Boyfriends daughter is very very upset

Re: Boyfriends daughter is very very upset

• hterry85 member

  June 2011

  Does a 10 year old really use the word disgusted?

  Or a fb account without supervision? (I know some do...)

  Do you think it could have been the BM on her account?

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• Mama2be177

  June 2011

  She is not supposed to use FB anymore. At least that is what her mother told me. (who i must say is not happy either since she is still in love w/him.)  We have been together for over three years now too.  My gut is telling me that she did not write that either.  I really want him to get to the bottom of this but it is such a touchy topic with him I don't know how to go about it. 

  

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• BareBethC

  June 2011

  I would recommend that the two of you sit her down and talk to her about it, but not in a way that's like, you're getting a talking to and you better straighten out. More so just show her how happy and excited you are, and how excited and proud she should be to be a big sister, and try to get her involved. Encouraging her to bond with the baby I think is best, and she might still have a hard time until the baby is born, but things will probably get better after that. She's at that perfect age where she can help out with holding/feeding the baby and stuff, and activities like that are what are really going to help her bond with her little sister or brother.

  Best of luck and congrats on your pregnancy!

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• +j+k+

  June 2011

  hterry85:

  Does a 10 year old really use the word disgusted?

  Or a fb account without supervision? (I know some do...)

  Do you think it could have been the BM on her account?

   A 10 year old should not have a facebook account. And even if the BM says she should not be using it - she AND the boyfriend (BF) are not doing a very good job at monitoring their daughter and enforcing the rules.  I see bigger issues than a pre-teen child crying about a future baby sister or brother - WHICH in my opinion is the only normal, not too unsuprising behavior in this scenario.

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• Mama2be177

  June 2011

  +j+k+:

  hterry85:

  Does a 10 year old really use the word disgusted?

  Or a fb account without supervision? (I know some do...)

  Do you think it could have been the BM on her account?

   A 10 year old should not have a facebook account. And even if the BM says she should not be using it - she AND the boyfriend (BF) are not doing a very good job at monitoring their daughter and enforcing the rules.  I see bigger issues than a pre-teen child crying about a future baby sister or brother - WHICH in my opinion is the only normal, not too unsuprising behavior in this scenario.

   

  Well her being upset, upset's me very much.  And TO ME that is the most important issue right now.  I care about her feelings tremendously!

  

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• angelame1979

  June 2011

  I would sit down and talk to her very compassionatly and try to involve her in as much of the process as you can.  I know my SD (14) loved going to DR's appt with me to hear the heartbeat etc.  Also have her help you pick out stuff for the room etc.  That might help a bit.  At the same time, don't let her ruin your joy.  She is going to have to get over it and she can either help and have fun with it or be a stick in the mud.  I am going to venture a guess that a lot of it is BM talking. 

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• +j+k+

  June 2011

  The Facebook issue may not be so far removed from your issue here.  The problem I see is that if the parents are allowing a 10 year old to have a facebook page, you are giving her all kinds of adult leniencies that a child her age is not emotionally or mentally ready for. 

  You also appear to be letting her normal behavior get to you way more than you should be. She's 10.  She's entitled to be upset that her daddy is having a baby with his girlfriend and not her mother.  That's pretty typical in situations like this. 

  You want to know what to do? Your boyfriend should talk to her (preferably in person and not on facebook) - like she's 10. Hear her out, let her know she's loved and will be loved just as much and that you want her to be a part of this experience and be a wonderful big sister.  Be consistent. Be caring. Let her know it's okay to feel what she's feeling, but that it will all be okay.  Don't give it more power or energy than it needs. If you make it into a big deal and get all upset that she's upset and she sees that...guess what...she learns that she can play you.  If you act calm, secure, honest, and handle it with grace, and go about your pregnancy while involving her in a healthy way in the experience, she'll pick up on that vibe and adjust just fine.

  And get her off of facebook.  She needs to be a kid and feel like daddy's little girl right now.

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• FutureMrsWittig member

  June 2011

  Your boyfriend needs to talk to her.  He needs to tell her that it is okay to be upset, if that is what she feels, but it is not okay to say hurtful, hateful things because she is upset.   And he needs to let her mother know she is using the facebook account that she isn't supposed to be using so they can deal with that together, as her parents.

  Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.

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• Mama2be177

  June 2011

  Thank you for all your help ladies.  Come to find out his daughter does not even have her password for FB.  So it HAD to be the BM!!  Oh man....I can't wait to talk to her.  She is soooo phony to my face.  Spineless BIA$$

  

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