would your lo have been a better sleeper if you did CIO?

luvmybaby28 · May 2011

I am starting to beat myself up about nursing to sleep and cosleeping, and not breaking this sleep crutch sooner, I keek talking to people who did CIO at 4 months and all of their babies sleep 12 hours at night. I feel to blame for my lo waking at night because I didn't teach him how to self soothe, but I feel that even with the multiple wakings we are happy and well rested for the most part. I just question if he would be even happier if I had taught him how to sleep better/longer. I can't fathom doing any type of crying now, let alone at 4 months though, but those who do CIO say that people like me are doing a disservice to their lo's. So tough. . . . . .

DandelionMom · May 2011

luvmybaby28:
that people like me are doing a disservice to their lo's. So tough. . . . . .

I think that's a load of crap. My girls never cio-ed and they're all very good sleepers now. I nursed and rocked them to sleep until they were old enough to choose a story instead of rocking. They're angels about bedtime, they sleep the appropriate amount of time, and rarely wake at night except for quick potty breaks.

Your child is still a baby. He'll get used to self soothing when he's ready.

luvmybaby28 · May 2011

DandelionMom:

luvmybaby28:
that people like me are doing a disservice to their lo's. So tough. . . . . .

I think that's a load of crap. My girls never cio-ed and they're all very good sleepers now. I nursed and rocked them to sleep until they were old enough to choose a story instead of rocking. They're angels about bedtime, they sleep the appropriate amount of time, and rarely wake at night except for quick potty breaks.

Your child is still a baby. He'll get used to self soothing when he's ready.

thank you so much for the reply, I can't imagine those who say teaching a child to sleep on their own is the greatest gift you can give them - I think loving, nursing, cuddling, is a better gift than hours of crying. . . .

Kestrel84 · May 2011

I'm pretty sure my kid would be a better sleeper if I had done CIO. He absolutely has no clue how to fall asleep on his own. For awhile (probably up until a month ago) I was questioning my stance on being anti-CIO because of all the sleep issues. It had gotten to the point where nothing I tried would get him to sleep but he couldn't fall asleep on his own. But things have gotten better and they continue to improve. For example, last night DS woke up an hour after I put him to bed. Normally he won't go back to sleep unless I nurse him but all I had to do was lay down next to him and he drifted back to sleep. That NEVER happened before. He's also waking less at night too. So while it's becoming a huge inconvenience to have to rock/wear him to sleep, I'm still glad I never made him CIO because I think he'll continue to sleep more independently on his own. If 6 months from now he still needs me to wear him to sleep then I'll probably do some form of sleep training.

RandomLurker · May 2011

I often ask this of myself. My DD is 22 months and although not a great sleeper, she is getting better. In the last couple months she has been better able to get herself back to sleep after waking and has slept about 11 hours straight a few times. However, when she cries for me in the night, I go to her. The other night she randomly pooped, had I not gone in to see what was the matter, she would have been in that until the morning. I don't regret not doing CIO. I truly believe that each child will sleep at night when she is ready.

I don't think this post helped.

ETA: I still nurse her before bed every night. I nursed her to sleep every night until she was about 8 months old. She eventually outgrew it (but still likes to nurse at bedtime).

schmoodle · May 2011

Yes, I think so. He's almost 2 and still won't go to sleep on his own unless we are laying next to him, and he wakes after only about 3 hours and can't/won't go back to sleep on his own. We actually did try CIO in some way a couple times, once around 8 mos. but highly modified (we stayed in the room with him and soothed but didn't pick up) and it worked until he got sick, but then I couldn't do it again. By the time we were frustrated enough to try again I think it was too late (he was 19 months old, standing in crib, calling out to us, etc.). It's too late now to do anything about it though so I don't dwell on it, and I do like the extra time we get with him. DH keeps saying we're doing Ferber with the next one as soon as they are old enough but we'll see. I don't think I can do that and have a feeling once she is here (knock on wood) he'll agree.

COMomma81 · May 2011

Absolutely not. I am a staunch believer that babies/kids will learn to go to sleep on their own when they're ready. For my son, that was when he was two. I didn't feel the need to force him into any "ideal" for when he "should" be sleeping through the night or on his own. I have to kind of do a mental eye-roll when people get sooo hung up on STTN and teaching their kids to "self soothe" by a certain age. They'll learn it when they're ready. It may be earlier for some, and later for others, but by not forcing it...I feel it was a very gentle and peaceful process.

