Just a Vent

SportyMrs.23 · May 2011

I know I don't post here much, so just ignore me..I just needed a place to write this down...get it out.

Today is a crappy day. It's CD1. I'm going to drown my sorrows today and pick myself back up tomorrow. Just like I did every cycle in the 2 years we tried to get pregnant with Lilly.

The good news...my sister is pregnant! I've known for a while now. She told me a couple days after she found out...she was just 4 weeks or so. It also happened to be right when we started trying for #2. So I was super excited, getting the idea of having our kids close together. Of course, that cycle ended up being a bust and now this cycle is a bust. And really, I just see a repeat of everything we went through before and it just makes me sad. mad. frustrated.

I was hoping I'd be one of the lucky ones who gets pregnant easily the second time..you know...your body learned what to do and then it just happens with no problem the next time. I've read it...people have said that will probably be me. I hoped it would be and really grasped at those straws. And really, I know, that's not going to be the case for us. I just feel it.

and I know it seems ridiculous to be upset about it as we haven't been trying long this second time around but I think it just brings me right back to where we were. Right back into that roller coaster of emotions. Right back to all the heartache. Right back to a place I had hoped I'd never have to go again.

Today is my sisters birthday and she announced her pregnancy on FB. Again...I am SUPER excited for her...unbelievably so and I am so excited to be an Aunt.

On her birthday...on the day she announced. AF showed for me. I just don't want to deal with this all over again...and my hopes of our kids being close in age are pushed at least another month apart. I know, not a big deal...it was just something I hoped for.

Ok...such rambling...and probably annoying, I'm sure...I just had to get it out...for some reason, it's therapeutic for me.

spicy-mustard · May 2011

Hugs!

abvernon · May 2011

I saw your announcement and I immediately thought, "yay for being an Auntie but fuuuudge."

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Hugs to you and if you every need to talk offline, you know how to find me.

I hope the second time around IS easier.

BTW-your post is NOT annoying.

pkw · May 2011

Many hugs and good thoughts your way.

SportyMrs.23 · May 2011

Thanks girls. I definitely need those hugs.

And thanks Amy. I feel like it's annoying because it hasn't been long this time. And ranting about not being pregnant in a short amount of time I know is probably really annoying to people. It's not really that though for me...it's being brought back into that flood of emotions. you know...that place. That place I just want to forget forever.

ladipale · May 2011

::: hugs :::

MommySteph2009 · May 2011

Hugs H.

kfishie · May 2011

Huge hugs H!!! Your feelings are totally normal and your post is not annoying! Good luck and I hope your journey is a super short one!

tiki_t · May 2011

*Hugs*

lukaface · May 2011

Sending you a big hug.

2bearichards · May 2011

Hugs

abvernon · May 2011

SportyMrs.23:
Thanks girls. I definitely need those hugs.
And thanks Amy. I feel like it's annoying because it hasn't been long this time. And ranting about not being pregnant in a short amount of time I know is probably really annoying to people. It's not really that though for me...it's being brought back into that flood of emotions. you know...that place. That place I just want to forget forever.

I get that..that place sucks. As we all know IF sucks in many ways, shapes and forms. I just hate the fact those feelings are coming back to you. Hate, hate, hate it.

kala1682 · May 2011

BIG HUGS!!!!

mythreesons03 · May 2011

hugs, I am keeping you in my thoughts and hoping it happens for you guys soon.

SweetieP · May 2011

I'm so sorry. I know it's hard. And I also know how quickly the same feelings come back. And how easy it is to get your hopes up just wishing/wanting it to be easy. I hope that your journey to number 2 is short or easy or both.

SportyMrs.23 · May 2011

Thanks everyone. It really means a lot to come back here after so long and still get support.

scrapmama2201 · May 2011

So not ridiculous. Huge hugs, Heather!!

love22 · May 2011

SportyMrs.23:
Thanks girls. I definitely need those hugs.
...it's being brought back into that flood of emotions. you know...that place. That place I just want to forget forever.

I totally get this. When we were trying my mom and sister who have not dealt with IF were like you have only been trying for 9 months - most were medicated and done with acupuncture so to me them meant more since the cost so much. It brought back all the IF emotions you would think you could get past since you already have a kid. Big hugs.

mandy0505 · May 2011

Sorry this is not happening quickly for you. I can't imagine how difficult it must be. ::HuGz:::

tilden2 · May 2011

kfishie:
Huge hugs H!!! Your feelings are totally normal and your post is not annoying! Good luck and I hope your journey is a super short one!

Ditto this! and more hugs!!

tri_bride05 · May 2011

Big hugs. IF is hard the second time around. I had also hoped that my body had learned, but it was not the case for me and, like you, the emotions flooded back pretty quickly. Your post isn't silly - vent away whenever you need to.