- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
January 2012 Moms
Cried my eyes out last night :(
Sorry, another vent, I'll try to keep it short-er.
Quick back story: our doggie is 4 and has been attacked MULTIPLE times by 2 neighbor dogs since he was 8 months old. (the other dogs would come loose and attack him in the back of our house). On top of that FIL thought (when they would babysit) that being harsh with him and yelling all the time would make him obey. Result - fear aggressive dog who is afraid of dogs, adults and kids.
We have worked with 3 different trainers so far. The last one definitely making a difference. But it is a lot of work and I feel that DH has dropped a ball on too many occasions. I LOVE our dog and can't imagine living without him. He is such a sweetheart but really struggles with his issues. Although we have seen AMAZING improvement while working with the behaviorist he soon relapses once the trainer is gone and I don't think we have the skills and the mindset to keep him calm. What he needs most of all is socialization. In fact the trainer said that is the ONLY thing he needs and he would overcome all of his fears. But friends are uncomfortable coming to our house and I don't blame them. I can't relax either. There are socialization classes Monday evenings but I can't get out of work. I suggested many times that we get up extra early so that maybe that way I could get out of work and still put in my time. But DH lacks that motivation. Always has, he pushed to get the dog when we first moved in together. FIRST NIGHT he dropped the ball and I had to take him out potty at 3 am. I'm not blaming just him for all of this but last night our dog got charged YET AGAIN and we are taking him to a different place now to walk. That of course escalated and he was impossible to walk. THEN some weird guy started approaching him and eventhough DH said to BACK OFF he kept coming and our dog bit him. (nothing bad just a scratch on the thumb) The guy apologized and all is good.
BUT DH comes home (I was home trying not to puke) and he bascially blamed me for not going with him and that he can't walk him alone b/c now we have to start from scratch or we have to put him down. I felt awful. When things started getting weird with the dog DH was in denial so I hired all 3 trainers. I did all I could! But at the end of the day we didn't have the consistency and skills to keep going. I BEGGED DH to please take care of this as I was at the end of my patience and sanity. (During this I was also going through major heart issues and ended up having surgery) Now I'm pregnant and the most important thing is to keep calm and that is one thing I have not been able to do since we had the dog!!
Well now I got the lecture from DH how WE HAVE TO get him back into classes etc etc. Thing is, we've spent close to 3k on training, we added some major debt the last couple months due to unexpected expenses, we have to save up for the baby and still need to buy things for the nursery.
I just don't know what to do. I've cried my eyes out last night and ended up with some cramping. I want to keep our dog but the baby is more important. And I feel there is a lot of resentment from both ends b/c of this dog and it is not his fault. I get angry b/c DH has never been consistant with the dog and my point is that from the very beginning I said it wasn't the right time for the dog but he PUSHED AND PUSHED. so then he should be the one fixing this problem. He is ticked at me for saying that i don't think I can do it and basically says that it is my mindset that keeps the dog this way, which I think is bs! He freaked out last night and I wasn't even there!!! So we need to figure something out and fast.
Sorry I know this is crazy long, but I really have NOBODY to talk to about this.
thanks for reading if you've made it this far.... 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Cried my eyes out last night :(
Thank you so much for your reply. Yes we did get him fixed almost 3 years ago and it did help a bit. DH said he will do what it takes b/c he won't give up on the dog. But he always pressures me into doing it all with him. And yes I know I'm in this with him but it is SO stressful to me and I feel that he has no regard to my feelings and state of mind AT ALL when it comes to this. But we will work it out. Thanks again!
I'm sorry you're dealing with this! Your DH definitely needs to step up and take some initiative here. Quite honestly, I'd be worried about a dog like that around a child, so that's something you may want to consider. I know you love him, but it is going to take constant dedication and hard work to get him into the place he needs to be. I also question these neighbors and why their dogs are running free and attacking your guy. I'd call the police.
You need to have a serious talk with your DH or consider alternatives for your dog. Good luck!
Thank you ladies! I think the same way! I love the dog and imagining him not being around is too painful, but him hurting my baby is 1,000,000,000 times worse!!!
And I told DH my fears but he just doesn't get it he gets POd and turns it around and harshly says "well if you are going to give up on him now, we may as well put him down as nobody will take him" And it's mean! I'm scared to death and he is making me feel bad about it. We have no issues in our marriage but this has always been the one and only problem. Bottom line is and I told him I just can't trust our dog with the baby and keeping him away from the baby is impossible and simply cruel to him. isolation from the family will only make things worse. this morning he seemed alot calmer and gave me a long tight hug and a kiss. BUT, he still hasnt' called the trainer either.. So.... I'll give it a bit more time but if he doesn't take the initiative I think $hit is going to HAVE to hit the fan and we will resolve this issue once and for all. Whatever that may be... I"m exhausted. We can never be spontanious, going on vacations is a huge thing b/c ILs are the only ones who can watch him and they always complain about it. We can never have social gatherings at our house and i love that.. So something's gotta give. Thank you all so much, you have helped me so much!!!!
Do you use a crate w/ him at all? Our dog loves it and its a place we can secure her when need her out of the way and safe - like painting or working on DIY home repair stuff.
I don't know how it would go w/ a 4yr old dog our pup has using a crate since very early. But she feel safe in there and it maybe a way for your friends to approach him - knowing they aren't going to get bitten etc. Our dog is so food motivated she could be convinced just about anything was wonderful if she was getting a little bite of something.
Also this winter we had snow on the ground all winter w/ no side walks and no fenced in areas to take the dog. so we had to get creative w/ her exercise throwing balls down the stairs and hall. maybe some of that would help get increased exercise but keep her way from strangers while still learning.
He has a kennel and sleeps in it and loves it! But when people are there he screams if he is in there and the trainer always said the best way is to just fix the problem, but that may have to be the way to go.... He also gets a lot of excercise on a daily basis, we really do pay attention to that closely. It's all about socializing him but DH also gets too impatient and expects too much right away which doesnt' help... Oh it's a mess
but we may have to try the crate approach and see how that goes. B/c kennel IS his safe place... and he woulnd't be completely isolated and locked out in the basement or something. THANK YOU!!! 
crate is really awesome - you can keep in a room where people are. my dog will happily stay in there if its in the same room as the party/project! then you could have people over too and have the pup in the mix - they won't be worried, you won't be stressed and hopefully pup won't feel as isolated. if you could get a few of them to give a favorite treats and change the association. even giving a long lasting treat like peanut butter in a kong only when "strangers are around" will build a positive association.
do you ever watch its me or the dog? she's got some great ideas. i think they have some available in the on demand section too if you have that :)and my husband watched dog training videos online all the time.
we have a hard time w/ socialization w/ our dog too - we aren't around people alot and shes still young and gets overly excited when shes sees people. she calms down but i hate when she jumps up to get peoples attention. we are always working w/ friends and family to get them to turn their back and now wave their arms and just ignore her until she calms down. and we don't know alot of dogs!
How much exercise is he getting? Usually a well exercises dog is a well behaved dog?
Look up nothing in life is free training (NILF) and start implementing it.
Please considered doing things to ensure he is prepared for baby. Make baby free zones ie a crate or room where he can be by himself no baby. Get a cd of a baby cry and screams preparingfido.com is only 10 dollars and heard it is wonderful. I know how stressful it is but work with him the best you can to prepare you have 32 more weeks approximately to get him where he needs to be. Good Luck!
Yup, I watch all the shows LOL My dog is soooo food driven that his excitement goes up so we try not to do it as much... But i think the crate idea with some treats may be worth a try...
yes he is crate trained and he gets tons of excercise. I will check out the cd, that is a great idea! B/c he does bark when he hears a baby cry on tv etc. So we will have to desensitise him. thank you very much!! Yes, this is the last straw and something HAS to be done. i will not take any risks with my baby.