BF moms: dealing with judgment?

J&B2007 · May 2011

How do you deal with the judgment from people? I went to lunch yesterday with SIL and she had the nerve to tell me to go in the bathroom and feed LO because it was weird. I told her no and nursed him at the table. She is always making comments about how I should just give him a bottle. I am at my breaking point with her. And alot of people just give dirty looks when I nurse LO in public. I use a cover and am completely comfortable and my husband isn't bothered by it. How would you respond?

hjk5000 · May 2011

If it was my SIL and I'd pop my kid of my boob and squirt her if she bothered me again.

To be honest though, I just avoid those public situations when at all possible. I hate to say that because I don't think BF is something that should be hidden because it's "bad" in some way. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

sarag0116 · May 2011

I BF. I love to BF and it's special bond for DD and I. That being said, I personally, do not feel comfortable nursing in public. I don't want to see someone else nurse their LO either. That's just me though... when we're out in public, I just nurse in the car or bring a bottle of BM.

teshy1 · May 2011

How frustrating for you. I've had someone comment to me that I could go into the washroom to BF DD and my response was "I don't eat in the washroom, so why should my daughter?". While I do BF in public, I wear a nursing cover to be discreet. I don't feel I should have to do anything else. If someone doesn't like it, they can look away. That's simply MHO.

J&B2007 · May 2011

teshy1:
How frustrating for you. I've had someone comment to me that I could go into the washroom to BF DD and my response was "I don't eat in the washroom, so why should my daughter?". While I do BF in public, I wear a nursing cover to be discreet. I don't feel I should have to do anything else. If someone doesn't like it, they can look away. That's simply MHO.

That was my response to my SIL. I also wear a cover.

LadybugPicnic2011 · May 2011

I amso sorry you are having to deal with that, breast feeding can be hard enough without other people judging you. I bf in public and am totally comfortable with it. As a mater of fact if I have a t-shirt and tank combo I won't even use a cover up. I would tell SIL if it bothers her she is welcome to look away or go finish her meal in the restroom. Remember what you are doing for your lo is natural and right.

meaganjoelle1 · May 2011

This makes me wonder how many people are offended when I nurse with a cover in public... I do it all the time.

spursgirl10 · May 2011

sarag0116:
I BF. I love to BF and it's special bond for DD and I. That being said, I personally, do not feel comfortable nursing in public. That's just me though... when we're out in public, I just nurse in the car or bring a bottle of BM.

THIS. Except for the one time I was on the plane and she was crying in hysterics, I busted out the boob and didn't care who the heck saw!

BrittKav · May 2011

Honestly, I don't feel judged. I've never really had any negative comments IRL. The only person in my life who has a "problem" with me BFing (though it's more a problem with ExBF and NIP) are my grandparents, and that's just because they grew up in the generation where formula was more popular. When I need to nurse the baby there, I just go in another room (anywhere else I'd just BF wherever I was). One time there was no spare room empty and my grandpa told me I could just use the bathroom, I laughed and said "that's gross!" and just nursed with a blanket over me. I also don't tell them that I'm still BFing my older daughter, as they would find that really weird.

UrbanHippieMama · May 2011

Give those ignorant people dirty looks right back, and stop using a cover. That's what I would do. Sorry you're feeling judged for doing something completely natural. And tell your SIL to screw off and eat in the bathroom herself because you're disgusted by her ugly face.

izzourclue · May 2011

I haven't had a negative experience, but I also just ignore those around me. Tell your SIL to fvck off (in those words) next time she says something to you. Tell her her face is "weird."

citychicks · May 2011

Tell her that in Canada you could file a complaint against her for making you feel discriminated against as nursing anywhere is your constitutional right. Indifferent

Then squirt that beotch in the face with a little boob juice.

sbuxsweetie · May 2011

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. I think BFing is a beautiful thing, and it wouldn't bother me in the least to see someone NIP with a cover. Actually, I'd probably feel the urge to give them a thumbs up. LOL.. after trying to BF and failing, I understand how awesome it is when a mom & baby have a good, healthy nursing relationship.

mchupie · May 2011

I'm very sorry...that is really frustrating. It's really a shame that breastfeeding isn't better supported in our society.

Did you hear what just happened this week in a town in Georgia? The town has now made it illegal to breastfeed a 2 year old in public.

Thoughts and feelings about NIP and EBF aside, making a law against it? I just wrote a pretty lengthy blog post about how angry this makes me today.

