I was judged by a nosy stranger!!

Jessys_Girl · June 2011

So I was at the grocery store with DD this morning and I got DD a banana for later today. I put it in one of those plastic bags that they have for produce and put it in the cart. DD insisted on holding it and playing with it. Fine. I didn't want a temper tantrum. I let her play with the bag while we walked around the store. eventually she dumped the banana out of the bag and was just playing with the bag.

So we get to the checkout line and I'm unloading my groceries onto the counter and DD is still playing with the bag. I was watching her the whole time and she wasn't doing anything like putting it over her face/head or putting it in her mouth or anything. And she was content and quiet.

A woman, probably in her 40s or 50s comes up in line behind us and all of a sudden I hear "Oh no honey that's not a toy!!" and then my kid SCREAMING. This woman had taken it upon herself to take the bag out of my child's hands because she felt DD shouldn't be playing with it. I simply said "Sometimes the most random things become toys when we have errands to accomplish and i want to keep her ... Happy." with sort of a stealy glare at her.

She didn't say another word and started flipping through a magazine. I had to console DD because the woman had taken the bag and put it in her own cart and DD was crying for it. It was horrible!

JCM · June 2011

I would have taken it back out of her basket! People need to mind their own business most of the time.

ckerr1 · June 2011

I would have taken it back as well. Good lord, its not like you were letting her put it over her head and not paying any attention to her. While I can understand the woman's concern, at the same time she should have said something to you before taking it away from your DD.

mara005 · June 2011

Excuse me woman, that's my kids toy!

Why do some people think they can parent other peoples children? I would never take something from a child I don't know.

melhearts · June 2011

I would have taken the bag put it over the lady's head and said "Now if DD was doing this then I would have taken it off of her"!!!

mrsolsen2000 · June 2011

I honestly think people have lost their common sense! I would have lost it on the women lol. I have had people actually pull DD's paci out of her mouth when she was under a year old at the store. I consider grabbing something out of my child's hand (or mouth) to be touching my child and strangers do not touch my child unless they want me to get medival on their as#es!

Bianca42 · June 2011

That is beyond judging. Wow. That is totally insane!

I admit, I would have silently thought to myself that I hoped you were watching really well with the bag. But I would never have taken it away unless the baby was actually choking on it. And it's pretty hypocritical of me, considering random things have become toys for Alex that would be dangerous if I wasn't watching him.

Jessys_Girl · June 2011

Seriously!

If DD was choking on it or suffocating herself, then by ALL MEANS save my child's life. But she's waving it around like a flag and laughing and happy....and you're going to snatch it from her? WTF is wrong with people these days?!

And for the PP who said people have taken the paci away.............um, yeah, that's a "go medievil on your as#es" offense in my book too. You don't put your hands in my kid's face PERIOD.

TMDMJAOCT07 · June 2011

Oh I would have lost it as well. Who the heck does that? If anything, you say something to the mom "not sure if you realized your child had a plastic bag in their hand" kind of comment. Just to be safe, you never know when they'll reach for something and we don't notice it instantly, but to take it away from the child, nope nope nope.

creativejuices · June 2011

I would never do what the woman did... but this reminds me of a local boy who died after putting a Ziploc over his head at the age of 3. (old enough to "know" not to play with them)... He was supposed to be taking a nap in his room & was found with it over his head. He left a twin brother & 3 other siblings. There was talk that the mom had used a bag to store small toys & he had dumped them out. Since then, I am super careful about bags.

In my opinion bags are not a "toy" and should never be one.

melhearts · June 2011

My mom once told me that when she was out shopping with my sister when my sister was about 5, so that was about 30 yrs ago, she saw a lady with a baby that had her pacifer duct taped to her mouth!! Now my mom did say something to the lady and the lady told her to go F herself! Now if was something like that then yes I would have said something!! But isn't it funny how 30 yrs ago nothing is said about that and now a days if you go and grab her DC a little too hard to prevent a rack full of canned soup from falling on them then you are in danger of being too rough if someone thinks it's border line child abuse!

lindylogana · June 2011

creativejuices:

I would never do what the woman did... but this reminds me of a local boy who died after putting a Ziploc over his head at the age of 3. (old enough to "know" not to play with them)... He was supposed to be taking a nap in his room & was found with it over his head. He left a twin brother & 3 other siblings. There was talk that the mom had used a bag to store small toys & he had dumped them out. Since then, I am super careful about bags.

In my opinion bags are not a "toy" and should never be one.

