did your husband ask your father for your hand in marriage?

yankeebaby2 · June 2011

Mine didn't but if he had I probably would not have married him. I'm not property and I don't come with a dowry.

whinydaisy · June 2011

Whoever told you that was lying.

Kate621 · June 2011

Did he ask for my hand in marriage? What do you mean? Is that different than just asking someone to marry you? Please explain.

yankeebaby2 · June 2011

Kate621:
Did he ask for my hand in marriage? What do you mean? Is that different than just asking someone to marry you? Please explain.

oops. It was supposed to say your father.

CinemaGoddess · June 2011

Mine didn't, but BFF's husband did ask for my parents blessing before he proposed.

(My parents are more like parents to BFF than BFF's own family is, so there you go.)

Kate621 · June 2011

yankeebaby2:
Kate621:

Did he ask for my hand in marriage? What do you mean? Is that different than just asking someone to marry you? Please explain.

oops. It was supposed to say your father.

Ok that makes more sense. Yes, he did. We are kind of old school like that. I don't see it as an exchange of property by any means. I see it as my dad welcoming DH into our family.

[Deleted User] · June 2011

The user and all related content has been deleted.

huber22 · June 2011

He didn't, and my dad wasn't happy. But he got over it.

Unknown · June 2011

This content has been removed.

Rach7170 · June 2011

Kate621:
yankeebaby2:
Kate621:

Did he ask for my hand in marriage? What do you mean? Is that different than just asking someone to marry you? Please explain.

oops. It was supposed to say your father.

Ok that makes more sense. Yes, he did. We are kind of old school like that. I don't see it as an exchange of property by any means. I see it as my dad welcoming DH into our family.

I just got engaged to SO and I agree. He went to my mom and dad and asked for a blessing, NOT permission. Its a way for my parents to welcome him into the family.

Dreamsicle23 · June 2011

No way. If he had asked, I wouldn't have refused to marry him, but I'd probably still be making fun of him for it now, 6 years later.

scoutkate · June 2011

Yes, he did. I guess we're old-school, too. It was all about showing respect towards my dad, not showing disrepect towards me.

Libby1978 · June 2011

Yes, he did. It was out of respect for my dad. Not because he looks at me like property & he certainly was not going to get a dowry from my parents.

emilydholmes1 · June 2011

He didn't ask for permission or my "hand in marriage" per se. He just pretty much told my dad that he was going to propose and wanted to let them know. Easy peasy.

Libby1978 · June 2011

Dreamsicle23:
No way. If he had asked, I wouldn't have refused to marry him, but I'd probably still be making fun of him for it now, 6 years later.

Really?? You would make fun of him for showing respect to your parents? To me my husband being respectful to my dad = a good thing!!!!!

shannond354 · June 2011

My DH did ask for my dad's blessing. I do agree that I'm not chattel but it was a sign of respect from my husband. I believe my dad told him, "Of course you get my blessing if this is what Shannon wants."

ames71 · June 2011

He didn't ask for "my hand" per se. I mean, I was 35 when we got married. That would have been a bit silly. He did ask for Dad's blessing which I thought was sweet and charming.

yankeebaby2 · June 2011

Libby1978:
Dreamsicle23:
No way. If he had asked, I wouldn't have refused to marry him, but I'd probably still be making fun of him for it now, 6 years later.
Really?? You would make fun of him for showing respect to your parents? To me my husband being respectful to my dad = a good thing!!!!!

I would have, mercilessly, for the rest of his life. I understand where some of you are saying he is asking for a blessing. But if you're a grown up and your husband asked your parents for permission to ask you then you were treated like property

mocklerja · June 2011

Yes he did. We too are a bit old school with some of those kind of things.

ashnoelle · June 2011

We're not engaged, but that's not SO's style. It's not my style either.

ames71 · June 2011

yankeebaby2:

I understand where some of you are saying he is asking for a blessing. But if you're a grown up and your husband asked your parents for permission to ask you then you were treated like property

If you take it literally, then absolutely. I think it's more of a formality to show respect and to be welcomed by the patriarch into the family. That's how I've always perceived it.

Kate621 · June 2011

yankeebaby2:
Libby1978:

Dreamsicle23:
No way. If he had asked, I wouldn't have refused to marry him, but I'd probably still be making fun of him for it now, 6 years later.

Really?? You would make fun of him for showing respect to your parents? To me my husband being respectful to my dad = a good thing!!!!!

I would have, mercilessly, for the rest of his life. I understand where some of you are saying he is asking for a blessing. But if you're a grown up and your husband asked your parents for permission to ask you then you were treated like property

Well I was only 16 so I guess I'm clear.

mm&m2010 · June 2011

yankeebaby2:
Mine didn't but if he had I probably would not have married him. I'm not property and I don't come with a dowry.