DreadLoc · May 2011

Don't let those people hinder your NIP. Stop going out with SIL and if she questions why then tell her that you are tired of hearing her opinion on breastfeeding and she needs to respect your parenting choice.

As for the others, smile and act like you're not doing anything out of the norm. If someone is looking at you, look them square in the eye and smile.

Also, stay updated with your state laws on public breastfeeding. If anyone says anything to you you can respond with an educated and calm answer.

J&B2007 · May 2011

Thanks Ladies. I will continue to NIP and have no plans on stopping for anyone. As for SIL, I have told her that I wont ever go hide to feed my child and she could go hide until I was done if it bothered her that much. She hushed and just ate her lunch but it gets frustrating. Thanks again though!

UNCcutie720 · May 2011

I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

J&B2007 · May 2011

UNCcutie720:
I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

its ok to have that opinion but its not ok for someone to make you feel bad for the decision to bf your child. in public or not

1ht

jorkz821 · May 2011

UNCcutie720:
I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

does someone have a gun pointed at your head, forcing you to look? No? Then don't look if it's so gross. And don't even get me started on your being "grossed out"... Ugh.

CopperT0p · May 2011

UNCcutie720:
I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

What exactly do you find offending or gross about it? The fact that there's a piece of fabric between you and a boob, or the act of BFing in general? Just curious.

I nurse in public on a regular basis. I will nurse him while walking around the grocery store, mall, walking the dog. There really is no place I'm not comfortable nursing him. I have a cover so nobody ever sees any boob, however I really wouldn't care if I didn't have a cover. It's my right to nurse him, and it's not like I'm shaking my boobs at people, waving them around saying "hey! look over here!" That and it only takes him 10 minutes to finish both sides so we're pretty quick.

I have never had anybody comment negatively to me about NIP, and I cannot say that I've ever felt somebody giving me a disapproving look. Maybe that's just because of the way people are in our area. Sometimes children will come up and ask me what I'm doing, or try to look under the cover and their parents look totally embarrassed. I just say "no, you cannot play with the baby now, he's busy".

cheridyoh2az · May 2011

Just tell her to go suck it. I also BF in public with a nursing cover. I don't feel bad about it and no one else should make you feel bad about it. Honestly, I don't pay attention to strangers so I don't know if I'm getting the side-eye or not. I guess if I actually had to deal w/ it, I would educate her on BF and how good it is for LO. If she continues to give you crap after you have been nice, tell her to keep her comments to herself.

RobinSparkles214 · May 2011

UNCcutie720:

I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

You are an asshat.

Molluskwrangler · May 2011

RobinSparkles214:
UNCcutie720:

I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

You are an asshat.

Seriously.

Really? Even with a cover, how is that gross? Maybe you should learn to be a little more comfortable with your body.

mldain · May 2011

i glare back or make a face like you have food in your teeth 1ht

mldain · May 2011

firsttimemama:
Give those ignorant people dirty looks right back, and stop using a cover. That's what I would do. Sorry you're feeling judged for doing something completely natural. And tell your SIL to screw off and eat in the bathroom herself because you're disgusted by her ugly face.

LMAO

TakeLuck · May 2011

UNCcutie720:

I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

I'd *love* for you to give me your opinion about breastfeeding in public next time you see me feeding my kid during lunch...

@OP: i'd stop having lunch with my SIL. If she's going to make comments every time you feed your child, why would you want to spend time with her?

TripMomma · May 2011

I have nursed in public a LOT and never once had a bad experience. Shame on her.

BlueEyedMama715 · May 2011

seriously who cares what other people think. If she doesn't like it then she can look the other way!

hjk5000 · May 2011

UNCcutie720:
I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

Welp, I hope you never plan to travel to Europe or South America, you'll be grossed out (and really, are you 12?) on a regular basis because those ladies have no problem BFing anywhere. It's amazing how uptight Americans get over boobs, seriously.

CGKyle · May 2011

UNCcutie720:
I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

so don't look. OP give her some blacked out sunglasses so she can't see anything when you bf around her.

DreadLoc · May 2011

UNCcutie720:
I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

I have a few questions for you:

Will you ever tell that to a woman's face? Or are you one of the chickenshit people who give nasty looks and talk shits behind their backs?

Or would you rather us starve our children so you don't have to not see us feed them?

And exactly which aspect of breastfeeding in public is offensive and gross?

Do you think eating your dinner while sitting in a public restroom gross?

Please answer my questions, I am dying to know.

BrittKav · May 2011

lol.

You're the last person on my mind when I have a hungry baby. Sorry...