But that little boy was playing with a bag under no one's supervision. The OP was watching her child the whole time with the bag. completely different situation IMO.

creativejuices · June 2011

Well, you are entitled to your opinion. I have mine. I don't think that bags are toys. I understand the need/want to keep a child busy with something while you accomplish something, but I would do that with a snack, book or something that is appropriate for the child. Not a plastic bag. I would worry that my child would think it was a toy and another time get a hold of one when I didn't see or wasn't with her and "play" with it. I'm super careful (neurotic) about stuff like that... I'm not saying the original OP was wrong - I'm saying that I personally would not allow my child to have a plastic bag as a distraction. I would rather deal with the meltdown or have her fuss until I found something that would be safer to "play" with.

creativejuices · June 2011

P.S. If the woman in the store was that concerned about it - I could see her asking the mom if she realized that the baby had a plastic bag, but not snatching from her.

Chrysallys · June 2011

lindylogana:
creativejuices:

I would never do what the woman did... but this reminds me of a local boy who died after putting a Ziploc over his head at the age of 3. (old enough to "know" not to play with them)... He was supposed to be taking a nap in his room & was found with it over his head. He left a twin brother & 3 other siblings. There was talk that the mom had used a bag to store small toys & he had dumped them out. Since then, I am super careful about bags.

In my opinion bags are not a "toy" and should never be one.

But that little boy was playing with a bag under no one's supervision. The OP was watching her child the whole time with the bag. completely different situation IMO.

I believe her point is, and she can correct me if I'm wrong, that if a child plays with a bag once even under supervision, what is to stop them from playing with it on their own? If they find one elsewhere they may think, "Oh hey a toy!" and hurt themselves. If they aren't taught that it's a danger they aren't going to treat it as such. That said, even if kids know they can still use items improperly and get hurt but it's best to at least start them off right.

creativejuices · June 2011

that is exactly what I'm trying to say! TY!!

Tonya_G · June 2011

creativejuices:

I would never do what the woman did... but this reminds me of a local boy who died after putting a Ziploc over his head at the age of 3. (old enough to "know" not to play with them)... He was supposed to be taking a nap in his room & was found with it over his head. He left a twin brother & 3 other siblings. There was talk that the mom had used a bag to store small toys & he had dumped them out. Since then, I am super careful about bags.

In my opinion bags are not a "toy" and should never be one.

I'm sorry, but I agree with this. I've never let my kids play with plastic bags, ever. I'll find something else to occupy them. It's great that you were watching her like a hawk, but what happens the one time you don't? I'm not usually a big "OMG, that's too risky!" type, but, on this one...

simplyatomic · June 2011

I probably would have taken the bag away too not in a mean way though. Embarrassed

Bags are not toys and it only takes a second for them to choke.

spring_time · June 2011

Sorry, but I think she was acting out of concern for your child. I do not think what she did was terrible. Perhaps she shouldn't have snatched it, as you described, but you also admit that you were not looking when you heard the scream, so you really didn't see it happen. The woman may have thought she was being helpful. I probably would not have taken the bag, but I would tap you on the shoulder and let you know that your child was playing with it. I guess I would assume that a parent wouldn't want their child playing with a safety hazard. I would want someone to let me know because I know things escape my notice when I am doing something like grocery shopping.

yankeebaby2 · June 2011

I don't see what the big deal is. Matthew plays with hand grenades as long as the pin is still in. I've got errands to run, yo.

lifesadance · June 2011

Yes, I agree that the woman should not have snatched the bag from your child. Yes, I think she should have just said something to you, asking if you knew that she was playing with the bag (or something like that). AND I totally understand your frustration and you are not wrong in feeling that way.

That said, I am in agreement with the voices of PPs saying that the bag is not a toy and by letting her play with it even once she is learning that it's a toy when in reality it's something that could be very dangerous to her. Growing up, my mom was an ER nurse and dad a Paramedic, so I've heard far too many stories of things happening with seemingly benign objects. In the blink of an eye, DD could have bitten a piece off the bag and inhaled it, choking without you even knowing it. It's a hazard.

outnumbered · June 2011

I do not think that she was judging you. Your daughter was playing with a choking and suffocation hazard while you were busy unloading the groceries. She took the bag away because she was concerned for you daughter's safety. I might not take something away from a strange toddler, but I would watch them until the mother's focus was back on them.

ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE · June 2011

I'm wondering how much you were watching your daughter if a stranger was close enough to snatch something out of her hands.

When I'm at the grocery store nobody would get close enough to my lil sunshine to be able to snatch something out of the baby's hand.

Baby0322 · June 2011

ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE:

I'm wondering how much you were watching your daughter if a stranger was close enough to snatch something out of her hands.

When I'm at the grocery store nobody would get close enough to my lil sunshine to be able to snatch something out of the baby's hand.

Not even in a line at the grocery store?

ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE · June 2011

Baby0322:
ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE:

I'm wondering how much you were watching your daughter if a stranger was close enough to snatch something out of her hands.
When I'm at the grocery store nobody would get close enough to my lil sunshine to be able to snatch something out of the baby's hand.
Not even in a line at the grocery store?

No, the cart is in front of me. If I'm unloading groceries how can someone get in front of me to the baby?

My point is that if she wan't close enough to stop a stranger from snatching something from her baby's hand, she was not close enough to supervise her child playing with a freaking plastic bag.

ali_bl-nov05 · June 2011

TMDMJAOCT07:
Oh I would have lost it as well. Who the heck does that? If anything, you say something to the mom "not sure if you realized your child had a plastic bag in their hand" kind of comment. Just to be safe, you never know when they'll reach for something and we don't notice it instantly, but to take it away from the child, nope nope nope.

Gosh, this.

Baby0322 · June 2011

ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE:
Baby0322:
ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE:

I'm wondering how much you were watching your daughter if a stranger was close enough to snatch something out of her hands.

When I'm at the grocery store nobody would get close enough to my lil sunshine to be able to snatch something out of the baby's hand.

Not even in a line at the grocery store?

No, the cart is in front of me. If I'm unloading groceries how can someone get in front of me to the baby?

My point is that if she wan't close enough to stop a stranger from snatching something from her baby's hand, she was not close enough to supervise her child playing with a freaking plastic bag.

You are just so special and perfect in every way. You must never make mistakes. Your perfection just makes me burst out in tears because it's just so beautiful. Crying

ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE · June 2011

Baby0322:
ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE:
Baby0322:
ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE:

I'm wondering how much you were watching your daughter if a stranger was close enough to snatch something out of her hands.
When I'm at the grocery store nobody would get close enough to my lil sunshine to be able to snatch something out of the baby's hand.
Not even in a line at the grocery store?
No, the cart is in front of me. If I'm unloading groceries how can someone get in front of me to the baby?
My point is that if she wan't close enough to stop a stranger from snatching something from her baby's hand, she was not close enough to supervise her child playing with a freaking plastic bag.
You are just so special and perfect in every way. You must never make mistakes. Your perfection just makes me burst out in tears because it's just so beautiful.

oh shut the fvvk up already. You don't have to be a perfect mother or even a good mother to not let your spawn play with a plastic bag.

When I make a mistake, and i make lots, it doesn't kill my child.

Baby0322 · June 2011

ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE:
Baby0322:
ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE:
Baby0322:
ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE:

I'm wondering how much you were watching your daughter if a stranger was close enough to snatch something out of her hands.

When I'm at the grocery store nobody would get close enough to my lil sunshine to be able to snatch something out of the baby's hand.

Not even in a line at the grocery store?

No, the cart is in front of me. If I'm unloading groceries how can someone get in front of me to the baby?

My point is that if she wan't close enough to stop a stranger from snatching something from her baby's hand, she was not close enough to supervise her child playing with a freaking plastic bag.

You are just so special and perfect in every way. You must never make mistakes. Your perfection just makes me burst out in tears because it's just so beautiful.

oh shut the fvvk up already. You don't have to be a perfect mother or even a good mother to not let your spawn play with a plastic bag.

When I make a mistake, and i make lots, it doesn't kill my child.

I'm pretty sure her child is still alive.

Chrysallys · June 2011

Baby0322:
ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE:
Baby0322:
ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE:
Baby0322:
ECOFRIENDLYHOUSEWIFE:

I'm wondering how much you were watching your daughter if a stranger was close enough to snatch something out of her hands.

When I'm at the grocery store nobody would get close enough to my lil sunshine to be able to snatch something out of the baby's hand.

Not even in a line at the grocery store?

No, the cart is in front of me. If I'm unloading groceries how can someone get in front of me to the baby?

My point is that if she wan't close enough to stop a stranger from snatching something from her baby's hand, she was not close enough to supervise her child playing with a freaking plastic bag.

You are just so special and perfect in every way. You must never make mistakes. Your perfection just makes me burst out in tears because it's just so beautiful.

oh shut the fvvk up already. You don't have to be a perfect mother or even a good mother to not let your spawn play with a plastic bag.

When I make a mistake, and i make lots, it doesn't kill my child.

I'm pretty sure her child is still alive.

You sure are taking the criticism of the OP personally.

Mainer-in-Texas · June 2011

fredalina:
The lines at my grocery store are narrow. If I filled the cat to the far end, I have to get in front of the cart and pull it in to empty it. LO in the front would be right next to the next person in line.

This is what I was thinking. I can't reach all the way into the cart without at least going to the side of it, hence making room for a stranger to come up to my child in the seat. EFHW, do you have Go-Go-Gadget arms or something?

