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How do you mitigate sibling rivalry?

AggieCoupleAggieCouple member
in Parenting

ML (5) and TB (almost 3.5) were getting along fantastically right before the baby was born.  They were having some fights previously, mainly ML getting irritated with TB for messing something up, but right around Christmas time, things seemed to calm down a lot.  Both H and I kept commenting on how they were finally getting along so well.

Jinx.

It's worse than ever.  They fight over EVERYTHING.  And both do the "I didn't realize that toy/book/piece of lint even existed but now that you have it, I must have it" thing.  ML is especially bad about that and TB is definitely mischievous and purposely does things to make ML mad, like cough in her milk.  Neither like to share with the other.  

It really seems to have escalated since AM was born.   At least before, they started off playing together and it would sometime descend into squabbling.  But now, they just pick on each other and refuse to play together.

I realize quite a lot of it is normal, and H and I do a decent job of not getting (visibly) annoyed by it, but I have this fear that they will end up not liking each other.  Some of my nieces and nephews have such contentious relationships.  My two oldest nieces, who are sisters, are only now starting to talk and like each other, at the ages of 23 and 25.  Both admit they never liked the other growing up.  

So I'd really like to do something to improve their relationship.  Any tips?

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Re: How do you mitigate sibling rivalry?

  • shouldbworkinshouldbworkin

    I really liked the book Siblings without Rivalry.  Kind of helps put things in perspective and has helped me help my kids vocalize their feelings toward each other and validate them.  Honestly, they aren't going to get along all of the time and it's not realistic to think they will.  Just like any friend, it's normal to get sick of them after awhile.  Only with friends they eventually leave and siblings never do.  It might get better after your DD starts KG in the fall and is out of the house every day.  Can you send them to camp this summer?  Can you make drop off playdates for your DD to get her out of the house a little now? 

    FWIW, I didn't get along with my sisters growing up.  We still don't always see eye to eye but we are close and protective of each other now. 

    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
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  • DandelionMomDandelionMom
    imageshouldbworkin:

    I really liked the book Siblings without Rivalry.  Kind of helps put things in perspective and has helped me help my kids vocalize their feelings toward each other and validate them. 

    Ditto! 

    .
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  • DcubedDcubed

    Sorry I don't have an answer but feel I could have written this post (kids the same age and baby in the picture).  The difference is mine will still play with eachother most of the time but always end up arguing about something.

    My sis and I played great together when we were young like this age but as we grew into teens we went totally different directions and fought terribly.  Even now we only get along for so long before we annoy eachother so I guess getting along at a young age doesn't mean you will get along later :o)

    Mommy to DS1 ~10.11.05~ DD1 ~07.22.07~ DD2 ~09.10.10~
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  • SxiaSxia member
    One thing I read about is one mom who at bedtime had their children state 3 nice things their sibling did for them today. I think three is a bit much, but I usually ask DD what made her happy today and what made her sad today. It's a specific way I find out about her high and low of the day, and the rule is there always has to be a happy. You have to find something to be happy or grateful about. Aim this toward a sibling and they focus on the good about the sibling.
    image
    Samantha Skye - Aug 30, 2006 AND Maxwell Griffin - April 14, 2009
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • AggieCoupleAggieCouple member

    They are both in school 3 days a week during the summer.  We can't pull them out or risk losing our spot for the fall.  TB actually just moved into ML's class, and according to the teachers, they get along great at school.  

    I was considering that book (per Dande's previous recommendations) and will check it out soon.

    Sxia, that's a great idea.  We will have to try that.

    I did write this OP earlier in the day and strangely, they played really well together after school until bedtime.  H actually had to go into the office today, so I cleared my schedule and that seems to have made a difference.  Maybe this is my wake up call.  Between the baby, the house and the small amount of work I'm doing, I'm obviously not focusing on them enough.  

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