last name vent

btj357 · June 2011

I was previously engaged to the baby's father and we had a huge fight and broke up. A week later i found out i was pregnant. After I had told him he was very supportive and we worked things out and are dating again. Because of the past I'm very hesitant about giving the baby his last name. Mainly because he'd hide talking with other girls from me, he would go out with girls while i'd be at our house. He cheated on me multiple times a year ago. I personally do not see us getting married now after the past, so i would like my daughter to have my name and just change it if we get married. Well after i told his mother i was giving the baby my last name she through a fit, she yelled at me because i'm not letting his first baby have his name. She's been trying to guilt trip me into changing my mind. Anybody else have similar issues?

lvisser · June 2011

Personally, I would never give my children their fathers lastname unless we were married.

But thats just me.

MzB2308 · June 2011

Im not going through this, but If I was in this situation that LO would have my last name too & his mother can get lost..

SweetNSavory · June 2011

I wouldn't do it. You don't have to be with him just because you're pregnant. You're wasting time with someone you don't want to be with.

varkeyr · June 2011

My sister never gave the father of her first child his name. He was such slime. Later she never regretted it.

Julia_JJ · June 2011

If he cheated on you and you don't see yourself marrying him - why are you dating him again? Move on.

GPickles · June 2011

I would give LO your last name. My sister gave her LO the fathers last name and now she regrets it very much.

KtotheYtotheM · June 2011

lvisser:
Personally, I would never give my children their fathers lastname unless we were married.

But thats just me.

I agree with this, as you say if you do end up getting married (hopefully far down the road) you can always change it then. His "mommy" doesn't get a vote. I wouldn't even take her seriously.

AbJams · June 2011

End the relationship, give the baby your last name, get a court ordered child support and visitation schedule.

Seriously, you don't need that asshat in your life, nor his mother.

HappyAardvark · June 2011

Sounds like your ex/babydaddy hasn't earned the right to give your child his last name. And his meddling troublemaking mother can go pack sand. Why are you even talking to her?

ludicrous · June 2011

There is no way I would give her his last name and his mother does not get a vote.

MrsG.060708 · June 2011

AbJams:

End the relationship, give the baby your last name, get a court ordered child support and visitation schedule.

Seriously, you don't need that asshat in your life, nor his mother.

All of this! Why would you want to be with someone who has repeatedly cheated on you and who you can't trust? Ditch him, move on, and give the baby YOUR last name.

MrsMeMo · June 2011

lvisser:
Personally, I would never give my children their fathers lastname unless we were married.

But thats just me.

THIS 100%. Even if I were engaged, unless we started trying early for whatever reason. No "baby daddy" last names in my book.

starla-dear · June 2011

No similar issues, but why would you give your child his last name if you are not married, or ever plan to be? Why are you letting his mother have any say in this at all?

And why are you dating someone you would never see yourself staying with?

This post is confusing me. You are really wasting your time with a man you don't want to be with, but dating just because you are pregnant. And even if it is/were 'mainstream' (for lack of a better description) to give any child their father's name whether married or not--it doesn't sound like this guy is even worthy of that honor.

lucky81089 · June 2011

Oh my goodness, girl! Don't fall for that crap! My (now) DH and I had our first baby while we were dating. I was pretty positive we were going to get married and we even made it official when he proposed 7 months into the pregnancy. We didnt get married until DD was 2.5yrs. I did not give her his last name when she was born. To this day she does not have his last name (mostly because I'm too lazy to go change it), but I do not regret my decision for one second. You never know how life will work out. You can change it to his last name if he proves himself a "daddy" and not just a "baby daddy". You will regret it if you cave on this.

lucky81089 · June 2011

Oh my goodness, girl! Don't fall for that crap! My (now) DH and I had our first baby while we were dating. I was pretty positive we were going to get married and we even made it official when he proposed 7 months into the pregnancy. We didnt get married until DD was 2.5yrs. I did not give her his last name when she was born. To this day she does not have his last name (mostly because I'm too lazy to go change it), but I do not regret my decision for one second. You never know how life will work out. You can change it to his last name if he proves himself a "daddy" and not just a "baby daddy". You will regret it if you cave on this. Good luck with everything!

