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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
JMU_Bride09
member
S/O Can't Spoil a Newborn
JMU_Bride09
member
I know that you can't spoil a newborn since babies aren't able to self soothe, but when do they begin being able to do so?
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Re: S/O Can't Spoil a Newborn
While DS1 was in the NICU he learned to self soothe by putting his hands to his face (something he still does at 21 months). He was in the NICU for 2 weeks.
DS 2 is now two weeks old and sometimes he self soothes by putting his fist in his mouth but it never lasts long and isnt something he does regularly. I feel like I am always holding and cuddeling him because nearly everytime I set him down he starts screaming again.
I think DS1 learned quickly because even though his NICU nurse did only have 3 patients..they still couldnt be everywhere at once and he learned how to calm himself down just enough till someone got to him. His self soothing wasnt perfect when he came home but it was deffinatly vastly ahead of where DS2 is with his. Most of my cousin's and friends have said that they usually get self-soothing down by 3 months (and its deffinatly a skill that helps if its developed for sleeping through the night to occur).
I put LO to bed for every nap and every night while she's awake but drowsy and she puts herself to sleep with no crying. At first she cried a bit and I'd go soothe her, but now she just goes to sleep.
I dont think there are signs to watch for or anything because its something any baby can do. Its just knowing when to put them down to get them in the habit of it. I suggest reading Babywise or Baby Whisperer, they are the only resources I really used. I read them while pregnant and was determined to get LO to put herself to sleep early on.
My pedi said they do not begin to establish reliable sleep patterns until four months of age, which is the earliest he thinks it is reasonable to even attempt CIO or other sleep training methods. Before that, he feels it is absurd to expect a child to soothe themselves. And even four months is a guideline, he said it certainly depends on the child.
I think four months is too young still, personally. I would maybe start considering Ferber at around six months. Maybe.
ETA: Certainly some babies WILL self-soothe before four months, it's the expectation that they SHOULD at so young an age that I have issue with.
THIS is the important distinction. Well put and I completely agree.
You can never spoil a baby/child by responding appropriately to their needs. While babies can/will learn to self soothe around 6 months, that doesn't mean they won't sometimes need help. I mean, I'm 32 and yet sometimes I want a little TLC too ;-)
Sure, your expectations will change as they get older but you won't ever spoil them by loving them and being their when they need it. Kids get spoiled by being over-indulged with stuff or allowed to do whatever they please - not by being attended to in the night when they can't get back to sleep on their own.
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I don't know what signs, but just give it a shot! I'd recommend to try putting him down after about 45-50 minutes of awake time, swaddled, a fan for white noise, a sound machine to play a bit of music, and see if he'll fall asleep.
I agree that some babies can do it right away. I could put my DD down from the day she was born sleepy but awake and she would put herself to sleep. Never had to swaddle her or do anything special. She'd put her fist in her mouth and go to sleep. I can count the number of times on one hand I'd have to pick her up after I laid her down and rock her for a minute before putting her back down to sleep. That was just because she was gassy and had a tummyache.
My son was the total opposite. If I put him in his bassinet swaddled, he would scream bloody murder until you picked him up. There was no amount of white noise/swaddling/shh-ing that would make him self soothe. He simpy needed to be held to sleep until he was much older (5.5 months old was when you could put him down sleepy but awake and he'd go to sleep in his own bed). How I got him to do it was to put him down sleepy but awake. If he would cry, I'd pick him up. If he just fussed, I'd just try to comfort him in other ways-"shh-ing", rubbing his back, etc. I waited until he was ready in his own time. I've never done CIO sleep training on either child ever.
I'm going to give the usual "every baby is different" answer.
Me too. It annoys me that just because some posters have happy, content, easy-sleeping babies they imply that if the rest of us do not, it's because we've already failed as parents.
Most of what I've read says that sleep training becomes reasonable at around 4 months and you should only do it earlier if absolutely necessary. Babies still have very immature nervous systems and their brains are developing with every passing day. My baby is able to spend more time "alone" now than he was a couple weeks ago and be content. It's great! That doesn't mean I should have just left him on the floor two weeks ago. The only signs I'm watching for are if he's crying, he probably needs my help. If he's not, then I'll let him be for a while here and there.
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