Ugh! SIL Vent (longish, with paragraphs)

write2nicole · May 2011

Sorry, but I have to get this out before I explode to DH about it. SIL is your stereotypical controlling MIL-type.

SIL has been furious about the fact that we skipped the annual family trip to San Francisco last year. We skipped it to save money while I was pregnant and my job was up in the air, but that's not the point. She insisted that we go this year, and then was upset that we couldn't go when she wanted because of Mac's surgery in March.

Well, we are going on Thursday. Today we were discussing the plans for the trip and I mentioned that we can be flexible in the afternoons, but we need to let Mac nap at 9 am whenever possible because if he has a good nap in the morning, the day goes well and if not, he's a nightmare. She responded that the only things she had planned for the mornings are A, B, and C. Which happen to be the things we actually wanted to do. But these things are not flexible.

Then she gave DH a hard time when he talked to her about trying to do dinners around 5-5:30, so we can put Mac to bed by 7ish. We don't mind keeping him up late one night, but we don't want to do it all week. And then she chewed him out for asking MIL to stay with Mac one night while we go out to dinner.

This is all the more irritating because the last time we went, we spent every morning in the hotel while her son took a nap, and we went to dinner at 5:30 for a whole year, including that trip, to fit his bed time. Not to mention MIL watches her daughter 3x a week.

[/vent]

Now, please enjoy this peanut butter fudge:

FirstBabyMomma · May 2011

That's ridiculous, but not surprising to me since my sister and SILs are currently pulling the same crap with me. For instance, we had to go to my sister's place instead of my parent's for Christmas Eve because she wanted her babies to be able to fall asleep in their own beds, but last Christmas, when I had a baby? She insisted we go to Mom's.

I have found that the best way to deal with it is to remind them, in kind of a wry, apologetic, maybe-I'm-being-silly tone that I am a first time mom and am allowed to behave as such. I even said to SIL last time something like this came up "Remember when your first baby was 6 months old? Would you have kept her up that late?" (She wanted us to take DD to a party at her place that wasn't even starting until after DD's bedtime).

Sorry your SIL is being a pain!

jim7496 · May 2011

It is your trip so you do what you want to do. If she has an issue then tell her to "Suck it!" Really, though. Try not to stress too much. Gently remind her how you all worked around her schedule when her LO was younger. But stay firm in your LO's needs.

Bailey81 · May 2011

You had me at paragraphs. Ditto the others that your SIL needs a reminder that you're a mom and entitled to act as such. I hope you have a good trip regardless of her assured asshattery.

Mama_SAS · May 2011

I?m laughing at how exactly like my SIL she is but I?m also seething for you because she?s exactly like my SIL! Right down to yelling at us for asking MIL to do something that has nothing to do with her!

Have a few of these, on me -

sodelish · May 2011

Uh, yeah. Annoying. Has she actually made reservations, etc for things?

I would probably sort of go, "eh, we'll see" when she brings up her ideas and then when you get there do things on the schedule you want to do them on and just inform her of what you're doing and invite her along. It's your vacation. She can suck it.

write2nicole · May 2011

FirstBabyMomma:
(She wanted us to take DD to a party at her place that wasn't even starting until after DD's bedtime).
Sorry your SIL is being a pain!

Thanks for commiserating. Why do people think they want to hang out with overtired babies? Parents, no less!

jim7496:
It is your trip so you do what you want to do. If she has an issue then tell her to "Suck it!" Really, though. Try not to stress too much. Gently remind her how you all worked around her schedule when her LO was younger. But stay firm in your LO's needs.

Unfortunately, DH tried the gentle reminder and she now denies that she ever scheduled anything around him (HA!). So it appears we'll be going the "Suck it!" route.

We'll enjoy ourselves on our schedule, and probably moreso because we'll be separate from SIL most of the time. I just feel bad that we may not see much of MIL and FIL because they'll probably be too tired from the morning stuff to join us in the pm.

write2nicole · May 2011

Bailey81:
You had me at paragraphs. Ditto the others that your SIL needs a reminder that you're a mom and entitled to act as such. I hope you have a good trip regardless of her assured asshattery.

You had me at asshattery. LOL. I will enjoy the trip more just because I'll be picturing this when SIL is acting out:

write2nicole · May 2011

Mama_SAS:
I?m laughing at how exactly like my SIL she is but I?m also seething for you because she?s exactly like my SIL! Right down to yelling at us for asking MIL to do something that has nothing to do with her!
Have a few of these, on me -

::gulps all four in a row, then slowly chews on olives::

Thanks for understanding.

SnoopyLuv · May 2011

Let me at her, I'll smack a b1tch.

Seriously, remind her of how everyone changed their schedules and explain that you should have the same courtesy, end of story. My family knows we leave their place by 5 PM because we have got to be home for bedtime. It's a non-negotiable.

write2nicole · May 2011

sodelish:
Uh, yeah. Annoying. Has she actually made reservations, etc for things?
I would probably sort of go, "eh, we'll see" when she brings up her ideas and then when you get there do things on the schedule you want to do them on and just inform her of what you're doing and invite her along. It's your vacation. She can suck it.

No, I don't think there are reservations for anything. DH pretty much told her we won't be doing certain things. DH is pretty confrontational with her. Not my style -- I'm more like you.

The thing that bugs me the most is that we won't see as much of MIL and FIL because of it.

Jessi+Aiden · May 2011

That sucks. Tell her to kiss your ass. Things like thins make me glad my husband is an only child!

shakes · May 2011

Mama_SAS:

I?m laughing at how exactly like my SIL she is but I?m also seething for you because she?s exactly like my SIL! Right down to yelling at us for asking MIL to do something that has nothing to do with her!

Have a few of these, on me -

Me toooooo!

amanda914 · May 2011

I feel for you. I go through this every time I try to do anything with my sister. She's a major PITA and wants things her way. I don't think your asking much, and plus, if you had to make these arrangements for her child, why not yours? Can you say selfish much?!

hopecounts · May 2011

LoisLane23:

Can you be a sneaky b!tch and make reservations with MIL and FIL for something you want to do in the afternoon? Tit for tat yo.

But seriously, I'm really sorry you have a crummy SIL. Mine thinks the world centers on her.

This. If you let FIL/MIL know that y'all are planning to do more in the afternoon would they alternate days (day A do morning w/ SIL, day B do afternoon w/ y'all) so they could spend time w/ everyone?

MapleStar · May 2011

And this is exactly why we don't do extended family vacations.

You have valid points and I would be upset as well. But really - why are going to this thing if your wishes aren't going to be accommodated at all? And if you really want to do A,B & C, why don't you plan your own excursions? Did either of you point out that you did the same for her when her LO was small? You could very nicely point out that since it was done for her that you guys expect the same in return...

But it sounds like you need to either suck it up or not go. Sorry your SIL is being so annoying.

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