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2nd Trimester
PansyPants
member
Circumcision
PansyPants
member
This came up in the October board and I'm curious where all the soon to be moms of boys stand on the issue.
Personally, I couldn't make up my mind so I gave the decision to my husband since he's the only one in the relationship that has a penis. Figures that he would be the only one with a personal opinion.
Despite being circumcised, he's decided that we will not do so with our baby.
I'm curious how other family are handling this conversation or if it's a non-issue and you already felt a certain way about the matter.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Circumcision
I did the same as you- I let my H decide. He is for it, 100%. He is circumcised, enjoys sex very much, and prefers the look as opposed to uncircumsized. This always turns into a heated debate but I couldn't care less what other people do!
Thank you for sharing. Just out of curiosity, by 'having issues' what do you mean? Like he just wishes he was circumsized? Or has trouble keeping it clean, or what?
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If my son knew I was dicussing his penis, he would have me committed! lol
The skin around his penis is very tight and constricting. He washes, but it hurts to pull back so I think he misses some stuff. I know it sounds awkward, but his dad has offered to help, but he gets very embarassed so won`t allow it. I hate to say it, but he may have to have the procedure done in the near future.
Same thing happened to my little brother!
Nah, we're not doing it this time.
We had it done for our first son, and I feel kind of guilty about it. I was in the camp of 'let my husband decide because he has a penis and I don't'. Well, then I realized...it's all he knows...he wouldn't even know for sure if things could be better at all if he wasn't circumcised. And he went and watched it done, so we really started discussing it after that- and the potential pros and cons. We did realize that he's a 30 year old American male from a small town.....it was just the norm for him. Now we do realize that it's almost more of an American tradition...it's not as popular in other countries, unless you are Jewish or Muslim.
The AAP doesn't recommend it. They stay rather neutral and politically correct I guess, though. They don't condone it either, but they say that the potential benefits are not enough to recommend doing it. That really started to speak volumes to me, too.
Also, I have realized that a lot of the problems that seem to come up for American men that aren't circumcised are because of improper care- lots of doctors don't even seem to know what do really do! Apparently, you aren't supposed to retract it at all until it can easily be done. Often that happens as a kid, other times not till they are teenagers. So, right there, it seems to be a major problem that it is causing trauma and pain for uncircumcised boys and then the doctors suggest circumcision.
Obviously, there are always going to be some exceptions...some true problems that occur despite proper care, but then again, there are problems with circumcion, too, but people don't seem to talk about it as much. I've had to dig some of it out of people. My own son had to be manually separated again at age one. He had some regrowth of skin. It was not pleasant, though, not considered even reportable. The doctor just did it quickly, it bled, he screamed, I felt terrible, etc.
Exactly! This is what happened to DH. Just know, he is very happy that finally at 12 he had the procedure done, but wishes it had happened at birth and saved him the agony. My best to your son.
Initially DH wanted to circumsize if we ended up having a son. He is and so is all of his family and it's just what he knows. Well I was certain I wanted to circumsize if we were having a son as well, since my dad is and frankly,I've never even seen an uncircumsized penis until my nephew was born (6 years ago).
Well, we're having a boy so the topic came up. I read a lot about it last year and learned that a lot of grown men are trying to reverse their circumcission by having the skin stretched. I informed DH about the pros and cons and really the only con is the pain your son will be in during/after the procedure. This kind of hit a nerve with DH so he is now thinking about it. But I also told him to think about how our son might feel when he realizes his penis doesn't look like daddy's. Most boys want to be just like their dad's so this is something to consider too.
It's a tough decision, but a vey personal one and no one has the right to judge you for whatever you decide.
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Not to get personal, but how bad was the procedure at that age? My son is almost 11 and we will likely have it done around 12 or so.
WifeyMommy... Did your brother end up having the circumcision done at a later age? My son is terrified and I feel so bad that I didn't have it done when he was born. The doctor said it was purely cosmetic and unnecessary, but for my son, it's a source of discomfort.
As an infant up till around three, no the foreskin should not be pulled back. After that age, the foreskin needs to be pulled back to clean under. Every penis is different. Some have problems, some don't.
I'm glad your husband didn't have any issues. It can be painful when there are.
As an infant up till around three, no the foreskin should not be pulled back. After that age, the foreskin needs to be pulled back to clean under.
No, no! This is where most American doctors have it wrong. I have no idea why! It's not really the fault of the parents because it is difficult to find the information and it certainly isn't coming from most doctors.
This happened to my friend, too....the doctor kept telling her to clean under it because her son was 3 and then naturally he started having scarring and pain so they had him circumcised. Come to find out, it is because the doctor gave her very bad advice, which is common!
But even on this site it says that it should only be done when it is easily retractable. Which usually happens by age 5, though, for some boys it is even later!
https://kidshealth.org/parent/system/surgical/circumcision.html#We're not circ'ing if we have a boy.
The American Academy of Pediatrics, Elk Grove Village, IL, 1999.
Care of the Uncircumcised Penis
At birth, a boy's penis, including the shaft and head (glans), is covered by a double fold of skin. This is called the foreskin. Circumcision removes the foreskin over the glans. If a boy is not circumcised, his foreskin is left intact. During the first several years of life, the intact foreskin will naturally separate from the glans. This is called foreskin retraction. This information has been developed by the American Academy of Pediatrics to explain foreskin retraction, smegma, and how to care for the uncircumcised penis.
What is foreskin retraction?
Foreskin retraction occurs when the foreskin can be pulled away from the glans toward the abdomen. This process happens on its own. When it happens is different for every child. Most boys will be able to retract their foreskins by the time that they are 18 years old.