My son was transitioned to his own bed, in his own room after he was peacefully weaned at 25 months and, there were no tears. No drama. No fanfare. He was ready and he is a fantastic sleeper and a very confident and happy kid.

Have confidence in your choices If it's absolutely not working for you and/or your child...then change it. But if it's about fitting into a mold of what other people think you ought to be doing...you need to do what you feel is working for your family and shrug off the rest.

aglenn · May 2011

I can confidently say that with my DD, it would not have helped. I think those who give you the lines about CIO being a wonderful gift and blah-blah-blah were really just the ones who had kids who were able to sleep better with a little bit of crying to wind down. DD was never one to settle down through crying; she just escalates. Pretty much indefinitely. So, IMO it depends on your LO. Maybe it could have helped you, maybe not.

My DD does not conform to the averages in the parenting books in most other ways (height, weight, vocabulary, age for walking/crawling/etc.). In some areas she is way ahead of what's "normal" or expected, in others she is average or a little behind. I don't think sleep is any different. Some do it sooner, others do it later. I don't agree that it's a skill that needs to be taught. I think it's developmental and temperamental.

Sam78 · May 2011

I tried everything with DS to get him to sleep (except CIO although I did try Ferber). The only thing that worked for him was time - one night he woke up 4 times, the next night once, the night after that, not at all - I didn't do anything different those three nights and it literally was 3 nights. Happened right around 9 months for us.

3003girl · May 2011

aglenn:

My DD does not conform to the averages in the parenting books in most other ways (height, weight, vocabulary, age for walking/crawling/etc.). In some areas she is way ahead of what's "normal" or expected, in others she is average or a little behind. I don't think sleep is any different. Some do it sooner, others do it later. I don't agree that it's a skill that needs to be taught. I think it's developmental and temperamental.

my thoughts exactly. my kid crawled at 6 months. i don't think it's a "disservice" if your kid didn't.

My LO is working on sleeping better - and I try to give her what helps her. sometimes (mostly) it's nursing, but sometimes it's rocking or just laying next to her. But I can tell that she is trying to figure it out. It might just take her a while. And she has good days and bad days - sometimes she is clingy all.night.long and others she wants to be far away. (we bed-share)

luvmybaby28 · May 2011

COMomma81:

Absolutely not. I am a staunch believer that babies/kids will learn to go to sleep on their own when they're ready. For my son, that was when he was two. I didn't feel the need to force him into any "ideal" for when he "should" be sleeping through the night or on his own. I have to kind of do a mental eye-roll when people get sooo hung up on STTN and teaching their kids to "self soothe" by a certain age. They'll learn it when they're ready. It may be earlier for some, and later for others, but by not forcing it...I feel it was a very gentle and peaceful process.

My son was transitioned to his own bed, in his own room after he was peacefully weaned at 25 months and, there were no tears. No drama. No fanfare. He was ready and he is a fantastic sleeper and a very confident and happy kid.

Have confidence in your choices If it's absolutely not working for you and/or your child...then change it. But if it's about fitting into a mold of what other people think you ought to be doing...you need to do what you feel is working for your family and shrug off the rest.

wow, the idea of peaceful weaning and a bed transition at 25 months with no tears sounds like a dream! Did you bedshare and nurse through the night previously? I just can't help but wonder if those people who sleep trained at 4 months did something better than I am doing, though I know it is 100% not for me.

Kestrel84 · May 2011

COMomma81:
Absolutely not. I am a staunch believer that babies/kids will learn to go to sleep on their own when they're ready. For my son, that was when he was two. I didn't feel the need to force him into any "ideal" for when he "should" be sleeping through the night or on his own. I have to kind of do a mental eye-roll when people get sooo hung up on STTN and teaching their kids to "self soothe" by a certain age. They'll learn it when they're ready. It may be earlier for some, and later for others, but by not forcing it...I feel it was a very gentle and peaceful process.
My son was transitioned to his own bed, in his own room after he was peacefully weaned at 25 months and, there were no tears. No drama. No fanfare. He was ready and he is a fantastic sleeper and a very confident and happy kid.
Have confidence in your choices If it's absolutely not working for you and/or your child...then change it. But if it's about fitting into a mold of what other people think you ought to be doing...you need to do what you feel is working for your family and shrug off the rest.

