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Stay at Home Moms
cgator14
member
Anyone else annoyed with DH's long hours at work?
cgator14
member
I am only a SAHM for 6 months and then I'm back to teaching in the fall. I'm having a hard time with DH's work hours. He is a financial advisor who makes his own hours, although a lot of clients need to meet in the evening. He's usually gone from about 7 am-7:30pm , and that is on a good day. Sometimes he has evening appointments and doesn't get home til 9 or so. Has anybody else had this problem of DH being at work for long hours? How do you deal? I'm usually fine until early evening and then I start getting antsy and annoyed 
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Re: Anyone else annoyed with DH's long hours at work?
I grew up with a dad who worked long hours. I really try to make the most of the opportunities we do have, but it does get annoying when I am the only mom at the park on Sunday morning, or the only person without a spouse at a birthday party on a Saturday afternoon, or when I have to take the kids absolutely everywhere with me for weeks on end. I try to be patient and understanding, but when DH told me he wanted to put his name in the hat for a VP position, my first thought was "Oh, crap!"
He really wants a different job and I know would be happier with the increase in responsibility, new challenge, and more autonomy, but sometimes I think, it would be nice if he were content in mid level management, like my next door neighbors DH is, who is home by 6 most days and takes his son to school in the mornings, and works from home a couple of days a week. Trade offs. DH will be able to retire earlier. We save most of his increases in salary and bonus and still can do the things we want to do. In the end, we think it is worth it. We try to make the most of the time we do have.
A lot of us have DH's that work 12+ hrs.
My DH works that easily- and always has. Best advice- if you get antsy during that time- switch up your routine. Now that the weather is nicer (in most places) have dinner outside on a blanket- (since your baby isn't mobile yet- that should be enjoyable) bring the bouncy seat outside and relax- read a book (of yours- outloud so she can hear your voice), take a nice long walk in the stroller, go to a museum later in the afternoon- before LO's bedtime.
I always take my 3yr old to the playground late in the afternoon to let her run steam off before we go home and have dinner- and start wind down/bedtime. Gives us BOTH a chance to get out- enjoy some fresh air- exercise etc.
My H works on average 12-13 hr days, more when he's on call. I feel your pain - it really sucks. This week he went 6 straight days w/o seeing DS awake.
I can't relate b/c my dad was an engineer and was home by 4:30 everyday.
I try to keep DS super busy. We often go out after nap and stay out until 6 or 6:30 just to wear him out and make the evening easier. Otherwise starting at 4 I am staring at the clock getting crankier and crankier.
We try to make up for it on weekends with DH - spend a lot of time with him. When he's home he puts DS to bed and they love laying in bed reading books together.
DH works in corporate finance and works very long hours - usually 8 AM - 8:30/9 PM. At various times during the year he has month long stretches of 8 AM - 10/11 PM (or later). He also works a lot on weekends, and his Blackberry is always in hand. He actually just moved in his company and is now leading the international division, so on top of the hours he will be travelling at least 25% of the time (to South Africa, Peru, Brazil, India, etc.)
Do I get frustrated at times? Sure. But, his hours have always been like this, so I knew this going into marriage and kids. It also allows us the lifetsyle we have (including my ability to stay at home) which I am very thankful for.
The ways we make it easier.....I have help. We have no family in state to help out, so we make sure that I have the ability to have "me" time, etc. When DS was little we had a part time nanny (now he is in preschool). The gym is a priority for me, so we made sure I belonged to a good one with good childcare. DH and I plan out things that are important to me ,(book club, girls weekends, etc) and put them on the calendar in advance so he can make sure to be home for them.
I am very involved with a lot of different things - my MOMS Club, volunteering, etc. I have a lot of good mom friends that I hang out with - DS and I are usually very busy every day with activites, playgroups, etc. so we don't have time to get antsy without DH.
Most importantly, I make sure that he is "present" when he is home. He basically doesn't see DS on weekdays, so weekends are important and we make sure that when he is at home with us he is focused on us, if that makes sense. We also do a lot of family travel to get away from things - long weekends here and there, a few week long trips over the summer, etc.
Honestly, instead of getting upset, I count myself as blessed. His salary affords me the ability to SAH.
I used to work 55-75 hrs myself, I'd rather SAH and be antsy
I understand your feelings. My DH has always worked tremendous hours and it's one of the main reasons we decided that I would stay at home. I don't think our family could have balanced two full-time jobs. His job is very demanding but it pays well and provides well for our family. I try to focus on that because I know we're lucky.
The worst times for me were right after our first child was born, and then the first six months of two under two. I know it's no consolation now, but it will get easier as your children get older. Like other posters mentioned, I try to keep our girls busy right up until dinner time. So after I pick them up from preschool in the afternoons, we immediately have an activity. The late afternoon /early evenings used to be so rough, but if they play outside at the park, or we go to Target, or the swimming pool, or visit friends for a play date, it makes the witching hour much easier.
DH often works 12-13 hour days; sometimes he even has to work 7 days a week. Although he is salaried, he is non-exempt so he at least gets paid OT for his long hours. It's mainly because of this that I'm able to be a SAHM. Sure, it stinks on the days DD and I don't get to see him much but we just make the best of the times we do get to spend together.
I don't really get annoyed per se on the nights he works late, but they can make for some long days. I just try to make lots of "me" time on those nights after DD goes to bed in order to save my sanity.
THIS! Owen was born right smack in the middle of DH's really busy season at work and it was extremely difficult for me. I was alone a lot with a colicy baby and high energy toddler. It has gotten way easier but it is still tough at times. Yes, of course, I get annoyed but I always remind myself that I would much rather be home with the kids than be working a full time job and trying to juggle both parents working outside of the home. I just try and get out of the house as much as possible.
I don't think the OP sounded terribly ungrateful or anything.
I am VERY thankful to SAH right now, and I also worked FT when DS was a baby (as a resident....so often 80 hrs/week) - SAH beats the hell out of that, no doubt. But it's still hard to feel like you are parenting on your own, and to miss your DH, and to wish your DH had more time with the children. That's why I like this board --- many of us are in similar situations and can provide support.
My husband works long hours (in at 5 and back home around 5:30-8 at night). I don't really get annoyed, but it does make for long days. The only time it seems like a lot is when he works all week and then has a work related outing on the weekend or when I am sick.
The gym child care helps a lot to break up my day. I get a break and DD gets time to play and expend energy. Getting involved with MOMs or MOPs may help also. They have a lot of activities for mom and kids.