What is smegma?
When the foreskin separates from the glans, skin cells are shed. This begins in childhood and continues through the teen years. New skin cells regularly replace the ones that are shed. Since this shedding takes place in a closed space - with the foreskin covering the glans - the shed skin cells may look like whitish lumps, resembling pearls, under the foreskin. These whitish lumps are called smegma. Specialized glands, called Tyson's Glands, located under the foreskin are largely inactive in childhood. At puberty, Tyson's Glands produce an oily substance, which when mixed with skin cells, make up adult smegma. Adult smegma serves as a protective lubricator for the glans.
Diagrammatic Representation of the Inner and Outer Foreskin Layers.
Drawing reprinted by permission of Edward Wallerstein.
Does my son's foreskin need special cleaning?
The uncircumcised penis is easy to keep clean. When your son is an infant, bathe or sponge him frequently and wash all body parts, including the genitals. You do not need to do any special cleansing, such as with cotton swabs or antiseptics. Simply wash the head of the penis and the inside fold of the foreskin with soap and warm water. Remember, do not try to forcibly retract the foreskin. You should watch your baby urinate to be sure that the hole in the foreskin is large enough to allow a normal stream. Consult your pediatrician if:
If the foreskin becomes inflamed, a common cause is the fungus monilia, which can cause redness and itching. This can be easily treated with antifungal cream. If the foreskin becomes considerably red or swollen, see your pediatrician. If your son's foreskin is fully retracted before puberty, an occasional retraction with cleasing beneath will do. Once your son starts puberty, he should retract the foreskin and clean beneath it on a daily basis. It should become a part of your son's total body hygiene, just like shampooing his hair and brushing his teeth. Teach your son to clean his foreskin by:
Caring for your son's uncircumcised penis requires no special action. Remember, foreskin retraction will occur naturally and should never be forced. Once boys begin to bathe themselves, they will need to wash their penis just as they do any other body part.
This information should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.
? 1999 American Academy of Pediatrics
This. DH knows both sides of the issue and I was on the fence, so I let him make the call. He said no doubt we are having it done. We've researched it, discussed it, and both feel comfortable with our decision. I hate how these posts always seem to turn into people criticizing others for thier personal decisions. Just make sure you know the pros and cons before you make your decision. I also could care less what others decide, it's not my child.
He had it done at birth but there were some complications with it and it grew back and he had to have it re-done. The infection and everything was really painful for him. I believe he was 7 or 8 when it was redone.
I used to work at a day care in the toddler room. You don't even know how many times the uncircumcised boys had infections. I also think it is an issue. We will be getting it done. Anyway, DH wouldn't have it any other way.
FTR, if I have a girl, I will be getting her ears pierced as a baby.
I did as my doctor told me (old doctor). I didn't force the skin back to clean under, but I did pull it back gently to clean it. It would have been nice to know that beforehand though. You would figure a doctor knows.
Anyhow, it is able to be pulled back now and it has been looked at by our new doctor who has said his foreskin is too tight. To save my son pain and aggravation in the future we are going to have it done.
This. DH is circumsized and his brother is not (DH is adopted from an Irish family that does it - but DH's family does not). DH said his brother was always very shy about it. I have seen and been involved with both and it didn't matter to me (although my mom being Jewish is matters to her). DH wants it..but no bris for us, it'll be in the hospital IF this is a boy.
We are Team Green but have had this discussion already & it is still not resolved. My DH is but doesn't really want to do it if we have a boy - his reasoning is that it should be the boy's decision, we have no religious reason for doing it and there is no hard scientific evidence that it is less clean/healthy. My reasoning for wanting to do it is 1) that there is enough anecdotal evidence that health is closely tied to cleanliness (and teenage boys aren't know for cleanliness) and 2) a personal experience I had with an ex who was uncircumcised. During a sexual encounter with this ex, his foreskin tore causing a lot of pain, embarrasment & the necessity to be circumcised at the age of 23.
Also - how many boys/men who are "of age" to make a decision like that really would say "sure I think I should have part of my penis cut off" unless there is a health issue? Not bloody likely.
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I would like to circumcise my boy soon after birth. If he grows up uncircumcised then wants it later in life, it will be a horrid experience for him. DH was circumcised when he was in his late teens (it's sort of a right of passage in his culture) and was in tremendous pain from the procedure. I think it's best to do it when the baby is little and can't remember the experience.
I do think it's a shame that the popularity of circumcision has fallen some here in the USA, yet it will probably jump back up simply because everyone is uneducated about it...especially doctors!
If the doctors aren't educated about it, how can we expect the parents to be?
So then we end up with many more problems with pain, scarring, infections, late circumcisions, etc.
It's almost like a huge PSA needs to go out across the nation, so that people will at least know what to do and how to avoid the majority of the problems that are caused by improper care.
so if she had to have a breast reduction in her teens, it would only be your decision?
I won't get on my soap box again, i've said it a million times. there is no proven advantage to circumcision. we did not do it and MH is not either. lived his whole life fine w/ no infections you just have to clean it properly. I just can't see putting a newborn through an unncecessary surgery just so it looks like what your used to.
you can find horror stories both ways. I know plenty of little boys that had to have it re cut b/c the Dr.s' did a hack job. putting a toddler under anesthesia to finish the job is not something i was willing to risk.
DS is not. I would not have a healthy piece of flesh cut from my daughter's genitals, so I won't have it done from my son's genitals either. Likewise, I would not have my child's appendix or tonsils removed preventively.