Not everyone has children like yours. And not everyone does CIO just because they believe children should be STTN at a certain age. What do you do when your kid won't fall asleep by rocking, nursing, cuddling? What do you do when the nighttime wakings are significantly affecting your LO during the day? We've managed to avoid CIO but there have been times that I thought CIO would be the right choice because I had a kid who didn't know how to fall asleep AT ALL, even with all the nursing, cuddles, and rocking. Do I think kids *should* learn to self-soothe at an early age? No. But if it is significantly affecting their ability to get any good quality sleep then it might be the best choice.

mytwobabies · May 2011

they really do learn as they get older. I've never let DD CIO and shes 26 months. She sleeps a great 10-12 hr night (in our bed usually) but I have been able to put her in her own bed in her own room and have her sleep a full night. I think CIO is heartless and would never be able to listen to my baby cry for me and ignore her.

ETA: I nursed DD to sleep every night and at every naptime until she was 19 months old.

ncbelle · May 2011

If baby is happy and well rested...baby is getting enough sleep. We all wake at night and it's not "bad" for a baby to need help getting back to sleep. If baby is staying awake at night or is clearly cranky from not enough sleep, something needs to change - but that doesn't mean CIO is the only option (and should be a last resort!).

We are currently experiencing little sister's arrival induced night wakings, but before that, kiddo was STTN beautifully - we never did CIO; he just did it on his own by 15 months or so. FWIW, plenty of folks who do CIO also experience sleep issues later on so I in no way think our current issues are related to the fact that we never CIO. Totally blaming the baby ;-)

mrs.baum · May 2011

Are you happy with your sleep situation? If yes, then it doesn't matter what others say, you are doing what works best for you and your LO. If no, then there are gentle sleep training techniques you could try, a la No Cry Sleep Solution.

erinkate23 · May 2011

No, I don't.

When it's time for bed, DS grabs my hand and "walks" me to the bed. He giggles, points at the bed, and we snuggle together until he falls asleep. We "talk" about his day and sometimes read a book. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

He's STTN most nights these days, on a little mattress next to our bed. We could probably move him to his own room, but honestly I really love the snuggles.

Sally J · May 2011

No on either of my children. Charlotte STTN at 7.5 months (she came home STTN) and cries when she needs something. It would be detrimental if she cried without us responding to her.

Cooper didn't STTN consistantly until 21 months, although he did at various times between 12 and 21 months. He hit every single sleep regression there is and just couldn't settle very well. Crying for anything wound him up more and he was never a crier. He only cried when he truly needed something or was hurt, so it seemed silly that that would 'teach' him to fall asleep.

They are both 3 and put themselves to bed, both for nap and bedtime. I barely get to rock/cuddle/read stories anymore. They sleep 10-12 hours a night and sometimes take a 1 hour nap. I never thought sleep could be this easy (and I never thought I would be able to break the rocking or nursing to sleep...all I had to do was wait until they didn't need it).

COMomma81 · May 2011

Nowhere did I say "OMG, CIO or sleep-training is the devil". I agree that not every kid is going to be like mine, nor did I imply they would be. All I was saying is a lot of people who do choose to bedshare, nurse to sleep, rock to sleep, yada yada yada, are being told they're "doing it wrong" or as OP said "a disservice" to their kids simply because they are doing things differently.

I agree, some kids need to cry to wind down and for some kids...perhaps sleep training is what is necessary. I still feel kids will learn it on their own, but if mom, dad, and baby need to change the way things are going (as I also referenced, if it's not working, change it) then more power to you. Again, I simply was referring to the notion that many people have that your child must be STTN by 4-6 months old and not be nursed or rocked to sleep, etc... just because it's some sort of "standard" society seems to have arbitrarily set.

