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August 2011 Moms
mrsannie
member
Family in the waiting room during labor?
mrsannie
member
What are your thoughts on having family waiting in the waiting room during labor?
I do not want anyone but DH in the room with me and I don't think I want anyone in the waiting room either. Apparently, my mom and MIL are under the impression that they will be in the waiting room the entire time playing games, etc just waiting for the baby to arrive. I understand my family is excited but, I want the least amount of pressure and activity around me when I am laboring/meeting my baby. I also want at least an hour with just DH, baby and I before anyone comes. But now I feel bad after seeing the look on my mom's face when I told her all of this.
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Re: Family in the waiting room during labor?
My mom was in the room with me, but MIL stayed/slept/paced in the waiting room for 15 hours.
Why don't you just not call them and tell anyone you are in labor? Just call them once you actually deliver and are ok with having visitors?
Only DH and I will be in the room once I start to push. I'm ok with our families coming to see the baby after a couple of hours. I remember from having DD and it took a couple of hours to clean everything up anyways.
Just DH and medical professionals.
I mentioned this to DH yesterday when we were going over my hospital bag/labor list and he attempted to tell me different.. I quickly extinguished that thought by saying it's my vagina so I get to choose.. lol
Let me preface by saying I am not trying to be mean or snooty in any way. I honestly don't understand everyones concerns about the waiting room thing. If people want to sit in a room totally away from you, why would it bother you? I totally get not wanting anyone in the room with you, but the waiting room?
These people that care about you and are so excited for you just want to be a little part of your day. I think I would be honored that people would want to wait around for hours and hours just to take a peek at one of the most amazing things that will ever happen in your life. It is a celebration. A new life. A miracle. It is human nature for people, especially close family members, to want to be a part of it.
It is totally up to you since it is your life, your body and your baby, so if you really don't want anyone else in the entire hospital while your miracle is being born, don't call anyone until he/she is born. That would simply take care of the entire problem and not hurt anyone's feelings so far ahead of time.
Just out of curiosity, when you are a mother or mother-in-law, wouldn't you want to be a part of such a miracle to be there when your grandchild is born?
I had my DH in the room with me and our family in the waiting room. It was annoying that my mother and MIL kept trying to sneak into the room after I flat out told them to leave me alone. BUT had they not been there, my feelings probably would have been hurt.
As for wanting time after, with the stitches, lactation consultant, all the fun stuff that happens right after giving birth, my family weren't allowed in the room for 3 hours
I wanted some time for us and there were doctors/nurses/everyone in and out poking at myself and the baby. We were right down the hall but they kept texting me asking when they could come back. I kept texting and telling them not yet because so and so was back here doing something lol.
Some of us are more private people, and want a bit of time to ourselves at first. I know if my parents and in laws were there then everyone would be lining up to hold him. Plus, I am not the type who would be comfortable trying to breast feed for the first time with my dad and FIL in the room. DH and I have lived far away from family for awhile, and I've come to see us more as our own little family than ever before. I want our parents to be involved with our child's life, but I first want the 3 of us to get some alone time together. It is important to me.
And I totally understand how the thought of having people in a waiting room just waiting for you to give birth could make some uncomfortable - extra pressure to hurry up b/c people are waiting, that sort of thing.
I understand what you're saying. The IL's just had a birth in the family last week and let me tell you it really cemented the idea that we want a private birth. From what she told me, there was hardly room for the medical professionals to do their jobs and I guess they were kicked out to the waiting room. At some point during the delivery, some of the family members snuck back in to the delivery room to watch the birth even though they weren't supposed to be there.
As a MIL some day, if my daughter doesn't want me in the delivery room, that is her choice. This moment belongs to the parents and the baby, not all the other family members that come with the package.
This is what I am afraid of if they are in the waiting room. I think we'll just end up calling them when I get close to pushing and let them know that they may be waiting a while even after the baby is here and DH will come get them when we are ready.
I completely agree with everything Jen&Peter said. If someone wants to sit in the waiting room knowing they could be there for hours why would you tell them no?
I can't even imagine not calling my parents and my IL's when I go into labor and letting them in on this exciting time in our lives. If my brother or BIL and SIL called me after the baby got here when they had children I would have been devastated. It was so much fun waiting together anticipating the arrival of their baby.
Most hospitals won't let people in the room until you say they can come down from the waiting room. I know the hospitals around here actually have receptionists in the waiting room that won't let you into the L&D area until the room has been called and you've been allowed down.
If your hospital is like this then you can have as much time as you want without people just barging in. Get things like BF done before your FIL is allowed in.
