Would you consider letting your MIL drive your 3 year old across the country? I'm having a hard time with this one. I have an unusual situation where I'm moving from DC to WA state within a month of having a baby. I obviously can't drive my car myself, with the baby, so my MIL has graciously offered to drive my car and I'll just fly. But, she's offered several times to take DS with her. She's not pushy, but DH feels like she really wants DS to go, and she's doing this really nice thing for us so we're sort of obligated, and practically speaking it would be a good idea.
Sending him with her would save us a plane ticket, and would mean he doesn't have to be stuck in a 1 bdrm apartment with his new sister crying all the time (we'll be staying in temp housing by that time). It would give him some special time with g-ma, while I had time to get used to the new baby and get her on a reasonable sleep schedule.
But, I have concerns. What if he is bored to tears with being in the car? He's been on long road trips, but none like this. Also, g-ma lets him get away with more, so his behavior is always terrible after being with her for a few days- and this will be for about 10. And mostly, I'm concerned about safety. My MIL is a safe driver, but overly cautious and slow- which I think can actually be worse sometimes. It makes aggressive drivers do stupid things to get around her.
I think part of this is that it's a stressful move; DH can't go with us, and I'm kind of just prepared for me and the kids to stick together and make it through. I want to keep them both close to me, and I think I need DS as much as he needs me. Also, sometimes I see my MIL as an intruder- my mom is completely uninvolved in my life, so it took a long time to get used to DH's family being so "active" in each others' lives. I would sort of rather get to Seattle, set up OUR routine, and not have any outside interference (she'd want to stay for a while once she drops him and the car off). Is this selfish?
Re: Would you let your MIL... (long)
NO! But I won't even let my parents take my 3 yo down the shore.
I have sort of an anxiety issue though, esp. when it comes to other people driving my baby around. I would not be able to eat or sleep until she was safely here.
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No offense, but I didn't even read the rest of your post after this- NO, absolutely not. However, my MIL is horrid, but still, no. Never. Not even my own mother.
I wouldn't let my HUSBAND drive a 3 yo across the country. Being stuck in a 1 bedroom apartment with a new baby is way better than being stuck in a car. I took a 4 yo on a 9 hour trip and with a dvd player it was hell!
Plus I would never let anyone besides me ot H drive for any long distance with our children, too many bad things could happen. Even if you trust MIL's driving there are alot of crazies out there.
I agree with this.
This is how I feel too. If your child was older, they could turn it into an adventure, maybe stopping to see a few sights along the way. It would be a great bonding experience and geography/history lesson all rolled into one. But a 3-yr old? Not in a million years.
I'm not sure, but I'm leaning towards yes. My MIL is wonderful, and I have great memories of taking half-cross country trips with my grandparents when I was younger (my parents would take us for a week, then go back home to work while we stayed a little longer). Those trips are the best memories I have of my grandparents, who I didn't get to see very much because of the distance.
I think it depends on your 3yr old, and how you think he will behave and how your MIL will react to his behavior.
I don't think you need a plane ticket for an infant though. You can keep in him a body carrier and check the carseat as carryon. If there is an empty seat and your carseat is airplane approved, they will usually switch people around so you can put the baby in the empty seat.
Anyone over the age of 2 needs a ticket.
THIS! I have issues with road trips and I am 23! Plus that would be ten days of you caring for a new baby and worrying about your DS. If you ask me it would be putting yourself in a very hard place. I would be a constant wreck and calling her all the time.
No way. That sounds miserable for both of them, and I would be a nervous wreck the whole time.
I just skimmed but if I were you I'd find a way for her to fly along with you and both kids to give you a hand. I know it'll cost more $$ (although surely negated by the cost of gas/hotels in a 10 day cross country road trip right!?!) but that would be the best situation.
We are moving 1000 miles (so not nearly as long as you are moving) a week or so after this baby is due, and what we are doing is flying my sister up here - she'll fly home w/ me and the kids to help me manage them. My H is driving a moving van, towing our car, and we also are flying his dad up here to follow in H's truck.
ETA: Ok I reread your post. Where does MIL live? How is she going to get home once she arrives w/ your car? Fly one way back? I think she WOULD expect to stay a while and hang w/ y'all after she does you the 'favor' of driving your kid across country.
My ILs are also very ..... um....'helpful' (i.e. intrusive) at times, and I am pretty private, so I TOTALLY get you wanting to establish a little routine w/ just you and the kids. When does your H arrive since he won't be moving with you and the kids?
Just explore ALL your options....shipping your car, having your H bring the car (towed or whatever) when he comes and you just renting one while you're over there alone, flying MIL/DS together with you, etc...... and see what you think the best option for you all is. Good luck.
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No i personally wouldn't
I drove cross country last year and it was pure hell. I was a passenger and it took us 5 days. I would think it would be better for your 3.5 year old to fly. Your MIL will be exhausted at days end and your 3.5 will have a ton of energy to expel at the days end. Driving abilities aside, I do not think it is wise. We were moving my brother and his wife and my mom and I went to help. My mom was passed out in the hotel room within an hour of stopping. She would admit after doing it, there is no way she would do it again, let alone with a 3.5 year old.
Not to mention when traveling through parts of the country there are very long periods of no places to stop. There are also times where you only have one hotel option and it is definitely sketchy...
I have to say, part of me agrees with her. My fondest memories were with my grandparents...I wasn't just raised by my parents, I was raised by my whole family (aunts, uncles, grandma). We were really close, and it wasn't uncommon for me to stay for days/weeks with the grandparents. I remember I would go to my grandma's for nearly the whole summer (or a month at least). I almost feel sad that people nowadays don't have this kind of relationship...and when they do get the chance (i.e. a very lovely involved grandma) they don't embrace it, and they see it as a bad thing or something weird. Since your mom isn't there for you, you should be happy that you have a MIL like her, and not one of those crazy psycho ones that most people vent about on here.
That being said, I suppose a cross-country trip would be hard on a 3yr old...so I would say that if you don't feel comfy with it, then don't let him go. But, as a general thing, I think it's so important that your son have a loving grandma and it's great if you'd try to be less anxious about her "interfering" and welcome her in your son's life. Trust me, some of his best memories are going to be with his loving grandparents. There is just something about grandma that is special to children. My parents were great, but all of my funniest, silliest, happiest memories seem to be when I was with grandma. Maybe it's because she did let me get away with more things
LOL. Sometimes mine would let me eat ice cream for breakfast...as long as I promised not to tell mommy. Sorry for the rambling, I just cherish my granny so much, and I miss her terribly.
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All the bolded stuff is spot on!!!!!!!! I have been on countless roadtrips from Texas to....Wisconsin, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, Alabama, Louisiana, Arizona, New Mexico, Mississippi, Missouri, Minnesota, Kansas, Oklahoma....
and I can tell you right now---having a brother and sister who were much younger than me that went on these trips (both from age 0-7) I would NEVER send my kid from DC to WA.... they would be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bored out of their mind somebody would die before they got to WA.... and thats even with one of those fancy little car tv's