OP, I'm not good at quoting...but yes, we bedshared until he was weaned. I did peaceful night-weaning ala the Dr. Jay Gordon method, took 2 nights. About 2 nights after that we got him in his own bed. It was ridiculously easy, but again, it's because he was ready and it wasn't a forceful process. I'm sure it's not that easy for everyone, but I think his readiness for the transition was the crucial element to this. Could we have transitioned earlier? Sure! Would "training" have been necessary? Probably. But I didn't have an issue with what were doing...it worked for us, my child was happy and well-rested, so I didn't see the need to change it until I felt it was time to. I still don't feel that doing CIO would've changed his ability to sleep...for my child. It simply wouldn't have been conducive to his temperament and it certainly didn't feel "right" to me, for my child. If other people want to do it, more power to them, so long as they do it in an educated manner. I agree with PPs that suggested No Cry Sleep Solution might be something to look into for your family

Good luck OP!

jsugrin · May 2011

With my first yes, he would have been a better sleeper had we done CIO if we had done it early. We tried at 6 months and it honestly wasn't bad at all, a couple minutes of crying and then some fussing off and on. My problem was after 4 nights he wasn't shortening his time so I was sure it wasn't "working". We tried again about 13 months because I was due with #2 when he was 15 months and we were still in some serious sleep hell. No way could I handle his 10+ wake ups and a newborn.

At that age it didn't work at all, it was a horrific experience for all of us. It did help eliminate some of the night wakings but he never "learned" to go to sleep on his own. Now I've got a 3 1/2 year old with zero ability to put himself to sleep and I don't expect him to ever develop it either.

We did some thing different with #2, some right from the start that helped and some that included letting him scream when we knew he was simply pissed off about going to sleep and nothing was wrong, He was the kid you hear of that screams for 2 min, then lays down and talks to himself for a bit and then falls asleep. He is a much better overall sleeper and a much happier and well adjusted kiddo.

christiney06 · May 2011

COMomma81:
Absolutely not. I am a staunch believer that babies/kids will learn to go to sleep on their own when they're ready.

this argument makes no sense to me. it's like saying "my kid will learn to eat vegetables when they're ready or to not play with power outlets when they're ready". our job as parents is to protect our kids and to sometimes make them do things they don't want b/c it's what's best for them.

I was VERY anti CIO for the first 10m of my son's life. we co-slept, nursed to sleep, the whole 9 yards. co-sleeping became impossible around then, the thrashing and hitting MH and I all night long was too much to handle so we finally bit the bullet and did it. it took 4 nights and he was a different kid. so much happier and well rested. he never woke up in the morning upset or mad at me for "torturing him" like i guilted myself into thinking he would. it was the best decision I could have made.

I can almost say with 100% certainty that you will have to listen to your kid cry and wail b/c you're doing something they don't like at some point in their lives. I think teaching them to self soothe and to be a well rested happy kid is one of those times that it's worth it.

Dreamsicle23 · May 2011

christiney06:
COMomma81:
Absolutely not. I am a staunch believer that babies/kids will learn to go to sleep on their own when they're ready.
this argument makes no sense to me. it's like saying "my kid will learn to eat vegetables when they're ready or to not play with power outlets when they're ready". our job as parents is to protect our kids and to sometimes make them do things they don't want b/c it's what's best for them.
I was VERY anti CIO for the first 10m of my son's life. we co-slept, nursed to sleep, the whole 9 yards. co-sleeping became impossible around then, the thrashing and hitting MH and I all night long was too much to handle so we finally bit the bullet and did it. it took 4 nights and he was a different kid. so much happier and well rested. he never woke up in the morning upset or mad at me for "torturing him" like i guilted myself into thinking he would. it was the best decision I could have made.
I can almost say with 100% certainty that you will have to listen to your kid cry and wail b/c you're doing something they don't like at some point in their lives. I think teaching them to self soothe and to be a well rested happy kid is one of those times that it's worth it.

I totally agree, particularly with the bolded part. I never really understood why sleep always seems to be the exception to the rule.