Me: 32 H: 34
DS #1: 8/10/11, DS #2: 10/13/14
TTC #3 since October 2017
We're not calling anyone but someone to take care of the dog until the baby is here. The person taking care of the dog, my MIL, is not welcome at the hospital and we have definitely let her know that. I don't want anyone in the waiting room. Like you, I feel like it'll put pressure on me to shorten the initial bonding time I have with just my H and the baby to have people waiting there and I'm just not willing to risk that. But then, my H totally agrees and neither one of us are very sensitive to what our mother's would prefer. I could even see us waiting until the next day to call anyone or allow visitors, honestly.
I don't really want anyone waiting around in the waiting room for multiple hours. Therefor, I'm not going to tell anyone that I'm in labor. Just me and DH will be at the hospital for the duration; this will be way less stressful for me. After we've had a couple hours to spend with our new baby then I'll start letting people know and they can come up for a visit. It's only about a 5-10 minute drive to the hospital from my mom's house and from DH's dad's house, so they can be there quickly after they get the word.
Yes, this is exactly how I am feeling.
i had an epidural, so our family came in my room while I was in labor and would leave when they needed to check me and stuff like that. Then they went to the waiting room once it was time to push. It wasn't bad. Trust me, the last thing on your mind while you are pushing is your family in the waiting room.
Also, after DS was born it was at least an hour before anyone came back to see us. DH just called them on his cell phone to let them know DS had been born and that we were doing great and he would come get them when it was time for them to come back.
Both of my deliveries it was just DH in the room.
With Baby #1 we had quite a group of people in the waiting room (Both sets of grandparents, my friend and my brother and SIL). We hadn't called them until I was 9 cm, but my labor stalled so a bunch of people were able to show up. I didn't worry about them being there. I didn't care if they had to wait all day, that was their perogative. After my daughter was born, DH and I took about 20 min alone (no doc/nurses etc) for ourselves then went and announced it to the group.
With Baby #2 we needed at least one grandparent to stay at home with daughter. I went to the hospital at 8pm and called the grandma's at 5 am-ish to come to the hospital. I delivered at 6:30am and they were able to see son at 7:30ish.
IL's live an hour away and my parents live 3.5 hours away and they were completely fine either waiting at our house/waiting room during my hospital stays. And I was focused on myself that I didn't even care. They didn't care or say anything that we took some time by ourselves before announcing to them. And for our hospital it's DH that brings them back so they can't come in until he gives the go ahead.
I think you're smart for not wanting to have a three-ring circus on a day so important to you and your DH!!!! I read these posts while I was pregnant with DD (5.5) and thought people were insane! LOL Then, I had DD and it was a nightmare!!!!!! We both have large families. Once I gave birth, DH was told by the nurses to carry DD to the nursery and as soon as I was stiched up, people came pouring into my room without my even asking/inviting. Then, when my epi wore off and I was allowed to finally go to my room and nurse DD/bond with DD and DH, I had to walk through a hallway FILLED with our family! I got really sick right before DD came out and threw up ALL over myself NUMEROUS times!!! I was induced and hadn't been able to get out of bed for a bath so it had been 36 hours since I had bathed. The LAST thing I wanted was a hallway full of people TAKING PICTURES and stressing me out!!!!!! LOL So, the entire time I was trying to nurse DD, I could hear them all in the hallway just dying to come in. It was not the way I wanted that day to go!!!!!
This time around, we're not telling anyone until after the baby is born AND we've been allowed the time we want to bond with the baby AND to let DD bond with the baby. THANKFULLY, I have a wonderful MIL who understands and will be watching DD while I'm in labor and has agreed to bring DD to the hospital when we call, but also understands we won't want ANY company right away. I'm sooooo very thankful for my MIL!!!!!!!!
And, if I told anyone in my family my plans, they'd probably drive to the hospital/call every single day around my due date trying to go anyway! They soooo don't respect my wishes on anything, which is why they won't be called until I'm good and ready!
I really don't see the big deal with ppl in the lobby during labor. I would have a problem if there were tons of people waiting, but if it was my parents, siblings, etc. I don't see the big deal. With DD#1 it was just DH and I until the end, we called my parents when we found out I was being admitted to L&D, they had to both get off of work and drive 2.5 hours, so by the time they got there, I was like almost ready to push. That being said, we spent a total of 12 hours in L&D and it would have been nice for someone to come and sit with me while DH took a break.
I know it was at least an hour before they let anyone back to my room after I had her. It takes time for afterbirth, stiches (if needed), and getting cleaned up and presentable after trying to BFand all that. I think that our nurse went out and let family know what was going on, showed them some pics of DD from our digital camera, and made sure we had eough bonding time. I also did skin-to-skin contact with DD the whole time we were in L&D after she was born, even with my family back to the room after I was ready for them to come back, and then again after her first bath after we got to the postpardum unit, so I don't think anyone got to hold her but DH and I until the next day. Maybe this is also something you can do if you are worried about bonding time.
