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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Has your LO had a sleep over at grandparents house yet?
My mom and Mother-in-law keep asking when LO can spend the night with them and I just haven't felt ready. DS is 1 year and a half old today but I have to say I don't feel like it's time until DS is talking to where he can nearly say a full sentence or at least 3 or 4 words together.
Mom lives 30 min away and mother-in-law lives 2.5 hours away.
Am I being too protective?
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Re: Has your LO had a sleep over at grandparents house yet?
Yes, many times. DS slept over for the first time at maybe 2 or 3 months. However, my parents watch him about 9 hours a week since I work part time, so he's very comfortable being there. I suppose it might be different for someone else who doesnt spend as much time with their grandparents.
DD hasnt stayed overnight yet, but she will be in 2 weeks from now when we go away overnight for our anniversary.
same. it's great.
How much time does your LO spend around your mom and MIL? My parents live in the same town as us and DH's parents are 30 minutes away but we see all of them all the time. DS has spent the night with each of them many times. He is spending the night with the ILs again tomorrow night and in July we will probably be leaving both kids with one of them for 4 nights while DH and I go to San Diego. I will also say that I don't have any issues with either set of grandparents like I have seen on this board. They are all great, I trust them completely, and DS loves being with them.
Yes, since she was itty bitty.
My baby is two!!! Baby girl 9/17/09
My other baby is still a baby! Baby Boy 11-30-11
yes, i wish they would have them more often...haha!
Does your son STTN? if so, i cant think of a reason why he shouldnt spend the night (assuming your mom / MIL are capable).
She has had sleepovers at my parents house since she was about 6 months. We lives with my parents until she was about 6 months ol and my parents watch DD during the week while I'm we are at work so they have a room set up for her. It is nice to be able to sleep in when DH and I decide to go out. Now with my ILs, that is a no way! I don't talk to MIL. FIL and MIL are not trustworthy people and considering the things DH said they did when he was little, there is no way that I would trust them until DD can actually talk. They also live 80 miles away.
DS has had a couple of sleepovers at my mom's house but not my IL's. For no other reason then that they don't have a crib at their house and my parents do. Also ILs live closer and they will watch him at our house when we go out for the evening and put him to bed for us.
What is your reservation for not having a sleep over? Does your LO spend time alone with them?
The girls have slept at my MILs once only because of opportunity. But they have stayed at my parents plenty of times. They are so good for my parents and love sleeping there. And I love having some baby free nights with DH and being able to sleep in past 7.
My LO has never had a sleep over at my parents or in laws. I'd leave her if I had to at my moms but I still feel weird about it. I'm still nursing so thats probably why. There will be plenty of sleep overs when she is older.My MIL has asked more times than I can count to have lo sleep over but I am not comfortable with it yet (if ever) My inlaws are chain smokers and I don't even like visiting because we all leave smelling like an ash tray so I don't see a sleep over happening anytime soon over there. Plus my MIL is turning a little nuts about "the other grandma" and I really don't have the patience to deal with any of that bs, so I'm keeping my distance. But that is a vent for an entirely different post!
My parents have consistently demonstrated that they are unaware how to keep garbage out of my child's mouth. I realize it's MY hang up, but if they can't respect it anyway - no unsupervised visits.
If you and LO are comfortable with the grandparents, then you should enjoy a night away. I bet your LO will have a blast.
Well this might be a little different but DD is staying with MY grandparents her great-grandparents and she has a blast over there. She was about 10/11 months. This is only the second time alone and the third time overall without me. I live with my mom so the two of them went and it was after I was completely comfortable with my mom not giving her food I didn't want her to have and she was STTN. It is the best feeling in the world to not have to get up if I don't want especially being so far along in my pregnancy. It is a welcomed break! Go for it as long as you trust that they will be able to follow your schedule and rules you have for your child.
Have you been able to go out with your husband at all?
DS has not had any sleepovers yet. I am not comfortable with it. My parents live in another state, but my ILs have been practically begging for a sleepover since he was born.
Call me crazy, but I honestly don't understand the strong urge they have to get DS overnight. He's just going to be sleeping.... and then cranky and tantrum-y in the morning.
Anyway, MIL and FIL both drink at night and are on a lot of medications, so I am 100% not okay with DS sleeping over there. At the very least, he'd need to be old enough to call me and tell me if something happened to Grandma and Grandpa, or if they were acting funny, etc.