COMomma81 · May 2011

christiney06:
COMomma81:
Absolutely not. I am a staunch believer that babies/kids will learn to go to sleep on their own when they're ready.
this argument makes no sense to me. it's like saying "my kid will learn to eat vegetables when they're ready or to not play with power outlets when they're ready". our job as parents is to protect our kids and to sometimes make them do things they don't want b/c it's what's best for them.
I was VERY anti CIO for the first 10m of my son's life. we co-slept, nursed to sleep, the whole 9 yards. co-sleeping became impossible around then, the thrashing and hitting MH and I all night long was too much to handle so we finally bit the bullet and did it. it took 4 nights and he was a different kid. so much happier and well rested. he never woke up in the morning upset or mad at me for "torturing him" like i guilted myself into thinking he would. it was the best decision I could have made.
I can almost say with 100% certainty that you will have to listen to your kid cry and wail b/c you're doing something they don't like at some point in their lives. I think teaching them to self soothe and to be a well rested happy kid is one of those times that it's worth it.

Did you even read the rest of the post or my 2nd one? If it was what needed to happen for your kid, that's fine. I didn't question that anywhere or imply that CIO was even bad. The question was would it have made a difference for the individual child. I also went on to say if something is not working, then obviously something needs to change. OP clearly said her child is happy and seems to be getting enough sleep...so that's what I was referring to. That statement was in reference to the ideal that our society has that a kid needs to be STTN at some arbitrary age or that nursing to sleep is a crutch that must not happen.

I let my kid cry plenty, I do not coddle him. I was simply saying sleep training would not have been a productive or conducive option for us and I still maintain, and should say *most* kids, instead blanket state that all...will learn it when ready vs. deciding, okay, baby is 4 months old and "ought" to be STTN and learning to self soothe by now, better start training him. My whole point was about the standard so many people seem to have regarding this and I think as long as the child is getting enough sleep and it's working, what's the big deal in letting them figure it out on their own? Kind of the same premise behind child-led weaning, or child -led toilet-training, no?

lanie30 · May 2011

We did crying. We did a modified ferber. If I hadn't done it I would have gone insane. I was half way there. I also would not have started to enjoy her, which would have been a pity.

I didn't do CIO to havea child sleep through the night. I did it to have her sleep more than 1/2 an hour at a time.

If you are miserable getting up multiple times a night, I'd say go for it. I think mom's mental health is just as important as the baby's. If you are uncomfortable with it, don't do it but reading ferber's information was super helpful, so I'd recommend. His book is not about CIO.

lanie30 · May 2011

christiney06:
COMomma81:

Absolutely not. I am a staunch believer that babies/kids will learn to go to sleep on their own when they're ready.

this argument makes no sense to me. it's like saying "my kid will learn to eat vegetables when they're ready or to not play with power outlets when they're ready". our job as parents is to protect our kids and to sometimes make them do things they don't want b/c it's what's best for them.

I was VERY anti CIO for the first 10m of my son's life. we co-slept, nursed to sleep, the whole 9 yards. co-sleeping became impossible around then, the thrashing and hitting MH and I all night long was too much to handle so we finally bit the bullet and did it. it took 4 nights and he was a different kid. so much happier and well rested. he never woke up in the morning upset or mad at me for "torturing him" like i guilted myself into thinking he would. it was the best decision I could have made.

I can almost say with 100% certainty that you will have to listen to your kid cry and wail b/c you're doing something they don't like at some point in their lives. I think teaching them to self soothe and to be a well rested happy kid is one of those times that it's worth it.

I 100% agree. I think a lot of times we truly believe we are "meeting our childrens nighttime needs" by jumping to their aid all night long. That could be meeting a need. But sleep was my child's need. So I helped her get it.

kcisthebombdotcom · May 2011

Dreamsicle23:
christiney06:
COMomma81:

Absolutely not. I am a staunch believer that babies/kids will learn to go to sleep on their own when they're ready.

this argument makes no sense to me. it's like saying "my kid will learn to eat vegetables when they're ready or to not play with power outlets when they're ready". our job as parents is to protect our kids and to sometimes make them do things they don't want b/c it's what's best for them.

I was VERY anti CIO for the first 10m of my son's life. we co-slept, nursed to sleep, the whole 9 yards. co-sleeping became impossible around then, the thrashing and hitting MH and I all night long was too much to handle so we finally bit the bullet and did it. it took 4 nights and he was a different kid. so much happier and well rested. he never woke up in the morning upset or mad at me for "torturing him" like i guilted myself into thinking he would. it was the best decision I could have made.

I can almost say with 100% certainty that you will have to listen to your kid cry and wail b/c you're doing something they don't like at some point in their lives. I think teaching them to self soothe and to be a well rested happy kid is one of those times that it's worth it.

