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December 2010 Moms
Broken.
Ladies, I just posted earlier tonight about my marriage taking a huge toll since the baby. Well, I had no idea what was coming. I'm in shock still as I write this, but I need to reach out to you guys.
Last night my husband and I had a conversation-turned-fight about how tense we've been lately and how distant he's been. I told him he was showing signs of depression, because I know depression and he definitely was. I asked him to go seek therapy with me, and he refused. He was acting so strange, and I ended up asking him to stay with a friend that night to give us some space.
This morning I texted him to talk about working things out. No answer. I texted again. No answer. I called. Straight to voicemail. Finally at 4:30, he called and told me he had flown to NYC. Wtf?? Then it all came out. A month ago he went to his friend's wedding. DD and I couldn't go b/c the friend had said no kids at the wedding (yeah, nice). He told me he met a girl there who lives in NYC and within 2 minutes of talking to her, he knew she was the one for him. He said he's in love with her. I finally got him to say that he wanted a divorce. I'm a wreck. This is so unlike him and we've known each other for 8 years/been married for 3. DD is 6 months old tomorrow. He said he will not be an absent father and that he will support us financially. He is going to stay living here, and when I asked, he told me the girl is going to move here.
Where do I even go from here? My parents are here, thankfully. We're not very close, but they are a support system. And the friends I've told are shocked like me, but supportive. But still, I feel all alone. He left me in limbo with a baby while he's off seeing his new gf. If you knew him, you'd be shocked at this behavior.
Sorry so long. I'm a mess.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Broken.
I'm sorry. (I wonder if he's experiencing a manic episode).
Call a lawyer asap. Print out all financial records to protect yourself. He may say he'll support you/DD, but that doesn't mean anything and he could drain the accounts. Since he flew out of state, it may be viewed that he abandoned the assets (house, car, etc).
Please also see a counselor asap. Friends/family are a good support, but you need an unbiased, professional third party especially during major life traumas.
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I agree that you should see a counselor who is not biased/does not know him.
Hug your DD close and hang in there, we are here for you....
What a piece of sh!t.
DH and I both agree.
ETA: I'm really sorry that this is happening to your family. I don't know what I would do.
Oh man, that blows. I agree with PP though - get your azz covered legally ASAP! Apparently your H is doing odd things, and if one of them will impact your stability, then you need to make sure you are set up BEFORE he does some other bone-headed move.
I am soooooo sorry that you are dealing with this, and I really hope it resolves quickly, fairly, and easily. Lots of hugs to you & LO.
OMG, I am so so sorry to hear that you are going through this...there are no words...
I've found the Single Parents board to be helpful in the times that SO & I were/are on the verge of breaking up, a lot of good support/advice. Hang in there! {{{HUGS}}}
I am so sorry. I can't imagine what you must be going through right now. I would agree with others to protect yourself financially and seek guidance from an unbiased 3rd party.
Other than that, all I can recommend is just to give your daughter more love than you already do. I know it's not the same situation, but I have a friend whose fiance was abusive, and then he left her and their newborn daughter. Now my friend is one of the greatest moms I know, and she and her daughter have an amazing bond.
I hope everything works out for both of you. T&Ps!
ugh I'm so so so so sorry
I agree with Kellog it sounds like he's lost his mind. and I agree with all of this:
vent here whenever you want!
Oh my goodness... I am incredibly sorry to hear this.
Big hugs and best of luck...
You know you can always unload here with the December moms.
I'm so sorry. My sister-in-law is going through a very similar situation and it's heartbreaking. I definitely agree with all of these pp. We are always here for you
Thank you, girls. I woke up thinking that maybe this was all just a bad dream, even though I knew it was real. My mom stayed here with me last night. I can't see myself living in this house much longer. It's too hard. He comes back tomorrow and we're going to split out our finances. I will be hiring a lawyer because we have the house and of course the baby.
I agree with PP--this does sound like something out of a movie. I never thought this could be my life. I've had two phone conversations with him and he sounds so calm, while I'm the hysterical one. I guess he's had a month to figure this all out. What kind of husband/father can just switch us off like this? And what kind-of woman is okay with having an affair with a married man who has a baby? How can he think this girl is worth throwing us away?
I know logically that I will get through this, but right now it feels like I'll never recover. I have support, but I still feel so lonely. And I can't stop thinking about him in NYC with this dumb biiitch.
What do I say to him when he comes home tomorrow? I think I need to get an apartment with DD. Should he stay living here?
2 babies in heaven (mc)
Blog: ForLoveofCupcakes.com
That occurred to me too...it seems so outrageous and odd. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. We are all here for you
I am so so sorry, we are so here for you if you need anything.
Dx MTHFR (C677T & A1298C, Compound Heterozygous)
My little man at 0-1-2
oh sweetie! i wish we were all there to take you out for a drink! i would definitely not meet with him..and definitely dont agree to anything before you get a lawyer! its true that what he did (flying off to NYC without notification) can be considered abandonment in court and can be favorable for you in the settlement. i think it just depends on the state.
his loss. he's not going to get to see her grow daily the way he should...and to be honest, i would bet money on the fact that this woman will either:
-get cold feet and not move at all
-get here and one or both of them will realize it was a HUGE mistake
i know thats not any help to you right now. but in the end you will be stronger and more confident. its just going to take a bit to get there.
thinking of you!!
ps...ask your mom to watch the babe and spend the day at the spa...go feel taken care of!!!
Yes call a lawyer ASAP. I don't think it would be a wise move to vacate the family home right now and get an apartment. Don't make any big changes like that until you've had a week or so to process things emotionally and have sound advice from a lawyer.
I am so sorry this has happened to you.
I'm sorry to hear this. I think you've been given some great advice about protecting yourself legally and getting some counseling to help you though this. This is my own personal bias, so feel free to ignore it or even tell me I'm crazy, but sometimes it seems like people (in this case your H) look at divorce as the easy solution to their problems. So I'd also consider asking your H again to go to counseling with you.
And finally, I would encourage you to stay put in the house. If he's the one that wants change so badly, I'd let him move out.
BFP #2 5/27/12. EDD 2/1/13. m/c and D&C 6/21/12.
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through. Please take care of yourself and take advantage of the fact that there are people here and IRL that can and will help to get you through this. You don't deserve to be treated this way and I hope that you are able to see that you and LO do deserve everything that a lawyer is able to help you get. Including the house.
<<hugs>> I'll keep you and LO in my T&P's
Our Family Blog Weightloss Blog
*hugs* I am so incredibly sorry for what you are going through-I can't even imagine. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear right now, but I think in the long run he did you a favor. Any man who will leave his wife for a woman he fell for in two minutes (*huge eye roll* let's see how long THAT relationship lasts) doesn't deserve to have you by his side for the rest of his life. I can almost guarantee he's going to wake up one morning and say "WTF was I THINKING??" but it will be too late, and he's going to have to live with that.
Get your financial documents in order, see a lawyer, and get tested for STDs. I'm sorry, I'm sure that's the last thing you want to think about, but your husband hasn't been honest with you and there is no doubt in my mind he's slept with this other woman. I would also suggest you check out the Single Parents board-those ladies are a great support.
Hang in there hon, we're here if you need us.
I just skimmed through the other responses and I came across your reply. My advice? No. He's abandoning you guys. He can fvcking leave and get an apartment. You and your DD deserve so much better, and I really want to beat the crap out of your H for you.
Also, good for you for calling a lawyer and having your mom spend the night there with you guys. I'm glad that you have family close by you can lean on.