Sounds like you are just bitter he didn't ask your Father...

Libby1978 · June 2011

yankeebaby2:
Libby1978:

Dreamsicle23:
No way. If he had asked, I wouldn't have refused to marry him, but I'd probably still be making fun of him for it now, 6 years later.

Really?? You would make fun of him for showing respect to your parents? To me my husband being respectful to my dad = a good thing!!!!!

I would have, mercilessly, for the rest of his life. I understand where some of you are saying he is asking for a blessing. But if you're a grown up and your husband asked your parents for permission to ask you then you were treated like property

Nope. Sure wasn't! He didn't "buy" me. He ask my dad for his "blessing" to marry me. I don't consider it a must, but I think it's nice when a guy does it.

VABride2008 · June 2011

scoutkate:
Yes, he did. I guess we're old-school, too. It was all about showing respect towards my dad, not showing disrepect towards me.

This for me, too. He told my dad that he had something to give me and just wanted his blessing. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Linnya · June 2011

shannond354:
My DH did ask for my dad's blessing. I do agree that I'm not chattel but it was a sign of respect from my husband. I believe my dad told him, "Of course you get my blessing if this is what Shannon wants."

Pretty much this.

D_Nett86 · June 2011

My H did but we were young when we got engaged. Not sure if that makes a difference but I think it is respectful.

yankeebaby2 · June 2011

mm&m2010:
yankeebaby2:
Mine didn't but if he had I probably would not have married him. I'm not property and I don't come with a dowry.
Sounds like you are just bitter he didn't ask your Father...

You think I'm holding a grudge 16 years later? My husband is very respectful and I don't need to blow him to get him to do a load of laundry.

KimW · June 2011

yankeebaby2:
Libby1978:

Dreamsicle23:
No way. If he had asked, I wouldn't have refused to marry him, but I'd probably still be making fun of him for it now, 6 years later.

Really?? You would make fun of him for showing respect to your parents? To me my husband being respectful to my dad = a good thing!!!!!

I would have, mercilessly, for the rest of his life. I understand where some of you are saying he is asking for a blessing. But if you're a grown up and your husband asked your parents for permission to ask you then you were treated like property

You're not even trying to understand another point of view. Most (if not all) people in this post said it wasn't about getting permission, it was about a sign of respect. Why try to make people feel shiitty?

yankeebaby2 · June 2011

Libby1978:
yankeebaby2:
Libby1978:

Dreamsicle23:
No way. If he had asked, I wouldn't have refused to marry him, but I'd probably still be making fun of him for it now, 6 years later.
Really?? You would make fun of him for showing respect to your parents? To me my husband being respectful to my dad = a good thing!!!!!
I would have, mercilessly, for the rest of his life. I understand where some of you are saying he is asking for a blessing. But if you're a grown up and your husband asked your parents for permission to ask you then you were treated like property
Nope. Sure wasn't! He didn't "buy" me. He ask my dad for his "blessing" to marry me. I don't consider it a must, but I think it's nice when a guy does it.

I think you're having a comprehension issue. I even clarified in a reply that I did not mean blessings but someone who asked the parents for permission to marry their daughter.

SimoneSays22 · June 2011

emilydholmes1:
He didn't ask for permission or my "hand in marriage" per se. He just pretty much told my dad that he was going to propose and wanted to let them know. Easy peasy.

Yep, this. DH wanted my parents to know ahead of time.

metzy144 · June 2011

Mine asked for my parent's blessing. He sat down with my mom and dad. It wasn't like an exchange of property.

yankeebaby2 · June 2011

KimW:
yankeebaby2:
Libby1978:

Dreamsicle23:
No way. If he had asked, I wouldn't have refused to marry him, but I'd probably still be making fun of him for it now, 6 years later.
Really?? You would make fun of him for showing respect to your parents? To me my husband being respectful to my dad = a good thing!!!!!
I would have, mercilessly, for the rest of his life. I understand where some of you are saying he is asking for a blessing. But if you're a grown up and your husband asked your parents for permission to ask you then you were treated like property
You're not even trying to understand another point of view. Most (if not all) people in this post said it wasn't about getting permission, it was about a sign of respect. Why try to make people feel shiitty?

You're not even trying to understand mine. I have now specified 3 different times that I do not mean blessings. Here I'll say it one more time. I am not talking about blessings. I am talking about permission. If your husband asked for permission. If your husband asked for permission. If your husband asked for permission.

