How do you feel happy for others when you're feeling sorry for yourself?

freeman2121 · May 2011

Uuugggggg!! Me & my hubby have been TTC since March 2005. We have been through 3 fertility clinics, all kinds of testing, Chlomid, Gonal-F, Follistim, 5 or 6 IUI's, Menopur, trigger shots, and now we are saving for IVF. There were 4 baby girls born into the family last year & another girl due this year. I'm having a hard time being happy for the parents to be - even though they are my brothers & cousins. When will the LORD send me my angel?

wordslikeswords · May 2011

I'm sorry you're going through this hon and I wish I had an answer for you, but.. I don't know. I find myself having the worst feelings sometimes and I want to be happy. And I am for them... but their pregnancies always just make me think about how I'm not. We just have to keep praying and believing that it will happen for us. I truly believe it will. Good luck hon.

Raggedy1 · June 2011

It sounds like you found this support community at the right time. I know you are at the end of your rope, but maybe knowing that there are so many women out there in situations like yours will help you as you continue to walk on your IF journey.

BR · June 2011

I'm sorry you are going through this. I think most of us can relate. Honestly, I fake happiness for them. I try to avoid babies/pregnancy as much as possible, but when I can't, I try to pretend it doesn't bother me. While that's probably not the healthiest way to deal with things, I don't have another way.

I think a counselor is a great idea also. Hugs to you.

katib77 · June 2011

I let myself make snarky comments in my head or to my DH or even sometimes to my mom because they understand I'm just getting stress off my chest. Being able to sometimes say "Oh course SHE got PG again, b!tch." in private makes it easier for me to face them in person. And usually it's just my initial reaction when I first find out. Then I'm fine as the PG goes on...and once the baby is born they are sooo darn cute! How can I feel anything but love (ok, and still some envy but still - too darn cute to be mad).

Come here and vent. It helps.

mwlove · June 2011

I'm sorry you are going through all of this, but you found the right place to come! I have several co-workers and family members pregnant right now, and I just try to keep my distance as much as possible. When I am around them, I tend to try to direct the conversation in a different way before they can jump into a baby conversation. Some days, I can talk and talk to them about their pregnancies, but other days I don't care to hear anything. I have just learned to realize it's okay to be upset and cry when I get home. It's not that I want anything bad for them, I just wish it was me too.

keelmic · June 2011

I'm sorry you have had so much trouble and it is so frustrating when it feels like everyone can get pregnant except you. Even though you feel all alone, you are not alone-- many of us are in similar situations. I try to limit contact with anyone who is pregnant, but when I do communicate with them, I try to keep my sadness to myself.

llizzyb · June 2011

BR:
I'm sorry you are going through this. I think most of us can relate. Honestly, I fake happiness for them. I try to avoid babies/pregnancy as much as possible, but when I can't, I try to pretend it doesn't bother me. While that's probably not the healthiest way to deal with things, I don't have another way.

I think a counselor is a great idea also. Hugs to you.

I also just fake excitement and happiness. For people that I love dearly and am close to, it's not that hard to fake those emotions! But it's so hard to act happy for just the random coworker or acquaintance, and it's the worst when it's a person who I didn't particularly care for in the first place. Embarrassed Avoidance of the situations is also a coping strategy for me.

katib77:
I let myself make snarky comments in my head or to my DH or even sometimes to my mom because they understand I'm just getting stress off my chest. Being able to sometimes say "Oh course SHE got PG again, b!tch." in private makes it easier for me to face them in person.

And I do this too. I'm having to back off complaining to DH, though.

HotChocolate79 · June 2011

The million dollar question! I am having an awful time with this too, so you are definitely not alone. At this point, the only way I am hanging on to shreds of sanity is to avoid anyone with babies. Probably not an option for you if it's family... My brother is younger and not at a stage where he'll be considering kids soon, and DH is an only child. But any distant relatives and friends with babies, I've really scaled down on time spent with them. I am not proud of it, but it beats the alternative.

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