My whole family (both sets of parents and all siblings and their spouses) were in the waiting room while I was in labor. They mostly hung out and played poker and read books. I was in labor for 23 hours but I had an epidural so they came in and out of the room to see how I was doing. Once I began pushing it was only DH in teh room. Some of my favorite pictures are of my dad and my FIL sleeping in the waiting room (i finally gave birth at 3 a.m.).
DH went out and announced baby's arrival about an hour after she was born. They came into the room sometime after that...I was groggy from three hours of pushing so I don't really remember how long it had been but we'd already had our first nursing session. Honestly, there was so much love in the room at that moment with the whole family there-it brings tears to my eyes as I sit here remembering.
You know your family best. After the fact, I can't imagine my family not being there. But their presence did not cause me anxiety. I felt only overwhelming love and support.
As far as L&D Room - It will be just DH and I. Since DH isn't comfortable with leaving me in L&D alone when he needs a break, I've conceded to allow my mom to sit in there while I'm in labor (but only if DH is gone).
As far the waiting room - My mom has some kind of phobia about pregnancy and child birth (it's quite comical because she won't even look at my belly LOL). She requested that we not call her until after DS is born, but she has finally agreed to be DH's stand-in. My MIL, on the other hand, is completely opposite. She's been begging to be in the delivery room since before I even got my BFP. I'm totally not comfortable with that. DH and I have decided that we will call people after we get to the hospital and get checked to see what point my labor is at. At that time, if anyone wants to come sit in the waiting room they're more than welcome but we're making it clear that they cannot come back to L&D. After DS is born, our hospital gives the new parents an hour with LO. Then I have to go straight to a postpartum room and DH will take LO to the nursery. LO will be in the nursery for 2-3 hours so it will be after that time that before anyone gets to come back. We're just letting everyone know that they can come to the waiting room, but I can't predict how long labor will last & it will be approx. 4 hours after DS is born before they can hold him.
I would question the security of that hospital, if unauthorized people were able to sneak in and watch a birth. When we went on our hospital tour, the waiting area is totally separate. To get back to the point of L&D, you have to be buzzed in and you have to be included on a list from the parents-to-be. It was the same way when my sister delivered and she was at a totally different hospital. We were in the room with her during labor, but when it was time to push, we exited to the waiting area. When it was time to go back in to see her, we had to repeat the patient's name and they looked us up to make sure we were "approved".
Back to the OP, I don't see a problem with people in the waiting area. My family and my MIL already know that it is going to take forever and a day, due to a c/s, clean up, private time, and a possible NICU visit. Mom said she will bring her book, some snacks, and be prepared to wait. Fine by me, I just feel bad that they'll likely be sitting so long. Have no idea what MIL's plans are, and truly anything is fine with me. If she wants to sit and wait, so be it. If she wants to wait until the next day, fine by me.
Ironically enough I was just talking to a pregnant friend about this yesterday. I told her I hope I go into labor in the middle of the night and it is a quick labor and I will let everyone know in the morning "oh by the way we had the baby last night". I know that won't happen but that would be ideal.
I am with some others. I would feel the pressure of hurrying up if I know people are eagerly waiting in the waiting room. I want to try to breast feed and I know you are supposed to do it within the first 2 hours. I am nervous about it and I know I will not be able to be "relaxed" trying to do it especially when I know people are out there waiting to come in. And I think that will be key to me being successful with it.
Having said that, I really just don't see how I can not let them wait out there. I know they will be there while I am in labor and I know they will not go home when I start pushing and be like "ok see you tomorrow" especially after they just waited all that time while I was in labor. I know everyone is eager to meet him too. So I will let them know and if they want to wait I will deal with it. They are sacrificing by waiting and I am going to sacrifice and try to ignore that they are out there waiting to come in. I know if I tell them up front they will tell me to take my time so I will just keep reminding myself of that.
I completely understand your point of view. My husband and I have talked about this situation in detail and decided that it will just be the two of us in the delivery room and ideally no one in the waiting room.
I want to have the special time with my little family. We want to bond for at least an hour before our parents show up. Having people hanging out in the waiting room may make us feel as if we have to rush that time spent alone with our baby. I mentioned that if they feel the need to hang out in the waiting room for an hour or so after delivery that they are welcomed to do so or they can wait for a phone call from MH. We will text/call our immediate family and my best friend once we have the baby and let them know when they can come up to visit.
My sister-in-law had my nephew 6 months ago and she was overwhelmed by the amount of people who were there waiting, literally entered the delivery room almost immediately after birth, and stayed for hours on end. Everyone wanted to hold the baby. Her and her husband never had that alone time with the little one right after birth. She actually encouraged me to really think about what would make my husband and I happy.
My husband and I are very private and this is our decision. Our family respects our decision to the fullest. Others of you will make your own decision based upon what you think is best.
Me too! I love my Mom very much but her and I are like oil and water.
But......its not about what you want is it, its about what the woman who is giving birth to her child wants. She should come first, not the wishes or wants of the other female members of the family.