Parenting after 35

Got the are you mom or grandma question the other day at peds office!!!

It is really bugging me! I was so angry I felt like saying sorry not all be get knocked up in their teens to the woman! I now I am technically old enough to be his grandma but come on there are lots of older moms out there (had son at 38) and I also don't want to be believe I look my age!

Its gotten me down because I have felt very frumpy lately anyways!!

Re: Got the are you mom or grandma question the other day at peds office!!!

  • I oddly had this thought to myself the other day - do people think I'm his grandmother (also 38 when he was born) or will I get that one day down the road? 
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  • I got my share of "Are you guys sisters" with my oldest, and I am still getting it. I don't think I would be offended if I am called "grandma" with my younger kids (I was 37 and almost 41 when they were born). I would think it's funny. Plus, who knows, I may become a grandma in a few years.

    It also depends on where you live. In our area older parents are a norm. My mother recently got the same question with my 3 y.o.!

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  • I've only had someone ask if I were grandma once... recently, and I was twenty-something weeks pregnant!  Really?!  I'm not significantly overweight, either!  

    I must've looked really tired.  :) 

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  • Once when I was pregnant, we were together and DH was asked if he was the father or grandfather.  Too much gray in the beard but I secretly liked it.

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  • Getting asked "are you mom or grandmom" in regard to your child is better than being assumed that you are your husband's mom & not his wife, right? Stick out tongue

    Really, I have a very good friend who people seem to think looks a smidge older than her husband (husband is 3 yrs older).  There have been times when they have been out together for something as simple as ice cream, and after the server has taken my friend's order the server said "and for your son?" 

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  • My god, some people just do not think before opening the pie-hole.
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  • Thus far, not an issue. But I know I look younger than I am?despite the recently acquired wrinkles around my eyes (Note to self: buy eye cream). But since I had DS at 39, I'm sure it will happen eventually.

     

    imageSugarChick10:

    Getting asked "are you mom or grandmom" in regard to your child is better than being assumed that you are your husband's mom & not his wife, right? Stick out tongue

    Really, I have a very good friend who people seem to think looks a smidge older than her husband (husband is 3 yrs older).  There have been times when they have been out together for something as simple as ice cream, and after the server has taken my friend's order the server said "and for your son?" 

    That's awful!!!  Though it happened to me once when I was actually in my 20s. I was out with a friend and someone asked me if she was my daughter. My friend is 3 months younger than I am! And while she is quite petite (4'10") I couldn't imagine HOW someone thought I was her mom!

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  • imageSugarChick10:

    Getting asked "are you mom or grandmom" in regard to your child is better than being assumed that you are your husband's mom & not his wife, right? Stick out tongue

    My DH was deployed until LO was 9 months old. I was able to move to be near my parents. LO and I spent a lot of time with them, especially going out to eat. I can not tell you how many times people asked if my dad was LO's father. My poor mom (though she just laughed, she's got a great attitude!). . . .and poor me! That possibility gives me the willies! My dad does look young for his age, but still! Eeeewwww! Not so secretly, my dad almost enjoyed those comments.

    Try not to let randoms get you down. It's hard though. At Christmas, a liquor store clerk questioned me when checking my ID. Evidently I have aged significantly in five years. I wanted to cry.
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  • I've been feeling frumpy lately too and am wondering when that time is going to come for me. sigh.... 
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  • imageitsmexine:
    I've been feeling frumpy lately too and am wondering when that time is going to come for me. sigh.... 

    This. I was two months' shy of 40 when DD was born. I know I look young for my age, but lately I certainly feel at least 40 if not 50.

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  • I was talking to a woman I was training about singing Sesame Street songs, and she asked me if I did that with my grandchildren.  I said, "No, my son".  Turns out she is going to be my boss soon.
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  • IlumineIlumine member

    I get that too.  But its always on days where I am looking frumpy.  Should I HAVE to always be presentable to be accepted as the Mommy?  No. 

    But at the same time, I dont like looking that unkempt either. 

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  • VincentVincent member

    I would be angry too.  I think some people don't use their heads....

    I just had my first children 3 weeks ago and I'm 38, just starting to see the gray hair.  I hope I don't hear these comments in my future because I'm not sure if I can keep quiet.

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  • imageindianasunshine:
    I was talking to a woman I was training about singing Sesame Street songs, and she asked me if I did that with my grandchildren.  I said, "No, my son".  Turns out she is going to be my boss soon.
      Wow!  WTH?!?  I'm sorry, but you don't look like you're anyone's grandmother in your siggy pic. 

    I don't understand why people don't err on the side of caution & just assume child instead of grandchild.

    My "List of Things You Don't Ask About Unless You're Sure of the Answer" includes pregnancy & college. Looks like "grandchildren" needs to go on that list.

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  • imagepeeper72:
    My god, some people just do not think before opening the pie-hole.
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  • Wow, that person has to stop watching "16 and Pregnant" on TV.

    I only ask about grandkids if the person is CLEARLY over 60!

    Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
  • SFAug07SFAug07 member
    Luckily I have never gotten this question, but it is also very common to have kids at an older age here.
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  • I once made the reverse mistake, I thought the woman was the mother not the grandmother.  She laughed at me, I hope she was secretly flattered.

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