Has anybody else had a failed VBAC?

erika_sue

Honestly, I hate even typing those words; it makes me feel like a failure. It's been almost two months, and I'm still dealing with all the emotions.

I did everything I could do to have a successful VBAC with DS, but apparently it wasn't enough. I labored at home for a long time, and was very active during labor. I used the shower and the birthing ball. I did squats and lunges and kept walking, excpet for the 20 minutes I had to be monitored. But even then, I wasn't laying down, the nurse allowed me to sit in a rocking chair.

My midwife broke my water at 9 cm. DS was still at 0 station. When she came back two hours later, it was the same. I had spent the whole two hours on my hands and knees doing pelvic rocks, and he just did not descend. That was the point I agreed to the c/s. The contractions were painful; moreso than with DD because I later learned that my bladder had adhered to my uterus when I healed from the c/s with her. I was feeling every contraction in my bladder and in my uterus. I just wonder if I had had an epidural at that point if DS would have been able to move down if I had relaxed. In my head, I don't think so, because I would be on my back, and I don't even know if they would have allowed me to get one.

I think what makes it worse is the way other people handle it.  DS was big, 9 lbs, 10 oz. And when people hear that, they ask if I delivered him. What kind of question is that? It makes me feel so small and inadequate. I don't know why he didn't come down, I am a believer that babies will not grow bigger than their mother can handle, but in my case was it true? Now I mourn that I will never have a vaginal birth. DD's c/s was diagnosed as CPD and fetal distress. DS's was for FTD. I don't think any provider out there will allow a VBA2C with those diagnoses. Not to mention I don't know if I have faith in my body anymore.

Sorry this got so long. It's just something I needed to get off my chest.

RandiDeeAnn

I haven't been there, but I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do (which I'm sure you already know, but maybe it helps to hear/see it). Hugs Mama.

novilise

I think that sometimes know matter what you do, it will be unlikely. Do you know what I mean? It might not technically be impossible, but if you do have a pickier pelvis (I probably do, too) then sometimes everything else has to turn out just right to make it happen. It just makes it more difficult to happen and sometimes that is enough to throw everything off. I know that might not be a consolation when you emotions are still struggling with the VBAC not happening, but in the long run try to remember that at least we live in a time when we have other options other than vaginal birth. That's what has always been impressed upon me...that no matter what, it may not be ideal, but I could have lived during ...anytime before the 20th century and be in a much much worse situation and with much more sadness.

holly321

I am sorry to hear it didn't work.  I just thought I would let you know, my mother in law had 2 c sections, not 100% sure the reason over 20 years ago, and when she got pregnant with my bil, she was allowed a trial of labor.  It didn't work, but maybe there is still hope. 

I have not yet conceived for a vbac, but I am still dealing with the emotional pain from my csection.  I keep going over and over in my head what happened and blaming myself for needing to be put under, but I wasn't at fault.  What I am trying to get at, is try not to let yourself feel like you could have done anything different, there is a reason for all things, and if you did something different, that may not have worked.  It sounds like you gave it one heck of a trying (could not imagine doing 2 hours of thrusts).  My husband keeps reminding me that if I did try for vaginal delivery, DD and I may not have survived, there is a reason for c sections, so like pp said, at least we have that option today.

Again though,  I am sorry it didn't work.  I truly understand the want for a vaginal deliver.  Like I said, I am not even pregnant yet, not even trying, and it is on my mind each day how much I don't want another c section.

margeincharge2

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I think what you're feeling is normal for anyone who wants a vbac or vaginal birth. Your LO is only 2 months old. I think you just need to give yourself time to come to terms with not getting a vaginal birth.

I know with my c/s, I had a lot of feelings of what is wrong with me that I couldn't do it. In my case, I didn't even get to labor. It just takes time to heal. I found that talking to others who knew what I was going through helped a lot. Maybe when life slows down a bit (ha!) you can write your thoughts in a journal. Maybe talk to someone professionally.

Trying for a vbac and ending up with a repeat c/s is something I worry about all the time. I am sure if I end up with a rcs I will be going through some of this same stuff again.

iris427

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.  Big hugs.  

disbride061103

I had a failed a VBAC attempt in September.  With DS1 I had a c/s because he turned breech 5 days before my due date.  I was a great candidate for VBAC.  Ultimately, I labored for 20ish hours.  For 8 hours I was stuck at 7 cm.  My contractions wouldn't regulate and any time they tried pitocin, DS2's heartrate would drop.  They tried everything including an amnio-infusion, but to no avail.  DS had the cord wrapped fairly tightly around his neck which was causing the decels.

At first I dealt really well with the c/s.  I knew (and still know) that my doctors and nurses literally did EVERYTHING that they could to allow my to have a c/s.  My OB was wonderful.  She sat on my bed and held my hand as we talked about the c/s.  My normal OB (who wasn't on call that day) actually tried to make it to the OR to scrub in.  He was too late to scrub in, but he did gown up and come into the OR to talk to me.  

Recently, I've had issues dealing with the c/s.  I think it's because we are almost certainly done having children and I know I will never have a vaginal birth.  I just keep talking about my feelings and know that it's ok to feel this sadness.

I'm so sorry that people are asking if you delivered him vaginally.  That's a really unfair question.  If you need to talk, just PM me. 

erbear

It's a sucky feeling, but it goes away in time. I was so disappointed with my second c-section; my VBAC was going great, labor was manageable, and I was pushing when they told me that I was going to need a section. I cried the whole time in the OR. I forgot about it for a while afterwards...new baby was busy and fun, but a few weeks later, I was hit with huge disappointment again. Now, 3.5 months out, I get that it only matters that I had her. I'll never get to push out a baby (we're done) and I feel regret about that, but I'm slowly making peace with it.

erbear

erika_sue:

 I later learned that my bladder had adhered to my uterus when I healed from the c/s with her. I was feeling every contraction in my bladder and in my uterus. I just wonder if I had had an epidural at that point if DS would have been able to move down if I had relaxed. In my head, I don't think so, because I would be on my back, and I don't even know if they would have allowed me to get one.

Oh, and the same thing happened to me, only I had an epidural. It didn't make any difference.