Advice on how to tell a friend

thesage · November 2008

I can use some advice on how to tell my friend I'm pregnant....here's the background.

This is my 4th pregnancy (I miscarried my first). For the past year and 1/2 my friend has been trying to get pregnancy (she has a daughter that gets together with my 3 yr old). In the past year and 1/2 I had another daugher and I'm now pregnant again (it was very unplanned which she'll know if I tell her I'm pregnant). I feel that this is almost worse -- here she is trying to have another child and I get pregnant without even trying! How should I tell her the news? I know she is sad about the whole thing and is even more sad when finding out other friends are having children (understandable so -- I'd probably be the same way!). Thanks for any advice you may have -- I was so continue this friendship and I'm so afraid I'm going to make her sad!

kaightea · November 2008

I would say email her - that way she has a chance to soak it in without the pressure of reacting in person. In the end she'll be happy for you, but sometimes when you're on that side it's better to be able to digest the information alone and then share the hapiness when ready.

bellaciao · November 2008

She will be sad. There's nothing you can do to help that. But just be honest with her and tell her (when you're ready to tell her), and she'll deal with it in her own way. Give her some space, and don't get angry if she's less than thrilled about it - even the best of friends might have a hard time showing excitement in this situation. More than likely, she'll be happy for you but also sad for herself. GL!

schmoodle · November 2008

Agreed that it's better to tell her in a way that gives her time to process and be sad if she needs to be without hurting your feelings by crying in front of you. After that, I would give her space. Speaking from experience, when dealing with problems conceiving, even when happy for others it's very painful often to even think about pregnancy or babies. When she's ready to talk about it I'm sure she'll bring it up. You're a great friend for thinking about this ahead of time. Congrats on your pregnancy!

KTGush · November 2008

Call her, that way it is personal, but she can hide her tears if there are any. I had a similar situation wth my cousin, and i told her that I was nervous about telling her, cause i knew she wanted to be pregnant, and I think that helped her to see I'm not the bad guy here.

Good luck

reba · November 2008

i would call too, and just be honest with her but sensitive to her situation. i was on the receiving end of this, not because i was having problems getting pregnant but b/c we decided to wait to get pregnant because of some personal issues. my sister got pregnant during this time and called me up, was very cool about it and sensitive and i really appreciated it. now that we're both pregnant everything is even better

you wouldn't want her to find out another way, so i think it's best just to be open about it. good luck!

LindsayD82 · November 2008

This is a tough one... I told a friend who has been trying for over 3 years to get pregnant and it was really hard. The way our relationship is, it was really important for me to tell her in person. She was very happy for me though and excited (of course probably still a little sad) I think you just have to evaluate your relationship with her. She will be sad, but I would imagine she would also be hurt if your kept it from her too. In your friendship and in this situation maybe an email or a phone call would be better. It's hard for anyone to tell you the best way to do this.

Good luck.

ZaraLou · November 2008

Wow.. I don't know if it's just me or what, but I can't imagine acting unhappy at the news of a friend's pregnancy..whether I am having trouble conceiving or not. Of course she is going to feel like "why cant i get pg?" but she is feeling that whether you are pg or not.. and she is sad about it whether you are pg or not. I think you are making the situation more awkward than it has to be if you do it over the phone or act like you are so scared to tell her. I say just tell her next time you see her.. be like "well you are not going to believe the surprise i got.." and then just be sensitive about it.. you certainly don't need to talk about it all the time or rub it in her face. I think the fact that she does have a daughter should make it a little bit less sensitive..at least she knows she is able to have children.. just be there for her and support her and i think it is fine. No good friend is going to be upset about your news.. even if she has to "act" like she is thrilled..that is her job as friend

sept14 · November 2008

This was discussed a few days ago too. I am in a similar situation except that it is my first pregnancy and my friend doesn't have any children yet. I think I am going to tell her in person.

Most of the suggestions the other day mentioned emailing. To me that seems impersonal. Ii understand the logic behind it since then the friend doesn't feel the need to hide emotions, but I feel I need to do in person if I can.

Good luck and Congrats.

Want a personalized experience?

Advice on how to tell a friend

Re: Advice on how to tell a friend

Choose Another Board

Search Boards