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Responding to "Why would you want to do that?"

funkymonkeyohyeahhhfunkymonkeyohyeahhh member
in Natural Birth

I'm not pregnant yet and this is already becoming an issue. Talking to a group of friends yesterday, someone said to avoid a certain hospital. I said I planned to use a (free standing) birth center. The same girl offered praise for that plan because her mother is a doula. We talked a bit about how we'd both really love natural (and maybe water) births. Another girl there simply said, "Why would you do that?"

I have read all about the "You don't get a medal!" mind set but this is the first time I've encountered it.

As I'm thinking more about it, I feel like my biggest "hurdle" is going to be my MIL and SIL. I can't just NOT tell them what our birth plans are because DH's family is really close and will inevitably come to town when the baby is born and I just know it's going to come in conversation, yadda yadda. My SIL is all about inductions, pains meds, etc. 

So, how do I explain the benefits of natural birth to her without... "offending" her about the way she birthed? She's extremely competitive and a very "my way is the right way" sort of person. I feel like it's going to be a tense conversation.

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Re: Responding to "Why would you want to do that?"

  • abell77abell77 member
    Honestly, I wouldn't go into details unless they ask for it.  For starters, I would probably say something like, "After doing much careful thought and research about the topic we have decided to do XYZ.  I'm happy to talk more about it if you'd like, but long story short this is the choice we feel is best for us."  If people do ask more questions and then become challenging toward you at some point you might feel the need to say something along the lines of, "I know you might not understand or agree with our choice, but I am asking you to respect it.  It might be best if I don't discuss my birth plan with you anymore, because I really need all of the positive and supportive thoughts I can get."  Say it as kindly as possible, but hopefully that will help.  It's hard for me to bite my tongue alot of the time, but somewhere along the way I decided that it's not my job to make people understand my point of view.  A pregnant and hormonal woman does not need that added stress! 
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  • ohashletohashlet member

    I agree with PP, don't go into details. Something vague and, "I've been reading into it and it seems like a great fit for me and husband." If she pushes, you can redirect the conversation elsewhere.

    I'm sorry, I know this advice is kind of irritating but in my experience it's really for the best.

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  • ridesbuttonsridesbuttons member

    If you like to debate, then go ahead, get into it with someone.

    If you don't, shrug and say "why wouldn't I want to do that?" or "why do you even have an opinion on my choice in this matter?". 

    Don't anticipate changing someone's mind.  You don't have to judge someone else's choice in order to support your own.  Live and let live.

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  • sschwegesschwege member
    It's not even worth getting into IMO.  I would just say, "We have decided to have our baby at a birth center."  If they press you then just say something like, "After careful consideration, extensive research, praying on it (pick one) we have decided that this is what is best for our family."  And leave it alone!!
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  • funkymonkeyohyeahhhfunkymonkeyohyeahhh member
    Y'all are right. I am just over analyzing this like I do most things with my ILs, ha. This conversation is still clearly a long way off, but I'm already having anxiety about it.
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  • LaComtesseLaComtesse member
    imageridesbuttons:

    If you like to debate, then go ahead, get into it with someone.

    If you don't, shrug and say "why wouldn't I want to do that?" or "why do you even have an opinion on my choice in this matter?". 

    Don't anticipate changing someone's mind.  You don't have to judge someone else's choice in order to support your own.  Live and let live.

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  • Texas77againTexas77again member
    i would be very vague.  i would say you are going with a birthing center.  and as far as the rest is concerned you really don't know how it's going to go.  you don't know if you are going to have a natural birth or if you will birth at the center.  i wouldn't put expectations on it.  it's best to have the attitude of being relaxed and taking what comes. 
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  • funkymonkeyohyeahhhfunkymonkeyohyeahhh member

    imageTexas77again:
    i would be very vague.  i would say you are going with a birthing center.  and as far as the rest is concerned you really don't know how it's going to go.  you don't know if you are going to have a natural birth or if you will birth at the center.  i wouldn't put expectations on it.  it's best to have the attitude of being relaxed and taking what comes. 

    Good advice. I will definitely stick to something like this. Thank you! 

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  • KateLouiseKateLouise member

    I'd just say something vague like, "because it's what feels right for me."

    That way you're not putting any judgement on what anyone else does.

    If she pushes it and you feel like she has an issue as opposed to someone who truly wants to learn about a different perspective then again  statements like, "I don't feel comfortable in hospitals." "I want to see what happens on the day." "I'm keeping my options open"

    etc etc are statements that don't criticise her choices.

     Failing that change the topic to the weather. 

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