Child Free: Not by choice?

leighzlou · May 2011

I just noticed this board listed. Is it just me, or does that name seem a little insensitive?

LnR70707 · May 2011

Its not just you. I think it is pretty awful too, but apparently it was requested.

Kristin131 · May 2011

Did I miss something?

ETA: Oh I see it. I'm still confused though...

cburitz · May 2011

Hmmm... this must be a new board.

I guess I'm confused why they need a Child Free board when there's already a TTTC, Infertility, & Infertility Veterans board?

miller4285 · May 2011

Is that not the same as infertility? or TTC? Or am I just lost on the meaning due to pregnancy brain?

Jay_Cee · May 2011

cburitz:
Hmmm... this must be a new board.

I guess I'm confused why they need a Child Free board when there's already a TTTC, Infertility, & Infertility Veterans board?

This is what I thought, too. It just seems as if this is a broad-topic board and there are many more specific boards that are/would be more helpful.

I also think the wording of the new board is pretty insensitive.

MrsVictoriaB · May 2011

huh I've never noticed that board before

soontobemrsdavis · May 2011

I was just reading about that on another board. A poster stated this(she has struggled with IF I believe)

"The terminology is not insensitive.

That is what you say when you decide that adoption is not for your family and you will not be pursuing additional IF treatment.

Living childfree is the last step in ones IF journey and it is not insensitive to the IF community. A crappy place to be but not offensive."

eta: I was taken aback when I saw it at first, but after reading that and seeing similar responses/agreements, I just realized that I am very ignorant when it comes to things related to IF.

Gummybear · May 2011

Jay_Cee:
cburitz:
Hmmm... this must be a new board.

I guess I'm confused why they need a Child Free board when there's already a TTTC, Infertility, & Infertility Veterans board?
This is what I thought, too. It just seems as if this is a broad-topic board and there are many more specific boards that are/would be more helpful.
I also think the wording of the new board is pretty insensitive.

Because when you have decided to be child-free, and not by choice, those women need a safe place where they can talk about moving on to that step and living with it day by day. On TTTC, IF, and IF Vets, every day there are people getting BFPs. Those sting while you are still struggling, and if you know that you are at the end of your road, where are you supposed to go? You need a place where there will not be "success" stories, because frankly, you won't be getting a happy ending. And as happy as your are for the women who might get that miracle, knowing it will never happen for you is a devastating blow each and every time it happens.

Kristen61607 · May 2011

Yeah I just noticed this board too. At first I found it a little odd, but then i saw some of your responses here and I guess it's a good for people who are no longer pursuing IF treatments or adoption. Makes sense.

boogerbearoriginal · May 2011

Gummybear:
Because when you have decided to be child-free, and not by choice, those women need a safe place where they can talk about moving on to that step and living with it day by day. On TTTC, IF, and IF Vets, every day there are people getting BFPs. Those sting while you are still struggling, and if you know that you are at the end of your road, where are you supposed to go? You need a place where there will not be "success" stories, because frankly, you won't be getting a happy ending. And as happy as your are for the women who might get that miracle, knowing it will never happen for you is a devastating blow each and every time it happens.

This explanation makes a lot of sense.

The wording did seem a bit blunt, but it sounds like it's the preferred choice by those in the situation. I'm glad those who are facing that prospect have a place to be a community and offer each other support.

cburitz · May 2011

Gummybear:
Jay_Cee:
cburitz:

Hmmm... this must be a new board.

I guess I'm confused why they need a Child Free board when there's already a TTTC, Infertility, & Infertility Veterans board?

This is what I thought, too. It just seems as if this is a broad-topic board and there are many more specific boards that are/would be more helpful.

I also think the wording of the new board is pretty insensitive.

Because when you have decided to be child-free, and not by choice, those women need a safe place where they can talk about moving on to that step and living with it day by day. On TTTC, IF, and IF Vets, every day there are people getting BFPs. Those sting while you are still struggling, and if you know that you are at the end of your road, where are you supposed to go? You need a place where there will not be "success" stories, because frankly, you won't be getting a happy ending. And as happy as your are for the women who might get that miracle, knowing it will never happen for you is a devastating blow each and every time it happens.

That makes sense. I guess I didn't quite understand the terminology but now I see the need for that particular board. I wish there wasn't a need for it...

miller4285 · May 2011

Gummybear:
Jay_Cee:
cburitz:

Hmmm... this must be a new board.

I guess I'm confused why they need a Child Free board when there's already a TTTC, Infertility, & Infertility Veterans board?

This is what I thought, too. It just seems as if this is a broad-topic board and there are many more specific boards that are/would be more helpful.

I also think the wording of the new board is pretty insensitive.

Because when you have decided to be child-free, and not by choice, those women need a safe place where they can talk about moving on to that step and living with it day by day. On TTTC, IF, and IF Vets, every day there are people getting BFPs. Those sting while you are still struggling, and if you know that you are at the end of your road, where are you supposed to go? You need a place where there will not be "success" stories, because frankly, you won't be getting a happy ending. And as happy as your are for the women who might get that miracle, knowing it will never happen for you is a devastating blow each and every time it happens.

