DH went to a strip club last night...

wolverine8 · May 2011

And that isn't the part that bothers me. He was out with his buddies for a bachelor party having a great time. He told me in advance that they'd be stopping by there at some point and still, not bothered. Then he came home late and this morning there was a wad of cash on the table. I asked him if he gave girls money and he said yes. I asked why and he said "well that's just what you do". He didn't spend a lot, like not more than $10 but would it bother you if your DH gave money to girls at a strip club? I've never been to one and I don't want to get flamed here. I'm just not sure how I am supposed to feel about it. What do you think?

Kahf15 · May 2011

Eh.... I totally see your point and I think I would feel exactly the same way that you do. But I also think that your DH is right. Thats just how it works (I think). I think he showed restraint and only spent 10 bucks... I would probably just let it go...

robinsokj · May 2011

I think it would be rude of a guy to go into a strip club and not give any money. And usually the other guys take care of the bachelor's share.

anabell0920 · May 2011

I mean part of going is giving them money and he didn't spend much. For H he's never been a strip club guy and he's cheap so I know he wouldn't want to tip especially because after cover and drinks that's a good amount. I mean you can sit back and not tip since then they don't touch you either. But he went with a bachelor party and I'm guessing they were all doing it so he threw a few bucks down also or maybe even did for the groom to be? I'm not sure how I would feel honestly.

jesssy1204 · May 2011

Okay, yes this is (sadly) what guys do. I personally am not okay with DH going to strip clubs, and he respects that. Saying this, I would be pissed if he gave money to a girl. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and disrespected.

I guess if I were you.. Id try not to be upset, and tell him how you feel. And hope that if he goes again he will resect your wishes.

GL

wolverine8 · May 2011

robinsokj:
I think it would be rude of a guy to go into a strip club and not give any money. And usually the other guys take care of the bachelor's share.

This is true. He's "tipping" them and I get that is what they're supposed to do. I'm over it. It just bothered me for a bit and wanted to see what other's thought. It's not like he got a lap dance. That would piss me off.

robinsokj · May 2011

wolverine8:
robinsokj:
I think it would be rude of a guy to go into a strip club and not give any money. And usually the other guys take care of the bachelor's share.
This is true. He's "tipping" them and I get that is what they're supposed to do. I'm over it. It just bothered me for a bit and wanted to see what other's thought. It's not like he got a lap dance. That would piss me off.

Yeah, I don't care about strip clubs, but I wouldn't be cool with a lapdance. Good thing DH isn't either.

mbgreenwalt · May 2011

robinsokj:
I think it would be rude of a guy to go into a strip club and not give any money. And usually the other guys take care of the bachelor's share.

This.

Ciconrad · May 2011

I'm totally anti-strip club so if DH even went to one, it'd be a serious issue. However, if you are ok with him going to one then leaving $10 in "tips" seems like it's pretty much standard procedure. It wouldn't seem inappropriate.

Jocelyn0415 · May 2011

robinsokj:
I think it would be rude of a guy to go into a strip club and not give any money. And usually the other guys take care of the bachelor's share.

This. It's a strip club. You're there to PAY to watch them dance.

whinydaisy · May 2011

robinsokj:
wolverine8:
robinsokj:
I think it would be rude of a guy to go into a strip club and not give any money. And usually the other guys take care of the bachelor's share.
This is true. He's "tipping" them and I get that is what they're supposed to do. I'm over it. It just bothered me for a bit and wanted to see what other's thought. It's not like he got a lap dance. That would piss me off.

Yeah, I don't care about strip clubs, but I wouldn't be cool with a lapdance. Good thing DH isn't either.

DH isn't cool with a lap dance? Ha, ok.

wolverine8 · May 2011

FTR I am in no way judging the dancers. I understand that you gotta do what you gotta do. Yeah, I'm not a fan of them and the last time DH was at one was for his bachelor party 3 years ago. So in general, I know he is not a strip club type guy. It was all just for the party.

vmm0016 · May 2011

$10 is nothing, I totally would not worry about it.

wolverine8 · May 2011

jenniferb123006:
I could care less, which got me dubbed as the coolest wife ever when all our friends were getting married. DH would tell me he was going, and I'd tell him to have a good time. They all had to lie to their girlfriends and future wives about it. I always figured he was coming home to me so it didn't matter. Similarly, porn doesn't bother me either. As long as he still wants me more than the porn or the stripper, it's harmless fun.