I totally agree, particularly with the bolded part. I never really understood why sleep always seems to be the exception to the rule.

I agree with you in the fact that we sometimes need to do things you dont want to protect them. However, I agree with that standpoint when you're talking about a child, not an infant. I think babies should be treated like babies. I think society is in such a rush to make babies grow up so they mold to our schedules for our convenience without considering what's in the best interest for their child.

I do believe that most children will learn to STTN on their own time. Some will do it early, or some will do it when they're older. I don't think it's something that necessarily needs to be rushed. Right now, my DS needs to be sleeping with me to STTN, and that's fine. I like the cuddling. He's only this young once, and once this time is gone, I will never get it back. I doubt in 5 years from now I will be wishing I had him self soothing as an infant. I don't mind being the one to soothe him to sleep. Soon enough snuggling with mom won't be so cool anymore and I will miss it.

I am for CIO when there's a sleep disturbance so serious that the child is unhappy during the day because of lack of sleep. However, I'd be inclined to believe that most kids at 6+ months don't sleep so poorly that they are completely miserable all day long. Even when my DS woke up 5+ times a night, he was still a happy kid during the day.

COMomma81 · May 2011

KC_13:
Dreamsicle23:
christiney06:
COMomma81:

Absolutely not. I am a staunch believer that babies/kids will learn to go to sleep on their own when they're ready.
this argument makes no sense to me. it's like saying "my kid will learn to eat vegetables when they're ready or to not play with power outlets when they're ready". our job as parents is to protect our kids and to sometimes make them do things they don't want b/c it's what's best for them.
I was VERY anti CIO for the first 10m of my son's life. we co-slept, nursed to sleep, the whole 9 yards. co-sleeping became impossible around then, the thrashing and hitting MH and I all night long was too much to handle so we finally bit the bullet and did it. it took 4 nights and he was a different kid. so much happier and well rested. he never woke up in the morning upset or mad at me for "torturing him" like i guilted myself into thinking he would. it was the best decision I could have made.
I can almost say with 100% certainty that you will have to listen to your kid cry and wail b/c you're doing something they don't like at some point in their lives. I think teaching them to self soothe and to be a well rested happy kid is one of those times that it's worth it.
I totally agree, particularly with the bolded part. I never really understood why sleep always seems to be the exception to the rule.
I agree with you in the fact that we sometimes need to do things you dont want to protect them. However, I agree with that standpoint when you're talking about a child, not an infant. I think babies should be treated like babies. I think society is in such a rush to make babies grow up so they mold to our schedules for our convenience without considering what's in the best interest for their child.
I do believe that most children will learn to STTN on their own time. Some will do it early, or some will do it when they're older. I don't think it's something that necessarily needs to be rushed. Right now, my DS needs to be sleeping with me to STTN, and that's fine. I like the cuddling. He's only this young once, and once this time is gone, I will never get it back. I doubt in 5 years from now I will be wishing I had him self soothing as an infant. I don't mind being the one to soothe him to sleep. Soon enough snuggling with mom won't be so cool anymore and I will miss it.
I am for CIO when there's a sleep disturbance so serious that the child is unhappy during the day because of lack of sleep. However, I'd be inclined to believe that most kids at 6+ months don't sleep so poorly that they are completely miserable all day long. Even when my DS woke up 5+ times a night, he was still a happy kid during the day.

Thank you. This is what I was trying to say...you did a much better job of it.

lanie30 · May 2011

KC_13:
Dreamsicle23:
christiney06:
COMomma81:

Absolutely not. I am a staunch believer that babies/kids will learn to go to sleep on their own when they're ready.

this argument makes no sense to me. it's like saying "my kid will learn to eat vegetables when they're ready or to not play with power outlets when they're ready". our job as parents is to protect our kids and to sometimes make them do things they don't want b/c it's what's best for them.

I was VERY anti CIO for the first 10m of my son's life. we co-slept, nursed to sleep, the whole 9 yards. co-sleeping became impossible around then, the thrashing and hitting MH and I all night long was too much to handle so we finally bit the bullet and did it. it took 4 nights and he was a different kid. so much happier and well rested. he never woke up in the morning upset or mad at me for "torturing him" like i guilted myself into thinking he would. it was the best decision I could have made.

