids during the day, and we trust her very much (we've lived next door to her for 3 years).
She came over to visit the other night, and during the course of conversation we talked about her price, what Mallory would need for her house, etc. I was fine with everything. However, she then mentioned that since I would be taking Mallory over to her at 7:00am (I teach school in another county and have to be there by 7:25), she would need to take Mallory with her when she took her 9th grade son to school--not only that, but that she would also have another baby with her at the time, and that I would need to purchase another carseat base. She took her son to school last year, but he was in middle school and could be there earlier. Now he can't be at school until 7:30. My husband is a 3rd shift police officer, and doesn't get home until 8 am most days, so I can't leave Mal with him and he can't take the son to school.
I don't want to ruin the relationship with this neighbor, but #1 I have seen her drive and she is not very careful...#2 When we picked her we had no idea she would want to drive Mallory around...#3 She is basically using the time she is supposed to be watching my daughter for a personal errand (her kid rides the bus home from school, so we don't know why she has to take him to school).
If we decide to go with someone else, we're not being unreasonable, are we? Any advice?
Thanks!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Baby-sitter Issue...I'm not being unreasonable, right?!
The biggest reason I dropped my first in-home daycare provider was because she was constantly running errands, toting my kid (and any others in her care) along with her. She took her parents to doctor's appointments, her dog to get groomed, went grocery shopping, took her kids to their sports activities, etc. She also didn't know anything about the 5-year limit on carseats and couldn't tell me how old the carseat was that my daughter was riding around in.
In other words, I completely understand your not wanting to leave your daughter with the neighbor. I would simply explain that while you appreciate her willingness to take care of your daughter, you're not comfortable with the daily car rides and you'd rather find someone else.
I'd find someone else. And just be gently honest w/ her. I would just chalk it up to "new mom nervousness" and say that when you had asked her to be your sitter, you didn't realize the conflict between the two schedules. You SOOO appreciate her trying to work around it and take DD on, but that you just weren't expecting her to drive DD anywhere and in all honesty - you're just not ready yet to have anyone else drive her places yet.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
If it bothers you, then make the decision now before you get into a mess.
What you have written though, it doesn't sound like the caregiver is being unreasonable. Providing a carseat base seems like your responsibility if your LO will be with her in the car.
As far as her not being very careful in the car, ask her for her driving record. It is a reasonable thing if your LO is to be in the car with her.
Any caregiver is likely to be doing 'personal' errands in a homebased setting. She might be preparing meals in the evening or cleaning or doing laundry or whatever. Particularly with a wee one. It's not like she is going to sit and stare at her all day.
Why not spend a day or so with your neighbour now and see how the show runs. Don't forget, you are only 6 days out. Everything is very, very new and your emotions are no doubt running high. I'd be delighted if a next door neighbour was available for daycare, personally. Many factors would make that a good scenario. But if you feel antsy about it, nip it in the bud.
This. It's a very tactful and polite way of saying what you need to say.
I've used the same in-home daycare provider for 2 years, and she drives my DD around with her frequently, and I am 100% fine with that. They go to the zoo, the water park, the jumpy-house place, she drops her DD off at pre-school 2 days/week, etc. She is a very good driver, she drives a safe car, and is diligent with carseat safety. I'm not worried in the slightest about her driving my DD.
If you're not ok with that, find a new provider.
ITA.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
Hmmm, I think that if you are looking for an in home provider that will not be doing any personal business during the day then you might be set up for disappointment. I do agree that you are paying for a service and that your child should be getting good care, but honestly a trip to the school to make a drop off is not unreasonable IMO. I had this same question with my in home provider and at first thought the way you did - I am paying you to take care of my child you should not be doing anything but paying attention to my child - but honestly I don't know that you will find any IHP that does this. Additionally I have to say that some of the 'trips' my dcp went on which were only when necessary - were stimulating for DD. She loved the car, loved to be outside, etc. In the end, this actually was a positive for me. If it were me (and I say that repeatedly in this post - this is just my opinion) I would come to terms with what you are comfortable with and go from there. I would seek out new care and see if you can find someone that meets your expectations - are there providers out there that will 100% pay attention to your child and not do other things. I also try to look at it as what is the environment like at home. If DD was home all day there would/is a balance of paying attention to her and independent play while other things happen. I do realize you are paying for a service, but I really think that IHP's are not in this JUST to take care of children but partly for the convenience factor.
One thing you might consider is looking at centers. That way you know your child won't go anywhere and they will have constant care. However, the downside of this is they are more regimentated and there are many providers so continuity of care is not there.
Figure out what your epectations are and before giving up on this neighbor see if you can find what you really want and go from there.
I don't think it's unreasonable at all. I think the conflict in schedule provides a nice cover for the real reason if you aren't comfortable saying that it's the driving.
My DS is going on 3 and he has never been in a car the was being driven by anyone other than me or my DH....ever. I've gotten many the side-eye from my family, but I don't care. My kid, my rules. I hope that I'll be ready to give that up by the time he starts elementary school. LOL
I agree with this. We go to a center but from what I hear, most in home providers do a certain amount of errands or driving with their charges. I don't think it's a bad thing bc it can be stimulating and later a learning oppty. In this area, it's kind of a trade off bc centers are much more expensive.