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Stay at Home Moms
Jealousy
Are you jealous of anyone in your life? Friend, sister, coworker, whatever? How do you handle that?
In general, what do you think jealousy implies about the person that is jealous. How do you see the difference between jealousy and envy?
(For me I thought that jealousy was wanting what someone has and not wanting them to have it. Envy was wanting what they have but not caring if they have it too).
ETA: In general, it seems that jealousy is a very immature emotion/behavior. However we are all human. I am trying to decide if a feeling I have is jealousy or dislike. I am wrestling with this, clearly, and am not happy that I even have these feelings!
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Re: Jealousy
I thought jealous is when you are concerned someone is going to take something of yours and envious is when you want something someone else has. But I certainly could be wrong.
Need to hang with DD, but I will reply more to this later.
I would say jealous is wishing you had what someone else has and being upset at them for having it, and you not having it (which yeah...I guess that would mean you don't want them to have it) And envious is you wanting what they have, but not caring if they have it too. So yeah - I think we are in agreement.
I would say I am rarely jealous or envious. I've always been very positive, counted my blessings, ect. I'm very thankful for what I have. That said....
Now that the prospect of more money is dangling in front of our faces (good jobs DH has applied for) it seems all I can think about is what we DON'T have right now. I'm constantly thinking, "if he gets this job we can buy this or go there or do this thing that we'd never otherwise be able to do" blah blah blah blah. I feel like I'm seeing an envious side come out and feeling like I'm not thankful for what we have.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that you're not alone.
Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder
I envy DH for getting to have adult interaction all day and a career. He envies me all the time I spend with our girls. We talk about it and laugh because the grass is always greener.
I have a neighbor who seems like she wants people to envy her - she's pretty narcissistic though. It's kind of hard to explain but she does brag a lot. I think in her case she's just very insecure.
Am I jealous of anyone? Honestly, not really. Unless they take 3-4 vacations a year, then I'm jealous:)
I think I often times confuse jealousy with something else. Like last year when both SILs got to go with MIL on a trip to Cozumel. I was jealous they got to go, but I also didn't think it was fair.
Anyway, I think jealousy is wanting something someone else has and that I could probably have too. I think of envy as thinking what someone has is nice, but it's not really something I would necessarily desire (such as the envy of the space in my friend's minivan, but I don't want a minivan).
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
I'm not sure what the difference is between jealousy and eny. Hm.
I'm not really a jealous person, I'm really happy with my life and feel like I have a great balance overall.
Lately some things that have made me jealous:
My friend bought a HUGE gorgeous house in a wonderful neighborhood for dirt cheap (but her DH cheats on her and she is miserably married, but "is ready for a house and kids" so stays married to him, and is TTC now...). Anyway, I'm jealous when I think of their house, but I would 1000% rather have my awesome DH than be married to her scumbag.
Lately some of my mommy-friends have been buying huge awesome play structures for their back yards, and I've been feeling some jealousy because our yard looks like crap and we don't have the money to buy one. But then I remind myself that their kids are turning 3 now, and my DD is only 2, and we have plenty of time to put a nice play structure in next summer if we want to.
Most of my jealousies are house-related, because we are upside-down on our mortgage and stuck here for a few more years. I spent probably 6 months last year being really pissed about this fact, but in the last 6-8 months I've been really trying to improve my house and make it more of what we want it to be. We've been spening alot of money on maintenance stuff and landscaping, but we are a lot happier now with our house.
Jealousy is a funny emotion. It is one i usually do not have- however I do have a aquaintance that is just so carefree (and quite frankly irresponsible)- she just travels internationally and bums around country to coutry and skiis. However she blows through jobs and bounces around (she is 50- not married- in a relationship with no kids)
So its not really jealousy per se- because I would never want to be 50 unmarried and no kids with no real job. However her Facebook status updates always brings a twinge of jealousy- last night she was at the Jimmy Buffet concert- 'living it up' posting pics of her drinking and having a blast- while I was putting the babies to sleep, haven't eaten all day and had about 10hrs of work I needed to catch up on-
Meh.
no- not in the slightest! I was thinking (not exactly about this) yesterday, that I think my life is "perfect;" but I bet plenty of people would laugh at me for thinking that (we aren't rich, we don't jet-set, we don't even live in a single family home- I just love my life as is, God willing it stays this way) :-)
That being said, I can *get* jealous where DH is concerned. Not insanely jealous, but he has a "work wife" (or had I should say, he's been too busy to talk to her too much anymore), and sometimes I get/got jealous that he can have 20-30 minutes of gossip/chat time with her at work without scheduling a babysitter LOL. The boundaries are there so I have no reason to get jealous (they don't talk about anything serious, mostly office gossip and light home life stuff, and don't hang out outside of work unless it's a group outing, etc). I also get jealous that DH gets to shower, pee and poop by himself hahahahahaha.
