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Toddlers: 24 Months+
luckyfrgg
member
WWYD re: nanny v daycare?
luckyfrgg
member
Hi all,
I mostly stick to the SN and 6-9 month boards, but I have a 2 1/2 year old and a childcare dilemma. Anyone want to weigh in with what you'd do?
Here's the not-so-quick rundown: We have a wonderful nanny that has been with DD1 since she was 4 months old. She's loving, structured, patient, and has been great for DD1. She's now watching DD2 as well. We share her with another family one street over, so their two kids are there most of the time too. It's been a great situation and we've been really grateful to have such a good childcare setup.
BUT. I'm switching jobs and am taking a substantial paycut so that I can have more reliable hours and be with my girls more (I'm a lawyer, and the firm life isn't so great for family time). Our nanny, while fantastic, is NOT economical at all. Through a variety of circumstances I won't explain here, we're ending up paying her about 1 1/2 times the going rate, and it'd end up being over 1/4 of our combined incomes after we switch to keep both girls with her.
About a year ago we went on some tours of daycare centers in the area to get an idea of what our options would be if we needed to switch. They all had crazy waitlists and wouldn't have worked with my commute at the time, so we didn't get on any waitlists. This past Friday, I called the one we liked the most to go ahead and get on their list, since they're perfectly located for my new commute. I figured it'd be 6-9 months before we could get in, but it turns out they have two spots that would work for my girls. We'd save about $20K a year if we switch both girls to the center, but I'm in a complete panic about having to make the decision now. They're holding the spots for us until the end of the day today.
DD1 is really super-social and I think she'll do fine in a busy classroom, but I'm heartbroken at the idea of taking her away from the nanny she's been with for so long. DD2 is very mellow and would be OK in a center classroom (1:4 ratio) but I'd like to give her a bit longer to grow and develop with the one-on-one or one-on-two attention she often gets from the nanny. This woman is fantastic and is like a second mother to DD1, and I'd love DD2 to get this same affection and bonding, but I also hesitate to get her that attached if we're just going to switch her later. The daycare center in question is really really good, very well-recommended, and I had a great feeling about it.
So. Would you a) switch both girls, b) switch DD1 and give DD2 until January with the nanny to grow up more (they have a January spot as well), or c) keep both girls with the nanny?
Sorry for the long saga, I'm totally stressed about this and DH is out of town so I'm trying to make a decision alone! Any input would be greatly appreciated!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD re: nanny v daycare?
That's definitely a big decision to make so quickly! I understand why you are so stressed out. I'm a SAHM so I don't have personal experience, but I was a CPA who worked with a lot of working moms before I had my children and I have a number of friends with children who are attorneys. Here are a few things I would want to consider if I were in your position.
How flexible is your new job going to be? How flexible if your DH's job? Almost everyone I know where the couple both have professional jobs have nannies and don't do daycare. It's really hard to be able to have set 8-5:30 hours when you are in a career like law. I am sure there are daycares that are more flexible but most pretty much expect your child to be picked up by a specific time - they don't care that a client called with an issue at 5:15 or your boss wants to review a file late in the day.
Also, what about when your child is sick? Daycares have very strict sickness policies unlike a nanny who will just care for your sick child. Can you or DH easily be flexible and call in at the last minute to take the day off or take 2-3 days off in a row if your child is ill? Do you have family in town who could pick up a sick child from daycare if you are in a client meeting and can't leave for a few hours? It sounds like your DH might travel so would this burden fall mostly on you? Is your employer going to be flexible with you when situations like this arise?
As far as the financial circumstances go - have you really taken a hard look over your budget and made sure you can't cut out maybe $10,000 worth of expense a year so that the cost of your nanny isn't so burdensome. Can you speak with the nanny and discuss how she is getting paid over a fair market price and see if she'll work with you to lower the cost? Would you consider finding a different nanny who might cost you less but still give you the benefits of having a nanny?
To be honest, I don't think I could make this decision so quickly. I'd really want to explore all my options. That might mean I'd risk losing the spots at a daycare, but I wouldn't want to feel rushed into making such a big decision so quickly. You have childcare now so it's that like you'd be left without childcare if you don't accept these spots. Even if you decide to go the daycare route in a week and the spots are gone, you can still continue with the nanny until more spots open up - which is what you had initially thought you'd have to do anyways.
I'll admit I'm biased because I've had both DDs in daycare since they were 3 months old and we love it there, but I would switch them both. I can't tell you how my my DDs love being with other kids and while it would probably be a little bit of an adjustment with your 1st DD, I'm sure she'd enjoy it. DD2 would also get affection and bonding at the center, just from multiple teachers. My DDs are really attached to several of their teachers...in fact, they didn't want to go in this morning because one of their teachers had pulled into the parking lot and DDs wanted to wait for her to get our of her car! When they got inside, then they were off to find another one of their favorites.