I can almost say with 100% certainty that you will have to listen to your kid cry and wail b/c you're doing something they don't like at some point in their lives. I think teaching them to self soothe and to be a well rested happy kid is one of those times that it's worth it.

I totally agree, particularly with the bolded part. I never really understood why sleep always seems to be the exception to the rule.

I agree with you in the fact that we sometimes need to do things you dont want to protect them. However, I agree with that standpoint when you're talking about a child, not an infant. I think babies should be treated like babies. I think society is in such a rush to make babies grow up so they mold to our schedules for our convenience without considering what's in the best interest for their child.

I do believe that most children will learn to STTN on their own time. Some will do it early, or some will do it when they're older. I don't think it's something that necessarily needs to be rushed. Right now, my DS needs to be sleeping with me to STTN, and that's fine. I like the cuddling. He's only this young once, and once this time is gone, I will never get it back. I doubt in 5 years from now I will be wishing I had him self soothing as an infant. I don't mind being the one to soothe him to sleep. Soon enough snuggling with mom won't be so cool anymore and I will miss it.

I am for CIO when there's a sleep disturbance so serious that the child is unhappy during the day because of lack of sleep. However, I'd be inclined to believe that most kids at 6+ months don't sleep so poorly that they are completely miserable all day long. Even when my DS woke up 5+ times a night, he was still a happy kid during the day.

A parent out of her mind from fatigue and trying to work and juggle a hefty work schedule and driving while overtired is a danger to her child. I'm a big fan of maternal mental health.

If CIO is not for your baby, that's great. But moms matter too.

MadameFancyPants · May 2011

For us, crying had to be avoided at all costs. He had fairly severe eczema and crying would raise his body temperature making his skin flair up. He'd then itch for comfort but would itch 'til he bled and it hurt. Then the scratching for comfort would continue to *make the hurt stop*.

There was one night that I was alone with him, his scratching was so bad that I couldn't take the sound of his skin tearing any more. So I just left him to CIO before I had a mental breakdown. The next morning it looked like a massacre took place in his crib. The sheets, his jammies, blanket, the wall, everything was covered in blood.

Even if I had believed in CIO, I wouldn't have been able to because of his health issue. The only way to get him to sleep was to almost force him to drink a bottle of formula or water, just to keep his hands occupied long enough for him to fall asleep.

SeaMama · May 2011

I did all the things you are doing and my son starting sleeping 12 hours a night at 13 months. He sometimes wakes during the night if he's sick/teething/developmental milestones are happening, etc. but in NO WAY did any of our nurturing behavior "ruin" him for sleep. Hang in there, lady.

StarlitRN · May 2011

Every baby is different and has different needs.

CIO with my DD in the beginning would have been a massive fail. She would get even more wound up and it would take 3X longer to settle her. We co-bedded and nursed to sleep to survive.

At 10mo though she started fighting sleep like a crazy woman! She would NOT go to sleep without crying.....no matter if we held, walked, wore, nursed, or rocked her. She had to cry. She was also waking up every 45-90min during the night and flip-flopping all over the bed. We had had enough! We decided to try to move her to her crib and let her do a modified CIO. I nurse/rocked her until she was almost asleep and then laid her down. LIke normal she started crying but instead of staying I left the room for 1 minute. After that I went in to lay her back down & pat her back before leaving for 2 minutes. We got to 3 minutes before she fell asleep. She slept for 12 hours that night (first time ever!). A few weeks in and DD cries for about a minute or two when I leave but then goes right to sleep. She usually wakes once in the night to nurse and goes right back to her crib with no fuss.

She was ready to transition and sleep "train". We luckily read the signs and everything went smoothly. I HATE hearing her cry....but 2 minutes of crying alone is better than the 45min of crying in my arms she was doing. For us the time was right.

**DD has been sick this week and I tried bringing her to bed with us one night because I was worried. She cried forever while trying to crawl over us and off the bed. After an hour I gave up and took her to her room.....she laid down in her crib and went right to sleep. SHe also won't nurse/sleep with me for naps anymore either....she wants her crib!!! Still in shock!

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would your lo have been a better sleeper if you did CIO?

Re: would your lo have been a better sleeper if you did CIO?

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