Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Has anybody else had a failed VBAC?
I am sorry to hear it didn't work. I just thought I would let you know, my mother in law had 2 c sections, not 100% sure the reason over 20 years ago, and when she got pregnant with my bil, she was allowed a trial of labor. It didn't work, but maybe there is still hope.
I have not yet conceived for a vbac, but I am still dealing with the emotional pain from my csection. I keep going over and over in my head what happened and blaming myself for needing to be put under, but I wasn't at fault. What I am trying to get at, is try not to let yourself feel like you could have done anything different, there is a reason for all things, and if you did something different, that may not have worked. It sounds like you gave it one heck of a trying (could not imagine doing 2 hours of thrusts). My husband keeps reminding me that if I did try for vaginal delivery, DD and I may not have survived, there is a reason for c sections, so like pp said, at least we have that option today.
Again though, I am sorry it didn't work. I truly understand the want for a vaginal deliver. Like I said, I am not even pregnant yet, not even trying, and it is on my mind each day how much I don't want another c section.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I think what you're feeling is normal for anyone who wants a vbac or vaginal birth. Your LO is only 2 months old. I think you just need to give yourself time to come to terms with not getting a vaginal birth.
I know with my c/s, I had a lot of feelings of what is wrong with me that I couldn't do it. In my case, I didn't even get to labor. It just takes time to heal. I found that talking to others who knew what I was going through helped a lot. Maybe when life slows down a bit (ha!) you can write your thoughts in a journal. Maybe talk to someone professionally.
Trying for a vbac and ending up with a repeat c/s is something I worry about all the time. I am sure if I end up with a rcs I will be going through some of this same stuff again.
I had a failed a VBAC attempt in September. With DS1 I had a c/s because he turned breech 5 days before my due date. I was a great candidate for VBAC. Ultimately, I labored for 20ish hours. For 8 hours I was stuck at 7 cm. My contractions wouldn't regulate and any time they tried pitocin, DS2's heartrate would drop. They tried everything including an amnio-infusion, but to no avail. DS had the cord wrapped fairly tightly around his neck which was causing the decels.
At first I dealt really well with the c/s. I knew (and still know) that my doctors and nurses literally did EVERYTHING that they could to allow my to have a c/s. My OB was wonderful. She sat on my bed and held my hand as we talked about the c/s. My normal OB (who wasn't on call that day) actually tried to make it to the OR to scrub in. He was too late to scrub in, but he did gown up and come into the OR to talk to me.
Recently, I've had issues dealing with the c/s. I think it's because we are almost certainly done having children and I know I will never have a vaginal birth. I just keep talking about my feelings and know that it's ok to feel this sadness.
I'm so sorry that people are asking if you delivered him vaginally. That's a really unfair question. If you need to talk, just PM me.
Oh, and the same thing happened to me, only I had an epidural. It didn't make any difference.