12bailey18 · June 2011

I would be LIVID! I've gotten irritated with friends (who don't have kids) who may take something LO is "playing" with that may not be a toy but a tota stranger? That would make me so mad! FWIW- I always let LO play with the bags when we shop, he loves the sound it makes and it keeps him occupied! And anyway, he's inches from me and I'm facing him!

mrsolsen2000 · June 2011

12bailey18:
I would be LIVID! I've gotten irritated with friends (who don't have kids) who may take something LO is "playing" with that may not be a toy but a tota stranger? That would make me so mad! FWIW- I always let LO play with the bags when we shop, he loves the sound it makes and it keeps him occupied! And anyway, he's inches from me and I'm facing him!

I do this too! DD likes to wave the produce bags around. I am always right there. I do understand what pps have said about bags not being toys, unsafe etc. At home I have any sort of plastic bag, ziploc, etc in a top cabinet where DD can't reach them.

Now I am going to have to rethink the playing with bags at the store thing. At least the bump makes me think about things differently and gives you other perspectives.

Fashiongal1973 · June 2011

I agree that I would never let DS play with a plastic bag. It could only take a second for him to pull a piece of and stick it in his mouth and choke.

The question that came to my mind is why do you need to put a banana in a plastic produce bag? It seems like a waste.

Also I don't use plastic bags for produce I bought washable mesh ones and I try to always have my reusable bags for my groceries so I don't have to use plastic ones.

NewFamily09 · June 2011

Wow. I could see if maybe she had it over her head or something, but you were right there and she was just holding it. That is rude.

SusieQ1982 · June 2011

I think it was rude for her to grab something from your child, but I also think it's stupid to let your child play with a plastic bag.

Is that the Solomonic idea?

delg23 · June 2011

Lurking... I really don't think taking a plastic bag is going to teach a child to never play with it if they ever find one and they are alone. Its best not to have plastic bags in areas you might leave your child unattended. In fact never leave your child unattended unless you have scanned the perimeter for potential hazards. I always take away bags when at home. He still grabs them if he sees them. The best option is to probably hand something else to the child as you take the bag away although I might have let my son play w/ it as I pushed the cart. I'm always thrilled to get through a shopping trip w/ a happy baby.

Tonya_G · June 2011

Fashiongal1973:

I agree that I would never let DS play with a plastic bag. It could only take a second for him to pull a piece of and stick it in his mouth and choke.

The question that came to my mind is why do you need to put a banana in a plastic produce bag? It seems like a waste.

Also I don't use plastic bags for produce I bought washable mesh ones and I try to always have my reusable bags for my groceries so I don't have to use plastic ones.

LOL, this too.

Jessys_Girl · June 2011

lindylogana:
creativejuices:

I would never do what the woman did... but this reminds me of a local boy who died after putting a Ziploc over his head at the age of 3. (old enough to "know" not to play with them)... He was supposed to be taking a nap in his room & was found with it over his head. He left a twin brother & 3 other siblings. There was talk that the mom had used a bag to store small toys & he had dumped them out. Since then, I am super careful about bags.

In my opinion bags are not a "toy" and should never be one.

But that little boy was playing with a bag under no one's supervision. The OP was watching her child the whole time with the bag. completely different situation IMO.

This. I don't think bags are toys either and i never let her play with them but I was desperate to get my grocery shopping done without a melt down, and if her waving a plastic bag around in the air while I pushed her around in the cart made that happen then so be it. And either way you slice it, that woman should have never touched my kid.

Jessys_Girl · June 2011

spring_time:

Sorry, but I think she was acting out of concern for your child. I do not think what she did was terrible. Perhaps she shouldn't have snatched it, as you described, but you also admit that you were not looking when you heard the scream, so you really didn't see it happen. The woman may have thought she was being helpful. I probably would not have taken the bag, but I would tap you on the shoulder and let you know that your child was playing with it. I guess I would assume that a parent wouldn't want their child playing with a safety hazard. I would want someone to let me know because I know things escape my notice when I am doing something like grocery shopping.

This is true. I had turned around for just a second to put something on the counter, but was turning back and forth (unloading the cart) every second or so.

And I get that she was concerned. I'm totally fine with her concern. But the concern should be addressed to ME, as the mother. Not to my 1 year old child. If the woman had tapped me on the shoulder or said it directly to me "I'm not sure you're aware, she's got a plastic bag" I would've been fine with her comment and would've smiled nicely and said I was okay with it and I was watching her. No big thing. But when you physically touch my child and take something away from her (making her think she's done something wrong, when I've told her what she's doing is okay) it confuses, scares and angers her. A stranger does not have a right to touch my child.

LoriJ11 · June 2011

JCM:
I would have taken it back out of her basket! People need to mind their own business most of the time.

For real!!! The nerve! I would have been ugly to her if I hadn't finished my coffee either.

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