I want to go natural BUT...

atomicbaby · May 2011

Guess who is chickening out? My husband.

As a compromise I said I would have the baby at our hospitals birthing center, but wanted to hear if anyone has had this type of "discussion" with their spouse.

I am so excited to be surrounded by other women that plan on going natural! Most of my friends advocate c-sections and I just think they are nuts.

pepomntpat · May 2011

DH was afraid until we took our Bradley class and took a tour of the Birth Center and he saw they had life saving equipment available just in case. You have time to prepare, so I'd work on having him learn about the benefits of a med free birth. Good luck!

checkrdtop · May 2011

My BF wasn't exactly resistant, he just didn't really know that you could give birth outside a hospital with midwifes. We are using a birthing center outside a hospital setting.

I printed him out some literature and asked him to watch TBOBB and he has actually been into it. Even when his Mom tried to scare him by telling him that either the baby or I would die because midwifes don't know what they are doing he's remained just as supportive of the whole natural birth idea. He's even in the process of reading The Birth Partner.

MawrtyrB · May 2011

DH didn't care if I had drugs or not but he insisted on a hospital setting for our first born, and not just any hospital, the local baby/c-section factory. He was paranoid about a prolapsed cord (not that we had any risk factors for such). He knew I refused to go back to there after the hard time they gave me. We have a different hospital a little further away that is essentially a birth center in a hospital. He was prejudice against that facility becuase it used to be not so nice there. He happened to take a patient there on the ambulance sometime after I got pregnant the second time. He comes home and suddenly he's singing a different tune. That's a really nice place. No kidding, buddy. Why do you think everyone is raving about it? It was such a wonderful experience there.

I think my c-section/epi friends are nuts too.

honkytonk_kid · May 2011

My husband was a little apprehensive as well. I gave him the choice pretty early on- all in or I could do it on my own. I promised I wouldn't be mad either way, but I needed to know because if he waited until I was in labor to wimp out and not be supportive I WOULD be mad. We talked about my reasons, watched some documentaries, read some books (I read and summarized for him), and he decided he was all in. We ended up taking Bradley classes, which were really informative. Now I hear him talking to his friends, "No seriously, dude, midwives are the way to go... "

What are his concerns? Location? His role? Why you want to avoid meds/interventions? Not wanting to see you in pain? Find out exactly what he's worried about, then you can address his concerns.

FWIW, I HAD a c-section, and I think you would have to be nuts to want one. Just my opinion though...

tokenhoser · May 2011

Frankly, my body, my birth, my choice.

DH was supportive, but it wasn't something I was really asking his permission on. I needed his support, but I also knew he wouldn't be enough support and hired a doula. It all turned out great - I got my natural birth, DH had someone to point him in good directions to support me and someone to physically help him help me.

I wasn't about to get an epidural to make my DH feel better. I'm the one that had to expel this baby, and how I wanted to do that was definitely all about me. I don't apologize for that at all.

ohashlet · May 2011

tokenhoser:
Frankly, my body, my birth, my choice.

Amen. Luckily I have a husband who supports this. If he didn't, I'd give him the same option as PP, all in or on my own.

ridesbuttons · May 2011

I have to admit I have this image of my husband cowering in a corner during labour/delivery, lol. In actuality, he sat in a chair next to the bed chatting with my mom the first time around, and sat/stood near the bed the second time around. He did not hold my legs (no one did) or count down my pushes. His job was to remain calm and quiet, and he was great at it.

Seriously, he had reservations about being in the room at all, let alone during a med free delivery. What I told him is that he might regret missing it, there's no do-overs, right?

I can understand his fear. Labour/delivery is so overly dramatized that he is likely expecting a screaming bloodbath and taking the blame for all the pain you are in.

Go to some classes, I'm sure they would help.

star173 · May 2011

My husband had to be nudged along with anything I wanted to do that wasn't mainstream: natural birth, cloth diapers, delayed vaxes. But once I showed him my research and why I wanted what I did, he came around. I think in the case of birth it's unique in that it's totally your decision, but you will need his support when the time comes. Have him watch "the business of being born" or "pregnant in america: a nations miscarriage", maybe that will help open the door to discussion.

alliapistor · May 2011

I think my DH is finally starting to understand the reasoning behind my wanting to go natural. He still questions whether I will actually be able to go through with it though. (As do I at times.)