It's great that you have a good feeling about a center because that makes all the difference in the world. When DDs were little, I was planning on using a nanny. We interviewed several people, and we even talking contract with one, and she flaked out on us. I was back to the drawing board of trying to find someone, and DH suggested I check out this daycare our friends' kids were at. I called, mainly to get DH off my back, knowing that infant wait lists tend to be long. It turned out they had two infant slots open, which I now feel was somewhat of a sign that that's where my DDs are meant to be.
It's definitely a hard decision to make, but whatever you do, I'm sure your DDs will do wonderfully!
Oh, and in terms of the sick factor, it's likely they may get sick. That was my biggest fear with daycare and my DDs have done much better than I expected. Yes, they've had a bunch of colds, but in terms of things that they've had to stay home with, it's been pretty minimal. I probably can count the number of times in 2+ years I've had to stay home with one of them on one, or maybe two hands. I just figure that every cold/illness they get now is one less we have to worry about when we hit school.
***Twin fraternal girls born at 35w6d in 12/2008***
After reading some of the other replies, I just wanted to add that I think your children would do well in either environment. I'm sure there will be an adjustment period for your older child, but in a few weeks she'll be doing great. Both a daycare and a nanny can give your child the attention, affection, support and learning environment they need to thrive. That would not be my major concern. I think I would base my decision more on the financial and convenience aspect of the nanny vs. daycare.
I would probably switch them both now.
For your older DD, you'll have to put her in preschool pretty soon anyway, so you're really just delaying the inevitable. For your LO, I'd just do it now when she's younger b/c it'll be easier.
I think having them in 2 different settings in silly and more trouble than its worth. It'll definitely suck while they both adjust, but might as well get it over with quickly.
The one thing I wonder is how the 3 of you will adjust all at once? Its alot. I might keep the nanny for another month or two while you settle in to your new job instead of all 3 of you having this big adjustment at once.
Also - ditto PP re checking on hours, making sure you will have enough leave to cover sick days, etc. making sure you know the days your daycare is closed. Ours has a few "professional days" every year that can be a PITA to cover.
First, I'd have an honest conversation with your nanny. Tell her that you are switching jobs, and because of the cost, need to consider other options. You may be surprised that she is willing to work with you what she charges. If not, at least you know where you stand, and can give her a heads up that at some point in the near future, you may be switching providers.
Don't be swayed by the 24 hour deadline at the daycare. Chances are, if they can get you in now, they'll be able to get you in at another point in the future. This is a big and important decision, and one that you should not feel pressured to make in just a few hours.
We have two nannies (they split the week), and our DS has been them his entire life too. This fall, we are enrolling him in a 2-day a week preschool, for half-days. But, I don't think it's the end of the world if he doesn't get the full immersion of socialization that day care kids get. Your children are in a nanny share, so it sounds like they get plenty of socialization, and any nanny who is worth her salary is going to be taking them to social activities.
We went through a similar decision last year, when one of our nannies told us that she needed more hours, and may need to switch families. So, we explored day care and other options. I've never been against day care, and always thought we'd use one. But, my husband and I work crazy schedules. DH leaves for work at 6am and I travel quite a bit for work. However, we were going to give it a try last year when this happened. The day care that was tops on our list had a spot open, but we had to decide that week. In the end, I got a lot of good advice, but it boiled down to - don't rock the boat. My child was happy, healthy and well-loved in his current situation, and I didn't want to disrupt that. It ended up working out fine, as the nanny picked up another part-time family.
That being said, my advice is to not make a decision today. Sleep on it...talk to your nanny...evaluate all your options. At the very least, you'll know where your nanny stands, and if you need to get on a wait list in a few weeks, you know you've done the research.
Good luck!
Thanks for the very thoughtful input, everyone!! A couple additional points to respond to some questions:
- I'll be switching jobs in a few weeks, and the girls wouldn't switch to the daycare until September, so we'll have two separate adjustment periods
- The new job has pretty regular hours (thank heavens, it's about time) and I would have a pretty good number of sick days and leave. The daycare is closed only on Federal holidays, which I would get off anyway, and for a long weekend over Memorial Day
I'm still leaning towards switching DD1 and leaving DD2 with the nanny for a few months, mostly so that we've got the nanny has a backup if it turns out the center just doesn't work (logistically or otherwise). But I think I'm over the thought of leaving them both with the nanny.
Ditto all of this.
I'm sure it is hard. We looked into switching centers a while ago and the thought of taking DD away from the place that she had been comfortable with starting at 6 weeks made me sick.
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