They are also pushing to get a car seat for their van so that MIL can "steal him" at her whim (this is how she puts it) and drive him all over town. Again: I don't even get what this urge is about. Her sisters live HOURS away, and she'll drive him there over my dead body. Where does she plan on taking him?
Nope. I'm not cool with it. I'm probably being overprotective, but I don't care. My ILs are cuckoo, and have already overstepped every boundary we've put out there. I'm not even letting them babysit during the day right now.
Yep all the time. DS first had a sleep over at my SILs she is dying to have a baby and I love her and her fiancee so it was nice. They watched him for our anniversary and he loved it. He has slept over at my moms house several times as well and he slept over at my sisters house when DH was in the hospital.
Having a completely baby free 24hrs is nice and I think important every once in a while. DH and I plan on going to Vegas for our anniversary this year and we will leave him with my mom or sister for at least 2 nights. I am super mellow though if he eats chocolate for 2 days oh well it is only 2 days and grandmas house is suppose to be special and fun it wont kill him.
Because it is their grandbaby! I know people hate this but in a way it is their baby too. I don't always get along with my MIL but I still let her be in Silas' life as much as she wants to. I went away to Vegas last month and my mom was watching Silas while DH worked and my MIL asked to drive DS 2hrs away to see his great grandma. I said yes. I felt like that is his family he should have them in his life. JMO
never! and it would never ever happen. i would rather put my son with my next door neighbor than with my mom or my DH's family.
First of all, i love my mom. She is an unbelievable grandmother and i am so happy she is the way she is with my son but she is a chain smoker and think it's totally normal to smoke around a child since i turned out fine (she keeps forgetting i had asthma my entire childhood and as soon as i moved out i no longer had it)
I hate my MIL. She is mean and hurtful and a total wacko. She lives 20 minutes away and i haven't spoken to her since last mothers day when she decided to curse me out b/c i didn't' do something she wanted me to do.
FIL is awesome. Remarried to a total wacko. On top of her being a wacko, she's getting Alzheimers so she keeps forgetting the RULES. and there are many many rules when it comes to my son b/c of his sever food allergies. Last time she whipped out a peanut butter sandwich right in front of my son (peanuts is one of his allergies).. so she is no longer allowed to be alone with my son.
my SIL would be great but her 7 y/o son is completely obsessed with my son. He licks his face (ok. that happened once, but it scared me), caresses him and needs to touch and hold him every second of the day and my SIL thinks it's cute. not so much.
Can i adopt some normal people into my family? i would LOVE to drop my child off somewhere so i can have a night with DH. Do it if you trust them.
I agree.. they just want to spend time with their grandkid/s!
I agree. My IL wanted to change his diaper so bad and i was so confused. why? why on earth would you want to change someones dirty diaper if you can just have me do it and get your grandkid back all fresh and clean. nope, they wanted to do it. it makes them feel good. They want to be there when he wakes up, cranky or not.
I don't agree about the second sentence that it's their baby too. not in a million years. it's not their kid, it's their grandkid. There are grandparents that think it's their kid and they need help.
I would love to have someone i trust in my family. I would be on the next flight to vegas with my husband for a week if that was the case. but we are not all so lucky. i would have anxiety the entire time my son is in anyone's care, not only b/c my family is a bit crazy, but mainly b/c of his food allergies and everyone in my family and DH's family think we're over exaggerating everything.
I did not say it was their baby I said in a way it was. You raise your kids with the hope that they will forever be in your life and that you can be a huge part of your grandkids life. In 20-30yrs however long it is before Silas becomes a dad I HOPE he lets me be apart of everything with his babies lives and that I can be as huge of a help to him as my family is to me.
On a side note I am incredibly spoiled! I completely trust my mom with Silas she adores him and he adores her. Same with my MIL I know she adores him and would do anything for me. I have a sister who when we planned our will jumped in and said that she would love to raise Silas. But, I know not everyone is reliable or trustworthy enough to babysit our little ones.
Why do you feel that being able to speak a sentence indicates the right time for LO to stay there? I'm not being judgemental, just trying to understand your reasoning. Do the grandparents spend a lot of time with him? Do you feel comfortable with their level of care? My parents (1.5 hr away) have watched LO quite a few times. She loves going to their house - all new things to exoplore
If you trust them to babysit then I don't see why staying over would be a big deal.
Yeah, it sounds like we are in similar situations. DS has a lot of food allergies, too, which my ILs don't take seriously at all. The last time FIL babysat, DH and I reminded him not to give him any wheat products. When we came back, FIL told us he fed DS toast and crackers. WTF?
He has really bad egg allergies, and I don't trust my ILs AT ALL to not feed him scrambled eggs in the morning. They think we are exaggerating his allergies, even though he's been prescribed an epi-pen, FFS.
If I had family I could trust, I'd be okay with an overnight visit. I trust my mom, but she lives in another state.
Also, I guess I get wanting to have more time with the grandkid, but it's this verging-on-psychotic obsession with my ILs, and it just makes me more nervous about leaving him with them.
But without her being a mommy your family wouldn't even exist. I am just a firm believer in it takes a village to raise children. I use my family as that village. I need breaks from Silas or other wise I would not be a patient mommy! But, maybe I am spoiled with an amazing family I can trust.
no, my mom is 90 mins away and i just don't feel comfortable doing that yet .. especially since dd doesn't sttn consistently anymore.
I totally see your POV, but some grandmas can take that too far. DH is an only child, and his mother is fvcking OBSESSED with him and everything he does, and she is even more obsessed with our son. She oversteps a lot of boundaries as both a mother and a grandmother. She has never learned to cut the umbilical cord with my husband.
My relationship with my parents is completely different. I left home to go to college, and then left California completely to go to grad school. Then, I moved even farther away when I was married and got pregnant. The distance has never been a problem. Of course, now they are sad they don't get to see DS as often as they'd like, but they're not going to move to Oklahoma to do so (whereas my MIL had a fvcking apartment RENTED and ready to move into to follow DH when he moved to Oregon as a grown man - before he was even married with a kid. I think FIL talked her out of it, thank god).
I hope DS will include us in his life when we're all older, but he has the freedom to move wherever he wants and live his life however he wants, and I'll raise him knowing that. I don't expect to be a part of "everything" with his babies' lives (and I hope for his future partner's sake that he knows I don't need to be included in everything!).
I guess it often depends on your life growing up, like you said. For DH, his grandparents practically raised him and his family is close almost to the point of creepiness. For me, I saw my grandparents once a week and thought it was the most boring three or four hours of my life, and I was never so close to my family that we couldn't physically go separate ways. It's a little hard merging these two lifestyles to find what's best for DS.
Believe me, you are incredibly lucky to have family you can trust nearby.
Don't give me wrong I think that if that is what you are most comfortable with you should do that. If you are not comfortable with who she is with etc you wont enjoy yourself.
I live a sheltered little life where I think everyone is as lucky as DH and I are. I don't even know what I would do if my family moved away!
Nope. DD2 has never spent the night away. She still doesn't STTN, and is still BFing.
DD1 has only spent 3 nights away from us, and 2 of those were because I was in the hospital having DD2.
There just isn't a reason for it.
Before Yankee jumps in about alone time with DH, we go out quite a bit, but we are alwasy home at a reasonable hour. WE have season tickets to the Symphony and college football, so we get pleantly of alone/quality time without having to impose on family. Our parents are both in the late 60s with lives of their own. Chasing a toddler, let alone a toddler and a 3 year old is exhausting.
My son has not, and likely never will. My Dad passed away in 2008, and my Mom could not be less interested in being a doting grandma if she tried. She lives two states away, and when she comes to visit us to allegedly see her one and only grandkid, she spends most of her time primping or on the computer. I just don't trust her alone with him, and I really don't think she cares to be alone with him anyway.
My MIL is a drug addict and a control freak. She smokes pot all the damn time, and finds nothing wrong with lighting up her pipe right in front of everyone, including my son. She's also on morphine, and has been for 10+ years. It's prescribed, but it definitely still affects her; she seriously looks and acts like a heroin addict. She's also just a crazy, mean, and verbally abusive woman who has managed to alienate her entire family. It's just really sad to watch her downward spiral, especially since I used to have a pretty good relationship with her. She's also obsessed with being alone with my son, which is absolutely not okay with us and totally creeps me out. In fact, she's chosen to make that obsession her "hill to die on" so to speak. Have fun with that, MIL.
My FIL is amazing (thank GOD). He is in the process of divorcing MIL, so when he's on his own in his own place away from her, we'll probably readdress the whole spending the night thing.
I know I've said this before on this board, but those of you with great families and support systems have NO IDEA how lucky you are.