- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Becca14261
member
Dealing with In-Laws
Becca14261
member
Since finding out that we were going to have a baby at age 23, my fiance and I decided to save money and move into his parents house. Now that I have had the baby, I am starting to regret the decision.
I love his family to death and they have helped us out so much. However, I feel smothered and I have loss my sense of independence as a person and as a mother. I don't have the heart to tell my fiance how I am feeling because I don't want to hurt his feelings because it is his family and he is the sole money maker until I can find a better job.
Is anyone else going through something similar? Any advice on dealing with this?
Or is this me being hormonal from having the baby and I am just being crazy?!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Dealing with In-Laws
Agreed.
We are living next door to my ILs in their rental property until our home's built and it is too close. When we first got home with DS, she wanted to come over daily, go for walks together, have dinner, and texted me all the time. She even bought a glider, play yard, outfits, and diapers for her house.
After a week, I couldn't take it anymore - and my ILs are usually great! I could tell she was picking up on the tension so I knew it was time to say something to DH.
I would never say 'Your family's driving me effing insane and I can't stand them right now.' So I turned it around a little bit and said something along the lines of 'I'm afraid I'm hurting your mom's feelings, she really wants to see DS all the time and spend the afternoons together but I've been saying no because it's important for me to have alone time with him right now. We're trying to get into a bit of a routine and I want to do this on our own.'
Luckily, DH was on board and we talked to his mom and told her that he and I felt it was important for us to figure things out on our own and, especially at the beginning, bond with LO. We told her there will be many times to come when we will be begging her for help but right now, we're doing ok and need this time for ourselves.
It has helped a lot. She is much more respectful of our space and doesn't just show up at our doorstep any more... of course, you don't even have a doorstep seperating you, do you
Do say something (to DH if you're not comfortable going to your ILs directly), just say it gently and not exactly what you really want to scream at the top of your lungs. If they listen to what you say, it will improve things greatly.
By the way, remember that your BF's mom is a momma too. She has been through becoming a mom and would probably completely understand your feelings. Don't keep it bottled up until you explode... I'm bad for that and it never ends well.
And definitely get out of the house when you can.... Are there some baby programs/groups you can join to get you guys out of the house a few times a week?
Good luck!
Elle Kay hit the nail on the head. It's imperative that you speak to your fiance about this issue and it gets addressed ASAP. It will only get worse if you don't.
If you feel like you're losing your independence, it may not just be attributed to LO. I too have intrusive, smothering, albeit very sweet, ILs and they bend over backwards to do anything and everything for us including, but not limited to, fetching our groceries, landscaping our yard, and cooking our meals. They live 15 mins. away. Very sweet, however; as a successful career woman who has lived on my own for years before I met DH, you can imagine this made me feel quite smothered and even somewhat belittled.
ANYWAY, my point is that I continue to deal with it by always showing appreciation, but never initiating contact. Their relationship is primarily with their son, after all. The end result is a visit once per week and endless invitations that we (or rather, I) decline.
P.S. Get the heck out of there!