I am mostly the same way. Like I said, I was not bothered or offended about him going and he was totally honest about it. He didn't lie, or feel like he had to, which is awesome. If he lied, that would be a whole other issue.

Jocelyn0415 · May 2011

Brandi Bee:
I have a no strip club policy. So yes, I'd be mad that he threw money down the toilet.

Wait...aren't you the one who was on TIP bashing the porn haters? Just curious why porn is okay but strip clubs are not.

robinsokj · May 2011

whinydaisy:
robinsokj:
wolverine8:
robinsokj:
I think it would be rude of a guy to go into a strip club and not give any money. And usually the other guys take care of the bachelor's share.
This is true. He's "tipping" them and I get that is what they're supposed to do. I'm over it. It just bothered me for a bit and wanted to see what other's thought. It's not like he got a lap dance. That would piss me off.

Yeah, I don't care about strip clubs, but I wouldn't be cool with a lapdance. Good thing DH isn't either.
DH isn't cool with a lap dance? Ha, ok.

He's not much of a strip club guy to begin with and after watching one of the attendees at his bachelor party get period blood all over his shirt, no, he's not down with the lap dances.

ckerr1 · May 2011

jenniferb123006:
I could care less, which got me dubbed as the coolest wife ever when all our friends were getting married. DH would tell me he was going, and I'd tell him to have a good time. They all had to lie to their girlfriends and future wives about it. I always figured he was coming home to me so it didn't matter. Similarly, porn doesn't bother me either. As long as he still wants me more than the porn or the stripper, it's harmless fun.

This is me. DH doesn't just go to a strip club to hang out but when he goes to bachelor parties and such I could really care less. I trust him and I know in the end he is coming home to me and he loves me so whey should I worry? I also know that those girls could really care less about anything but they money they are making. I really don't think they would want much with a married father.

vernab · May 2011

hijoi:
It wouldn't bother me unless it was a lot of money. (And for me, that would be more than $25.) I would expect him to leave some money, because that is what you do at a strip club. The girls are all working their way through med school, after all. (I am not insulting dancers, it's a quote from a movie.)

This.

RaeAnt · May 2011

You do realize that tipping doesn't always involve a lap dance. in fact, most of the time it doesn't. You usually pay extra on the side for a lap dance and then you'd tip on top of that. The tips are usually as the girl in dancing on the stage or as she comes around to the patrons during her set.

Yes,I've been to a strip club several times with my DH, my DH & a mutual friend and also with a cast of a show I was doing at the time.

Depending on the club, the tipping also depends on where you sit in the club. At the one I've been to. The only place to tip the girls is if you are sitting directly around the stage. They don't go into the audience, so if you sit back a row or to, no need for tip money. Of course most places with have food and depending on the state, they may have alcohol, though I think most are BYOB because of the naked laws. So you'd need money for anything you'd want to buy...besides the girls.

Oh, and yeah, it's generally customary for the other guys to pay for the would be grooms entry and often times, lapdance.

Jocelyn0415 · May 2011

robinsokj:
He's not much of a strip club guy to begin with and after watching one of the attendees at his bachelor party get period blood all over his shirt, no, he's not down with the lap dances.

Ick!

BF isn't a strip club guy either. I'd have no problem if he went though. Hell, I'd probably go with him.

Ciconrad · May 2011

ckerr1:

jenniferb123006:
I could care less, which got me dubbed as the coolest wife ever when all our friends were getting married. DH would tell me he was going, and I'd tell him to have a good time. They all had to lie to their girlfriends and future wives about it. I always figured he was coming home to me so it didn't matter. Similarly, porn doesn't bother me either. As long as he still wants me more than the porn or the stripper, it's harmless fun.

This is me. DH doesn't just go to a strip club to hang out but when he goes to bachelor parties and such I could really care less. I trust him and I know in the end he is coming home to me and he loves me so whey should I worry? I also know that those girls could really care less about anything but they money they are making. I really don't think they would want much with a married father.