Nechie122 · May 2011

I had a somewhat different situation because my DH is a doctor and therefore trained/brainwashed into seeing pregnancy as a medical condition. He also didn't think we needed a doula, given that he already knew so much about birth. I held my ground, though, and like you, compromised with a hospital-based birthing center with an OB (which, btw, was a wonderful experience.) Anyway, after it was all over, he said next time we could even use a freestanding birthing center with a MW, and is a huge doula proponent now. Having him meet with all the natural birth supporters (the doula, my OB, even his best friend's wife who was also pregnant and planning a natural birth) really helped. GL to you.

brianamah · May 2011

We're still super early on, but have been talking a bit about it anyway. He thought I was nuts for wanting to natural and possibly home birth, but then I sat him in front of TBOBB and I think he saw my point. Now he's like "Hospitals are crazy. We can just crap that thing out in the living room." Not always the most elegant in his choice of words, but I admire the enthusiasm.

GoldenPeaches · May 2011

At first my DH was skeptical of the birth center idea. But then we went on a tour and he heard the MWs speak about their qualifications and they showed us the emergency equipment. Then, for extra measure we drove in rush hour from the birth center to the hospital, and it took 3 minutes with traffic. Now he is 100% on board but still a little freaked about getting in the birthing tub with me.

kammmmay · May 2011

We have been planning a natural hospital birth, but my husband is a lot more confident that I can do it. I know my body is meant for this, but I am afraid that I will not get the right support that I need from him when the time comes. He went to the class with me, but hasn't wanted to do much else to prepare. It just kind of scares me that he will just end up trying to sit and watch instead of actively participating.

kim_and_tony · May 2011

My DH was never supportive and I knew it. I still had a natural birth. Honestly, I just zoned into myself and relied on my midwife (hospital birth).

TGatrost · May 2011

I to would love to have a natural (at home?) birth, with MW of course. My hubby was a bit apprehensive about this as well. I did as much research as I could on Home birthing and even watched a few on you tube. We are led to believe in America that birthing is a medical procedure not a part of nature. The rest of the world promotes home birthing, and have better success rates or mothers and babies living. Although if you have a true high risk pregnancy the hospital my be the safest place for you, but you can still talk to your Dr about no med birthing. I watched a great and informative movie called "The Business of Being Born". How Dr.s will push labor quickly because of time, not always for the health of baby or mom, think assembly line birthing. C-sections are scheduled at Dr.s convenience not baby's ready time. My co-worker had her c-section at the advise of her Dr two weeks before she was due, the Dr was leaving for a vacation on her due date. The more and more I looked into birthing in a hospital the more it scared me. Birthing at home feels right for me and sense my husband and I only wish to have one child I want the birth to be ours, not the Dr.s. Once I help my Husband see the differences between home and hospital birth, he was in my boat. It helped to telling him the obvious things though 1) we are three, traffic free blocks from an ER that has L&D and 2) it is my body, and he can drag me to the hospital if he wishes but he can't force docs to perform medical procedures on me. I'd rather birth in the parking lot.

brandimacd · May 2011

We took a 12 week Bradley Class and by the end, my "once hesitant" husband was more prepared than me! We had a 100% natural birth in the hospital, with a doula, using the Bradley Method. Once they take a class and get more comfortable in knowing what is coming they get on board. Good luck!!!!

peoples0509 · May 2011

I'm in the same boat. DH is a nurse and doesnt understand why anyone would want to go natural when the medicine is available. We basically settled on I would do hypnobabies, but it wouldn't ever be apart of my birth plan to say not to offer me drugs. He wants all situations to be available. I understand his POV and respect it, and he respects mine so this was the easiest compromise. GL!

katiewhompus · May 2011

We're doing a hospital birth but the hospital very much encourages natural birth and using meds as a last resort for high risk births. At first H thought I was completely nuts for saying that I did not want medication and wanted a natural birth, but is slowly coming around. Everyone around him talks non-stop about how great epidurals are and how anyone who "wants to suffer" is crazy so he's been exposed to that mentality. He still doesn't quite get it, but we've talked and he's willing to do whatever I need to meet my goal of a natural birth.

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