scarlettoctober · June 2011

If you were in a GOOD relationship and didn't want to get married, I'd suggest hyphenating your names. Since he's an azz that you see no future with, I'd give the baby your last name. It will be much easier on you to have the same last name for doctor's appointments, school forms and the like.

alexvause · June 2011

Julia_JJ:
If he cheated on you and you don't see yourself marrying him - why are you dating him again? Move on.

this.

jonnygurl76 · June 2011

i wouldn't give my baby any other name than my own if i wasn't married.

and it has nothing to do with HIS mother--she can go scratch.

SiannaBees · June 2011

I would not let her guilt trip you at all. If things didn't work out once, things could definitely not work out again. If by chance you maybe got married down the line then you could change it if you wanted to.

getnmarried910 · June 2011

lvisser:

Personally, I would never give my children their fathers lastname unless we were married.

But thats just me.

This.

NoodleM · June 2011

Personally, if a man were to cheat on me he'd be out of my life forever. There is no forgiving, as he made that choice. I believe once a cheater, always a cheater. I do not disrespect myself enough to stay with a man who would disrespect me that way.

Save your sanity and break up with him. Give your child your last name as it will most likely be you who is doing all the raising. Ask for child support, he needs to be responsible for his child.

I know I repeated a lot of what others said, but I hope you listen to each and every reply as they all mean well and have a lot of truth in them.

thetheisens · June 2011

My son has my ex's last name. My son does spend lots of time with his dad, but I can not stand him (he purposely makes my life hell sometimes). If I could go back I would not have given him his dad's last name. In fact, I wouldn't even put him on the birth certificate. Hind sight is 20/20 though!

blu-eyedwife · June 2011

Here's the thing - I completely agree with every pp in this thread, but something you want to think about now is that you're going to have people throwing shitfits about your decisions regarding your child from here on out. Your mom, his mom, well meaning friends and relatives. It's REALLY important that you stand your ground on your beliefs, no matter what anyone else thinks or how upset they get.

kymberleyd22 · June 2011

I guess I'm the minority on this post. While I completely agree with pp about giving your LO your last name, my reasons are strictly bc hes cheated and has not proved man enough to be in a relationship, let alone become a father. Now, here comes my minority response. As far as giving a child someones unmarried si's last name, I see no problem with this so long as they have shown they are ready to take on that responsibility. While I have never been in that situation, my little bro has. His ex is a complete B, and I would have been FURIOUS, as would several others had she given my nephew her last name. My bro stepped up from the moment they found out she was pg. he is an amazing father, deserves to have his son carry on his name.

hanna mae · June 2011

my oldest dd has her father's last name. i wouldn't change my decision on it. however, i didn't have someone trying to force their opinion on me either. good luck with standing your ground. i'm sure it wont be easy. the good news is, she can't do a thing about it... and the worst that can happen, he wont sign the birth certificate.

Ritzy19 · June 2011

SweetNSavory:
I wouldn't do it. You don't have to be with him just because you're pregnant. You're wasting time with someone you don't want to be with.

I agree.

forensicmama · June 2011

Considering your rocky past and his penchant for infidelity, I most certainly wouldn't give my child his last name unless we were married.

kristenina · June 2011

HappyAardvark:
Sounds like your ex/babydaddy hasn't earned the right to give your child his last name. And his meddling troublemaking mother can go pack sand. Why are you even talking to her?

This! She doesn't get a vote. Some people are super tied into tradition, and some people are just selfish and feel entitled. Either way, she should take it up with her son, not you. You're not the one who cheated, and if she wants any connection with her grandchild, she should be scrambling to stay in your good graces, not shaming you for standing up for yourself. Tell her to take a hike.

BFab11 · June 2011

Ok I'm wondering why you're together if you don't even want to give the baby his last name and don't see yourself having a lasting commitment to him?

