How can I get my H involved?

dragon8302 · May 2011

New mom here. I have a 2week old and my H hasent really steped up in interacting with her. He is more about just feeding her and putting her down to sleep. I am the one who gets up with her at night because he has to work and he is in bed by 9 to 10pm. I do all the laundry and cleaning during the day and when he gets home hes right in front of the TV.. Help.........

Notwifezilla7 · May 2011

To be honest. there isn't too much interacting at two weeks. However, if you feel like he isn't stepping up, talk to him and let him know what you expect. I know for MH he needed demonstrations intially- this is how you do tummy time, these are some books you can read to her, remember these songs (Twinkle Twinklet, etc). As my girls got older he defintely figured things out better and now has a fabulous report with both.

OctGirl80 · May 2011

DH really only started interacting with DD once she was able to respond to him more. The first few weeks were such a blur of feeding and changing that I honestly have no idea what DH was doing.

littlemermaid · May 2011

He sounds like a normal first time father. My husband did the same as yours, an occasional bottle and put them to bed in the first few weeks of their lives. He worked long hours so I did not expect him to do night feedings since I stayed home. Remember this is all new to him too, so when he comes home, give him a chance to unwind a bit and then let him do a feeding, changing, then the both of you can do bath time.

JOEBunny · May 2011

As long as your DH is supporting you, I would not worry about his lack of interest in the baby. If he is helping you get the rest/food/medical care/cleaning you need, I could live with that. My DH was not super into the kids until they were done BF and could talk, not that he didn't help before then, but his relationship with them blossomed once they could eat on their own and communicate a bit. I love an infant, but my DH not so much.

Stacyc625 · May 2011

Pretty much along the same lines as Joe- ~

Just know and accept that men and women develop bonds with their babies in different ways and different time lines- you had 9 months to 'bond' per se. DH is probablly having a floodgate of emotions and learning to love and bond and BE a dad all at the same time- it is very real. However- it is hard for guys (in general) to interact with this precious baby- whose needs are quite simply (yet demanding)- if you think about it- newborns really do just 'eat sleep and poop' ~

give it time and try to be understanding- this is very new to the both of you- keep your communication open and be fair to each other when discussing.

And enjoy.

dragon8302 · May 2011

Thanks everyone for the advice. Its always nice to have someone elses opinion who is not involved. I never thought MH would take longer but I understand now. Thanks for the mental boost!

Shozzies · May 2011

2 week olds don't need much interaction. DD was pretty content to be held by DH while he watched tv. She got really cranky when she was overstimulated. If you want him to do certain things like tummy time, I would just ask him directly. DH didn't know what to do with a newborn and I had to tell him about things like that. We also did skin to skin contact when DD seemed to like.

dragon8302 · May 2011

Im not upset that he isnt doing all three things I noted, I think you nailed it. I think I just wanted him to take notice and appreciate that he dosent have to do them and that they are done when he gets home.

But last night he did step up and help with the night feedings. It was so cute to see them both asleep, her in his arms.

Thanks for the advice and letting me vent!

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