I have been both jealous and envious. It is not one of my better traits and I try very hard to count my blessings.
To me, jealousy is when someone has something that you either think you deserve, you earned, or they do not deserve. You may not want them to not have it, but you want it for yourself, too. In this case, I have a family member who followed the same career path as myself. We graduated undergrad at about the same time with the same general degree. Our specialties were different, but the majority of people would agree that my specialty was more skilled while hers was bigger in fluff (in fact, it no longer exists as a specialty). The same goes for our Masters degrees. However, in our careers, things just seem to fall at her feet. She literally fell into a wonderful position with amazing pay, benefits, and job security. Even when things don't seem like they are going to work out for her, they miraculously just do. In the meantime, I am in a crappy job with low pay, poor benefits, poor working conditions, and the constant threat of lay-off. Just when things look like they will work out great, the incompetence of my administration shines through and rarely falls in my favor (even when they have admitted their own mistake). Needless to say, I get jealous. I have made efforts to improve my job, but to no avail. It then leads into the lives we can live and afford. It does not help that she is not the nicest of people and our family is close, so I can't really escape the comparisons by other family members.
As for envy, I think that is wanting something that someone has, but not begrudging them. I have a sibling who is highly successful. She has a great job, nice house, nice car, and adventurous vacations. She has earned her successes through the choices she made and really hard work. At the same time, she is still the goofy, fun-loving, and supportive sister I have always known. I also know her struggles which keep her humble. While I am sometimes envious of the things she is able to do, I would not trade our lives. I only wish her the very best in her future.
This!
I think I envy my about to be step sister...she is a little girl so it is slightly pathetic. But my dad has grown up so much since he met his FI. He is much more patient and caring now then when I was a kid. I love my dad and we have a great relationship as adults. But I do sometimes morn the fact that my parents fought constantly, my dad worked over time and missed everything, and he was quick to be annoyed. He is not like that now, he goes to all her school stuff and I guess now that I see what a great dad he is to her I feel envy that I missed out on that as a kid. I want her to have a happy childhood for sure! But I wish he would have been there for me like that... sometimes it hurts and I feel immature for feeling that way.
I don't necessarily think I feel jealousy often, I like for those around me to be happy. But envy is natural, I do tend to get it about emotional things instead of material I think...
In general, I would not consider myself a jealous person. I have everything I want in life. Sure, some more free time would be nice. Or more shoes.
But nothing crazy. I have a good husband, beautiful kids, nice house. And I'm really grateful for the weather we've been having lately. 
Sunshine makes me extra happy.
The person I'm thinking of is a family member, on my husband's side. Her and her husband are in our lives forever. They talk a lot about the things they buy or all the traveling they do and how they fly first class everywhere, stay at very expensive places, etc. They are definitely into status. A lot of my personal friends think they are stuck up and not very friendly. They do things that are only on their terms, and are often late for family gatherings because the start time didn't work for them. So when I think of them, I don't think, oh I want their life or even their stuff. But something about them really gets to me and I tend to fixate. I don't know if it's because they are the closest thing I will have to siblings (I'm an only child), or if I really don't like them, or if it is in fact jealousy. Which is embarrassing. I would like to think I am above that. They can be fun to hang around in small doses, but that is about it. My husband suggested the other day (when I told him I turned off her feed on FB because it was too much to hear about all the things she does and buys) that I have a jealousy thing going on. I immediately denied it, but that is where this post came from.
I would like to think I am overall a fairly secure person with myself. I do have some insecurities. But frankly, I'm not sure why. I am a pretty open and honest person. I am kind to others. I am not unattractive. I feel I do a decent job at being a mom and am a pretty good wife. I have a small group of close friends that I've known my whole life. Life is good overall.
So... anyway... you've all given me food for thought. It is interesting to hear the difference perspectives on jealousy vs. envy. I didn't realize there were so many definitions.