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Washington Babies
Oct 2011 3 1/2 years old.
Robert Williams Birth date 5/16/2008
Has anyone on here had a spouse's parent pass?
DH's father got diagnosed (sp) with Lung cancer about 3 weeks ago. All was ok getting the scans and Dr's, figuring it all out and trying to be as supportive as we can be.
Last Friday he had a bioposy and over the weekend he was having trouble breathing so we went into the hospital. He has been there since Monday. Yesterday Drs said he has about 3 months to live. DH was upset as can be expected. He is now fighting alcohol detox and he is doing much worse. They are now saying 7 - 10 days and they expect him to have a heart attack or storke.
I just don't know what to do to be supportive without just being annoying and asking too many questions. Like last night DH spoke to his Mother and sister, got the bad news then his Uncle called. Then after DS was in bed I was asking him all about the situation and he said "I just don't want to talk about this again right now"
So I know his is exausted from all of this and talking about it all. So I want to stay involved with what is going on by asking him what I can do and what is going on but I just don't know how to do it without asking too much or just barrageing him with questions.
Oct 2011 3 1/2 years old.
Robert Williams Birth date 5/16/2008
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Has anyone on here had a spouse's parent pass?
:-( I'm so sorry to hear that your family is going through this. I have not been in this situation, but based on what my parents have experienced (they're pastors so they've walked a lot of people through these processes), your husband will grieve and deal with this in his own way. Try to let him process everything. Guys in general don't communicate well and grieve differently, so don't feel bad that he doesn't want to talk just yet. When he's ready, he'll talk and when it gets to that point, let him talk, cry, whatever he needs to do to get it out.
If he starts becoming really distant, has serious changes in behavior and in general seems to not be recovering from all of this, try to get him to seek help. A counselor or therapist could be a huge help in dealing with the loss of his dad.
::HUGS:: you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers!
I'm so sorry!
My DH's mother passed away while we were engaged. It's tough because he's your FIL and you should be in the loop. Let your DH know that you are there for him and care for him but you'd also like to know what's going on. Hugs!
My husband's father passed away this winter. It was totally unexpected - his dad had pretty crappy health but we thought he was on the mends, so it was a shock when we heard. It was also really difficult because he's been estranged from his dad for about half his life.
I really just tried to be as comforting as I could, and told him if/when he wanted to talk that I would be happy to listen, and asked that he tell me if there was anything I could do. I didn't push the subject after that, just lots of extra hugs. I also tried to be helpful with the estate/funeral arrangements as well, there is so much to be done when someone passes away and it was a lot of stress/work for him and his family. Everyone is different and needs different things when they're grieving, but I think just support and whatever your husband finds comforting is good. And also a little break from it too... whether that's a goofy movie or a massage or whatever he'd like as an escape.
First, I am so sorry.
DH's father battled Leukemia through two bouts of chemo, a bone marrow transplant and many hospital stays. He passed away during his last bout with chemo.
I just had to be there, and not bring it up too much. DH knew I was there if he needed and he did want to talk a few times. He really seemed to just want hugs and comfort and no words, but that is how he copes. We both cried, and I didn't try to hide that from DH. Sometimes I think it helped to know that I missed his dad too. I also made sure that he knew anytime I was available for him no matter what, because he could be strong for a while but it would pop up at random times. And of course, during our wedding, my pregnancy and K's birth it was important for us to acknowledge that his dad was gone and missed.
I will say when my brother died, I was the opposite. I wanted to talk about it all the time, and DH was great. It took me a bit to figure out that we grieve very differently and there is nothing wrong with that.
DH's father passed a little over 3 years ago. Suddenly and unexpectedly (heart attack). I think everyone's advice is spot on. Follow your DH's lead and let him dictate the flow of talk/emotions.
The only thing I would add - and this is only based on our experience - is that Death (and weddings) really makes the crazy come out in family. Sometimes from places you lease expect it. Be prepared for that. And just hang in there, it too will pass.