Ok, I see, so it's basically a point where a couple decides they have done all they can do, and possibly have (possibly) stopped TTC/IVF attempts? That makes sense. It just sounds insensitive to someone maybe not familiar with the terminology preferred. (Like I always thought "little people" sounded insensitive until I found that was the term preferred by, well, little people..)

sissyroo · May 2011

soontobemrsdavis:
I was just reading about that on another board. A poster stated this(she has struggled with IF I believe)
"The terminology is not insensitive.

That is what you say when you decide that adoption is not for your family and you will not be pursuing additional IF treatment.
Living childfree is the last step in ones IF journey and it is not insensitive to the IF community. A crappy place to be but not offensive."
eta: I was taken aback when I saw it at first, but after reading that and seeing similar responses/agreements, I just realized that I am very ignorant when it comes to things related to IF.

This exactly! I never thought I would be in the position of dealing with IF, but we are dealt our cards and have to figure out what to do with them. There comes a point in one's infertility journey where they have to make a decision on what comes next. Many people think that IVF always works, well it doesn't and it's very expensive. I think I have about $50,000 already invested in this LO who isn't even here yet and that is just for 3 years of treatment. People also think it's easy to make the decision to adopt. Some IF couples find it hard to accept another child into their home, when they have dreamed of raising their own flesh and blood for so long. Also, adoption is EXPENSIVE!!! There are huge waiting lists for domestic adoption and tons of red tape to go through to adopt from another country. It's cheaper to adopt from the Foster care system, but my state is currently not accepting applications for healthy children under the age of 9. Anyways, I think it's a good board and it may sound insensitive, but to those who need the board, it's not.

mbritto4 · May 2011

MH has an aunt who would fall into this category. Her husband had a vasectomy before they got married, tried to have it reversed, and then they ttc a few years with no success. He was not open to adoption so she ended up being child free. Like PP have said I could see how certain people who are long time bumpies and feel "at home" here wouldn't want to hang out on ttc focused boards if that is the place they had found themselves with their SO.

Jay_Cee · May 2011

Gummybear:
Jay_Cee:
cburitz:
Hmmm... this must be a new board.

I guess I'm confused why they need a Child Free board when there's already a TTTC, Infertility, & Infertility Veterans board?
This is what I thought, too. It just seems as if this is a broad-topic board and there are many more specific boards that are/would be more helpful.
I also think the wording of the new board is pretty insensitive.
Because when you have decided to be child-free, and not by choice, those women need a safe place where they can talk about moving on to that step and living with it day by day. On TTTC, IF, and IF Vets, every day there are people getting BFPs. Those sting while you are still struggling, and if you know that you are at the end of your road, where are you supposed to go? You need a place where there will not be "success" stories, because frankly, you won't be getting a happy ending. And as happy as your are for the women who might get that miracle, knowing it will never happen for you is a devastating blow each and every time it happens.

See, that makes much more sense to me now. I was not thinking of it in that way. I think it's a good thing to have a separate board for those who will never have children. Thank you (and the others, too) for explaining that.

leighzlou · May 2011

Those explainations make a lot of sense. The wording does seem blunt for those of us not in that situtation, but I understand it now.

Another honest question though from someone who has obviously not had any experience with IF. Once a couple makes the decision to stop trying and be child-free, would they really want to deal with those emotional issues and make connections on website that is dedicated to babies and kids? It seems like they would want to move on to somewhere that isn't advertising baby toys and hgihlighting articles on how to get pregnant.

Gummybear · May 2011

leighzlou:
Those explainations make a lot of sense. The wording does seem blunt for those of us not in that situtation, but I understand it now.

Another honest question though from someone who has obviously not had any experience with IF. Once a couple makes the decision to stop trying and be child-free, would they really want to deal with those emotional issues and make connections on website that is dedicated to babies and kids? It seems like they would want to move on to somewhere that isn't advertising baby toys and hgihlighting articles on how to get pregnant.

Well, I cannot speak for someone who has reached that point in the road, but having spent some time on the IF boards and TTCAL 6+, I can imagine that the women who will post there won't be, for the most part, randoms from the net that just happened upon the board. The majority will probably be women who at some point, started on Babies on the Brain, for instance, and over the years have run the gamut of TTTC, IF, IF Vets etc. before ending up where they have ended up. They have probably forged wonderful and supportive friendships over the years on the Bump, so they consider it home.

abergale · May 2011

Why come to the bump if you don't want kids. Isn't that the point it is all related to pg, TTC, after your PG etc.

BabyMimi · May 2011

abergale:
Why come to the bump if you don't want kids. Isn't that the point it is all related to pg, TTC, after your PG etc.

Have you not read the explanation for the board? Wanting kids is not the issue. Way to be a jerk.

heather_09_15_07 · May 2011

abergale:
Why come to the bump if you don't want kids. Isn't that the point it is all related to pg, TTC, after your PG etc.

FAIL.

Read the whole thread.

Gummybear · May 2011

abergale:
Why come to the bump if you don't want kids. Isn't that the point it is all related to pg, TTC, after your PG etc.

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