I'm not looking to get into a strip club debate because while I am opposed to them, I couldn't care less what others do and I do not judge other women for being completely ok with their husbands going to strip clubs. I just wanted to say for some of us who request that our DH's don't go to them, it has nothing to do with trust. I absolutely 100% trust my DH and would never be concerend with him doing anything inappropriate with a stripper. I personally find them degrading to women and they make me very uncomfortable.

DH has known this since we were dating for about 3 weeks and has never once complained or felt deprived. He really has zero interest in it and has been invited to very few bachelor parties that involved strippers - most of his friends go to a beach house, play golf, drink scotch and smoke cigars.

wolverine8 · May 2011

RaeAnt:
You do realize that tipping doesn't always involve a lap dance. in fact, most of the time it doesn't. You usually pay extra on the side for a lap dance and then you'd tip on top of that. The tips are usually as the girl in dancing on the stage or as she comes around to the patrons during her set.

Yes,I've been to a strip club several times with my DH, my DH & a mutual friend and also with a cast of a show I was doing at the time.
Depending on the club, the tipping also depends on where you sit in the club. At the one I've been to. The only place to tip the girls is if you are sitting directly around the stage. They don't go into the audience, so if you sit back a row or to, no need for tip money. Of course most places with have food and depending on the state, they may have alcohol, though I think most are BYOB because of the naked laws. So you'd need money for anything you'd want to buy...besides the girls.
Oh, and yeah, it's generally customary for the other guys to pay for the would be grooms entry and often times, lapdance.

Yep. I know that. I said that above he did NOT get a lap dance. And that would bother me.

nic326 · May 2011

No, I wouldnt be mad. DH goes to strip clubs every now and then with all his buddies and they give a few bucks here and there. Its just part of what happens when you go. Now if I saw lots of cash being taken out then yes, I would have a problem with it

whinydaisy · May 2011

robinsokj:
whinydaisy:
robinsokj:
wolverine8:
robinsokj:
I think it would be rude of a guy to go into a strip club and not give any money. And usually the other guys take care of the bachelor's share.
This is true. He's "tipping" them and I get that is what they're supposed to do. I'm over it. It just bothered me for a bit and wanted to see what other's thought. It's not like he got a lap dance. That would piss me off.

Yeah, I don't care about strip clubs, but I wouldn't be cool with a lapdance. Good thing DH isn't either.
DH isn't cool with a lap dance? Ha, ok.

He's not much of a strip club guy to begin with and after watching one of the attendees at his bachelor party get period blood all over his shirt, no, he's not down with the lap dances.

That is pretty effing disgusting.

wolverine8 · May 2011

whinydaisy:
robinsokj:
whinydaisy:
robinsokj:
wolverine8:
robinsokj:
I think it would be rude of a guy to go into a strip club and not give any money. And usually the other guys take care of the bachelor's share.
This is true. He's "tipping" them and I get that is what they're supposed to do. I'm over it. It just bothered me for a bit and wanted to see what other's thought. It's not like he got a lap dance. That would piss me off.

Yeah, I don't care about strip clubs, but I wouldn't be cool with a lapdance. Good thing DH isn't either.
DH isn't cool with a lap dance? Ha, ok.

He's not much of a strip club guy to begin with and after watching one of the attendees at his bachelor party get period blood all over his shirt, no, he's not down with the lap dances.
That is pretty effing disgusting.

Barf! So gross!

MaxandRuby · May 2011

I've been to a strip club a couple of times. If my DH went to a strip club and spent $10 bucks I would think it was no big deal. That is kind of what you do there. Hell, even I gave the dancers money when I've been to them. I don't go to them anymore though.

lil_rhody · May 2011

robinsokj:
whinydaisy:
robinsokj:
wolverine8:

robinsokj:
I think it would be rude of a guy to go into a strip club and not give any money. And usually the other guys take care of the bachelor's share.

This is true. He's "tipping" them and I get that is what they're supposed to do. I'm over it. It just bothered me for a bit and wanted to see what other's thought. It's not like he got a lap dance. That would piss me off.

OMG. Well that's a story to remember!