ETA: Quote fail. Oh well. Y'all know who I was talking to.

mchupie · May 2011

UNCcutie720:

I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

Right, how DARE we taint your lovely dinner with our breasts. Confused

CGKyle · May 2011

mchupie:
UNCcutie720:

I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made if the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

Right, how DARE we taint your lovely dinner with our breasts.

If anything it would be her stink eye ruining MY dinner.

laceysmom82 · May 2011

izzourclue:
I haven't had a negative experience, but I also just ignore those around me. Tell your SIL to fvck off (in those words) next time she says something to you. Tell her her face is "weird."

love this!

KeriMac · May 2011

UNCcutie720:

I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

Seriously? What should a mom do, starve her baby to refrain from offending you? I can understand someone feeling uncomfortable with a nursing mom because our society is so uptight about this. Not everyone has seen it, or been around it. But offended? I'm gonna have to Confused

My 8 year old niece looked shocked when I nursed DS for the first time in front of her. Her mom FF my 4yo nephew and her other Aunt FF her DD. Still, she asked what I was doing, I explained, and she moved on and never thought twice about it. Assuming you are over the age of 8, you should probably follow her lead.

OP - I understand your feelings and I am sorry your SIL is being so inconsiderate. I had someone roll their eyes and sigh and give me dirty looks at the doctor's office the other day when I nursed (and I was covered). I also have a 3yo DD, I'm not going to sit in my house behind closed doors with my two kids and deprive my 3yo of going to the park and on vacations and to parties because someone might see me nurse and feel offended.

meltoine · May 2011

hjk5000:
UNCcutie720:
I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...
Welp, I hope you never plan to travel to Europe or South America, you'll be grossed out (and really, are you 12?) on a regular basis because those ladies have no problem BFing anywhere. It's amazing how uptight Americans get over boobs, seriously.

Seriously. Even in the middle east, I've seen women in a full burqa (big black robe covering their entire body, including a headscarf and face covering) NIP. I NIP, usually without a cover, all the time. I'm not going to spend the next year or more wasting away in my house never going anywhere with DS because simple-minded people like you are uncomfortable with their own bodies.

mick64 · May 2011

meltoine:
hjk5000:
UNCcutie720:

I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

Welp, I hope you never plan to travel to Europe or South America, you'll be grossed out (and really, are you 12?) on a regular basis because those ladies have no problem BFing anywhere. It's amazing how uptight Americans get over boobs, seriously.

Seriously. Even in the middle east, I've seen women in a full burqa (big black robe covering their entire body, including a headscarf and face covering) NIP. I NIP, usually without a cover, all the time. I'm not going to spend the next year or more wasting away in my house never going anywhere with DS because simple-minded people like you are uncomfortable with their own bodies.

Yes Exactly. How in the world can me feeding my child the way God intended offend you?? I get that you're not comfortable, but offended? Ridiculous!

HappyMommy28 · May 2011

UNCcutie720:
I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

Wow. You are a class act. How is feeding a baby naturally offending? I feed DS in restaurants all the time. If you don't like it, don't look. I'm not going to stay inside all the time just because my kid has to eat. And I'm not going to feed him a bottle when its easier to pop a boob in his mouth. Honestly - get over your issues. Whatever they may be. Grossed out really?

etude de la vie · May 2011

2snuggles2:
seriously who cares what other people think. If she doesn't like it then she can look the other way!

This! My MIL is offended my bfing and constantly harasses me about giving a bottle. She says bfing is only for the "poor" and I am rejecting her bonding time with my kids (because she can't feed them). She has even had the nerve to say "we are just not those type of people"

I think it is all BS and bfed anyways. When she is around (visiting or at her house) and only family is around...mostly just the women... I don't use a cover. If she doesn't like it she can go in another room, there is nothing wrong with feeding a baby.

awatkins2 · May 2011

UNCcutie720:

I have to disagree with the majority of you. I do not think BFing is something that should be done in public, cover or not. Especially not in a restaurant. That's the LAST thing I want to see when I'm out and about. If you made the decision to BF, I think that's great, but I don't want to see it and would be just as offended and grossed out as your SIL. Sorry...

I have to agree with the lady that called you are an asshat. People like you make me want to BF in public W/Out a cover because of your small mindedness just to make you more "grossed out". I mean really are you 12? Do you not realized what your breasts are for? Here is a suggestion go get an anatomy book and find out. How do you think you got pregnant...immaculate conception or do you know how the bottom half of your body works just not the top? Grow up!!

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