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Postpartum Depression
Mamaof3Jade
member
My story of PPD and losing my Mom *long*
Mamaof3Jade
member
When I was 31 weeks pg with dd Iris, I had some bleeding and contractions and was admitted to labour and delivery. I had lost my mucous plug already and was told I could labour anytime. I was sent home on bedrest. I went into labour at 33 weeks and 6 days, and had a healthy 5 lb 6 oz baby girl on January 10th, and named her Iris.
The stress of the bedrest with two other children was a lot. The stress of knowing that we would have a preterm baby was so much for Dh and I. Then after Iris was born, I had to stay in the hospital with her for her entire stay (two weeks) to breastfeed. The stress of that was so much for me. And, to boot, Dh and I had recently got in an argument that was never properly resolved when I went into labour and we had to kind of "sit on it" for the whole two weeks.
Needless to say, I ended up developing PPD sometime during my hospital stay and it carried on for sometime (maybe 3 months or so) quite bad and really took a toll on our marriage. I began to feel a little better around April, and thought things were finally looking up.
On May 2nd I got the call. My 12 year old sister crying and screaming saying that shed just woken up to find our Mom laying unconsious on the bathroom floor. My whole world stood still. I sent my Dh over to her right away, and I stayed to look after our children. I told my sister to hang up and call 911. I waited. An hour later, after talking with friends and family on the phone all that time and screaming out my biggest fears to the people who shared them with me, my Dh and sister pulled up in the van, they looked pale.
After my Dh told me that she was gone, I was numb for days. I came around a bit for the arrangements, and the visitations, and the service, but mostly numb.
I have had a lot of help and support from freinds and family, but still it has been so rough. I am now feeling like this is reality, but coping is so painful. It took some time to pass the numbness, and then the anger, but slowly I am. I still dont feel like myslef, though. I am doing everything right, I am just having such a hard time. I guess it just takes time.
I now have a 4.5 yr old son, an almost 2 yr old dd, and a 4.5 month old dd. And not having my wonderful, beautiful, 44 year old mother who had her whole life ahead of her, here with me to share them, is an aweful feeling. She was my best friend.
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Re: My story of PPD and losing my Mom *long*
((((hugs)))) I am sorry you lost your mom. I can understand how you feel and the only thing I can say is how much it sucks. The day we brought home DS2 we found out my mom had stage 4 cancer, she passed 6 months later. I remember feeling numb and eventually the numbness wears off and you're left sad, and angry and...lost...all at the same time. I see older women out shopping/eating lunch with their moms and I feel such a loss that I won't have that, my children won't have a grandma, and then so angry. I was listening to this Christain Rock station when I was driving home one day and they just kept saying that God has a perfect plan for you. It just made me so angry and, even though no one was in the car, started crying and shouting, "THIS was your plan? THIS was YOUR plan? THIS WAS YOUR PLAN?!?!?!?! Your "plan" sucks!!!!!"
You have to give Time time, as the saying goes. Eventually it gets better and you start to be able to breathe. It's only been 6 months and things still blindside me every once in a while, but for the most part it gets better. Hang in there, and pm me if you'd like to talk.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my mom the day before DS' 1st birthday. It's been 2 years and I am still on an emotional roller coaster. If you ever want to talk about this with someone who shares a similar loss, please PM me.
(((HUGS)))
All of this support is so appreciated. I look forward to coming on here from time to time and getting a little "pick me up".
Thank you.
If only this board was more active...
I know it's been a while since you've posted this, but maybe (?) you still go back and check your old posts? My mom died unexpectedly on January 12th of this year. I was almost 25 weeks pregnant and it would be her first grandchild. I feel as though I'm getting more and more lost as time goes on. I've never properly grieved, my hormones were on high, and after having my DD in April it was actually my husband who was having a great deal of anxiety. (Learned that males have PPD too!) I felt the need to take care of them both. I feel pretty good most days but then I just feel like I'm going to explode. I know I'm projecting all of my feelings onto my poor DH and it's a constant fight now. I don't know whether or not it's PPD or clinical depression or whatever, but at this point I don't care. I'm falling apart and feel like everything is fading. I miss my mom. Right, wrong or otherwise, hate that my DH can talk to his mom about anything at any time of the day. I called the PP coordinator at the hospital today for therapist recommendations, but they are SO expensive! I was at my ob/gyn yesterday and didn't say anything because I didn't have a complete meltdown until last night. Not sure if I should call him back or call my regular doctor, or see if therapy can do it on it's own.
Thankfully my dd is taking a longish nap right now! I think she knows that mommy needs it. I don't even know what the point of this post was, but I know we're not alone. It's just so. damn. hard.