Yeah, I don't care about strip clubs, but I wouldn't be cool with a lapdance. Good thing DH isn't either.

DH isn't cool with a lap dance? Ha, ok.

He's not much of a strip club guy to begin with and after watching one of the attendees at his bachelor party get period blood all over his shirt, no, he's not down with the lap dances.

MegGary · May 2011

lol no that would not bother me. It was a bachelor party. Shoot I used to go to a local one w/ my friends after a night of drinking. I even went to the same one to hang with friends one night & I tipped them myself. When DH & I got together we took him there. It was a local dive club where the girls danced in the middle of the bar. I don't know, it never bothered me.

Don't get me wrong. If DH was to go every now & than just because, we'd be having a talk. That I don't find cool. For sh!ts & giggles as a couple, doesn't bother me. Not to mention we are in a different place now. We are married w/ a family. We don't have time nor the money or energy to go out partying like we did back than.

AZAudiGirl · May 2011

It would bother me if DH went to a Strip Club and DID NOT give the girls money. That's how it works, otherwise he is just checking the girls out for free. It would be rude to go and not tip them.

whirli · May 2011

AZAudiGirl:
It would bother me if DH went to a Strip Club and DID NOT give the girls money. That's how it works, otherwise he is just checking the girls out for free. It would be rude to go and not tip them.

This. DH was at a strip club last night for a bachelor party. I'm sure he spent money tipping and also paid for the groom-to-be's lap dance. He might have had a lap dance himself. He's not crazy about strip clubs and only goes when it's for something like a bachelor party. I went with him and a bunch of other people before we were married and even had a lap dance myself to see what the hubbub is about.

ckerr1 · May 2011

Ciconrad:
ckerr1:

jenniferb123006:
I could care less, which got me dubbed as the coolest wife ever when all our friends were getting married. DH would tell me he was going, and I'd tell him to have a good time. They all had to lie to their girlfriends and future wives about it. I always figured he was coming home to me so it didn't matter. Similarly, porn doesn't bother me either. As long as he still wants me more than the porn or the stripper, it's harmless fun.

This is me. DH doesn't just go to a strip club to hang out but when he goes to bachelor parties and such I could really care less. I trust him and I know in the end he is coming home to me and he loves me so whey should I worry? I also know that those girls could really care less about anything but they money they are making. I really don't think they would want much with a married father.
I'm not looking to get into a strip club debate because while I am opposed to them, I couldn't care less what others do and I do not judge other women for being completely ok with their husbands going to strip clubs. I just wanted to say for some of us who request that our DH's don't go to them, it has nothing to do with trust. I absolutely 100% trust my DH and would never be concerend with him doing anything inappropriate with a stripper. I personally find them degrading to women and they make me very uncomfortable.
DH has known this since we were dating for about 3 weeks and has never once complained or felt deprived. He really has zero interest in it and has been invited to very few bachelor parties that involved strippers - most of his friends go to a beach house, play golf, drink scotch and smoke cigars.

I don't remember saying anything about other women not wanting their husbands to go to strip clubs because they didn't trust them. I am sure you trust your husband 100% or you wouldn't be married to him. I am just saying that for me, that is the only issue I would have with it. These women have chosen to do this for one reason or another so I have no problem with it. They can choose to live their lives in whatever fashion they want.

I'm sorry if it came off as me saying others didn't trust their husbands and thats why they have problems with strip clubs. That was not my intention.

JCM · May 2011

DH goes to strip clubs on occasion. It's what happens when vendor's take him & his group of guys out when they travel. He doesn't really care for them one way or the other & I really don't care either. I've been to 3 in my life. There is tipping going on & I know it. He's even been asked by a few strippers to be the voice on their voicemail & he's recorded it for them too. He's from England & they love the accent. I'm just happy we have the type of relationship that we can joke about things like that :-). There are so many other things I would rather worry about than strip clubs, DH & less than $10.

& the wife of one of the guys that insists on taking them thinks he NEVER been to a strip club in his entire life & they've been married 30 years! He totally "agrees" with her in their conversations how degrading to women they are. & no he's never cheated, he just feels it's something better left untold to his conservative wife. Not worth the argument. So ladies, never say never...