SimoneSays22 · June 2011

yankeebaby2:
Libby1978:
yankeebaby2:
Libby1978:

Dreamsicle23:
No way. If he had asked, I wouldn't have refused to marry him, but I'd probably still be making fun of him for it now, 6 years later.
Really?? You would make fun of him for showing respect to your parents? To me my husband being respectful to my dad = a good thing!!!!!
I would have, mercilessly, for the rest of his life. I understand where some of you are saying he is asking for a blessing. But if you're a grown up and your husband asked your parents for permission to ask you then you were treated like property
Nope. Sure wasn't! He didn't "buy" me. He ask my dad for his "blessing" to marry me. I don't consider it a must, but I think it's nice when a guy does it.
I think you're having a comprehension issue. I even clarified in a reply that I did not mean blessings but someone who asked the parents for permission to marry their daughter.

I really think this is splitting hairs. But that's just me.

yankeebaby2 · June 2011

SimoneSays22:
yankeebaby2:
Libby1978:
yankeebaby2:
Libby1978:

Dreamsicle23:

I would have, mercilessly, for the rest of his life. I understand where some of you are saying he is asking for a blessing. But if you're a grown up and your husband asked your parents for permission to ask you then you were treated like property
I think you're having a comprehension issue. I even clarified in a reply that I did not mean blessings but someone who asked the parents for permission to marry their daughter.
I really think this is splitting hairs. But that's just me.

If they ask for permission and the parents say no so they never propose that would be permission right? And if they asked for a blessing I am assuming they will get married whether they got the blessing or not.

kategw · June 2011

Yes, and I love him even more for it.

ETA: blessing, not permission.

KimW · June 2011

yankeebaby2:
KimW:
yankeebaby2:
Libby1978:

Dreamsicle23:
No way. If he had asked, I wouldn't have refused to marry him, but I'd probably still be making fun of him for it now, 6 years later.

Really?? You would make fun of him for showing respect to your parents? To me my husband being respectful to my dad = a good thing!!!!!

I would have, mercilessly, for the rest of his life. I understand where some of you are saying he is asking for a blessing. But if you're a grown up and your husband asked your parents for permission to ask you then you were treated like property

You're not even trying to understand another point of view. Most (if not all) people in this post said it wasn't about getting permission, it was about a sign of respect. Why try to make people feel shiitty?

You're not even trying to understand mine. I have now specified 3 different times that I do not mean blessings. Here I'll say it one more time. I am not talking about blessings. I am talking about permission. If your husband asked for permission. If your husband asked for permission. If your husband asked for permission.

Well then I guess you got your answer. No one in this post was treated like property. Disappointed?

SimoneSays22 · June 2011

yankeebaby2:
SimoneSays22:
yankeebaby2:
Libby1978:
yankeebaby2:
Libby1978:

Dreamsicle23:

I would have, mercilessly, for the rest of his life. I understand where some of you are saying he is asking for a blessing. But if you're a grown up and your husband asked your parents for permission to ask you then you were treated like property
I think you're having a comprehension issue. I even clarified in a reply that I did not mean blessings but someone who asked the parents for permission to marry their daughter.
I really think this is splitting hairs. But that's just me.
If they ask for permission and the parents say no so they never propose that would be permission right? And if they asked for a blessing I am assuming they will get married whether they got the blessing or not.

Those are all assumptions. A guy can ask for permission, not get it and then still propose. And really, it's all in the wording. What if a guy says "I plan to ask your daughter for her hand in marriage. What do you think about that?" Is that asking for a blessing or permission? That's why I think this is splitting hairs.

mm&m2010 · June 2011

yankeebaby2:
mm&m2010:

yankeebaby2:
Mine didn't but if he had I probably would not have married him. I'm not property and I don't come with a dowry.

Sounds like you are just bitter he didn't ask your Father...

You think I'm holding a grudge 16 years later?

Well, you are bringing it up 16 years later- maybe you are still holding on to these feelings. Try talking to someone, maybe it will help you get passed it.

heatherglen814 · June 2011

DH asked my father for a blessing to propose. I guess for him, it was more of my father accepting him into the family/family tradition. Our families are both old school Italian and I think it was really common on his side and my side.

Dreamsicle23 · June 2011

yankeebaby2:
Libby1978:
Dreamsicle23:
No way. If he had asked, I wouldn't have refused to marry him, but I'd probably still be making fun of him for it now, 6 years later.
Really?? You would make fun of him for showing respect to your parents? To me my husband being respectful to my dad = a good thing!!!!!
I would have, mercilessly, for the rest of his life. I understand where some of you are saying he is asking for a blessing. But if you're a grown up and your husband asked your parents for permission to ask you then you were treated like property

Yeah I don't really see it as a sign of respect. If other people do it and it makes you happy, to each their own...but I'd be kind of miffed if my dad found out I was getting engaged before I did.

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