It's not his mom's baby and not her place. I can see why she'd be upset, and of course she's going to be on her son's side, but it's your baby and your decision. What does the dad think about the baby not having his name? Does he get your reasoning?

amberdrabik · June 2011

I wouldn't be with him again or give my child his last name.

seashell_83 · June 2011

AbJams:

End the relationship, give the baby your last name, get a court ordered child support and visitation schedule.

Seriously, you don't need that asshat in your life, nor his mother.

I agree completely!! I wish my SO's sons mother had done this because then he'd have rights to his son and visitation. His sons mother cheated on him while she was pg and married the guy and gave his son her new hubbies last name.

You don't have to be with the guy just because you are pg, if you really love him and think he wont do the same BS then by all means, give it a try ut don't stay with him for the baby. Who gives a flying pig about his mother?! You do what you feel is best for you and LO.

My SO and I are not married yet because his work doesn't offer insurance until right before i'm due and if we get married I'll lose the insurance I have. It sucks cus we really want to be married before LO gets here but not sure how it'll happen seeing as insurance is quite a big deal when pg. I'm giving our baby my SO's last name but that's just me and our situation is much different than yours. Do what is best for you and LO and I wish you the best of luck!!

capulet · June 2011

Your SO doesn't get naming rights just for being the sperm donor. If he proves himself to be a real father and not just the guy who knocked you up, then you can change your LO's name later.

My nephew's last name is after his father, with whom my sister has no relationship (although I think they stayed together for a while after he was born), and I have always found it odd, because she's basically raised him by herself, with some help from my dad, his entire life. She has a good relationship with her ex's family, and my nephew spends a lot of time with them, but I still think because his dad has been absent for most of his childhood, he should have his mom's last name. That's IMO though; I'm not sure it bothers her as it does me.

Emily513 · June 2011

From personal experience, I would not give your child his last name if you're not married. If you two do end up married someday, you can always change LO's last name to his (and yours at that point). My DS is from a previous relationship and I gave him his biological father's last name. I wish I hadn't because his bio-dad is hardly in his life anymore, and he won't let my husband adopt him. Good luck with this tough decision!

sweetpealee · June 2011

Julia_JJ:
If he cheated on you and you don't see yourself marrying him - why are you dating him again? Move on.

This.

KrisM86 · June 2011

I am giving LO my SO's last name, but we are engaged and have planned the wedding.

I would never give my LO someone else's name unless we were married or engaged.

Fianschneid · June 2011

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. Your boyfriend's mother doesn't get a vote. If the guilt trips are getting too obnoxious, stop talking to her. You have to raise this baby, not her.

mrsdugger · June 2011

I never get why mother's who don't talk to the father or the father refuses to be involved give the child his last name. I know this isn't exactly your case, but I feel you carried her for 40 long weeks, you're going to love and nurture her without question...it's YOUR choice. His mother could bite me anyway, I'd only eve bother discussing it with him. If later he proves himself and you decide to get married then of course you could both change your last name. If you're really torn you could hyphenate the two last names and put yours first so it tends to get used more. Either way it should be what you want.

vanessa11411 · June 2011

Don't do it! I gave DD her dads last name thinking we were getting married since we were engaged. It never happened (thank god) and it just makes everything complicated. I always have to correct the school when they call me Mrs. Curtis. I got married in January and now have a different last name but DD says she doesn't feel like she's part of the family since she is the only one without the Jimenez last name. She wants to change it but I told her she can't make that decision right now and her dad might get his feelings hurt.

I wish I woul dhave just chosen my last name for her and then changed it to my current last name now that I am married.

Christine&Mario · June 2011

His mom has no say. Life will be much easier for you if your baby has your last name.

chankins14 · June 2011

My mom & dad were never married but he was a constant in my life from the very beginning. I asked my mom why I didn't have my dad's last name & she told me very simply that I have her last name because I came from her. Makes sense to me now, too. My son has my last name. It just so happens that I changed my last name to my husbands when we got married.

Want a personalized experience?

last name vent

Re: last name vent

Choose Another Board

Search Boards