Community› The Bump Month Clubs› November 2011 Moms
November 2011 Moms
New Discussion

Pity Invite...NBR

Olalala157Olalala157 member
in November 2011 Moms

I have a friend who I went to college with and she is getting married in July. She lives in Australia wih her husband whos a pilot so they travel a lot but their wedding is back in NJ. I was never really close with her but we always talked here and there. Now we mostly stay in touch through facebook. 

Yesterday she posted a comment on facebook about her wedding and I commented "Oh I am so excited for you guys, make sure you take lots of pictures because I was to see!" Later on she proceeded to send me a private message saying "Hey just throwing it out there you guys are more than welcome to come to our wedding, the more the merrier ;) and it's a good excuse to come back to NJ." 

 I feel like that a pity invite.  If you really wanted me there you would have invited me. DH thinks we should go but I dont really want to go because I feel like she didnt want me there in the first place otherwise we would have gotten an invite. Her invites went out a month ago. She knows where I live and its not like she could have forgotten about us so I dont know what to do. Would you go? Or make a small excuse as to why you cant make it? 

image

BFP 03/01/2011 - DD  Annabelle 10/28/2011
BFP 12/2/2012 - MC 12/19/2012 @ 5w
BFP 01/25/2013 - MC 02/09/2013
BFP 09/09/2013 - DUE 05/17/2014
Report Reply to Post

Re: Pity Invite...NBR

  • ChrissyT54ChrissyT54

    Well I would look at a few things first. Like how far from NJ do you live now. Sometimes it seems like a gift grab to invite people from out of town that you think wouldn't have been able to come anyway.

     

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • Olalala157Olalala157 member
    Were only an hour from NJ and she knows I got o NJ all the time because all our family is in NJ. Were in MD. 
    image

    BFP 03/01/2011 - DD  Annabelle 10/28/2011
    BFP 12/2/2012 - MC 12/19/2012 @ 5w
    BFP 01/25/2013 - MC 02/09/2013
    BFP 09/09/2013 - DUE 05/17/2014
    Report Reply
  • jessaug6jessaug6
    Personally, I would make an excuse because it did sound like she kinda skipped over you. But with someone who is planning their wedding and sending invites, they could of just accidentally missed you. But who knows.
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers pregnant image,image,image,image
    Report Reply
  • 2BMrs.Carter2BMrs.Carter
    I'm confused? What's a "gift grab"? 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • 2BMrs.Carter2BMrs.Carter
    image2BMrs.Carter:
    I'm confused? What's a "gift grab"? 
    Ooops, here's the rest of my comment: sometimes the people you don't talk to ofter can be easily overlooked during wedding planning. If you happen to be in NJ that wknd and feel up to it go ahead and go.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • walteroliver3walteroliver3

    It's possible that her initial invites were limited by the size of the venue she booked and then she may have not have gotten as many "yeses" as she anticipated. I know it's tricky planning a wedding, especially when you have a large family and there are a certain number of people you're obligated to invite.

    I wouldn't call the invite a "pity invite". I would think maybe she extended the invitation because she has more space than she orginally thought, and would genuinely like to have you there. If you want to go (i.e, there will be other friends there you'd like to catch up with, you think the evening will be enjoyable), go. If you don't want to go, make an excuse and don't go. It's as simple as that.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • LindseylouwhoLindseylouwho
    Honestly, I find that insulting and rude, and I would be pissed! I would rather not be invited at all then for her to have said that to me. What she should have done is called you and explained that the venue was too small to accommodate every single person, and that she wishes she could have invited you. It does sound like she did have extra room all the sudden, but that's not an excuse for her poor behavior. If you do decide to go, I would at least tell her how her comment to you made you feel, or it will be one of those things that could seriously hurt your future relationship. Weddings are a touchy subject, especially when you can't invite everyone, but that was definitely not the way to handle this. So sorry!!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • LurkieLooLurkieLoo member

    I agree with Lindsey- that's TOTALLY insulting and rude.  I deny any Facebook invites.  Its tacky and rude but ESPECIALLY for weddings and baby showers- its totally gift grabby!  

    I wouldn't go.  I would just respond that we had previous plans that weekend or something.  

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • klreese0213klreese0213
    IMO- it is a pity invite, i would not make an excuse, i simply would not go.
    "sorry, we cant make it. hope your day is blissful"
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Kit15Kit15
    imagewalteroliver3:

    It's possible that her initial invites were limited by the size of the venue she booked and then she may have not have gotten as many "yeses" as she anticipated. I know it's tricky planning a wedding, especially when you have a large family and there are a certain number of people you're obligated to invite.

    I wouldn't call the invite a "pity invite". I would think maybe she extended the invitation because she has more space than she orginally thought, and would genuinely like to have you there. If you want to go (i.e, there will be other friends there you'd like to catch up with, you think the evening will be enjoyable), go. If you don't want to go, make an excuse and don't go. It's as simple as that.

    That was exactly the case with one particular friend of mine.  We were close in high school but after graduation we fell out of touch.  Many of the co-workers I invited couldn't make it so we extended the guest list.  "Pity" really didn't enter into it.  Nostalgia perhaps but not pity.  I'm glad she came but if all she got out of it was that I felt sorry for her she didn't need to show up.   

    I've been a last minute invite to weddings before (again...because of so many people unexpectedly declining).  I'm just happy for the chance to go and celebrate.  I love weddings!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Olalala157Olalala157 member
    I'm not going. I responded saying that I appreciate the invite but due to our busy summer schedule we wont be able to make it. If we have known ahead of time we likely would have been able to make plans but we have other plans at this point. I think what got to me more too is she said if we "want" to come. When I was doing my wedding invitations I told people I would love to have them there, not tell them if they want to come they can, I feel like I'm inviting myself in. Either way, I appreciate her invite but I will pass. Thanks for all your opinions, you guys are amazing!
    image

    BFP 03/01/2011 - DD  Annabelle 10/28/2011
    BFP 12/2/2012 - MC 12/19/2012 @ 5w
    BFP 01/25/2013 - MC 02/09/2013
    BFP 09/09/2013 - DUE 05/17/2014
    Report Reply
  • 718gemini718gemini member

    I don't blame you.  You said you guys aren't even that close, so unless you're one of those people who just loooooooves weddings, imo it seems pointless to go.  It's not like being a wedding guest is cheap!  I'm not sure if I'd be offended if I was in your situation, or felt like she was taking pity on me, but I agree that the invite could have been handled in a much better fashion.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"