"Happy ALMOST Mother's Day" (WWYD?)

StephK86 · May 2011

I had to copy the other poster because I need to vent as well. I did blog about this but I am steaming and I don't know what to do. Yesterday I went to my mom's for dinner, my whole family was there as well. My mother told me "Happy Mother's Day" and handed me an engraved frame that said "To The Best Mommy In The World Love Gavin." I cried it was so nice. My grandmother who is 65 but not like 90 and crazy said "Oh Happy ALMOST Mother's Day." Way to ruin a moment and enrage me all at the same time.

I looked at her and said "Did you forget I pushed my son out of my crotch? I mothered him and am still his mother." She then replied "Well he's not here now." I knew I would loose it so I stormed off. I expect those kind of comments from other people not my own family. I am so hurt/angry and I want to talk to her about it. I don't want to hold these ill feelings towards my grandmother. I don't know exactly how to approach her or what to say though. WWYD?

Clerk9 · May 2011

Oh wow. I don't even know what to say. It's one thing to slip up & make the first comment, but to actually come back with the fact that your poor LO is gone...

((HUGE HUGS))

If it was me, I'd probably just stew over it, give Grandma the cold shoulder for a loooong time & hold it against her for forever. So I don't think I'm going to be of any help here. Since your mother seems to be so sweet & understanding, maybe you could ask her for help?

I'm sorry you had to go through that, especially after such a touching gesture from your mother. I really hope Grandma realizes soon just how hurtful she was & apologizes to you.

UCONNHuskies · May 2011

I can't believe a grandmother would say that to you! I am so sorry for your loss and the inconsiderate comment. Obviously grandma thinks old = being able to say rude things with no thought. I hope you were able to enjoy the other parts of your day. FWIW, I would just ignore grandma for a while. Maybe your mom wille ven tell her she was rude and grandma will apologise?

mgduke19 · May 2011

Every "mother to be" card got thrown right in the garbage! It just blew my mind as to who was so inconsiderate about the fact that this is NOT my 1st pregnancy! As people said happy mother to be day, I simply replied that Emily has already made me a mother.

spincat9 · May 2011

I'm so sorry your grandmother was so insensitive... Since most of my family and friends don't know about our loss, I had to cut people slack with the "almost mother's day" stuff yesterday. I agree w/PP that enlisting your mom to smooth this over and talk with your grandmother is a good idea. I wouldn't just stew I don't think - life is too short. Address it, fix it, and hopefully she will do the right thing by you and try to heal the hurt she caused you with that comment.

karma79 · May 2011

That's terrible! I'm so sorry!

ColleenS629 · May 2011

That's ridiculous. So I guess that means that my aunt who's only son died in his 20s is no longer a mother either because he's not here anymore. You ARE a mother. If she wasn't your grandmother I would be reprimanding you for not throatpunching her.

StephK86 · May 2011

Thanks for the input ladies! I did ask my mother to speak to her about saying things that are rude and hurtful. She get's more defensive if one of her grand kids tries to correct her. I am very close to her and she is getting nasty with old age. I don't want to stop talking to her but if these are the kinds of things she is going to say I am going to keep my distance. The best part is the day before we went shopping together and I told her how a coworker of mine kind of stumbled around what to say and how I was kind of hurt. She agreed with me! She also complains how my great grandmother is insensitive about Gavin's passing. A. My great grandma is 92 and B. she has never said anything hurtful to me. I am just still in shock over the whole thing.

ColleenS629- If it was anybody else I would have throat punched them without hesitation.

smallfry5909 · May 2011

((((HUGE HUGS))). I am so sorry. But what your mother did was beautiful. As for grandma, there are no words.

damabo80 · May 2011

Ugh. That was so wrong of her on sooo many levels.

I would probably have this statement on the tip of my tongue whenever I was with her:

"Wow, that's a hurtful and completely inappropiate comment to make."

Repeat as needed...which it sounds like you're going to need it a lot.

On a side note...your grandma is only 65? My mom is older than your grandma (which I probably won't tell my mom Stick out tongue )!

StephK86 · May 2011

Good idea, I am going to have to keep a clever comeback on hand. My grandma had my mom when she was 19 and my mom had me when she was 19 and I am 25 now. So I have young family members!

Froggy76 · May 2011

I'm so sorry about what your grandmother said. I like pp's suggestion that you have your mom talk to her. I'm glad your mom was so sweet to you.

I'm sure it was a hard day for you, so I'm really sorry that your grandmother made it worse. Left Hug Right Hug

quezzo · May 2011

Even if it were my grandma, I think I may have still punched her.

JoAnna914 · May 2011

My mother is only two years younger than your grandmother, and would NEVER say the things that your grandmother said to you - don't let her play the "old age" card (puh-leeze - if she's "old", then I'm closer to being old than I care to be!)

What your grandmother said was the most horrible thing I've heard in a while. Clearly, this woman is lacking in empathy and has been fortunate to not have experienced a loss close to her (although you'd think losing her great grandson would qualify as a heart-wrenching loss). I'm so sorry you have to endure this, and I really hope that it gets resolved.

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