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I'm still shaking my head over this one (vent)

msualum96msualum96 member
in Single Parents

Hello, I am mostly a lurker, because since LO was about 3 weeks old, SO and I have had off & on issues with our relationship.  Suffice it to say, SO and I are NOT going to make it as a couple, I finally realize this as a certainty. 

He said to me tonight, "I think I know what did us in" and gestures toward LO.  Um, what?  He goes on to say, "Everything we do revolves around him."  Um, WHAT?  I had absolutely NO response. Speechless.   Because anything I would have said would have been met with an equally ridiculous response on his part.  

His apparent apathy for *our* role as parents has DEFINITELY changed our relationship, and I see no solution.  This is a person who has no job, yet wants to keep LO in daycare 3 days a week (he takes him all day Monday and I have Fridays off) so he can do what he wants to do w/o the responsibility of caring for our child.  I work full time, and YES, I want to spend as much time as possible with my LO when I'm not working.  But that doesn't mean I don't want to spend time w/ SO; I'd love to do things as a FAMILY.  But he wants to leave LO w/ his Mom & go to the casino.  I could go on & on, but the bottom line is that he & I have VERY different definitions of what parenting means.  I just don't think that he "gets it", so to speak. 

Sorry this is long, I just had to vent a little.  Thank you ladies for being available to give support/advice!  It is much appreciated!  

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Re: I'm still shaking my head over this one (vent)

  • Karla76058Karla76058
    I'm sorry.  My BD told me that me getting pregnant is what ruined our relationship and that I should have been more careful with my BC!! Cause he had no part in making the baby. Boys!
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  • Watergirl21Watergirl21 member

    Having a baby is stressful on a relationship- there is a book called and baby makes three that talks about this. 

    But you know what I think?- I think having a baby makes the Mom grow up and become more responsible and if SO isn't on the same page it is very apparent that they aren't pulling their weight.   The Mom now has a priortiy that doesn't revolve around the SO.

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  • msualum96msualum96 member
    imagewatergirl21:

    Having a baby is stressful on a relationship- there is a book called and baby makes three that talks about this. 

    But you know what I think?- I think having a baby makes the Mom grow up and become more responsible and if SO isn't on the same page it is very apparent that they aren't pulling their weight.   The Mom now has a priortiy that doesn't revolve around the SO.

    I couldn't agree more.  This is EXACTLY the problem, and there is absolutely no way to solve it.  He is JEALOUS of my relationship w/ LO, I think, and even though I (used to) love them equally, in the long run, LO WINS...every time...

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  • 35baby35baby

    Sorry to hear things aren't going to work out between the two of you.  I can soft of relate, although my child isn't here yet and we are still "together" whatevre that means.  My BD told me he has enough kids 3 we both see regularly and one he isn't allowed to see.  So of course our child together has him filled with resentment.  He makes me feel nearly all the time as though I did something horribably wrong to him.  It's like he had no part in creating her.  I've nearly (still love him cannot help it) given up on it working out, but hope at least he want's to help me raise her.  Maybe once he sees her for the 1st time he will have a change of heart.  I am sure you will do just fine raising LO on your own.  The best of luck to you.

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  • achase123achase123
    imagebeccaga16:

    Having a baby can change a relationship... but there are other issues if someone believes it was only a child that ruined a relationship. It was most likely a lack of communication, understanding and effort that ends the relationship.

    I would not be able to handle it if my SO blamed my child for our end. That baby did not ask to be brought into this world and he has done nothing wrong. It is clearly his lack of commitment as a father that is ruining things. Though you two probably had some issues before, but maybe not.

    He needs counseling. It sounds like he has checked out. When you leave I suggest counseling for yourself too, cause it sounds like he will not be a very hands on parent and you will be taking on a lot as a single mom. GL!

    All of this.  His comments indicate how extremely selfish he is and I would not believe for a second that this was the first indication of this behavior.

     I read a book about men who are abusive/manipulative and it showed a diagram of how they view the world.  They are the most important thing and it signified this with a huge circle for how they view themselves.  Then a much, much smaller circle would be their SO, and an even smaller circle is the child. 

    My XH has a similar way of thinking although the situation is different.  i could never again be with someone who was so completely and utterly selfish that they didn't even care for their own child.

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  • cherryringpopcherryringpop

    I'm sorry. Men are as$holes. My ex told me when I was 7 weeks along that he hopes I have a miscarriage. I havent spoken to him since. Occasionally I get the random drunk text message that asks "Why'd you leave me baby" um....well maybe because you said you hope our baby dies.

    I'm 25 weeks today. Joke's on him Wink

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  • BeachBum1223BeachBum1223
    imagewatergirl21:

    Having a baby is stressful on a relationship- there is a book called and baby makes three that talks about this. 

    But you know what I think?- I think having a baby makes the Mom grow up and become more responsible and if SO isn't on the same page it is very apparent that they aren't pulling their weight.   The Mom now has a priortiy that doesn't revolve around the SO.

    This is sooo true, happened to STBXH and I! 

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