Dreading telling the IL's...

utilaprincess01 · May 2011

I know, it's completely awful of me, but it's how I feel.

My hubby and I had already discussed that we wouldn't be telling any of his family until 12 weeks. My people believe in not announcing pregnancies to the world until second tri and we?re almost 99.999% certain that his mother, sister, & SIL won?t keep the secret, even though we will tell them that we want to wait. Well, I've kind of already given up on waiting that long to tell them because 1) As much as I believe it's ok for us to do this, I know that it's not fair to him. 2) I really don't think MH will be able to not tell, even if he tries, especially with his dad and brother. 3) I probably won't be able to hide my belly until then! Lol

I?ll probably give in and tell his family right between 8 & 9 weeks and we?ll make it absolutely clear that we don?t want anyone else to know (that means his grandma, aunts/uncles, friends, church people, etc) until we decide to tell them. I know they?ll all be excited and that makes me so happy! They really are nice people and I don?t have a doubt that they?ll be thrilled for us. But I?m dreading that aftermath. I?m sure his mother will be furious that she can?t call all of her family and tell them right away. And I?m just as certain that she will tell all of her family and church friends before we?ve given the ok (that part also goes for sis and SIL).

I?ve only told my mom and one friend and plan on waiting until very close to 2^nd tri to tell the rest of my huge family. There are a few special people that I want to tell in person and make it special?but I can just see someone from his family sending me a facebook comment!

I?ve had such a wonderful time these last few weeks, no crazy hormonal rages or anything like that?but I have a feeling that they?re all being directed to this one situation! Lol. I hope & pray that we are pleasantly surprised by his family, that they?re willing to keep our secret until we?re ready to tell the world. But I?m bracing myself for the worst and trying to figure out what the ?punishment? will be if they don?t go along with our wishes. Lol

Sorry for the vent?hope you?re all having a wonderful day and that you get to reveal the news of your LO?s to the world when and how you?d like

May524 · May 2011

I understand. We told FIL and he blabbed to the entire family without us knowing. I saw them all on Sunday and everyone kept on saying Congrats...but we thought it was for my hubby's graduation and not the pregnancy b/c we had no idea they knew.

I understand about the blabber mouths!

SassyPants150 · May 2011

I'm sure my FIL won't be able to keep his mouth shut....its like you tell him no...he wants more than anything to say something. My MIL was getting gastric bypass and was keeping it a secret and he blurted it out in front of everyone from his side of the family at an event...she was mortified and he was like..."what's the big deal....why are you keeping a secret?"

We planned on telling the ILs at around 7.5 weeks...hopefully they will fully understand our plea (I don't have to worry about MIL)

I know some people have no problem telling the whole world at day 1 and I know that grandparents are anxious to share the news with everyone they know. If only the first trimester was short... =P

dtiberg · May 2011

I'm totally confused about when to tell both sides of the fam. I don't want them to have to hold the secret when we tell them. Mostly because I know they can't. But I could also do without trying to hide my symptoms which haven't been too fun ;(

Jessiree · May 2011

Only you and YH can decide the best time to tell. If I were in your shoes and I knew they were blabbermouths, I would hold off on telling them, but that's me and we aren't telling my ILs until 14 weeks.

If you decide to tell early, definitely take preemptive measures on FB. You can lock down your wall or make it so all comments have to be approved. Maybe that will help. GL!

OceanPearl2 · May 2011

I completely understand where you are coming from. My immediate family knows and so do a few close friends that we know won't tell.

However we know that DH's family will blab to everyone on the planet. His mother will because she will be too excited not to share it with everyone. So it's hard but I have avoided in person meetings with them since we found out and so far so good.

Until we want it public knowledge, and as sad as it is, my IL's won't know a thing.

live4thegiraffe · May 2011

That stinks. When we discussed who to tell, we decided only my Mom and my Brother would know (we told them on Mother's Day) so I could have someone (other than DH) to chat with about it. DH was absolutely fine with his side of the family not knowing until after we hear a heartbeat at our 10 week appointment. So his side of the family will know when we announce it to everyone over Father's Day weekend. We know his parents would blab before we were ready. They keep the strangest things secret (like their holiday plans) and tell everything you want them to keep to themselves. Ugh.

KSSmith · May 2011

I totally understand! I want to be able to tell my parents and my IL's but my FIL cannot keep a secret to save his life. With our first we told them @ 12 weeks the day before we were going to tell the extended family because we knew that he couldn't keep it a secret. And of course, at work the next day (after we told him) he told the people at his office. It makes me mad because 1. we asked him to not tell anyone and he does anyways and 2. it's not his news to share!

A S-ski · May 2011

We don't tell either side of the family until after the big u/s. This is easy for us though because we don't live near either family. If this is your first pg, it is unlikely that your belly will give you away for a long time. You don't usually show until 20 weeks or so and even after that, it is usually so small, you can hide it pretty easy. When you tell people too early, they get bored with your pg and start asking stupid quesitons like "she's still pg!" or "she hasn't had that baby yet?!?" when you're only like 6 months along. It gets old fast. I know it is hard to keep a secret with your first one, but the longer you can hold out, the better.

utilaprincess01 · May 2011

Thanks for all the comments, ladies. I'm so sorry to you that had someone spill your news, it must be awful. Keeping my fingers crossed that my hubby's family will surprise me with their secret-keeping skills! lol

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