Heather R · May 2011

I would not be ok with either of those facts. Objectification of women is a touchy issue with me. I also don't think it shows restraint to go and only spend x amount of $, as I don't think think being there to begin with shows restraint. I am ok with mutual erotica, but naked women titillating men, imo, is neither mutual between us nor erotica.

ashnoelle · May 2011

Heather R:
I would not be ok with either of those facts. Objectification of women is a touchy issue with me. I also don't think it shows restraint to go and only spend x amount of $, as I don't think think being there to begin with shows restraint. I am ok with mutual erotica, but naked women titillating men, imo, is neither mutual between us nor erotica.

this is how I feel. But then, that doesn't help you OP since you didn't care that he went.

Temp36641187503164 · May 2011

JCM:

DH goes to strip clubs on occasion. It's what happens when vendor's take him & his group of guys out when they travel. He doesn't really care for them one way or the other & I really don't care either. I've been to 3 in my life. There is tipping going on & I know it. He's even been asked by a few strippers to be the voice on their voicemail & he's recorded it for them too. He's from England & they love the accent. I'm just happy we have the type of relationship that we can joke about things like that :-). There are so many other things I would rather worry about than strip clubs, DH & less than $10.

& the wife of one of the guys that insists on taking them thinks he NEVER been to a strip club in his entire life & they've been married 30 years! He totally "agrees" with her in their conversations how degrading to women they are. & no he's never cheated, he just feels it's something better left untold to his conservative wife. Not worth the argument. So ladies, never say never...

Well I know my H has never been to one and has no interest. Some guy being a douche (because if he's been lying to his wife for 30 years, he's a douche) doesn't mean that every guy is one. Some men actually don't have an interest in going and some men respect their wives enough to not go to one if they don't want them to.

I have no issue with strip clubs, I just have an issue with my husband going to one. He knew upfront that porn and strip clubs were not something I would ever be okay with...he has had no issues.

wolverine8 · May 2011

JCM:
DH goes to strip clubs on occasion. It's what happens when vendor's take him & his group of guys out when they travel. He doesn't really care for them one way or the other & I really don't care either. I've been to 3 in my life. There is tipping going on & I know it. He's even been asked by a few strippers to be the voice on their voicemail & he's recorded it for them too. He's from England & they love the accent. I'm just happy we have the type of relationship that we can joke about things like that :-). There are so many other things I would rather worry about than strip clubs, DH & less than $10.
& the wife of one of the guys that insists on taking them thinks he NEVER been to a strip club in his entire life & they've been married 30 years! He totally "agrees" with her in their conversations how degrading to women they are. & no he's never cheated, he just feels it's something better left untold to his conservative wife. Not worth the argument. So ladies, never say never...

That's sad. I like to think that I am married to someone who does not feel the need to hide and lie about something like that. Thankfully, he can be painfully honest at times.

Boizmom · May 2011

I'd be upset about that whole thing. Going to a strip club first of all is so un-classy. But I guess if you go you better do it right and slip a few singles in their g sting. The whole idea just skeeves me out.

Heather R · May 2011

I also hate the mentality that this is just what men do. It perpetuates and normalizes the idea that men are horny dogs who just need sex and naked women and that female subjugation is part of male bonding. Sorry, but early women did not fight for a place in society so that future women could play into male fantasies. Vomit all over the cycle of misogyny.

ASmallWonder · May 2011

robinsokj:
I think it would be rude of a guy to go into a strip club and not give any money. And usually the other guys take care of the bachelor's share.

This.

zeptattoo · May 2011

IMO going to a strip club and giving the girls money go hand in hand. I sounds to me like him going at all really does bother and you are picking on a detail to get upset about to get that emothion out.

It wouldn't bother me, but porn, strip clubs, all of that doesn't bother me in general.

erino&chrish · May 2011

Kahf15:
Eh.... I totally see your point and I think I would feel exactly the same way that you do. But I also think that your DH is right. Thats just how it works (I think). I think he showed restraint and only spent 10 bucks... I would probably just let it go...

This. I think it's pretty normal at a Bachelor party and it seems like he is being really honest about it.

Want a personalized experience?

DH went to a strip club last night...

Re: DH went to a strip club last night...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards